Parents paying for college

[mjkacmom]

Good chart, depressing. Only 3 were more than dd's school, and not by much! Room and board here is higher than tuition!

 

[dosekies]

[QUOTE="You hear a lot about living at school for "the college experience". I think it's great if that's what you want, but not everyone does, and not everyone is willing to go into debt in order to have it. (And sometimes that experience isn't so great, either. A young woman we know wound up an alcoholic during her first year and a half away at school, with black outs and bruises the whole bit, had to come home, and is now figuring out her next step.) Additionally, I work with a lot of new or newer college grads and see many of them having to move home after college when they can't afford to live on their own unless it's with a gaggle of annoying roommates, which they're prefer not to do at that age, and their cars are falling apart, etc. (Personally I'd rather have my kids at home when they're younger than when they're 27!) As others have mentioned, things have changed a LOT today, especially if you live in a high cost of living area. People with a ton of college debt are delaying things like buying a home or starting a family because they simply can't afford to - for a long time. Or they go ahead with these things anyway but are still paying off debt well into their thirties and beyond. (I know plenty of people for which this is the case.) Then there's the question of someone with a huge debt load meeting someone with no debt - how does that affect the relationship? All just things to consider, IMO, when taking on lots of college debt. FTR I am not opposed to a reasonable amount of debt because I think it can help establish credit and sometimes it's really necessary. But a lot of debt in order to attend a certain school or to have the college experience, not so much. Ymmv.[/QUOTE]

Part of what you mentioned is actually why I was so curious about this topic.

I do not have children and don't know if I ever will. I am at the age where I graduated 2 years ago and am trying to figure out how to afford paying my loans, getting married, moving out of my parents house, and still have at least a little bit of a life!

When I was looking at schools, I was convinced I wanted to go out of state and looked at a bunch of school with my dad. I got in everywhere I applied to, but ultimately got close to no money from any schools even though I had great greats, a great ACT score, and had many extra-curricular activities. Because of that, tuition at those school would have been at least double what I paid to go to the only in-state school I applied to. I worked part time through college while taking 18+ credit hours a semester. I ended up graduating with around 60k in debt and was lucky to find a great full time job a few months after graduation. I have always been very good with my money, so I have paid much more than the minimum towards my loans per month, bought a used car that I paid off in 10 months, and saved as much as I could. My fiancé doesn't have school debt, but it has still been very hard for us to financially justify moving our or getting him the car he needs! We finally were able to make it work and he has ordered his car and we move into our first apartment at the end of this month.

I think the main reason I was so curious about how different parents handle this situation is because I see people I know my age or younger going out and buying houses or expensive cars and it baffles me how they make it work, and then I realize a lot of kids probably don't come out of school with as much debt.

 

[sk!mom]

College has way outpaced inflation, and most parents remember it being not so bad, back in the day.

I paid for my college, my dh paid for his and our children will pay for their own. I don't see anything wrong with them paying for their own futures. They need to be smart about it and not go to a school they can't afford to pay for and they need to think about their future earning potential and not take out $90,000 in loans to be unemployable.

DH thinks the kids should pay for it himself because he did. But he went to 3/4 of a year at trade school in 1989/90, so it was a bit different for him.

I feel like so many who say, "I paid for my own so they can pay for theirs" are not considering the steep increase in costs over the years. The costs have absolutely far outpaced the earning potential of most 18 year olds.

https://trends.collegeboard.org/col...oard-over-time-1976-77_2016-17-selected-years

https://www.attn.com/stories/197/how-much-you-need-work-cover-tuition-1978-vs-2014

There are possible paths certainly, like living at home and going to CC, but so often on the college threads people don't seem to realize that options are related so closely to parental contributions. If parents can't/won't/haven't planned to contribute then a students options are limited and they need to be fully aware.

 

[wilkeliza]

Part of what you mentioned is actually why I was so curious about this topic.

I do not have children and don't know if I ever will. I am at the age where I graduated 2 years ago and am trying to figure out how to afford paying my loans, getting married, moving out of my parents house, and still have at least a little bit of a life!

When I was looking at schools, I was convinced I wanted to go out of state and looked at a bunch of school with my dad. I got in everywhere I applied to, but ultimately got close to no money from any schools even though I had great greats, a great ACT score, and had many extra-curricular activities. Because of that, tuition at those school would have been at least double what I paid to go to the only in-state school I applied to. I worked part time through college while taking 18+ credit hours a semester. I ended up graduating with around 60k in debt and was lucky to find a great full time job a few months after graduation. I have always been very good with my money, so I have paid much more than the minimum towards my loans per month, bought a used car that I paid off in 10 months, and saved as much as I could. My fiancé doesn't have school debt, but it has still been very hard for us to financially justify moving our or getting him the car he needs! We finally were able to make it work and he has ordered his car and we move into our first apartment at the end of this month.

I think the main reason I was so curious about how different parents handle this situation is because I see people I know my age or younger going out and buying houses or expensive cars and it baffles me how they make it work, and then I realize a lot of kids probably don't come out of school with as much debt.

A lot of people still have that debt they just prioritize things differently. So those who are buying houses might not have spent as much on the house as someone expects or took out a pretty large mortgage to get the house. Cars are one thing I'll never really understand. I never needed anything fancy and just a small simple car with good gas mileage is all you really need. Of course most people I know who are renting actually pay more then friends who have mortgages the real problem is when you spent college living off of a massive loan or credit card debt and then ruin your credit or actually come out of college with no credit what so ever you have to spend time building that before you can even think of getting a mortgage.

 

[mousefanmichelle]

I feel like so many who say, "I paid for my own so they can pay for theirs" are not considering the steep increase in costs over the years. The costs have absolutely far outpaced the earning potential of most 18 year olds.

https://trends.collegeboard.org/col...oard-over-time-1976-77_2016-17-selected-years

https://www.attn.com/stories/197/how-much-you-need-work-cover-tuition-1978-vs-2014

There are possible paths certainly, like living at home and going to CC, but so often on the college threads people don't seem to realize that options are related so closely to parental contributions. If parents can't/won't/haven't planned to contribute then a students options are limited and they need to be fully aware.

I am fully aware of the costs - MI has high costs for universities/state schools so my kids are opting for community college. They will do their first couple of years there and pay out of pocket for their classes and then decide what they are going to do after that.

 

[DaisyJ]

I feel like so many who say, "I paid for my own so they can pay for theirs" are not considering the steep increase in costs over the years. The costs have absolutely far outpaced the earning potential of most 18 year olds.

https://trends.collegeboard.org/col...oard-over-time-1976-77_2016-17-selected-years

https://www.attn.com/stories/197/how-much-you-need-work-cover-tuition-1978-vs-2014

There are possible paths certainly, like living at home and going to CC, but so often on the college threads people don't seem to realize that options are related so closely to parental contributions. If parents can't/won't/haven't planned to contribute then a students options are limited and they need to be fully aware.

I 100% agree. I see it often on the budget board, especially. My BA cost me less than $25,000. Today, that is about what one year costs at a state university.

 

[Praying Colonel]

My parents didn't pay for my college. They could barely make ends meet so it wouldn't have been possible for them to do so, but I was fortunate enough to go a college with very good financial aid so almost 100% was paid for.

We paid for our kids' college. If I could go back & do it differently it would've looked a lot different than what we did. We paid for the whole on-campus experience but probably should've had them live at home & go to school locally. DW and I discussed it and it went her way, as our discussions usually do.

 

[amcnj]

Well when I went to undergrad school the tuition was $380 a semester and for that money you could take up to 19 credits. And that was after a big uproar in the press about the "large" increase from the year before. So it was possible to earn a good portion of your total costs via a summer job, even if you also lived at school. My parents did pay for most of my undergrad (I was a resident assistant two years which paid for my room and a little towards the board for two years of the four). Graduate school was on me. We did pay for our children's undergrad degrees (actually one was a combo bachelors/masters), but both had significant merit aid. Due to AP classes in high school and taking above average credits each semester, the combo bachelor/master degree was actually completed in 4 years, and fell under the 4 year merit aid scholarship, so at a minimal cost to us. Otherwise graduate school is on them, aside from a gift or two along the way!

 

[melanielll]

I paid for every dime of my degree. During the same time period, my parents paid for everything in the 6 years it took my brother to burn through all of his academic probations. Jerks.

My husband and I paid for my oldest daughter's undergraduate degrees (both obtained in one 4 year period). We also paid for her medical school. And for the almost $30K in expenses that you have to spend outside of med school during the last few months of it. Yikes!

We are almost finished paying for everything for our youngest daughter. She has 2 semesters left on a chemical engineering degree. If she wants to go to graduate school - we will pay for that. If she passes on graduate school - we will give her the down payment on a house as a thanks for not wanting to go to medical school.

School today does not need to cost $25K per year. Live at home, do community college and online classes when available, live off campus with roommates, etc. It can cost a lot less. I have a friend's daughter who just graduated with a 4 year degree from a solid state school. Her total was just shy of $30K.

 

[mousefanmichelle]

I honestly feel and maybe I am wrong but I don't think that real life is like the people on these boards. I believe that the folks on these boards make more than the average person - putting our children through college would cost us per child at least 25k per year - so 75k for all 3 for 1 year at an instate school like U of M or Michigan State. How in the heck do you people pay for all of that for your children? Scholarships are just not that easy to get here in our area and because we make a decent wage we are expected to pay 95% of our kids schooling - so how do you pay for bach degrees and grad school and some of you med school? What am I doing wrong here?

 

[DaisyJ]

I paid for every dime of my degree. During the same time period, my parents paid for everything in the 6 years it took my brother to burn through all of his academic probations. Jerks.

My husband and I paid for my oldest daughter's undergraduate degrees (both obtained in one 4 year period). We also paid for her medical school. And for the almost $30K in expenses that you have to spend outside of med school during the last few months of it. Yikes!

We are almost finished paying for everything for our youngest daughter. She has 2 semesters left on a chemical engineering degree. If she wants to go to graduate school - we will pay for that. If she passes on graduate school - we will give her the down payment on a house as a thanks for not wanting to go to medical school.

School today does not need to cost $25K per year. Live at home, do community college and online classes when available, live off campus with roommates, etc. It can cost a lot less. I have a friend's daughter who just graduated with a 4 year degree from a solid state school. Her total was just shy of $30K.

I always laugh when people say this, as they obviously don't live in a rural area. Our son does live off campus, with roommates. But if someone prefers to live on campus, their costs will be close to $25,000 a year.

 

[wilkeliza]

I always laugh when people say this, as they obviously don't live in a rural area. Our son does live off campus, with roommates. But if someone prefers to live on campus, their costs will be close to $25,000 a year.

Or they don't realize all community colleges aren't created equal. I did a semester at the closest campus to my house so I could stay at home and did online classes. The college was a complete joke and I seriously could not imagine anyone coming out of their pre-med department ready for medical school or pre-law ready for law school. It was clear why most of the people who transferred to universities ended up flunking out once they got there. They were a decent trade school from my understanding (not sure though since my sister in-law always came home with an arm full of bruises and pokes from their nursing program) but getting you ready for a 4 year program or advanced degree were definitely not their strong suit.

 

[adelaster]

Parents could not afford to help, and they are not college graduates. They did cosign some loans and likely gave a few thousand my freshman year. They gave all they could and supported me as best possible-very very grateful for that support, even if it wasn't monetary.

Ideally my undergraduate debt will be gone by 2025ish. Can't really afford graduate school or a downpayment on a home until that point. Given up on realistically affording a child, but if it happens we'll try to make it work.

Been working since I was 14 (earlier if you count childcare/volunteer work). Sometimes three jobs at a time. Right now just one fulltime job & I feel guilty for not having a side income- my schedule & health unfortunately prevents it.

Very fortunate to have married someone with no student debt and a condo owner, or else who knows what I'd do. When I lived alone all of my income went to rent and student loans, nothing left for anything else. I didn't take a vacation for about eight or nine years.

Feel blessed to have what I have, but if I had it to do again I would do it differently. There was no one guiding me through that time/process. Then I had to transfer several times (long story) and made poor relationship choices (longer story).

Wish I had been able to go to one good/expensive school and really focus on grades and connections, not have had to worry so much about money and working while completing degrees.

I'd like to get a graduate degree, but I also want to enjoy what's left of my youth. I have just enough to travel domestically once or twice a year if I super budget. Savings for retirement/emergencies is a priority too. I am hoping to advance my career enough to start a graduate degree sooner (closer to age 34 than 40). It's difficult to be optimistic but I try!

It's my personal perception that those that have parents with degrees, inherited network connections, and minimal debt have a bit of an advantage. That gets into different territory though.

It's been an honor to help guide youth/friends into making decisions that no one was able to help me make. So the experience has not been a waste!

 

[melanielll]

Also - AP classes. My youngest started with over 60 hours of credit.

Yes - some CCs are junk. So are some high schools. I went to one that was. But - I dug my way out of that. If you want to, you can. If you want to complain about it - fine. I complained - but I also worked on making things better for myself at the same time.

 

[disneyeveryyear]

My GGM paid for most of my college not covered by scholarship. I ended up with about $10,000 in loans IIRC. DH and I paid our loans for 10 years. Luckily back then they were about 4% interest.

Our DS23 is graduating in August with his Master's Degree from a state school and we have been able to cover it all except for the $5,000 per year we required him to pay (so he had some skin in the game). We started his 529 before he was born. His long term girlfriend's undergrad was covered by College Illinois and she is a GA in grad school, so it looks like they will both graduate debt free.

Our DD18 is heading to college in August. Like her brother, she is paying $6,000 per year (out of state private school). She has almost her entire 4 year allotment saved up. We will cover the rest after her merit scholarship. We are guaranteeing her 4 year degree and whatever is left over can be applied to grad school. She wants to be a lawyer, so it will cost significantly more than her brother's 15 month grad school. We are still putting money in her 529 plus I supplement the college savings account with my pay.

I feel very strongly that kids are graduating with so much debt that they will struggle for years. This is going to severely impact our economy regarding home purchasing, etc.

We have been saving for retirement, but when DD graduates, we will start to double-down on that investment.

 

[disykat]

I honestly feel and maybe I am wrong but I don't think that real life is like the people on these boards. I believe that the folks on these boards make more than the average person - putting our children through college would cost us per child at least 25k per year - so 75k for all 3 for 1 year at an instate school like U of M or Michigan State. How in the heck do you people pay for all of that for your children? Scholarships are just not that easy to get here in our area and because we make a decent wage we are expected to pay 95% of our kids schooling - so how do you pay for bach degrees and grad school and some of you med school? What am I doing wrong here?

The key is planning. It's all about saving for years, making sacrifices, etc. in order to do so. I certainly couldn't pull 75K out of nowhere. I had done some prepaid tuition, gave up vacations, increased my employment, the student's employment, etc. all made it possible.

 

[wilkeliza]

I honestly feel and maybe I am wrong but I don't think that real life is like the people on these boards. I believe that the folks on these boards make more than the average person - putting our children through college would cost us per child at least 25k per year - so 75k for all 3 for 1 year at an instate school like U of M or Michigan State. How in the heck do you people pay for all of that for your children? Scholarships are just not that easy to get here in our area and because we make a decent wage we are expected to pay 95% of our kids schooling - so how do you pay for bach degrees and grad school and some of you med school? What am I doing wrong here?

Yeah for your 3 you would realistically need to be able to save 20K a year. You have to be pretty solidly upper middle to high class to comfortably be able to do that. I'm sure families could go 18+ years with no vacations, no extras, etc to be able to do it but also why not save less then that and give a sizable gift to your child's while also not cutting back on experiences as well. I guess it all comes down to what is 100% non-negotiables in every household. I have a friend who wants to make sure college is never a question for thier kids so they currently live very modest lives (smaller house so kids share bedrooms, used cars that they maintain themselves, used when they can on everything else) I totally commend them for doing what they have to do. Their kids still seem super happy and well cared for so I guess it is possible but takes a lot of work to find that money in the budget if it is important.

 

[Mickeyluver37]

One way or the other, most kids need their parent's help. It might be money, providing room and board for them to go locally, or it might be cosigning loans. I don't know any other way students can get beyond the federally subsidized student loans. Do people really give college kids loans without a cosigner?

Maybe someone here can educate me. When I hear about students with 80K of undergrad student debt I wonder HOW they got those loans without a cosigner. I saw state loans mentioned on this thread. In our state, it's the federal student loans (31K for undergrad) and the rest of the loans offered are parent loans. The only other option is private loans, which students would be hard pressed to get without a cosigner.

I've known so many people IRL who say they aren't going to help their kids with college and then are shocked that their kids can't get loans for the whole thing.

I'm about to send my 2nd kid to college, so like any other over researching parent, I belong to several boards and FB groups on the topic. They say those words, but the overwhelming majority really mean that THEY took out loans that they are going to make their kids pay back. Kids can't borrow more than the $5,500, $6,500, $7,500 x 2 in Stafford loans.

On this topic in general, the lack of understanding of how this all works is absolutely astounding.

 

[wilkeliza]

Also - AP classes. My youngest started with over 60 hours of credit.

Yes - some CCs are junk. So are some high schools. I went to one that was. But - I dug my way out of that. If you want to, you can. If you want to complain about it - fine. I complained - but I also worked on making things better for myself at the same time.

I didn't complain while I was at the school as I pointed out it was only temporary but I was just saying people seem to always fault back to well stay home and go to CC but that isn't always a realistic or smart option for all. I couldn't imagine being employable coming out of the local CC college for anything other then a trade. Just is what it is. When it comes to APs it depends on which school you go to. One school offered me 8 hours of math for my 1 AP exam (Calculus AB/BC) and another offered 0 so even AP exams aren't a guarantee. You really can't make blanket statements when it comes to college and have to look at the degree, location of student, future prospects, the competition that graduating year. Heck even the 10 year difference between when I entered college and now what was good enough then for merit scholarships and full rides gets you nothing today. Society has pushed college so much that the market is far beyond saturated from what it has ever been and so many schools have kids with great ACT/SAT scores, high GPA, years of AP/Honors/Duel Credit, activities on top of activities. It is so competitive now.

 

[Mickeyluver37]

I live in a small, rural town and my kids' have friends, smart and capable friends who have parents that will not help at all with College costs. Some even go so far as refusing to fill out the FAFSA or provide information needed to the student so the student can apply for aid. They say the kids can pay for themselves to go to school. So those kids just don't go to College, not even Community College because they can't afford it. They work retail or fast food places and will end up stuck in that life for years to come.

This is exactly like where DH is from. We raised our older two there for 4 years (it is near a military base and DH was Army, so technically a coincidence more than choice.) Now they are Freshman and Junior in college in the fall, where they were then subsequently raised in an area where college is more a given, they greatly appreciate the differences in the lifestyle when they see that their cousins, (and there are tons!) don't even really have the option to go to college even if they want to. It's so sad to me. There isn't even a state college around in reasonable commuting distance there, so after community college you have to go away, and many are just so integrated in that lifestyle that they would never even dream of picking up and living somewhere else.

The key is planning. It's all about saving for years, making sacrifices, etc. in order to do so. I certainly couldn't pull 75K out of nowhere. I had done some prepaid tuition, gave up vacations, increased my employment, the student's employment, etc. all made it possible.

This is a big one. Having a stay at home parent is a choice and an absolute luxury. I did it for a few stints in the past, so I get it, but with a 2 year old and 2 in college, NOT an option for me any longer.