Parents paying for college

[DaisyJ]

The key is planning. It's all about saving for years, making sacrifices, etc. in order to do so. I certainly couldn't pull 75K out of nowhere. I had done some prepaid tuition, gave up vacations, increased my employment, the student's employment, etc. all made it possible.

If your needs (shelter, food, clothing, transportation, etc) take up all your income, there isn't anything left over for wants. There is nothing left to "save for years".

 

[DaisyJ]

Or they don't realize all community colleges aren't created equal. I did a semester at the closest campus to my house so I could stay at home and did online classes. The college was a complete joke and I seriously could not imagine anyone coming out of their pre-med department ready for medical school or pre-law ready for law school. It was clear why most of the people who transferred to universities ended up flunking out once they got there. They were a decent trade school from my understanding (not sure though since my sister in-law always came home with an arm full of bruises and pokes from their nursing program) but getting you ready for a 4 year program or advanced degree were definitely not their strong suit.

If you can pay over half a million dollars out of pocket for your children's education, I'm having a hard time believing they have any idea what struggles other parents go through to afford their children's education, or the guilt some struggle with when they are unable to afford helping their children with higher education.

 

[Divslp]

My parents did not. I took out student loans for my bachelor's and master's degrees and graduated with a little over 100k in student loan debt. My cousins had all their educations fully paid for by their parents (similar income levels as my parents). Not sure why my parents didn't start a college fund for us as they were financially capable of doing so, and they posed it as a requirement for me to attend.. there was so much pressure on me from them to attend college and have advanced degrees. Now I'm totally regretting having life choices made for me and fulfilling other people's dreams.. and unhappy with the career field I'm in. Slowly paying off the debt. It'll take a few decades.

 

[nkereina]

I honestly feel and maybe I am wrong but I don't think that real life is like the people on these boards. I believe that the folks on these boards make more than the average person - putting our children through college would cost us per child at least 25k per year - so 75k for all 3 for 1 year at an instate school like U of M or Michigan State. How in the heck do you people pay for all of that for your children? Scholarships are just not that easy to get here in our area and because we make a decent wage we are expected to pay 95% of our kids schooling - so how do you pay for bach degrees and grad school and some of you med school? What am I doing wrong here?

As others have mentioned, my parents worked a lot and penny pinched. My dad worked tons of overtime, often nearing 100 hours per week at the height. They never took vacations, drove the same vehicles into the ground, and lived in the same 1200 square foot house for 30 years fixing necessities as they went along rather than taking the money to upgrade things or do a remodel. Any work bonuses went straight to savings. They paid for my undergraduate and graduate degrees with their savings, and took out a small home equity loan to make up the difference they didn't have. I was an only child, so of course it's much harder with three kids, but from the kid's perspective, any contribution to college is much appreciated. Even if they don't realize it at the time - they will eventually!

 

[wilkeliza]

If you can pay over half a million dollars out of pocket for your children's education, I'm having a hard time believing they have any idea what struggles other parents go through to afford their children's education, or the guilt some struggle with when they are unable to afford helping their children with higher education.

I don't think I ever said that. I just said I know some people who have decided to live as if the money isn't spendable in order to make that investment. Sure that money is always available if they have a true emergency and need it but I commend them on no cable, a small home, used vehicles, etc. Of course if a family is already struggling and living like that tbey can't do that to save but if a family is saying there is no savings while taking a Disney vacation yearly and having leased cars and a massive house then there are cuts they can make if paying for their child's education is a #1 importance. What I was trying to point out is every family is drastically different and yes some people will never be able to afford it, some can do it while living a comfortable or even extravagant life, and others manage by cutting out anything and everything they deem as extra.

 

[DaisyJ]

I don't think I ever said that. I just said I know some people who have decided to live as if the money isn't spendable in order to make that investment. Sure that money is always available if they have a true emergency and need it but I commend them on no cable, a small home, used vehicles, etc. Of course if a family is already struggling and living like that tbey can't do that to save but if a family is saying there is no savings while taking a Disney vacation yearly and having leased cars and a massive house then there are cuts they can make if paying for their child's education is a #1 importance. What I was trying to point out is every family is drastically different and yes some people will never be able to afford it, some can do it while living a comfortable or even extravagant life, and others manage by cutting out anything and everything they deem as extra.

I was referring to melanielll.

 

[BLAZEY]

We will pay for DD's university or college. We started a RESP for her when she was born.

 

[wilkeliza]

I was referring to melanielll.

Sorry for the miscommunication. I saw you quoted me and assumed it was from my previous post where I said I had a friend who is purposefully living a extremely modest lifestyle in order to be able to save. Quoting on the Dis has gotten wonky lately.

 

[dolewhipdreams]

My parents didn't pay for any of my school. They are in that income bracket where they made too much for me to qualify for needs-based aid but not enough to actually help me. I studied hard in HS and went to a state university with a full ride in scholarships for all 4 years, started saving in HS and worked through college to pay for rent and food. I worked my butt off to keep my GPA high enough to keep my scholarships and still had to keep my job.

The thing that helped the most was getting married in school. I got married before my junior year and my DH was going into his senior year. When 100% of your household is enrolled as full time students and you're well below the poverty line then you definitely qualify for grants. We both continued to work while taking classes and between that, my scholarships, and the federal aid we both graduated debt free.

We are still a ways off from having kids but we're of the idea that we will match what our children save/earn/are awarded. I feel like being responsible for my own education made me appreciate it. My only goal those four years was to get out of there with a degree and a job. I literally couldn't afford to mess around. I want my children to feel the same sense of accomplishment (if they choose to go to college- not everyone needs to or should) but we still want to help them a little.

 

[mjkacmom]

I always laugh when people say this, as they obviously don't live in a rural area. Our son does live off campus, with roommates. But if someone prefers to live on campus, their costs will be close to $25,000 a year.

Not rural here. Dd's tuition alone is $15,000, she lives in an off campus 3 bedroom 2 bathroom apartment with 4 roommates, and pays over $500 in rent alone.

 

[bjscheel]

I honestly feel and maybe I am wrong but I don't think that real life is like the people on these boards. I believe that the folks on these boards make more than the average person - putting our children through college would cost us per child at least 25k per year - so 75k for all 3 for 1 year at an instate school like U of M or Michigan State. How in the heck do you people pay for all of that for your children? Scholarships are just not that easy to get here in our area and because we make a decent wage we are expected to pay 95% of our kids schooling - so how do you pay for bach degrees and grad school and some of you med school? What am I doing wrong here?

I wonder the same thing, especially about the kids and families around here. It's small town/rural Iowa, the kids at school are not from rich families. DD18 applied to the private college I went to and was offered $18,000/year. It would still have cost $24,000 a year, so $96,000 total. Saving that (times 2 kids) just wasn't going to happen for us no matter what we did. A boy from our class is going to that school and was offered $14,000/year. His mom posted the letter and everybody's oohing and aahing over the scholarship but I don't know how they will cover the $28,000 remaining every year. He told DD she should go there too and when she mentioned the high cost he just shrugged. And another friend is going to an acting school in NYC that costs $45,000/year. Her dad is a high school teacher, her mom works part-time, and they have three other kids. So my DD15 wonders why she can't do the same...and I wonder how much debt everyone is going into.

When my DD18 told teachers and family friends she was going to a community college she got a little pushback from some. Her homeroom teacher just thought it was awful and she felt a little ashamed about it. But of all the schools we visited- this was the place where she immediately felt like she belonged. And when I discovered that she would get just as many graphic design credits there as at a 4-year, I didn't feel a need for her to pay tens of thousands more just to add a bunch of general liberal arts classes. She is all for just getting what she needs and getting out there in the working world. That's her nature. I don't expect her to become rich with her A.A.S. degree (nor would I expect her to get rich on a B.A. in Graphic Design, honestly!) but I do hope she gets to work in design. If not, she already has experience in a law office, so there's always that.

For DD15 my fallback plan if nothing else pans out better is a small public university not too far away. For DD18 it would have cost $14,000/year all in (books are included too). DD15 should have better test scores and may be able to knock that down a little more, which won't be too awful. She's not crazy about the campus but said she would visit again if needed.

 

[bjscheel]

Not rural here. Dd's tuition alone is $15,000, she lives in an off campus 3 bedroom 2 bathroom apartment with 4 roommates, and pays over $500 in rent alone.

Oh, and for reference, DD's community college tuition is $2000/semester (x 5 semesters) and her rent is $550/month.

 

[disykat]

If your needs (shelter, food, clothing, transportation, etc) take up all your income, there isn't anything left over for wants. There is nothing left to "save for years".

Then you might qualify for needs based aid. I have a nephew making it through on just the federal loans because he qualifies for need based aid. He got grants and scholarships to cover tuition and lives with multiple roommates and works to cover housing along with a little help from mom and dad for food. Freshman year his parents were able to help him so he could be in a dorm.

I understand that it's not easy. I just think that many people simply say "we can't afford that" and don't make the effort. I've seen it here, I've seen it in real life - people say they can't afford to help their kids pay for college but make more money than we do, drive new cars, take big vacations, live in much fancier homes, etc. Personally, I'm really proud of getting my kids through school debt free. We made it a priority.


So many people act like it's "all or nothing." I don't get it. Why wouldn't you want to help your child - even if it's just the 2K a year that you can get as a tax break?

 

[disykat]

This is a big one. Having a stay at home parent is a choice and an absolute luxury. I did it for a few stints in the past, so I get it, but with a 2 year old and 2 in college, NOT an option for me any longer.

Exactly. Aren't we saying the same thing?

 

[dish rag]

We will pay for DD's university or college. We started a RESP for her when she was born.

That's the way it's to be done. It's shocking to me how many people are ill prepared for when their children graduate from high school and cannot pay for university or trade school.

 

[DaisyJ]

Then you might qualify for needs based aid. I have a nephew making it through on just the federal loans because he qualifies for need based aid. He got grants and scholarships to cover tuition and lives with multiple roommates and works to cover housing along with a little help from mom and dad for food. Freshman year his parents were able to help him so he could be in a dorm.

I understand that it's not easy. I just think that many people simply say "we can't afford that" and don't make the effort. I've seen it here, I've seen it in real life - people say they can't afford to help their kids pay for college but make more money than we do, drive new cars, take big vacations, live in much fancier homes, etc. Personally, I'm really proud of getting my kids through school debt free. We made it a priority.


So many people act like it's "all or nothing." I don't get it. Why wouldn't you want to help your child - even if it's just the 2K a year that you can get as a tax break?

I grew up poor. The only way I was going to college was with financial aid and loans. There was no other help for me or my siblings. Saying it is "only" $2000 a year is coming from a place of privilege and I hope you realize that. There are so many people that don't HAVE an extra $2000 a year laying around to help their kids. Those are the people that work two jobs, drive a crappy car, live in a crappy apartment and barely make it week to week, all while making just enough to not qualify for any financial help (college or otherwise).

Our children are very fortunate that they aren't growing up like I did and will come out of college with less than $10,000 total in student loans after four plus years. DH and I pay the rest and DS is responsible for his own rent.

 

[mjkacmom]

Oh, and for reference, DD's community college tuition is $2000/semester (x 5 semesters) and her rent is $550/month.

Is that without roommates? Dd18's accounting program is actally 5 years, but she will come out with a masters, plus CPA exam classes. She did get a firm job offer for $60,000 after graduation. However, it's by her university, which means she won't live home to save money, and I'm guessing she won't want so many roommates (next year she will be paying the same amount of rent, but have 6 roommates, in a house). Part of me would prefer having her move home and save, work in NYC (my cousin is a partner in one ore big four accounting firms, and says she will have a job, but she really likes the firm where she did her internship (only 100 employees), plus she got the job on her own.

 

[wilkeliza]

Is that without roommates? Dd18's accounting program is actally 5 years, but she will come out with a masters, plus CPA exam classes. She did get a firm job offer for $60,000 after graduation. However, it's by her university, which means she won't live home to save money, and I'm guessing she won't want so many roommates (next year she will be paying the same amount of rent, but have 6 roommates, in a house). Part of me would prefer having her move home and save, work in NYC (my cousin is a partner in one ore big four accounting firms, and says she will have a job, but she really likes the firm where she did her internship (only 100 employees), plus she got the job on her own.

550 with out roommates would have been a dream to me in college. I legit paid 600 with 2 other roommates in an apartment where I rented the room only and got crap for using the kitchen or living room.

 

[disykat]

I grew up poor. The only way I was going to college was with financial aid and loans. There was no other help for me or my siblings. Saying it is "only" $2000 a year is coming from a place of privilege and I hope you realize that. There are so many people that don't HAVE an extra $2000 a year laying around to help their kids. Those are the people that work two jobs, drive a crappy car, live in a crappy apartment and barely make it week to week, all while making just enough to not qualify for any financial help (college or otherwise).

Our children are very fortunate that they aren't growing up like I did and will come out of college with less than $10,000 total in student loans after four plus years. DH and I pay the rest and DS is responsible for his own rent.

Of course I realize that I'm coming from a place of privilege! I think most of us here (who probably came to this board planning a trip to Disney World) are. I consider my nephew's parents, who made little enough for him to qualify for pell grants but still managed to help him with some expenses, to be privileged as well. Of course there are people who literally can't help their kids. However, I think there are many people with an all or nothing mentality who simply refuse to help their kids because they look at the big number and think they can't do that so they can't help.

 

[Colleen27]

I honestly feel and maybe I am wrong but I don't think that real life is like the people on these boards. I believe that the folks on these boards make more than the average person - putting our children through college would cost us per child at least 25k per year - so 75k for all 3 for 1 year at an instate school like U of M or Michigan State. How in the heck do you people pay for all of that for your children? Scholarships are just not that easy to get here in our area and because we make a decent wage we are expected to pay 95% of our kids schooling - so how do you pay for bach degrees and grad school and some of you med school? What am I doing wrong here?

While the default answer will be "frugal lifestyle" and "saving early", you're not wrong about these boards being somewhat detached from "real" (average) life. Look up one of the anonymous polls about income - most of the responses are in the top tier of the national income distribution, easily twice or three times the median national income. If you're living on something in the neighborhood of the American median of 50K/year, and trying to live a fairly normal life (decent but not fancy home, reliable but not new car, contributing something to a retirement fund) you probably don't have enough leftover to save six-figures for each kid's college fund. There's this gap that exists between poor enough for gift aid and well-off enough to realistically save, and I think that gap is where most of the student loan crisis is building.

But as a fellow Michigander, I wouldn't feel my answer is complete without plugging U of M's attempt to help working and middle class families afford college. This, for those median income families making too much for the Pell but too little to afford 25K/year, is huge: http://www.detroitnews.com/story/news/local/michigan/2017/06/15/um-free-tuition/102893510/