Parents: Do you mind chauffering your kids around?

[paisleys]

I'm a SAHM and enjoy driving my kids to school. Our bus is very much overcrowded (along with other issues...). Drop off, pick up, then drop off and wait two hours at practice to drive home, then anything else in the middle. I don't mind at all. They have a couple of friends I am happy to drive, but I don't like driving other kids often due to the liability. I'm happy to pick up and drop off their friend (an absolute joy) from practice but would never want a standing carpool. Aside from liability, I don't like depending on anyone else if I don't have to. Have tried the school carpool thing and it didn't go well. Sat outside a home waiting and waiting for one girl to come out and she never did. The mom snapped at me that I should have seen her comment on a Facebook post that she wasn't going to school that day! I finished the year out but the next year went back to solo.

 

[mjkacmom]

I'm a SAHM and enjoy driving my kids to school. Our bus is very much overcrowded (along with other issues...). Drop off, pick up, then drop off and wait two hours at practice to drive home, then anything else in the middle. I don't mind at all. They have a couple of friends I am happy to drive, but I don't like driving other kids often due to the liability. I'm happy to pick up and drop off their friend (an absolute joy) from practice but would never want a standing carpool. Aside from liability, I don't like depending on anyone else if I don't have to. Have tried the school carpool thing and it didn't go well. Sat outside a home waiting and waiting for one girl to come out and she never did. The mom snapped at me that I should have seen her comment on a Facebook post that she wasn't going to school that day! I finished the year out but the next year went back to solo.

We don’t have school organized carpools, I’ve know both the kids and parents very well in all of mine, most are like family to me (especially sports, we’ve be n sitting in the bleachers together for 10+ years, and dance, been traveling together for 10+ years).

 

[wenrob]

Not a bad policy by any means but how exactly do you enforce it to your own satisfaction? Do you have each of the parents call you every time? How did you end up busting that one kid that didn’t have “permission”?

It’s mostly just a one time conversation that kind of blankets the school year. Then you kind of take it on faith the kids have let their parents know they’re riding with us. The girl who didn’t was a put me on the spot at midnight prom pick up. Dad was supposedly at work, couldn’t call him to verify (had never met this kid until that night) and I couldn’t bring myself to leave her stranded alone at the venue. My DD found out after the fact that she wasn’t supposed to be there AT ALL and had pulled the same number on another parent to get her there.

 

[mco65]

I don't mind.. (most of the time) especially when it scheduled. I get a tad aggravated when it looks like i will have a rare evening off from taxing kids around and my daughter springs something on me.. ugh.

 

[Lilacs4Me]

There's no one around to cart their own kids because of the love of money. When I was a kid, you never knew who you would be riding with, all the parents took turns driving or one dropped and another picked up. Now if you aren't both working yourself at all hours of the day, you are the chauffeur of all the kids.

What does that mean? I work an average of 50-60 hours a week, sometimes more, and still am the main driver of my kids, and a lot of their friends. I am lucky that I work for my company in a remote position (I go into an office one day a week, and DH has flex-scheduling that allows him to work from home a couple days a week as well). Not every working parent has the flexibility we have, and we haven't always had it but still drove our kids around because I never, ever count on anyone else to do it. DH and I are both pretty involved in our kids' sports (as coaches and board members of their leagues) and often volunteer to get other kids to practices so that they won't miss out when their parents can't get them there in time. We don't mind....it's always been a priority of ours.

None of my kids have friends with non-working parents, and when we do carpool, I have never had a problem with being taken advantage of just because I work from home and have more flexibility than they do. We all do what we can, when we can.

YMMV - but not every working parent is incapable of being responsible for getting their kids where they need to be!

 

[Cannot_Wait_4Disney]

Of course I didn't want to drive the kids everywhere. I mean who wouldn't rather be on the Dis???!!! But you do things for your family you might otherwise not want to and you don't grouch about it.

 

[aprilgail]

Riders have to be 18 or accompanied by someone 18.

https://help.uber.com/partners/arti...-?nodeId=43b84de6-758b-489e-b088-7ee69c749ccd

Oh wow. That's WAY older than I thought, which sucks, because I was hoping the kids could use it before they got their license. Oh well.

My daughter never had an issue getting an uber when she was under 18- she still looks like she is 14 (she is 19) but is never questioned. They used to get an uber to go right to the high school and pick them up to go to the diner and never an issue. Even away at college she was only 17 and ubered everywhere no problem (she used 600.00 in ubers her first semester at college!)

 

[kdonnel]

My daughter never had an issue getting an uber when she was under 18- she still looks like she is 14 (she is 19) but is never questioned. They used to get an uber to go right to the high school and pick them up to go to the diner and never an issue. Even away at college she was only 17 and ubered everywhere no problem (she used 600.00 in ubers her first semester at college!)

The official policy is drivers are not supposed to accept underage riders. It would appear many drivers do not care.

You daughter would have had to lie about her birthdate to get an Uber/Lyft account.

 

[1GoldenSun]

OP here. There are so many posts here I'd like to respond to because so many of you have hit the nail on the head.

I really don't mind driving my daughter around. When I was a kid we lived way out in the country, and my parents tried their best but were not always willing or able to drive me into town for stuff, and I hated to ask. Also, they were good about coming to as many of my school-related events as they could, but they didn't have time to volunteer in my school, chaperone field trips, etc. It really wasn't much of a big deal, but I always told myself that when I had kids I would make sure I was available to them for all of these things. Many years later, DH and I have made sure that I have a flexible enough situation to be able to do these things.

What I resent is that my daughter and her friends seem to be assuming that I'm always available to them--all of them--probably because I always say yes. I resent the last minute "requests," where DD texts me when I'm on my way to pick her up and asks if I can also give friend/friends a ride and I know they're probably standing right there with her, and I would seem like an ogre for saying no because there's no reason I can't except for the fact that they have never once given my daughter a ride, and only one of them ever even says thank you. They are nice, good kids and not rude at all, and they do say goodbye and I'm sure they just don't think to say thank you, but still. I made sure to tell DD to be sure to thank any of her friends' parents who ever drive her anywhere, but that rarely happens, haha! Luckily, I really do like all of her friends and don't think any of them are bad influences on her or anything like that. So that's good, at least!

What I'm worried about is that I'm sure once my DD starts driving they'll be wanting her to drive them around. We plan on having a car available to her as soon as she gets her license so she'll be able to drive herself and my son around, run errands, etc. Really looking forward to that! But I think we'll need to lay some ground rules about her not becoming the chauffeur for all her friends.

I think I just need to have a talk with my daughter and let her know that while I am always glad to get her where she needs to be, and that I'm glad she's active and busy and not sitting home playing video games all the time, it IS something of an effort on my part and I'd rather not do any more of the driving than strictly necessary. So when she and her friends are making plans, she needs to do her best to have her friends ask their parents to do their share of the driving rather than just automatically volunteer my services. And she needs to ask me ahead of time, rather than let me know as we're getting ready to go who else we will be stopping to pick up on the way.

And I'm really looking forward to the day she gets her driver's license! Although I know, I know, I need to enjoy these times while I can. Why is it so easy to look back wistfully on phases of our children's lives that have passed, but so difficult sometimes to enjoy the moment?

 

[cmarsh31]

I'm on the carpool side - when I'm picking DS up, I generally tell him that if any of his friends need a ride, they're welcome too. Granted, we live in a rather "circular" town, so even if they live on the other side, it's really just a 10-15 min drive. We've carpooled to everything since preschool - including preschool, camps, dance class, sports practices, school events. When I traded in my minivan, I still got a Honda Pilot with a 3rd row so I had room for extra kids. When they were little, I always had at least 2 extra booster seats in my car at all times and knew most of my DDs friends' parents did too.

 

[RangerPooh]

This is something that we've been dealing with a lot lately. With 4 kids we are constantly on the go. Girl Scouts, Scouts BSA female troop, Cub Scouts, soccer, play practice, orchestra rehearsals (ended this week!), and just this week colorguard try outs. I rejoiced in the fact that last night was the first night in a week that I was able to be home and relax after work.

DD#1 is in the 8th grade and we've been experiencing a lot of one sided carpools lately. When they had play practice we were often bringing not only our daughter home but a friend. That wasn't too bad as she lives on the way home and is in our scout troop. Did the same thing with orchestra rehearsals. Thankfully I know that her parents are pretty good about giving rides for my girls when their schedules allow. BUT, this week they added colorguard try outs to the list. Not just these two but two others. So my mom (bless her) ran carpool most of the week. Girl #1 her dad was off Tuesday and ran the first leg of carpool, my mom the second. We ran day three, and another parent ran day four. But it was more along the lines of "mom you're taking us" rather than asking that bugs us.

Same child has a close group of friends who we often take (drop off/pick up) at the movies, but we've reach the point of asking who else can run carpool this week?

The constant driving is wearing on us. There is no public transportation, and riding a bike from house to house or the store isn't safe. Sidewalks don't exist in half our city, and it is not feasible either due to distance. Oh and we have no street lights either. Yup, this city was planned really well . Don't even get me started on the carpool line at school! My parents (bless them) are in it 1.5 hours before school gets out because the lines are so bad. Plus they then need to race to get from the middle school to get inline at the elementary for pick up. I'm thinking we might have to suck it up and send the oldest on the school bus next year. Three schools with three start times (the earliest in a different town) is too much.

I just need advance planning and some effort on the other parents part.

 

[AndreaDM]

OP here. There are so many posts here I'd like to respond to because so many of you have hit the nail on the head.

I really don't mind driving my daughter around. When I was a kid we lived way out in the country, and my parents tried their best but were not always willing or able to drive me into town for stuff, and I hated to ask. Also, they were good about coming to as many of my school-related events as they could, but they didn't have time to volunteer in my school, chaperone field trips, etc. It really wasn't much of a big deal, but I always told myself that when I had kids I would make sure I was available to them for all of these things. Many years later, DH and I have made sure that I have a flexible enough situation to be able to do these things.

What I resent is that my daughter and her friends seem to be assuming that I'm always available to them--all of them--probably because I always say yes. I resent the last minute "requests," where DD texts me when I'm on my way to pick her up and asks if I can also give friend/friends a ride and I know they're probably standing right there with her, and I would seem like an ogre for saying no because there's no reason I can't except for the fact that they have never once given my daughter a ride, and only one of them ever even says thank you. They are nice, good kids and not rude at all, and they do say goodbye and I'm sure they just don't think to say thank you, but still. I made sure to tell DD to be sure to thank any of her friends' parents who ever drive her anywhere, but that rarely happens, haha! Luckily, I really do like all of her friends and don't think any of them are bad influences on her or anything like that. So that's good, at least!

What I'm worried about is that I'm sure once my DD starts driving they'll be wanting her to drive them around. We plan on having a car available to her as soon as she gets her license so she'll be able to drive herself and my son around, run errands, etc. Really looking forward to that! But I think we'll need to lay some ground rules about her not becoming the chauffeur for all her friends.

I think I just need to have a talk with my daughter and let her know that while I am always glad to get her where she needs to be, and that I'm glad she's active and busy and not sitting home playing video games all the time, it IS something of an effort on my part and I'd rather not do any more of the driving than strictly necessary. So when she and her friends are making plans, she needs to do her best to have her friends ask their parents to do their share of the driving rather than just automatically volunteer my services. And she needs to ask me ahead of time, rather than let me know as we're getting ready to go who else we will be stopping to pick up on the way.

And I'm really looking forward to the day she gets her driver's license! Although I know, I know, I need to enjoy these times while I can. Why is it so easy to look back wistfully on phases of our children's lives that have passed, but so difficult sometimes to enjoy the moment?

I don't know where you live, but here in Ohio anyone under 18 cannot drive with more than one non-family member in the car so that gives me some peace of mind. I know a car full of teenagers is likely to be distracting to a new driver!

 

[kdonnel]

But I think we'll need to lay some ground rules about her not becoming the chauffeur for all her friends.

Does your state not have a graduated drivers license?

In Georgia if you are under 18 and get your drivers license there are restrictions. The penalty for violating these rules is loss of your license for 12 months. The judge has no ability to reduce the sentence.

• For the first six-months, no passenger that is not a member of the your immediate family.
• During the second six-months, no more than one other passenger in the vehicle (who is not a member of the driver’s immediate family) that is less than 21 years old.
• After the second six-month period, no more than three other passengers in the vehicle (who are not members of the driver’s immediate family) that are less than 21 years old.

 

[ashley0139]

There's no one around to cart their own kids because of the love of money. When I was a kid, you never knew who you would be riding with, all the parents took turns driving or one dropped and another picked up. Now if you aren't both working yourself at all hours of the day, you are the chauffeur of all the kids.

The love of money? How about the love of feeding their kids and providing them with a roof to sleep under???

 

[Hikergirl]

I only have one left who doesn't drive yet and of course he's the most social one of my kids.
All I can say is that having to drive him everywhere has really put a damper on me being able to enjoy the fact that since my kids are older I no longer need a babysitter when I want to go out and enjoy myself.

 

[wvjules]

Oh wow. That's WAY older than I thought, which sucks, because I was hoping the kids could use it before they got their license. Oh well.

You'd really put minor children in a car with a stranger? Not a friend's mom that you don't really know but a virtual stranger? That's insane.


DD is older now but I remember counting down the days until she got her DL.

 

[firefly_ris]

The love of money? How about the love of feeding their kids and providing them with a roof to sleep under???

Right? If I have a love for money I sure don't know where it is, because my pay (part time, but still) goes to the mortgage, heat/electric, health insurance and maintaining my 13 year old rusty minivan in which I use to cart my kids and my nieces and nephews and neighbors kids around... living the high life over here...

 

[wvjules]

For the most part, I don't mind, but I also don't generally get asked to take other kids around as well. Or, if I do, it's usually something that's a fair trade off with another family who will offer to drive another time.

One thing we're going to miss (besides our son himself ) with our oldest going off to college this fall was the flexibility to be able to text him and have him pick up his younger brother. Not that he was happy about being asked, but he was always happy to have the car that we provided to him, so the grumbling was (relatively) minimal.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

Does your state not have a graduated drivers license?

In Georgia if you are under 18 and get your drivers license there are restrictions. The penalty for violating these rules is loss of your license for 12 months. The judge has no ability to reduce the sentence.

• For the first six-months, no passenger that is not a member of the your immediate family.
• During the second six-months, no more than one other passenger in the vehicle (who is not a member of the driver’s immediate family) that is less than 21 years old.
• After the second six-month period, no more than three other passengers in the vehicle (who are not members of the driver’s immediate family) that are less than 21 years old.

I think it also depends on how the state handles graduated licenses. When I got my license in my state it didn't exist but it does now.

However restrictions vary by age.

For example if you are 16 and have a less restricted license (16 used to be the age for full license) which is the level you would get at that age once you drive for 6 months OR once you turn 17 the restrictions placed on it no longer apply--that included wireless restrictions, passenger age, relationship and number restrictions, and driving restrictions (like time of day and where you can drive) so long as you complied with the law during that 6 months or until you turned 17.

If you're already 17 you don't have any restrictions because you would be given a full driver's license at that point.

 

[amberpi]

You'd really put minor children in a car with a stranger? Not a friend's mom that you don't really know but a virtual stranger? That's insane.


DD is older now but I remember counting down the days until she got her DL.

If we lived in a city with decent mass transit I'd let them ride that by themselves too. At least with Uber you can track them and know where they are every minute; turn by turn. Teach the kid to verify the license plate and picture of the correct driver/car, I see no issue. By the time they'd be old enough to do such, they may just get to use driverless cars or hopefully we'll live in a much larger city with great mass transit.