Parents: Do you mind chauffering your kids around?

[1GoldenSun]

It feels like I am always the parent doing the driving.

This past weekend DD wanted a ride to the movies. I said fine. I stated the time at which we'd need to leave the house in order to get her there on time. She said, "oh, but we've got to go and pick up X and then Y first." So I asked if X or Y's parents could pick them up and drive them home after the movie and she said she'd check. No, I got the text after the movie asking me to come and get them.

Today she asked if she could stay after school for something rather than riding the bus home. She goes to a magnet school downtown, so picking her up is a two-hour round trip drive for me. I asked if any of the kids who live near us were staying after and if she could get a ride with any of them. She said no, so I agreed to pick her up. She just now texted me asking if I can give one of her friends a ride home, too, so I know at least one of her friends is also staying!

On one hand, it's no skin off my back to give an extra kid a ride when I'm making the drive anyway. It's not that far out of my way to take her friend home. But on the other hand, why am I always the one making the drive? I do much prefer it to be just DD in the car with me; it changes the whole dynamic of things when there is another kid in the car. Car rides are when we seem to have our best talks, but when she has a friend along they just giggle and talk and are SO LOUD and I sit up in the front seat all by myself and keep quiet. However, it is kind of interesting to get a window view to how she interacts with her friends, and sometimes I learn things through their chatter that DD might not have told me otherwise. And I don't know what these friends' family's situations are; it may be that their parents are working and/or they don't have the time or the means to be driving all over the place at their children's beck and call. I more or less can always do it, so maybe I should be grateful that it's not a real hardship for me and be glad I can help someone else out. But if their parents are just sitting on the sofa watching Netflix and don't want to make the drive, then hey--I'd like to be doing that too, haha!

I mentioned this to a friend and she said she's glad to drive her son and his friends everywhere because she knows he's safe with her, and you never know about other parents, how they drive, etc. That's a good point.

What do you think? Do you ever get bothered by driving your kids around all the time?

 

[Skippy918]

It sounds like the more frustrating issue for you is the last minute needing a ride.
Mine are elementary age so yes I do feel like a chauffeur sometimes but I have no other options.

 

[hereyago]

After awhile it got on my nerves. Lol.

It seemed like my DD would get an idea if something to do then expect me to drop what I was doing. Um sorry no.

Or she would try to volunteer me to be the driver, no.

My DD is now 20 with her own car so I have been relieved of my chaffeur duties.

OP it is totally ok to say no if you want.

 

[Christine]

It's been a long time for me, but I remember those days where I felt like I was the only one doing all the driving, to the point of being taken advantage of.

Your daughter has some "skin" in this. I wouldn't do anything drastic, but I think it's not a bad time to talk about consideration for others and, while you love her dearly, doing ALL the driving does take it's toll on you and she needs to try to make arrangements with her friends to share in it a bit.

 

[Boardwalk Jedi]

The novelty wears off, but you do what you do for your kids. When they were small, it was great getting out of the house. Now that they youngest is 14, meh.

 

[amberpi]

Is she old enough to Uber?

 

[lifesavacation]

I’m about 3 months away from my youngest getting her license. I am so ready to be done driving her around and participating in carpools.

I have carpool duty tonight. Practice is an hour and a half away. So I drive 1.5 hours, stay for 3 and then make the trip home for 1 hour. It’s 5.5 hours out of my day after I’ve worked a full 8 hours. I’m so over it.

 

[georgina]

I didn't mind much, we did have carpools so I didn't feel like I was the only one driving. Once the kids got their licenses it was easier, especially when they had sports practice every day after school. My youngest played travel sports so we did more travel with her throughout the summer. Now they all live far away and I see them twice a year!

I remember when I was in high school (late 70's) among my friends there were only 2 of us who could regularly get the family car to drive people to events. I was the youngest of a large family and I think my parents were tired, so they just let me have the car whenever.

 

[4Mickeys]

It does get a little frustrating, especially when I am tired. My 3 all have part-time jobs so they also need to get to/from work as well. We live close enough to school they can walk. Some of their trips they can do on the bus. We don't have great public transport where I am so - if the oldest one finishes work at 9pm there is no bus back - so I have to pick him up from that. Oldest is getting his licence soon - it has taken longer than I expected because he get anxious about it all - but once he gets it and gains his confidence that will give us another driver Yeah. The part I hear OP most frustrated about and I feel it too is the OTHER parents who expect someone else to drive their kids but the favour is never returned. DS has one of those friends - and whilst I feel for the kid - its rare for this parent to drop off or pick him up she always has some excuse to get others to do it for her. Sure she has other kids as well - but many of us have multiple kids and have to make it work. I did it a few times - but then started to say sorry - and had reasons I couldn't do it - the requests from her to ferry her kid home dropped off - didn't mean someone else wasn't dropping him home most of the time though

I do enjoy the chatter of kids in the car - and yes you find the best information that way Its not forever, it comes with being a parent and it will be over all too soon anyway, enjoy those car rides

 

[wenrob]

It feels like I am always the parent doing the driving.

This past weekend DD wanted a ride to the movies. I said fine. I stated the time at which we'd need to leave the house in order to get her there on time. She said, "oh, but we've got to go and pick up X and then Y first." So I asked if X or Y's parents could pick them up and drive them home after the movie and she said she'd check. No, I got the text after the movie asking me to come and get them.

Today she asked if she could stay after school for something rather than riding the bus home. She goes to a magnet school downtown, so picking her up is a two-hour round trip drive for me. I asked if any of the kids who live near us were staying after and if she could get a ride with any of them. She said no, so I agreed to pick her up. She just now texted me asking if I can give one of her friends a ride home, too, so I know at least one of her friends is also staying!

On one hand, it's no skin off my back to give an extra kid a ride when I'm making the drive anyway. It's not that far out of my way to take her friend home. But on the other hand, why am I always the one making the drive? I do much prefer it to be just DD in the car with me; it changes the whole dynamic of things when there is another kid in the car. Car rides are when we seem to have our best talks, but when she has a friend along they just giggle and talk and are SO LOUD and I sit up in the front seat all by myself and keep quiet. However, it is kind of interesting to get a window view to how she interacts with her friends, and sometimes I learn things through their chatter that DD might not have told me otherwise. And I don't know what these friends' family's situations are; it may be that their parents are working and/or they don't have the time or the means to be driving all over the place at their children's beck and call. I more or less can always do it, so maybe I should be grateful that it's not a real hardship for me and be glad I can help someone else out. But if their parents are just sitting on the sofa watching Netflix and don't want to make the drive, then hey--I'd like to be doing that too, haha!

I mentioned this to a friend and she said she's glad to drive her son and his friends everywhere because she knows he's safe with her, and you never know about other parents, how they drive, etc. That's a good point.

What do you think? Do you ever get bothered by driving your kids around all the time?

You have to nip her volunteering you to drive people in the bud right now or it’s going to get worse. I learned my lesson on this with my oldest. My younger DD attempted this and I put the breaks on immediately.

My rules are:
No child will ride in my vehicle without explicit permission from their parent. I do this for two reasons, liability and accountability. This forces a conversation with the other parent. A lot of the time kids will say they asked their parent if they can ride with us or say their parent said no they couldn’t pickup/drop off when they never asked.

I need to be asked in advance. Don’t put me in the position of having to say yes or no as I’m pulling up.

The other parent has to help out.

There are exceptions to all of these but I tried to stick to it because otherwise I became the middle/high school taxi cab. Over the years I had two parents that just refused to do their share. I stopped giving their kids a ride. I had another girl flat out lie to me about having permission to ride with us, she never rode in my vehicle again.

 

[OhMari]

I have another situation where parents do not drive their kids. I lived one block from the highschool and when my kids were in 8th grade till they all started to get their license, my house was the house that at least 10 boys or 10 girls came after school, because they had no where else to go, before they had to get on the bus to leave to a sporting event, or the sporting event was at the highschool. There really was no place for the kids to eat before they left, so I would make spaghetti, chili, peanut buttter sandwiches, pizzas etc. It always baffled me if these parents had any idea what there kids were doing for those 3 hours. Maybe they thought I was a fool and don’t bother the fool feeding my kid twice a week. That time will pass all too quickly, and it was just ok, I knew my kids were getting fed, along with all their friends.

 

[Floridaman999]

I can't begin to describe the joy I felt when our youngest got his drivers license. No more dad taxi service needed.

 

[kdonnel]

Is she old enough to Uber?

Riders have to be 18 or accompanied by someone 18.

https://help.uber.com/partners/arti...-?nodeId=43b84de6-758b-489e-b088-7ee69c749ccd

 

[diznygirl]

I don’t mind.

When I was growing up my mother was the one who refused to drive anywhere. I always resented that. So awkward to have to have to use the “car trouble” lie over and over.

I don’t know what other people’s circumstances are. I don’t ask. I just drive.

 

[bigbabyblues]

Is she old enough to Uber?

Uber/Lyft isn't available in all areas. We don't have it here.

I didn't mind driving my kids and the occasional friend around. Luckily, most parents took turns.

 

[PollyannaMom]

I will admit that not having to drive the group everywhere was high on my "happy list" when DS got his own car.

I didn't mind doing rides home from after-school activities - I was out by then and most of the other parents worked later. But I did always love it when one of them could pick up after the movies! - Late night is not my best time.

The other thing that used to get to me was how nowadays/with this age group, social things seem to happen at the spur of the moment (I blame cell phones ) whereas I'm the plan-ahead type.

But this is true, too:

I do enjoy the chatter of kids in the car - and yes you find the best information that way Its not forever, it comes with being a parent and it will be over all too soon anyway, enjoy those car rides

Being the "invisible person in the front seat" is almost as good as being a fly on the wall. It was nice to know who he was hanging out with, put faces to names, etc.

Like all stages of parenting - "this too shall pass" (and faster than you think).

 

[SteveH]

Been there done that. I didn't mind, nothing here is that far but I got tired of shuttling all their friends. Seemed like they always wanted my ride but felt their parents never returned the favor. So I started just saying I'd give them a ride to our home their parents could pick them up from there. Thankfully many kids lived in our neighbor hood and my oldest sons GF was never an issue her parents were always willing to help out, which is great since they are now engaged

 

[amberpi]

Riders have to be 18 or accompanied by someone 18.

https://help.uber.com/partners/arti...-?nodeId=43b84de6-758b-489e-b088-7ee69c749ccd

Oh wow. That's WAY older than I thought, which sucks, because I was hoping the kids could use it before they got their license. Oh well.

 

[fortwildernessishome]

My kids are grown now, but when they were in school, I did all of the driving and LOTS of it!! I always had a car full. I really didn't mind and felt like my kid was safer with me! BUT, what did irk me, was I always thought it would be nice to get an occasional thank you from the other kids parents. If the roles were reversed, I would have gone out of my way to send my thanks (verbal as well as gift cards for gas or a gift card for the Mom/Dad to get themselves a treat!) to parents who carted my kids around endlessly!! It was a rare sports season of picking up and dropping of a bunch of kids that I ever got a thank you.


I have no regrets though. My kids always knew that I was there for them and I was thankful to be in a position to do it! And who knows, maybe a kid that wouldn't have been able to play a sport if I didn't drive them, will remember my helping them and go on to help other kids when they are a parent!

 

[gotomu212]

A few months ago, while ironically waiting in the school car line, I calculated how much time I was spending in the car running kids somewhere. I kept thinking I was doing the math wrong, but nope. It is ridiculous- that said I’ve pretty much accepted that I’m going to need to be the one to get my kid to and from school and activities (our school doesn’t have a bus so it’s even that much more annoying). When we can get a carpool together for practices that’s a nice bonus.

There are a few kids that live nearby and I’ve volunteered to bring them home after a few after school activities. I remember what it was like when I was scrambling trying to find rides for my oldest when he wanted to participate but my schedule didn’t allow me to pickup, and I remember as a kid that I couldn’t do a lot of activities because my parents worked and there was no way to get home. So I think of it as something incredibly nice I can do that costs me nothing. Framing it like that helps when I want to scream STOP SINGING ALONG SO LOUDLY AND OFFKEY to my passengers, and I’m very lucky that the other parents are appreciative.