Parents: Do you mind chauffering your kids around?

[penn19]

I don’t mind.

When I was growing up my mother was the one who refused to drive anywhere. I always resented that. So awkward to have to have to use the “car trouble” lie over and over.

I don’t know what other people’s circumstances are. I don’t ask. I just drive.

We had the same mom! My dad was like this too. I got good at making up excuses as to why one of my parents couldn’t pick up or drop off. It was embarrassing.
I was always ok with the driving. And as someone said before, it’s over all too quickly. I’d give anything to be at that stage again.

 

[tvguy]

I really didn't mind. That's what parents do*. But full disclosure, both kids got their driver's licenses as soon as they turned 16. We've always had at least one spare car going back to before our oldest was born, so there was always a car available for them to use.

*I feel that way because my parents felt that way, and even after my dad passed away when I was 9, my mom continues to make sure I got where I needed to go.
My wife feels that way because her mom refused to take her where she needed to go. She was the one always begging for a ride, and had to quit Jobs Daughters because other parents got tired of driving her around. (Her parents divorced when she was 9, and moved 2,000 miles away from her dad.)

 

[jaiminee krikit]

Usually I don't mind at all. DD and I have good conversations on our rides most of the time, and she will be getting her license in a few months, so I'm really going to miss our chats. What I don't like is when I give everyone else a ride, but they never offer to give her a ride if their parent picks them up. I used to pick up a girl in her dance class at least twice a week to take her to the studio. She lived out of our way, and most nights she would also ask for a ride home. One night I was running late picking DD up and as I pulled up to the studio, the other girl and her father were just driving away - did not even offer to give DD a ride home. I refused to give her rides after that. What drives me crazy sometimes is that we live 1.5 miles from the dance studio (back country roads, no traffic/stop lights) and DD refuses to ask for a ride home because it's the opposite direction of everyone else, but yet again never has a problem offering my services.
I also pick up DD from school. This year she usually comes right out, but when she was in middle school it would take her half an hour sometimes to come out of the school. She would take so long the teacher at the door would come ask me if I'm sure she didn't take the bus home. Her and a couple of her friends would go chat with one of their old teachers. After a few weeks of waiting every day I told her I won't leave the house until school is dismissed so by the time I get there she might be done chit-chatting. The very first time I did it, she was done before I got there and panicked a little. She asked me not to do that any more and I told her as long as she doesn't take forever to come out. I also threatened to make her ride the bus, which she hates because it takes an hour to get home.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

Oh wow. That's WAY older than I thought, which sucks, because I was hoping the kids could use it before they got their license. Oh well.

I know people on the Boards have mentioned their under 18 kids doing it in places like NYC (even though it's against the policy) but truly it makes sense to have a policy for no one under 18 unless accompanied by someone 18 or older. Whole lot more liability risks with minors in the vehicle.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

My mom's rule was really asking before offering up her as a driver. Of course times here and there I failed to ask but by in large I followed this rule. This meant my mom was free to say no if it didn't work out. When we were a lot younger if the weather was nice we honestly rode our bikes to each other's houses and to the park. Movies and the mall, etc were different though.

I think it would get tiresome being the main parent to drive everyone around but I would also consider the circumstances. Some parents worked hrs that didn't allow for pickup or their had to take care of their own children or in the case of my best friend for a long time her mother ran a daycare center so she couldn't drive us all around when she was watching other people's children.

Sometimes if we had sleepovers one parent would take us there and the other would pick us back up so it became a shared thing.

 

[amberpi]

I know people on the Boards have mentioned their under 18 kids doing it in places like NYC (even though it's against the policy) but truly it makes sense to have a policy for no one under 18 unless accompanied by someone 18 or older. Whole lot more liability risks with minors in the vehicle.

I was remembering those posts and I know my 2nd cousins in Chicago that are under 18 use Uber when needed to supplement the train so I was surprised.

 

[quandrea]

This is about the time of year that I get truly sick of it. Our three kids are high performance swimmers—so lots of driving and lots of very early mornings. Dh does the morning runs for dd, but he’s so exhausted by it that I basically lose my husband this time of year. I do the afternoon runs for all three and the morning and after school run for our eldest. We don’t carpool because we have erratic schedules. I need to be on call to step in for dh at a moment’s notice if he gets called away to work. Having other people’s kids in the mix would make things very complicated. They all love their swimming so we do it.

I am counting the days until June 30 when we are done for two months. In the summer, I plan NOTHING! We unplug, sit by the pool and live life without a schedule. I love those two months.

Dd will have her license in a little over a year and I can hardly wait!

 

[kdonnel]

I was remembering those posts and I know my 2nd cousins in Chicago that are under 18 use Uber when needed to supplement the train so I was surprised.

Both Uber and Lyft have recently strengthened the wording in their underaged rider policy giving clearer guidance to what the driver should do when presented with a questionable aged rider.

In today’s litigious society I would be extremely hesitant to drive an underaged unaccompanied minor.

 

[3smithboys]

We definitely tend to drive our kids and their friends around more, and that’s fine with us. Since I’m a teacher and am out of school early enough to pick them up from sports practices and games, I don’t mind doing it at all. My twins just turned 16, so they are in the process of learning to drive. When my oldest comes home from college, he’s very helpful with driving his brothers around too. DH does most of the evening/weekend carting around. We will be happy when they get their licenses and can drive themselves around!

 

[QueenIsabella]

I don't mind, for two reasons. First off, my DD15 and her friends seem really good at communicating/sharing rides, so I feel like it's not just me doing the driving. Similarly, DS13 does Scout stuff, and sometimes gets a ride. But, his dad is a leader, so he sometimes gives rides, as well. So here, it's fairly balanced. I don't know if the OP has a "parent problem" (parents think is just dandy for someone else to do all the driving--uncool!), or a "kid problem" (kid is volunteering Mom all the time, or not bothering to ask around to share rides).

My second reason for not minding is that I want my DD and her friends to feel like they can count on me in a pinch. Yeah, 99.9% of the time, this is boring and time-wasting. But, I want DD15 (and Ashley and Emily and Carrie and Sydney and Emma...) to know that, if they're in trouble, they can call me. I will help them. Now, that doesn't mean there might not be consequences with their parents if, say, they were at a party that got out of control--I'm not going to cover for them. I will, however, get them to safety, then talk to their parents.

 

[indimom]

I didn't mind, but the drives were never longer than 20 minutes. I was very happy when they got their license and were able to drive themselves.
OP, I feel for you. That would bother me after a few times. It's probably something you need to talk your child about, when you are not "in the moment." No point in making it a bigger issue than it is, but you can still stand your ground on what your personal boundaries are.

 

[DisneyOma]

I used to drive other people's kids to practice, dance, etc. The coaches and instructors used to ask me if I could get this one or that one because the kids' parents wouldn't drive them, etc. Then it got to the point where the kid didn't have a leotard, and needed to borrow one, and didn't return it, and I just got fed up being the kid's parent. I kept driving the kid (not the kid's fault the parent was a jerk) but I told the coach how it was and he took care of the equipment issue. I do it for the kids, but I'm not impressed with their parents at all!

Now I drive other people's kids to school events, even though my kids are older and graduated almost a decade ago. But it's okay, as I love the kids I drive!

 

[mjkacmom]

Lol I’ve been driving carpools every day for as long as I can remember! My friend has an only, she had to sell her car and get an SUV with a third row by the time her son was 5. When my 5 were little, I had 5 booster seats so I could drive their friends. My girls had dance 5 days a week (that was a 6 person carpool) most played soccer, boys played baseball, basketball, flag football... Every night there were at the very least 3 activities. I would even sign kids out of aftercare and get them places.

My youngest just have their permits, but my others drive. You learn so much about your kids’ lives outside of the home driving carpools, kids talk like you aren’t even there. Dd16 has soccer practice 5 times a week, same with ds16, some up to 1/2 hour away, plus games. The trick is to organize, and to not confirm plans u til you know they have a ride home (we’ve received that 11 pm call for a movie pickup even though we drove).

 

[ronandannette]

You have to nip her volunteering you to drive people in the bud right now or it’s going to get worse. I learned my lesson on this with my oldest. My younger DD attempted this and I put the breaks on immediately.

My rules are:
No child will ride in my vehicle without explicit permission from their parent. I do this for two reasons, liability and accountability. This forces a conversation with the other parent. A lot of the time kids will say they asked their parent if they can ride with us or say their parent said no they couldn’t pickup/drop off when they never asked.

I need to be asked in advance. Don’t put me in the position of having to say yes or no as I’m pulling up.

The other parent has to help out.

There are exceptions to all of these but I tried to stick to it because otherwise I became the middle/high school taxi cab. Over the years I had two parents that just refused to do their share. I stopped giving their kids a ride. I had another girl flat out lie to me about having permission to ride with us, she never rode in my vehicle again.[/QUOTE]

Not a bad policy by any means but how exactly do you enforce it to your own satisfaction? Do you have each of the parents call you every time? How did you end up busting that one kid that didn’t have “permission”?

 

[soccerdad72]

For the most part, I don't mind, but I also don't generally get asked to take other kids around as well. Or, if I do, it's usually something that's a fair trade off with another family who will offer to drive another time.

One thing we're going to miss (besides our son himself ) with our oldest going off to college this fall was the flexibility to be able to text him and have him pick up his younger brother. Not that he was happy about being asked, but he was always happy to have the car that we provided to him, so the grumbling was (relatively) minimal.

 

[tvguy]

Both Uber and Lyft have recently strengthened the wording in their underaged rider policy giving clearer guidance to what the driver should do when presented with a questionable aged rider.

In today’s litigious society I would be extremely hesitant to drive an underaged unaccompanied minor.

I've had my daughter help out when I needed to have service people at the house (HVAC, Appliance repair, etc) and the service staff several times ask if she is 18 (she's 28!). They won't even come into the house if there is no adult on scene.

 

[pxidst119]

I’m another one that begged for rides as a kid. I almost over compensate for that now. I drive my kids and all their friends everywhere, even the late night pickups. Plus I’m happy whenever they want to get together and do something instead of sitting home on their phones. I have three kids and I’m always in the car. It’s definitely dropped off dramatically now that my oldest DD drives. It really is a short time and I’ve loved chatting with my girls and their friends over the years.

 

[mrodgers]

There's no one around to cart their own kids because of the love of money. When I was a kid, you never knew who you would be riding with, all the parents took turns driving or one dropped and another picked up. Now if you aren't both working yourself at all hours of the day, you are the chauffeur of all the kids.

 

[Lilacs4Me]

A few months ago, while ironically waiting in the school car line, I calculated how much time I was spending in the car running kids somewhere. I kept thinking I was doing the math wrong, but nope. It is ridiculous- that said I’ve pretty much accepted that I’m going to need to be the one to get my kid to and from school and activities (our school doesn’t have a bus so it’s even that much more annoying). When we can get a carpool together for practices that’s a nice bonus.

There are a few kids that live nearby and I’ve volunteered to bring them home after a few after school activities. I remember what it was like when I was scrambling trying to find rides for my oldest when he wanted to participate but my schedule didn’t allow me to pickup, and I remember as a kid that I couldn’t do a lot of activities because my parents worked and there was no way to get home. So I think of it as something incredibly nice I can do that costs me nothing. Framing it like that helps when I want to scream STOP SINGING ALONG SO LOUDLY AND OFFKEY to my passengers, and I’m very lucky that the other parents are appreciative.

^^^This, exactly!

 

[AndreaDM]

I do a LOT of driving, both my kid and giving other kids rides as well. However, my kid has hitched many a ride with friends so I don't mind, unless it's late, ugh I go to bed early! She has her permit, a car and is taking her test next week so my chauffeuring days are coming to an end. As happy as that makes me, I do know that I'll be a nervous wreck the first time she drives away alone!