Parents--did your views on spanking change once you had children?

[Magpie]

Would anyone let another adult hit their child? If the answer is no, then why would you hit your own??

When I was in fifth grade, there was a boy in my school who kept climbing out the window and running away. His mum sent a note to school giving the teacher permission to spank him if he did it again.

And she did! <---- Well, that's what we all thought at the time. It didn't stop him from running, either. (Well, duh!) Eventually he was sent to the "school refusal program" at the local hospital and we never saw him again.

I have to say though, if a teacher ever raised a hand to MY fifth grade son, there'd be blood on the snow. She has my complete support when it comes to detentions and lines and extra homework, though!

 

[darlak]

Now, how does everyone feel about washing a child's mouth out with soap ? That's an oldie but a goodie .

Oh yes, let's go there...please! This has been so much fun, I just don't want it to end. Maybe after that, we can talk about those enormous kids in strollers at WDW.

 

[Magpie]

For some children making them sit in a time out or taking away a beloved toy is more painful than a spanking. I've spanked my DD8 on a few occasions and I can tell you for her that was a lot less painless than my taking away her blanky which I've also done once or twice.

Now, how does everyone feel about washing a child's mouth out with soap ? That's an oldie but a goodie .

See, I make a personal distinction between physical pain and emotional pain. Emotional pain - especially if it's connected somehow to what the kid did wrong - really works! Gotta love consequences!

What about Tabasco sauce on the tongue?

 

[LisaNJ25]

For some children making them sit in a time out or taking away a beloved toy is more painful than a spanking. I've spanked my DD8 on a few occasions and I can tell you for her that was a lot less painless than my taking away her blanky which I've also done once or twice.

Now, how does everyone feel about washing a child's mouth out with soap ? That's an oldie but a goodie .

I have used soap... just dont use Liquid.. it doesnt have the same effect.

 

[Magpie]

I have used soap... just dont use Liquid.. it doesnt have the same effect.

See, my problem was getting my daughter to STOP eating the soap, so it never occurred to me to try to use it as a punishment. She thought soap tasted good - even the bar variety!

She also ate drywall, toothpaste, underarm deodorant, and sand. The poison help line nurses used to start laughing whenever they realized it was me on the phone.

 

[Aidensmom]

As I said, people will do what they think is right, and odds are their kids will turn out fine, because they have loving, thoughtful parents. But you know something? I wouldn't be trying sixteen other things before finally giving in and spanking.

Maybe the parent whose kid requires seventeen different punishments should go right to spanking, if that's what ultimately works. Why even bother with other punishments? I'm not convinced, however, that my personal goal is just to do whatever works.

So, I am assuming you read one of my previous posts. Are you now saying I should have JUST spanked him?

I got a call at work from DH about 2 years ago at work, my son was 4. My husband had gone into the other room for about 10 minutes to do something, my son came running in excited to show him what he had made. My husband went out, and my son had drawn pictures he was very proud of in orange crayon on the living room wall, well, actually 3 walls and the front door. My husband was mad, and had yelled at him and sent him to his room, but was asking what we should do to discipline him because he felt our son really knew better. I pointed out he really didn't know better, he never tried anything like that before to be told not to, and at pre-k they got to draw on paper on the walls.

My husband went and apologized to him, calmly explained that living room walls were not ok for drawing, only paper was. No discipline or punishment, and my son was reduced to tears for realizing he did something bad.

Should we have just spanked for that?

These threads sometimes just irritate the crap out of me that people assume we can't be intelligent loving adults because our child has been spanked.

If someone chooses NOT to spank their child, that is their business, I don't really care. I don't think it makes anyone a superior, more intelligent parent though.

 

[Aidensmom]

See, I make a personal distinction between physical pain and emotional pain. Emotional pain - especially if it's connected somehow to what the kid did wrong - really works! Gotta love consequences!

And this is where my point comes in again....yelling "No, you piece of crap child, don't you know any better" inflicts emotional pain. Doesn't make it right. However, I do realize that is an abusive extreme, and have no problem with how you discipline your children.

 

[CEDmom]

See, my problem was getting my daughter to STOP eating the soap, so it never occurred to me to try to use it as a punishment. She thought soap tasted good - even the bar variety!

She also ate drywall, toothpaste, underarm deodorant, and sand. The poison help line nurses used to start laughing whenever they realized it was me on the phone.

Don't take this the wrong way but does your DD have PICA? It's a disorder where a person eats non food items.

As far as soap I've never used it but my mom used it on me a few times. I really shouldn't have any respect for that woman now should I . I guess I wait to tell her that until after she comes up to help us out with DD this summer .

 

[Magpie]

So, I am assuming you read one of my previous posts. Are you now saying I should have JUST spanked him?

I got a call at work from DH about 2 years ago at work, my son was 4. My husband had gone into the other room for about 10 minutes to do something, my son came running in excited to show him what he had made. My husband went out, and my son had drawn pictures he was very proud of in orange crayon on the living room wall, well, actually 3 walls and the front door. My husband was mad, and had yelled at him and sent him to his room, but was asking what we should do to discipline him because he felt our son really knew better. I pointed out he really didn't know better, he never tried anything like that before to be told not to, and at pre-k they got to draw on paper on the walls.

My husband went and apologized to him, calmly explained that living room walls were not ok for drawing, only paper was. No discipline or punishment, and my son was reduced to tears for realizing he did something bad.

Should we have just spanked for that?

These threads sometimes just irritate the crap out of me that people assume we can't be intelligent loving adults because our child has been spanked.

If someone chooses NOT to spank their child, that is their business, I don't really care. I don't think it makes anyone a superior, more intelligent parent though.

No... but it sounded like you were *always* trying sixteen different things before spanking, and the few times you spanked after the fourth time, the bad behavior just stopped.

Of course you shouldn't have spanked him in that circumstance, and you didn't!

But it shouldn't ever take sixteen warnings/punishments/ect... before a behavior stops. Two warnings and a consequence, at most. If it consistently takes up to sixteen, something is not working. That kid has learned to ignore you!

What you describe there sounds perfectly reasonable. And I never said anywhere that parents who spank aren't intelligent, loving adults. In fact, I said the opposite, and I said their kids are likely to turn out fine, as practically any kids raised by loving, thoughtful parents will.

My question simply had to do with the idea of spanking as a "last resort". If it works, and if it's perfectly okay, then why use it as a last resort? Why put everyone through all the headache and irritation of trying things that *don't* work before resorting to spanking? Why not use it first, where warranted?

And what do you do when spanking stops working? Or when the kid gets too old for it?

 

[Deb & Bill]

Nope, no change at all. Didn't believe it in before and still don't. I don't think it's right for an adult to strike a child.

 

[Aidensmom]

No... but it sounded like you were *always* trying sixteen different things before spanking, and the few times you spanked after the fourth time, the bad behavior just stopped.

Of course you shouldn't have spanked him in that circumstance, and you didn't!

But it shouldn't ever take sixteen warnings/punishments/ect... before a behavior stops. Two warnings and a consequence, at most. If it consistently takes up to sixteen, something is not working. That kid has learned to ignore you!

What you describe there sounds perfectly reasonable. And I never said anywhere that parents who spank aren't intelligent, loving adults. In fact, I said the opposite, and I said their kids are likely to turn out fine, as practically any kids raised by loving, thoughtful parents will.

My question simply had to do with the idea of spanking as a "last resort". If it works, and if it's perfectly okay, then why use it as a last resort? Why put everyone through all the headache and irritation of trying things that *don't* work before resorting to spanking? Why not use it first, where warranted?

And what do you do when spanking stops working? Or when the kid gets too old for it?

Why use it as a last resort? Because it rarely has to be used.

My son is 6, he has probably been spanked 10-15 times. Most of the time just telling him "no" works. Sometimes he decides to be stubborn and see how much he can get away with. He will repeat the same behaviour over a several day timespan, not months or years. And when he does that, I think most people here would end up spanking him too. And really, sorry for the smiley, but I'm being serious. I don't know, if your philosophy is a discipline should take two times and a behavior would stop, what are YOU going to do if your children ever decide to take it to 3 times? And yes, spanking HAS cut some behaviors completely, sorry if that offends you.

We sure as hell aren't going to just spank every time. I'm sorry, but I AM insulted that you think we should do that. This thread is all full of how there are so many alternatives, but you tell me I should spank my kid because he is stubborn. What the...?

 

[Tigger&Belle]

If someone chooses NOT to spank their child, that is their business, I don't really care. I don't think it makes anyone a superior, more intelligent parent though.

 

[christiane]

I just asked my son, who got a few spankings when he was younger, if he was afraid of me. He looked at me like I was a psycho woman and said "Of course not, you love me, why would I be afraid of you? Are you playing a joke?"

I then asked him if he respected me. He said "Mom, why are you asking me these crazy questions? Of course I do."

Finally, I asked him if he remembers being spanked. He said he did. I asked him why he was spanked, and he said last time that he remembers it because he kept saying a bad word after we told him not to and after he was put in time out and after we took TV away, then Daddy spanked him. I asked him did he think we should have done something else, and he again looked at me like I was a psycho woman and said "I think you had to spank me."

Of course it was a miracle he was willing to discuss his opinions with me in the first place, being a spanked child and all.

When I read this initially, I thought you were speaking to a teenager. In one of your later posts, you mention your son is 6 years old. Was it the 6 year old your were asking the above questions to?

Six year olds think the world resolves around their parents and they can do no wrong. It is only on mature reflection, that a person would know if an injustice was done to them. When you're six, you just think it is the way of the world....

I am not infering that you have done any injustice to your son, just recognizing that asking a 6 year old these questions isn't going to give you meaningful answers....

 

[Magpie]

Don't take this the wrong way but does your DD have PICA? It's a disorder where a person eats non food items.

As far as soap I've never used it but my mom used it on me a few times. I really shouldn't have any respect for that woman now should I . I guess I wait to tell her that until after she comes up to help us out with DD this summer .

I doubt it, since she eventually outgrew the "eating everything" phase. She does still chew on her hoodie strings and occasionally nibbles her nails, but lots of girls do that.

I do have issues with my mother, but to be honest they're bigger than just spanking. But the spanking was a real rage point for me when I was nine, and it's the reason I won't spank my own kids. I completely see how a parent could spank, or wash a mouth out with soap, and still be respected if they were terrific in other ways.

And hey - I know my mother loves me dearly and did the absolute best job she could, given where she came from and the extremely difficult circumstances she found herself in. And I do respect her for that!

 

[MrsKreamer]

No. Never thought I would spank and never have.

Why would anybody want to hit their child? I've always just thought it made the parent feel better, but did nothing for the situation that brought it about.

I wouldn't be able to look my children in the eyes if I ever hit them...

Yeah cause it always makes me feel better after I spank my kids...

 

[MrsKreamer]

I don't agree. My children do not hit other people and they were spanked at times when they were younger.

I was spanked as a child. I remember my mother getting a chinaberry switch after us. I wasn't spanked often but my sister was.

I see nothing wrong with spanking as long as it's not done in anger. I had the same opinion before I had children. There are all different types of discipline. It all depends on the nature of the child which ones will work.

I think that what is most important is following through. If you threaten to spank, ground, whatever, you need to follow through and stick to your guns when the child is young. That way, when they are teenagers, they will know that when you say "no" you really mean "no" and that consequences are real and not imaginary.

I agree 100% with this post

 

[christiane]

Yeah cause it always makes me feel better after I spank my kids...

I'll restate my original thought.

I meant in the sense that the parent is angry & frustrated and wants to take action. By hitting the child, they are relieving themselves of these emotions.
And in doing so, they are not directly correcting the child's behaviour, just punishing it.

I did not mean in the sense that they getting any sadistic satisfaction from hitting their child.

 

[Magpie]

Why use it as a last resort? Because it rarely has to be used.

My son is 6, he has probably been spanked 10-15 times. Most of the time just telling him "no" works. Sometimes he decides to be stubborn and see how much he can get away with. He will repeat the same behaviour over a several day timespan, not months or years. And when he does that, I think most people here would end up spanking him too. And really, sorry for the smiley, but I'm being serious. I don't know, if your philosophy is a discipline should take two times and a behavior would stop, what are YOU going to do if your children ever decide to take it to 3 times? And yes, spanking HAS cut some behaviors completely, sorry if that offends you.

We sure as hell aren't going to just spank every time. I'm sorry, but I AM insulted that you think we should do that. This thread is all full of how there are so many alternatives, but you tell me I should spank my kid because he is stubborn. What the...?

I didn't say that, and I don't think that. Sorry I wasn't clear enough! I was simply going from what you said the first time, which made it sound like you had an older kid who was always pushing things to the extreme limit, and that spanking was the only thing that ever worked.

I think there's probably misunderstanding all around, here.

And yeah - three times should be enough. Most of the time. As I said, if it goes to sixteen, then something isn't working.

My kids are 10 and 11. They're too old to be spanked by most people's opinion on this board. Did they ever push things to an extreme? Absolutely! Were they ever extremely frustrating to us? Yep! Did we ever need to spank them? No.

I've described a few of my approaches. Most of it centered around making sure the kid had no opportunity to repeat the offense. My son once began using a really screechy voice on us (he was about five) - it worked wonders when it came to getting his sister to do whatever he wanted. Unfortunately, that reinforced the behavior. It lasted weeks and I couldn't figure out how to get him to stop. I was losing my mind.

And then it hit me. The next time he screeched - I screeched right back! Perfect imitation. He stopped and looked at me in shock. I said, "That's what you sound like. Do you like it?"

He did it again. I did it again. He laughed, and then he cried. I said, "It doesn't sound good, does it? If you talk like that, I'm going to talk like that, too."

He tried it a couple more times, and then he gave up. Success! No more screeching!

I never needed to spank. I never will need to spank, as my kids are older now. I don't think this makes me a super mom, and for all I know, you're a better mom than me. But I don't think I'll ever for the life of me understand why anyone needs to spank. If the child was in foster care, the foster parents wouldn't be allowed to spank. They'd have to find some other way. Same as I did.

 

[mylilnikita]

I have spanked my DD when she was younger as a last resort or if the moment was severe enough to call for it.
I was spanked, I even had to pick my own switch at my DGM's house and was hit with a belt, and a flyswatter. I had my mouth washed out with soap once, by DGM, I honestly didn't know that word was bad.

I think in this day in time, people are afraid to discipline their kids. I remember a few years ago in the Dollar Tree there was a about 6 year old boy commanding his mother to get her a@@ over there. Oh H NO! The mother was like" honey don't talk to me like that". Ok, someone should spank the mother for allowing her kid to talk to her like that.

 

[Aidensmom]

When I read this initially, I thought you were speaking to a teenager. In one of your later posts, you mention your son is 6 years old. Was it the 6 year old your were asking the above questions to?

Six year olds think the world resolves around their parents and they can do no wrong. It is only on mature reflection, that a person would know if an injustice was done to them. When you're six, you just think it is the way of the world....

I am not infering that you have done any injustice to your son, just recognizing that asking a 6 year old these questions isn't going to give you meaningful answers....

When I was 6, I knew my abusive parents were abusive. I was just dumb enough to say so, and that caused me more trouble.

Children aren't ignorant.