OP - please keep us updated on what you decide to do about your ds. I'm worried for him, and for you guys as a family!
Believe me, there were times a few years ago when my ds would wreak such havoc on our home, I very sadly thought "this is not the family life I envisioned" - the *wars* between my kids, ds's outright outrageous behaviors, caring about nothing... I was there.
BUT, we had no weight or food/lying issues with him, so you have more to deal with there. This seems like a huge part of this puzzle.
I hope you'll read the books I suggested and assess his learning styles, NOT for his learning, but for his overall personality traits. The insight it gives is nothing short of amazing! And again, my dd11 is like me, so during her assessments, I was like "yea, I knew that about her" and nothing was a total standout to me. But for my hard to handle ds, WOW is all I can say (the books and assessments together) and how it helped me deal with him and better his relationship with me (and feel better about himself in general, because he wasn't always getting in trouble anymore).
I do also hope you take him to see someone. BUT remember, the people you take him to are also just human beings, who have their own educated "opinions"... there's no black and white, set-in-stone remedies for these issues. You could go to 3 different therapists, and get 3 totally different 'fixes' for your ds. Please keep that in mind.
I've been to a few psychologists, therapists, counselors, psychiatrists, and some were absolute whackos, some were compassionate but not very knowledgeable, and some were good.
Go with your gut when you take him to someone, about whether or not that person is a good fit for your ds.
Keep us posted
Good luck!
