OT-When did you know you were finished having kids?

[SLK1]

I had that "we are complete" feeling after my 2nd child was born. But, I started looking around at all the bigger families around me and how much fun it seemed to have more kids. I knew I could handle more than two, I had always wanted more than two, so I started reconsidering. Now we have four - the last very unplanned - and we love having a big family. I tend to not look at the "here and now" of it all - how hectic it can be, how I drive them here, there, and everywhere - but I look at down the road: holidays with the big family, my children always having someone there for them when I'm gone (so you hope anyway), etc., and I hope that by having many siblings, my kids will be more empathetic about others and it's not "all about me" that some kids can have. I don't know, maybe I'm wrong, but that is what I hope for. I just love having four kids and am very happy we reconsidered! Now though, my tubes are tied - in DOUBLE KNOTS!!!

 

[ALittleDisneyFan]

I have mixed feelings about DD being an only. Somedays I think I'd love for her to be an only, and others I'm very sad. I missed out on her first 16 months...

 

[SLK1]

After my DD was born I was unsure if I wanted another one. So DH & I did not do anything permanent. For the first year I really had feelings of: Am I not going to be pregnant again?, Will this be the last time I'm quietly singing my baby to sleep in a rocking chair?. But DH & I were really undecided so we didn't act on our uncertainty. Then one day (DD was about 2 1/2) I was shopping for a friend's baby shower & looking at all the burp clothes, pacifiers, diapers, etc., I mumbled to myself "Thank goodness it's not me". I then realized I was done.

I guess my point is sometimes you don't know right away, it may take time before you make a final decison. I agree with other PP's: don't do anything permanent until you have your "thank goodness" moment.

This is a really, really great point...when you don't get that "oh, I'm so jealous" feeling around a pregnant person, you can be pretty sure you're done!!

 

[snyderla]

My DR. told me I couldn't have kids. I was shocked when I found I was pregnant with my daughter, then I knew I was done when I had my 2nd and had one of each!

 

[sdoll]

Wow great timing. I have 2 boys 3 and 15 months. I am about 95% certain we are done, But its been a tough decision. Our 1st baby was/is sick a lot(asthma) as a newborn but he was an easy, happy baby always smiling and a pure joy to be around. When I was pregnant for #2 I told my OBGN I did not care about anything I just wanted a healthy baby he could be the devil for all I cared. He replied most kids out grow asthma call me when your devil is 16 and we will talk. I gave birth to the most laid back, healthy beautiful boy not a devil. I was pretty sure I would not push my luck after that. Both my boys are easy going and sweet. Why press my luck. But truly its a hard decision. My husband and I both work as retail managers our hours at work are not normal 9-5 and it is truly a juggling match to get everything covered with out the boys missing a lot. I think we are done. My friend brought in her 4 week old today. I held her close smelled her and handed her back. I think I am ok. And when I start to think I want that little girl. I remember that that little girl will turn 13 before I know it. Then the fun really begins. I think I will stick with my boys.

 

[jenjersnap]

Honestly, this is something I think about so often. I think circumstances will prevent me from ever having that FINISHED feeling because our second child and only daughter was stillborn due to a terminal heart defect. When you have a hole that large in your heart it just can't be plugged, ya know? I love being PG and, though my babies never sleep, I love the newborn stage. I worry about being an "older mom" but not enough to make me not have more. My MIL was 46 when my DH was born, after all!

So DH and I had put it into the universe's (metaphorical) hands and we were expecting another baby that we were so excited about, but a routine U/S showed that the baby died at 9 weeks ... I am having surgery this coming Monday. We are confused now, that was an awfully conflicting message from the universe, lol. I figure we are done now, no matter how I long to hold another baby in my arms. :-(

Sorry for the novel. I think my point to OP is that you may NOT know because of circumstances.

 

[sl_underwood]

It wasnt until very recently I knew we were done. Since the arrival of our son, my husband has mostly felt done (though he did go back and forth a little) but I really thought I wanted 6 total. Then I became foster mom to 3 more children and realized realistically I cant effectively parent 6 kids. My son needs all I can give and I am a much better mom with just the 3 so we decided we were done and quit trying to adopt more. I think that when you are done, you will just know.

 

[piratemamaof3]

We had talked about 4 prior to our kids. Then pirate #2 is a wild, free spirit, handfull of a kid then pirate #3 is the say way. (not to mention that pirate #1 has his moments, inother words they are all boy) I am terrified that if I have more he would be like the other 2 and I tell people if he was then DH would come home one day w/ me rocking in the corner pulling out my hair. LOL Plus we live in a 3 bedroom house and we really like it, 2 share and I don't really have space for a fourth.

On top of that I am tired of feeling like I can't enjoy my self at functions. stopping fights b/n kids, always concernce what they are into, getting stuff for them.... and can't really enjoy my self. I am glad they are getting older to be less into stuff and I can finally feel that I can also enjoy my self when I am at things.

We didn't do any thing perm. yet when #3 was born we heard there was a good chance that DH's dept at the bank would be layed off so I got an IUD put in. That way if we changed our mind we could but at the same time I didn't have to think of monthly stuff.

 

[almburr]

Right before we had #4 Dr. asked if I wanted to have the tubes tied, I was having a c-section i said I guess so. Dh and I thought 4 was enough. Dr said nope you had to think about it and didnt give a yes or no answer and you dont want to beat yourself up later. three years later we had #5 and we knew that we were complete.

It could be a 1 or 2. Others it is more. But I knew deep down when I was being preped for 3rd C-section I knew we were complete. I can hold babies and not have the feeling of wanting another like Ihad after #4 was about a year old.

#5 is a breeze he is the baby and he knows it. I couldnt imagine it any other way.

 

[blessedby3]

We always said we would have 4----until #3 came along. Whew, what a high maintanance kid she is!!! Well, after she turned 8, we started talking about having that 4th. DH and I just felt like we werent done and so we decided to try. DD#4 was concieved on the first try, so I figured she most definately is supposed to be here. (I was 40 at the time). I did worry a lot about the pregnancy, having her at such an "old" age, but everything went fine and she is perfectly healthy. I can say that after she was born I knew we were "done". You just know.

 

[luvmy3]

I always wanted 2 kids, dh wanted as many as he could have. After my second was born I was convinced I was done and got rid of all the baby stuff. When he was about 2 i just had that feeling, you know the one, that I had to have another baby. Dh and i have been very lucky in the sense that as soon as we decide to, we concieve right away. Even as I was pregnant with my third I thought about having another, just to make it a nice even number, but that changed when he was born. He was very colicky and I hate to say this but his infantcy was miserable for all of us. I knew then that I would never have another because I didn't want to go through that, or have another baby that had to go through that, or put everyone else through that again. I know things could have been worse, but it was a very hard time for our family. Thank goodness it only lasted 3 months.
I look at my kids today and I am so glad that we have the three of them, our family is perfect

 

[abcboys]

Now that my youngest is 3, I'm feeling sad that he was suppossed to be the last. This is the time of age where I'm getting ready to have another baby. Then I think do I REALLY want another baby or am I just said that my last one is growing up? I'm a SAHM and I always wonder what I will do when the last one is in school if I don't have any more kids at home to take care of. Do I really want to go thru another pregancy feeling sick all the time and going back to the infant stage again? I think I will always be sad that my kids are growing up but Nope, I think I'm done!!

 

[abcboys]

luvmy3-your baby sounds a lot like my youngest. VERY high maintenance baby!! Cried all the time and was a lot of work. I don't think I can go thru that again either.

 

[SILLYANDI]

DH and I always thought we would have a lot of kids. After #3 we still didn't feel "done". We hemmed & hawwed and finally decided if we couldn't absolutely say no than we must no be done.
After #4 I can tell you we no longer have that feeling or anything close to it. We are both absolutely sure we are done. No question. DONE!

 

[mom2princessj]

This is gonna sound awful!! DS is a handfull, mini monster, mess, rotten, demon child... need I say more. I'm done!!

His sister was a breeze, I'm sure I deserve him for something I have done in life but not quite sure what.

P.S. Love him beyond words and wouldn't trade him for a thing, I had a miscarrige before we got pregnant with him so I know how much of a blessing he is, plus I LOVED being pregnant, I am one of the wierd women that actually enjoy being pregnant...he just brought out the bag of his sisters Disney Pins and they are now scattered from her room to me at the computer.

I can't agree anymore with the above post
I got pregnant unexpectedly when my dd was 6 mos old. I was so angry and sad because we had so many problems having just her that she was like a miracle to me and I wanted to enjoy her for a while. I felt so bad for her and angry at myself for letting that happen.
I LOVE LOVE LOVE my son. Our family would not be complete without him but MAN he's a HANDFUL. He came out screaming and truly hasnt' stopped...he's VERY high maintenance and he totally wears me out. Cute as a button with blonde hair and BEAUTIFUL blue eyes and I always tell him if he wasn't so cute I'd have given him away by now
Seriously, my kids are 15 mos apart and like best friends. I couldn't imagine bringing another child into that dynamic. Also, if I had two of him they might have to take me to the looney bin I can't believe how different my two are...it's like night and day My dd can be a little snot at times but that comes with the age and girls I'm hearing however she's no where near the devil that my son is. So when he came so unexpectedly and then with him always being so high needs from the start I knew there was NO WAY I was having anymore. I wouldn't trade him...he's very loving and sweet but the constant crying, tantrums, high energy, loudness...need I say more

 

[amyj1024]

I always knew i wanted 2--and i have them. One boy and one girl. I don't know if I would feel differently if I had 2 of one flavor But I would give yourself a few months or a year. You didn't say how old number 1 was, but babies can be so easy at 2 months, then they start crawling and walking and getting into things. If I wasn't already set on 2, I would be now. My 18 month old monster is quite the handful--more so than my DD was when she was the same age. I love him to pieces, but one more and we would be out numbered! I
t's every family's personal choice, but for us we feel like moving from 2 to 3 or more kids requires a 'lifestyle' change--bigger car, more house, more $$ for vacations, childcare, limiting choices for activities, etc. We felt like someone would always feel like they had to share a parent. I am sure many parents of 3 or more would tell me that is not the case, or not a regret they have, but for our family it is what we have decided.

 

[shaylahc1]

For me it was a combination of factors. I was diagnosed with a connective tissue disease and vasculitis. My oldest child started going through puberty. And my youngest child turned 3 and potty trained. Getting pregnant would have been dangerous to my health.....seeing DD going through puberty made me realize how quickly they grow up. I would have loved to have another BABY---didn't really want another kid Once DS was potty trained I was sure we didn't want to start over anyway.

My kids were 11, 8, 7 & 3 when DH got the snippy snip in March It is soooooooo nice to not have to worry about birth control anymore.

 

[Tisha_PA]

I knew I was done as soon as the doctor told us we were having twins. My pregnancy with the boys was very difficult as was the delivery. We have 2 girls and 2 boys and feel that our family is perfect. My boys are 2 now and every once in awhile I wonder what it would be like to have another but truth be told, I like the freedom I'm starting to have and really don't have any desire to go through another pregnancy. Now I'm just waiting for my brother and his wife to have babies and then I can get my baby fix but hand them over when the crying starts.

 

[pigget74]

Our kids are spread out. DS was 3 when DD was born and at the time we knew we wanted another child. We were going to wait until she was two to start. I had an unexpected preg. that ended in miscarriage. As DD grew older and her strongwill took place we were done. I still longed to hold a baby and cuddled any at church that I could. DH was still saying we were done. SO I left it at that. When DD turned 7 we were about to build our home and we found out very unexpectedly that we were preggo again. When DS was born my older ones were 8 and 11. THrough the pregnancy I said that was it we have our three, but I still had the feeling I wanted another one. We decided to hvae 1 more so the youngest would grow up with somone. They are now 14, 11, 3, and 1. Yes, we are done. DH had the snippy done almost a year ago. I sometimes ache knowing that she is my last and these moments in our house will never be duplicated again. If something happens and I end up preggo again I will take it a sign from God that we were not done, but until then we are.

 

[java]

Well I am done being able to give birth to a child- *last c-section they found a hole in my uterus.(which makes sense since the previous birth left me in the hospital for a week- with complications, infections ect. NOW I KNOW WHY_ THEY LEFT A HOLE IN ME!)Thankfully it didn't cause any problems with that next pregnancy, but the Dr. said NO MORE. My uterus would burst - killing me and the baby. So that was enough for me. 4 children and we are a complete family.
Or maybe room for one more through adoption- we talk about it.