OT-When did you know you were finished having kids?

[java]

Our kids are spread out. DS was 3 when DD was born and at the time we knew we wanted another child. We were going to wait until she was two to start. I had an unexpected preg. that ended in miscarriage. As DD grew older and her strongwill took place we were done. I still longed to hold a baby and cuddled any at church that I could. DH was still saying we were done. SO I left it at that. When DD turned 7 we were about to build our home and we found out very unexpectedly that we were preggo again. When DS was born my older ones were 8 and 11. THrough the pregnancy I said that was it we have our three, but I still had the feeling I wanted another one. We decided to hvae 1 more so the youngest would grow up with somone. They are now 14, 11, 3, and 1. Yes, we are done. DH had the snippy done almost a year ago. I sometimes ache knowing that she is my last and these moments in our house will never be duplicated again. If something happens and I end up preggo again I will take it a sign from God that we were not done, but until then we are.

My story is very similar- except my children are 14,11,5 and 3. When I saw how close my oldest 2 were I feared the little guy would be left out. I am one of 3 and my little sister is kind of out of loop. Now I don't know that the 2 youngest will be best buddies when they grow up but they are close as can be now.

 

[Anonomom]

DH and I always said we'd like 2 kids, with the option for a third for sex variety. However, after DD was born, I experienced two losses before learning that I would no longer be able to conceive naturally.

I'm pregnant now with my second daughter (a feat that took several acts of science and a good chunk of our life's savings), and we know that we have to be done. Neither DH and I can handle going through IVF again, and we feel like it would be selfish and indulgent to spend tens of thousands of dollars to have a third child, when the two we'll already have need college funds, etc..

But I love being pregnant, and I find myself wishing I could capture the feeling of my little girl tumbling around in my belly, because I know that once she's born, I'll never feel it again. It's a little hard to accept that this particular phase of my life will be ending forever in about four months.

 

[kldmom2000]

When my new OB/GYN told me I was "too old" to have any more..... I'm only 35!!!!

She said that based on my history-pre-eclampsia with my first DD, a HUGE ovarian cyst for the first trimester of my 2nd pregnancy nearly resulting in surgery while pregnant, severe endometriosis in which I had to have a softball sized endometrioma removed in February, and now being on BP meds for hereditary systolic hypertension.... I should stop while I'm ahead.

She told me I need to think about whether or not I've been blessed... if I feel I haven't, then she'd refer me to a high-risk OB/GYN....

I didn't appreciate that comment, but needless to say, DH is too concerned about my health to allow us to try for another....

I just thank God every day for my 2 precious DD's....

 

[WisconsinDisneyGirl]

I know that I am done for sure! My DS is 9 and DD3. Had a very difficult preg for DS- developed heart condition. Thought I was finished with just one. The we went to WDW/Disney Cruise over four year ago and now we have a three year old! If I thought the first preg was difficult the second was even worse! I know right away that I was preggo as my heart condition made an uncomfortable return (my heart rate while resting was 180- all the time!) I got a new cardio guy and he put me on some new meds- felt pretty good. Well, at 24 weeks found out that I have placenta previa- worse case senerio. Ended up almost bleeding to death at 26 weeks and stayed in the hospital for 10 weeks. DS was born at 6 pounds healthy as can be thanks to awsome nurses, doctors, family and friends (ok, and me staying in bed for all that time going crazy!). After my c-section and NICU checking out the baby I had my tubes tied off!!!!! I am happy with two. But I do get kind of sad when my daughter does something for the first time- wil never have other "first times" with another child again (first time walking, first time in dance class, first time to Disney, ect). Good luck with your decision. I was told that I should not have any more children- I was very okay with that! I never want to be preggo again!

 

[luvmy3jewels]

I have three beautiful children and have been debating with myself on whether I was done ever since my last child was born. At that time, my OB strongly recommended that I not have any more because I had pre-eclampsia with all three pregnancies and my last child was born with a broken collar bone after she got stuck in the birth canal.

Dh says we are definitely done, and he keeps bringing up the big V. I've been holding out, because there is a small part of me that would like to have one more. I wish I could say 100% that I was done. I know that if there weren't any serious health risks, I would almost definitely have a fourth child. So, at this point, I'm not ready to make a permanent decision.

 

[emmababy]

Thanks so much for all your replies! I always wanted two, so I am surprised that I don't feel done! I think I will take the advice of waiting and see how I feel a little down the road. My oldest is 2, so maybe if we wait until next year I will have some finality one way or the other!

Sometimes I wonder if I want another baby or another child! I really didn't enjoy being pregnant but it is temporary! My biggest concern is that I am on my own a lot and enjoy getting out of the house and wonder if I will be able to do that with 3!

For those with 3 or more, do any of you work full time or are all of you SAHM? I have to work full time so I worry about paying for childcare for 3 kids!

 

[kloei423]

I was sure I was done after DS2, had a tubal when he was born because I had to have a c-section anyway so why not. He is 2.5 and potty trained and I love the fact that there is no need to buy more diapers but yet part of me wants another one, although our house is definately not big enough. My husband and I talked before the tubal, he definately felt done, I was thought I was because since I had one of my own of each, the only way I wanted another was if it could be a DD, and since there was no gaurantee to that happening, I felt I was good. There are days I wish I could have the small little bundle of joy in my arms sleeping on me and other days that I watch my sil with a fussy infant and I am so happy my kids can talk!! Its emotional ride not matter what you decide. If I won the lottery, I would try my best to un-do the tubal and there would be more DD or DS running around, of course we would have a bigger house and I could stay home any how, I have no regrets but under different circumstances, things would be different. My friend too was told to wait after her DS was born before making the decision, my doctor never mentioned waiting when I told him what I wanted, but part of me wished he had...

Guess my answer is clear as mud

 

[drcbpearce]

Thanks for your stories! Did you all absolutely know you were done, no regrets? At what stage did you know you were done?

When we were pregnant w/#2, we thought about #3. I was pretty sure I could not handle 3 boys, so we thought if #2 was a girl, we would think about a third. Well, #2 was/is a girl, so we didn't do anything permanent during the c-section. I"m glad we waited. I was too hormonal and emotional to make a definite decision then. My dd was a beautiful happy wonderful baby girl. Although, she has since turned into quite a little monster. When she was 2 we decided we were done and DH had his plumbing disconnected. Somedays I still think how nice it would be to have the belly again and get the baby love. There's just nothing like a newly bathed baby, giggling and drooling to melt my heart. But there are other days when DS and DD are chasing each other around and fighting that I say, THANK YOU GOD! They say God doesnt' give you more than you can handle, well, it's true, I know at this point I couldnt' handle another, not to mention the fact that we're both in our 40's and don't want to be the oldest grandparents around! I think I may always wonder, but I don't regret it at all. I think in the end you have to do what the others have posted, trust your gut and your heart, but also know that this is not a decision you must make right this second. Your new baby is still very young, give your body some time to heal and enjoy the time w/your newest family member.

 

[bubba]

I'm also one of those women who loved every minute of being pregnant. I was sick as a dog every single day of both pregnancies, both were high risk as I had a history of blood clots, almost died during first pregnancy when I developed a blood clot, then clotted again while on blood thinners. DS was 6 weeks early which was super scary for us, although he's now healthy as a horse. PG 2 I started taking blood thinners before I became pg to avoid the same scare we had with number 1. Was sick every day, developed a placental abruption and almost lost DS2. Had a cantaloupe sized tumour develop in my left ovary while pg with #2. Didn't have it removed til DS2 was a couple years old, but it meant I looked 8 months along when I was 4 months. On bedrest for the final 6 weeks with DS2. I know there are many others out there who have had it worse than I had. However, when I look back and realize that we are very lucky to have 2 beautiful healthy intelligent boys, I realize that I don't want to push my luck. Our family is complete now, and we couldn't be happier.

 

[Luv Bunnies]

We had always planned on having 2 kids and spacing them 2-3 years apart. We had our first son in 1995. I had a miscarriage in 1997 but got pregnant again within 6 weeks. I knew all along that the second baby would be the last. That's the way we planned it and still wanted it to be. The second one was another beautiful boy.

When the first guy was 3, we were working on getting a diagnosis for his language and developmental delays. We now know that he has Asperger's Syndrome, a high-functioning form of autism. It's not completely know what causes autism but genetics are a strong suspect. I wouldn't risk having another baby because the next one could be even more severely autistic. My second son does not have the disorder.

Even if autism had not been a factor, we knew we were done having kids. But the deal was really sealed after getting the diagnosis. The oldest is doing very well. We've been through a lot with the school system and, at 13, we finally have him placed in a wonderful school. He's planning to go to my old college when he's old enough! The 2nd one is doing wonderfully as well. Boys are cool!

 

[pigget74]

Thanks so much for all your replies! I always wanted two, so I am surprised that I don't feel done! I think I will take the advice of waiting and see how I feel a little down the road. My oldest is 2, so maybe if we wait until next year I will have some finality one way or the other!

Sometimes I wonder if I want another baby or another child! I really didn't enjoy being pregnant but it is temporary! My biggest concern is that I am on my own a lot and enjoy getting out of the house and wonder if I will be able to do that with 3!

For those with 3 or more, do any of you work full time or are all of you SAHM? I have to work full time so I worry about paying for childcare for 3 kids!

I work full time and then some. DH for years traveled a lot during football an basketball season. SO from August to mid November we did not see him from Friday morning until Sunday night and then sometimes he left on a Thurs. From mid-November through March he was only home a couple of days each week depending on where the teams were mens and womens basketball.

THis year he is no longer traveling around the country, but he is gone from Thurs. night until late Saturday night early Sunday morning.

It is hard to juggle, but we have done this for so long. It started when the older ones were I think 6 and 3. When DS 3 came along we were in a routine and I did not change anything--we were constantly on the go. Last year when DD 1 came we changes very little. DS 3 loves to go see his older siblings at events and he adores every minute he gets to see them. DD1 lights up the room when her oldet siblings walk in. To me that is worth it.

I might not do everything right and at the right moment, but my kids know they are loved and love each other. Yes, there are the typical sibling matches going on, but in the end we are a family.

 

[PrincessTiffany]

When my new OB/GYN told me I was "too old" to have any more..... I'm only 35!!!!

She told me I need to think about whether or not I've been blessed... if I feel I haven't, then she'd refer me to a high-risk OB/GYN....

I didn't appreciate that comment, but needless to say, DH is too concerned about my health to allow us to try for another....

I think I would start looking for another OB/GYN, her statement would have made me mad too.

 

[disneymomof2boyz]

Yeah, this is an interesting thread. I have also struggled with this, and it is sooo confusing. Me and my DH had always wanted 3 kids...that was before my 2 boys were born. We had them literally back to back, 10 months apart. So that was very stressful for us both. They are now 3 and 4 and finally I am starting to relax a little.
But my heart sometimes still yearns for a little one. I would love to try for the girl, not because I'm not fulfilled with my boys, but just because I would like to experience having a girl.
But on the other hand, I feel semi-settled since both boys are now more independent, out of diapers, buckle themselves in the car, etc. And there is also the issue of time. Both DH and I want to spend "quality time" with both of our boys, and be able to give them the best of us. Not just financially but most of all emotionally.

So, point being: I don't fell completely done in my heart, but in my head we are. So, it's a toss up.

 

[Fabinva]

I knew I was done the minute I found out I was pregnant with second child, she was not planned and I did not want any more surprises, neither did husband. We talked about having two kids and to have them two years apart before we had first but my son was so active and hard to keep up with that we decided to wait until he was four...well things did not work that way and now we are so happy it happened when it did. My daughter was a true blessing but took me forever to get used to the idea, I hated being pregnant, had to deal with her sitting on my sciatica nerve the last months of pregnancy, getting no sleep and still having to work full time til the end. Also I knew I would need a second c-section and I was afraid of the surgery so I told my Dr to do tubal as well. He was reluctant and advised me to think about it and all the posibilities, husband and I never regretted it. Lucky for us my daughter was the easiest child to take care of and our plan to have the kids spread two years apart worked well on its own. I think is so funny that my kids are so close but my son made a comment not long ago about not ever wanting another brother or sister cause one is all he can handle

 

[Belle4mygrl]

I thought I was "done" after the birth of my first child. Dh and I were 21. When dd was 1 we found out oops another baby on the way. They are 22 months apart. I said I am done finished no more. Until 5 years later, I wanted another baby. It took me 4 years to get our precious little one. while I was pregnant I was diagnosed with cancer in my throat (I am a nonsmoker and nondrinker ). I had to have 70 radiation treatments while pregnant. DD4 was born 3 weeks after radiation was completed. She is healthy and normal. Our decision not to have anymore was pretty much not left up to me. Well, I can have more but I can not bear the thought if the cancer comes back. that means another baby might have to grow up without me! I pray every day to live to get her out of the house and family of her own IF it comes back.

 

[#1eeyoregirl]

I think you will know when you are done. If you have doubts then i don't think you are. I had my oldest DD at 19 and I knew i wanted one more. Fast forward 9 years later...DH and I had our youngest DD. He wanted one more but at that time I felt like you do....thought for sure I never wanted more than two but something in the back of my mind told me to keep that option open. When DD turned 4 something just clicked and I knew that I was ready for another one but I also knew that I did not want any more (DH completey agreed with my decision). Right after my DS was born I had my tubes tied and I do not regret it or have second thoughts. Yeah, I sometimes get baby fever when I see newborns or one of my friends is pregnant, but that just makes me look forward to grandchildren in 20+ years

My family feels very complete (on top of three kids we have two dogs which basically equals 5 kids total I actuallly work full time and DH works part time in the evenings and weekends so we don't have to deal with childcare which makes it alot easier.

 

[MickeyMomOfThree]

DH and I always said we'd have 2 kids. After our 2nd, he went for a vacetomy. Our insurance would not cover it until
A. We had 3 kids
B. Was at least 30 years old
or C. Waited a year (to be sure)
It was less then a year till he'd be 30 so we waited till then. Just before the surgery guess what??? Yep, we find out baby #3 was on the way. I was shocked, upset, overwhelmed. How could we afford another? When would we have time for another? That wore off and we were so happy. Our baby is almost 7 now and a truly AMAZING kid. I cannot imagine my life without her. She is just such a cool kid. Yes, he went ahead with the vacetomy so we were for sure done, but I am so thankful that he didn't get to have it when he wanted (as is he!) Money, sure it is tight, but you make so. Time, same thing, but I never feel for minute that they don't get enough time or attention. So even though I felt done, I am so glad a power higher than me disagreed.
I doubt this helps much, but all I am saying is sometimes the best plans change. I am so glad ours did (or were cahnged for us!)

 

[chrisw127]

After we had out twins, I thought about adopting a girl from China (we also have an older child who just turned 6) but one day it hit me: I'm done.

I think it was the fact that I haven't slept in about 20 months. The funny thing is, I thought I would be sad about it, but I don't think I'll miss the baby stage at all. I've been giving away baby stuff as fast as I can.

In our case, it was easier because we were older when we had our kids and I really want to go back to work. But in practical terms, three is enough for us. It's hard to give three kids the attention they need; I can't imagine four. Of course, my frieds with four manage just fine. Still, for us, our family is definitely complete.

 

[pednurse]

I think you need to sit back and wait to decide until the baby's no longer a baby to decide on "permanent" fixes to not have more babies. When my first was born I thought for sure he would be an only child....pregnancy was horrible (very ill), he had horrid colic & reflux, didn't sleep through the night until he was 2 years old, stopped taking naps at 18 months old....just a tough baby-hood. His toddler/preschool years were absolutely wonderful though! When he was 3 we decided for one more and ended up with DD (they are 4 years 1 month apart in age). At that point I was again fairly sure I was done, but didn't do anything permanent because of how my mind had changed before (and DD was totally the opposite of DS as a baby....very easy baby!). DH thought he was pretty sure he wanted a 3rd, but the choice was taken out of our hands when I had to have a hysterectomy. I have been perfectly fine with that as I was still sure I was done after 2 kids (and can't imagine how a 3rd would fit into our lives as busy as they are now), but DH occasionally comments that he still wishes we'd had a 3rd. So he just has to get his "baby fix" by holding our friends' babies as they continue to add to their families (most of our friends have at least 3...some up to 6....kids).

 

[eeyorethegreat]

I knew we were done when my DH got a Vas while I was still pregnant with our 4th!!!!

I was not in agreement with the permanent decision at all and at the meeting with the Doc told him that I did not support the surgery. The Doc did it anyway (not sure why I was asked what my feelings were since clearly it didn't matter - I at least wanted to wait until AFTER the baby was born) DH was certain that he did not want any more.

He is a great dad and LOVES our 4 kids but he didn't want more. I did. For years I could not look at a baby because it pained me. Now that my youngest is almost 9 and I am almost 38 I do not want to have any more kids. I feel like now I am finished (well obviously since he had a vas- unless I were to jump the fence but I would never do that) but it took me years to feel that way. Now, I am rather ambivalent about babies now. I really don't want or need a baby fix probably from all the years of avoiding babies and pregnant women. I figure the next time I get excited about babies is when my kids tell me I am going to be a Grandmother!