OT-When did you know you were finished having kids?

[Aristomommy]

Many of my friends say they knew when they were done. My SIL thought she wanted more but after 2 boys that are 17mo. apart, she decided trying for a girl just wasn't the thing to do. Now that the boys are older, she doesn't want to go through the baby stage.

DH and I have two kids that are 6 years apart. We lost a pregnancy in btw. the two. After a ruptured uterus with DS (sorry if TMI) we can't have any more biologically, but I'm not sure if our family is really complete. DH and I decided to wait until DS is 5 and then we will consider adoption. I feel we can handle more kids financially, physically and I think we have plenty of love to give. But I know the process is long and daunting, so I will have to do research for a long time.

Good luck with your decision!

 

[parkers*momma]

We had our first four children, I always said we were done...I didn't want any more, didn't need anymore, kaposh..zip...not gonna happen. We had 4 and 4 was more than enough.

Yet each time I held a baby, part of me yearned for that all over again. "Awww it's a baby", "What a cute snuggley baby", "mmmmm babies smell so good." but each time someone would say when are you going to have another one, I would respond "Nope, Nadda, not for me." This went on for 7 years...7 long years. So I finally approached Dh with the idea. At first he thought I was nuts then he started to warm to the idea.

So when my oldest was 20 and 8 years after our last one, we had OUR LAST ONE . Now when I hold a baby, it is "yea it's a baby" and that's time. The urge is gone and I have no desire to go though another pregnancy nor infant years ever again.

You'll know, deep in your heart, when you are done.

 

[brockash]

We are so similiar! Everyone said the same thing to me about having a girl then a boy. I also hated being pregnant and that's why I thought I would only have 2. We considered adopting but the cost is so crazy!

Yeah, the cost is pretty insane. My step-brother is adopted, and we love him to death, but boy was he expensive I've actually had dreams since my DD was born, where basically a child was put in our lap because of weird circumstances. I'm thinking that may be a sign that at the very least we may not be done. I always tell my DH that if he could get pregnant I think I'd be totally for having another child, so I'm not sure that me just hating being pregnant is really a good reason to be done, but boy do I hate that year, and I say year, because I also hate about the first 3 months after, I just can't wait to feel normal again after being pregnant We spaced out our first 2 about 5 years (mainly because DH is in the Army and for the last 6 years he's always been coming or going to Iraq, and if we do have another child I wouldn't want to wait that long, so with DD already being 18 months it's kinda pushing it We'll see I'm sure it'll all work out the way it's supposed to. Good luck to you guys!

 

[Echo queen]

We worked really hard to have #2 and didn't want to end on a bad note, so when he was born healthy, we thought we wouldn't push our luck and declared ourselves done. We have two boys 10 and 13years old and they have a very nice bond between them, I think a third child would have certainly changed the dynamic. It is also much easier to get a table for 4 than 5. Also, who would drive that third kid around, there are only two chauffeurs in my house (and one of them isn't always available!).

Hey it sounds like you stole my life that's our life 2 boys 10 and 13 they get along well and who would take care of the third child and cars and minivans only have 4 doors, it was a no brainer for us.

 

[Suzanna1973]

I have two children, a DD(18) and a DS(13). When my DS was 1 1/2 I had my first miscarriage. We tried 8 more times after that. After the 9th miscarriage, we decided that maybe it was being decided for us that we were done and I had my tubes tied.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

Well we have 4 and still don't feel done! The one thing I hear often from people is that they often regret not having another child that they wanted but those that have had the child never regret having the child. As for your dh being older, well a year or two in the overall scheme of things isn't really a big deal. Would it really matter if he was 60 or 62? I would talk to dh and see how he feels too. It really has to be something that you both want wholeheartedly. The money thing works out. You'd be surprised. Good luck and whatever you decide enjoy your family. It is the most precious gift.

 

[bookwormde]

From a DH perspective, it will be when my DW says so.

My last (2nd) was born when I was 46 and is almost 6 now. (DW is significantly younger than me). If DW decides for certain she wanted another child I would not veto it, although I remind her that if I have to go to high school graduation in a wheelchair it is not my “fault”.

bookwormde

 

[Janet Hill]

As a sidenote- were any of your or your hubby's over 40 when you were still having children? I think if he was my age we could wait a couple of years and try for the third. Because he is 42 I feel this huge rush to decide what to do!

I had my last two at 40 and 42. Yep, I'll be 60 when last one goes to college. Since age doesn't matter quite as much for him you've got a little while to decide.

 

[emmababy]

Well we have 4 and still don't feel done! The one thing I hear often from people is that they often regret not having another child that they wanted but those that have had the child never regret having the child. As for your dh being older, well a year or two in the overall scheme of things isn't really a big deal. Would it really matter if he was 60 or 62? I would talk to dh and see how he feels too. It really has to be something that you both want wholeheartedly. The money thing works out. You'd be surprised. Good luck and whatever you decide enjoy your family. It is the most precious gift.

Thank you so much for that! People just assume we are done at 2. I always thought I would be done a 2, but something is tugging at me!

 

[my*2*angels]

This thread is soo intriguing! I have two girls, 5 and almost 2 and we are soooooooooo done! LOL I always said I wanted two but after my first pregnancy I thought maybe one was enough! I have terrible pregnancies and after two csections, I def. do not want anymore! And I always tell my husband, our kids should never outnumber us!

 

[3goofyboys]

For the longest time, I thought we would have 4 kids. DH has a great, stable job and I'm lucky enough to stay at home with our kiddos. Then we had trouble getting pregnant with our older DS, and I had a hard pregnancy and a very touch and go delivery. Because we had trouble getting prenant with our first son, we didn't use any birth control after he was born, figuring things would happen as they were meant to happen. My boys are 19 months apart and after another tough pregnancy which included bed rest, I knew we were done. Many of my friends are still having babies, so I do occasionally have baby lust, especially when they are so tiny and they just curl up in a lump on your chest...ahh, bliss. But I feel that there is a huge difference between wanting another baby and wanting another child and two children is perfect for us.

 

[Dallas_Lady]

No advice because I am in the same boat. The whole time I was pg with DS I kept thinking "This is it, no more kids." But he's 6 weeks old now and I just don't know if I am done. We have a girl and a boy spaced 2 years apart. It's a perfect little package, but part of me thinks I may regret never having one more child. Especially when they are adults.

 

[rt2dz]

You just know when you’re done. It is a complete feeling of finality. If you don’t have that feeling, then don’t do anything permanent. Last year in DS7 first grade class (25 kids total); he was one of the very few oldest children in the class. Most of the kids were youngest with teenage siblings. Not 13, but more like seniors in high school; some even had siblings that were in college. In talking with the mom’s over time, I found out 1 was an oops baby, 2 were second marriage children, 1 was having problems getting pregnant so it took awhile, but 13 were kids where they stopped and then had regrets down the road. That’s a lot of regret. And a lot of completely starting over.

A lot of things need to go into a decision to have more children, but in the end, one thing matters the most imo—when you look around at the dinner table, is everyone there? Maybe the chairs are full, but an extra chair only costs $25.

For me, the first was an angel. Seriously, he is the perfect child; I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop. My second was a nightmare from day one. Horrible child. He gave the word “handful” new meaning, but I still KNEW I wanted a third. Even when I was up every 45 minutes dealing with his health issues for 7 months. After three I wasn’t so sure about four. My third is nowhere near as good as my first, but not quite the nightmare of my second either (who, btw, as he comes closer to his 5th birthday is turning into the sweetest little guy, even if still moody). I wanted another, but knew I wouldn’t be horrified if it never happened, even having all boys (no girl lust here).

I’ve had horrible, rotten pregnancies that end in c-sections—I absolutely HATE being pregnant. And it’s terrifying having a baby in the NICU, especially when you have to go into recovery for surgery and can’t be there. Yet, I would do it all again. However, nature pretty much has declared us done—I’ve miscarried twice since #3 and I just don’t think it will happen. With each of those pregancies, I did feel "this is it". Although, DH and I talk about adopting. Hey, it’s tax deductable!

 

[christa112]

Our third was our last. It was agreed upon while trying to conceive DD and to make sure she was our last I had my tubes tied.

 

[cheerforchelsea]

When my 2nd daughter was born and had colic....she never slept all night until she was 3 years old!!! I KNEW I was done!!!

 

[RMulieri]

Right after I gave birth to my first Actually, i was told I absolutely SHOULD not have anymore ( due to health reasons).For awhile I thought i would try anyway, but after a most recent Cardiology appt.I was told I could end up needing a heart transplant if I do.So Dh just had a vasectomy I am sad about it since I always wanted 2 kids.But I have a beautiful,healthy 4 yr old daughter, so that is a blessing.

 

[LisaNJ25]

When #3 and #4 were 12 months 6 days apart

 

[PrincessTiffany]

We just had our second baby 2 months ago. I always thought I would be done at 2, but lately I am considering having a 3rd. I'm not sure if I am on a baby high and I will change my mind later.

So, for those that families are complete, when did you know you were done? Was it before the birth of your last, right after the birth, or later on?

My hubby is a little older than me and we both have to work, so with the cost of childcare, I can't see having a third. But I don't want to regret it later!

Thanks for all of your input!

We have 4 beautiful, healthy children - truly the greatest blessings of our lives. I wanted to have 5 or 6, but I had incedibly hard pregnancies and almost died during pregnancy with my 4th child. So, for medical reasons we, of course, can not have more children. I'm very content, but there will always be a small part of my heart that will always yearn for another baby.

 

[Mallow]

After my DD was born I was unsure if I wanted another one. So DH & I did not do anything permanent. For the first year I really had feelings of: Am I not going to be pregnant again?, Will this be the last time I'm quietly singing my baby to sleep in a rocking chair?. But DH & I were really undecided so we didn't act on our uncertainty. Then one day (DD was about 2 1/2) I was shopping for a friend's baby shower & looking at all the burp clothes, pacifiers, diapers, etc., I mumbled to myself "Thank goodness it's not me". I then realized I was done.

I guess my point is sometimes you don't know right away, it may take time before you make a final decison. I agree with other PP's: don't do anything permanent until you have your "thank goodness" moment.

 

[DVCJones]

We have two beautiful DDs 3 and 5. When we started our family I knew I wanted more than one. I always thought I would have three. After my oldest was diagnosed w/ cancer at 6months old I was very set on having another child ASAP. It may sound morbid, but, if my DD didn't recover I knew I would probably die if I didn't have another child. I also was thinking my DD may need a sibling (bone marrow, stem cells, etc.) I did get pregnant again after my oldest DD was healthy again. I did bank her cord blood just in case. My last pregnancy was so difficult with preterm labor, hospitalized bed rest, emergency c-section and a premature birth. I considered myself lucky that I had two healthy children and both my DH and I said we were done.

I did long for another for a couple of years. I really thought I would have three. I knew however, I would be pushing my luck. It turns out, it was a very good thing I never went for the third. I learned that I had a complication from my last pregnancy the resulted in an emergency hysterectomy 2 years after my last pregnancy. If I had become pregnant it would have been very very dangerous to my health and the baby's. So, today I count my blessings for what I have and I am thankful every day!