OT: Send kids to daycare while you are home?

[RachaelRol]

I just caught up, had't read since last night.

Belle and Beast, thank you. The post you copied in for us really closes this topic for me.

I am a working full time mom and a very good one. Ask my son! My house is not as clean as I want it to be. I've even given up on making the beds on weekdays. I start laundry at 6:00 am on Saturdays and if I have take home work, I do it at night after DS goes to bed. DH and I do the best we can and I don't think DS is any worse for the wear.

I respect SAHMs, actually my three closest friends are SAHMs. I think they are great moms too. Actually, they help us immensely during the summer and when DS is sick. They will watch DS for me if he is a little too sick for school and he'll spend the summer with one of them this year. We have play dates on the weekends and I will have thier kids over so they can go out with DH for a fun night.

I guess my point is we repsect eachother and are there for eachother. We know being a mom is not easy and we're all trying to do the best we can for our husbands, children and selves.

There have been many curt and snide comments on this thread and some were just plain mean and smug on both sides. I think everyone should read Belle and Beast post to gain a little perspective.

I'm leaving my office now. I have a dinner date with DS and DH. See ya later after 8:00!!! DS's bed time.

 

[Ilovefozzie]

My house is not as clean as I want it to be. I've even given up on making the beds on weekdays. I start laundry at 6:00 am on Saturdays...

I'm a SAHM and I have 2 wonderful plaques up on my wall. LOL
1. A clean house is a sign of a wasted life.
2. Come in, sit down, relax...My house doesn't alway look like this, sometimes its even worse.

I hate to clean house. Hate it. It's a never ending job and if I keep things really clean the DH loves to ask me what's wrong. I'm a stress cleaner.

Just as an FYI: I don't mean to upset anyone with my listing of my plaques. It's not a jab at anyone. They are just funnes. I got the first from my MIL one year for christmas and the second I inherited when my grandmother passed away. Just trying to bring in some humor.

 

[rt2dz]

I totally disagree with that.

I'm sorry, but I truly don't understand. How can you disagree with that? That is the way it is HERE. In my area, where I live. I was pretty clear on that. Or at least I thought I was. I was in no way implying that is the way it is everywhere. But in my area, which is in a completely different state than you, that is truly the case. What you have is billed not as in-home daycare, but in-home preschool.



ETA--Here there is actually different licensing requirements for daycares and preschools. There is a difference--HERE.

 

[DVCLiz]

A school building is an institution. All of my kids go to a school that is an institution. I used the term genericly to refer to a building that is not a home. A hospital is also an institution as is a library and about 100 other things. Why do people get offended just because I am using the English laguage in the correct way. It is not my problem if some don't know the definition of "insitution" and jump to being defensive. I honestly did not say that as a jab. I was saying I prefer my kids to be at home the majority and not at school or a daycare or another public facilty, but since I have a command over the English language, I shortened by saying" institution".

And my offense at the original post came from Jodifla's jab at how she would have "MUCH rather be at school playing with friends than at home watching her mother fold laundry" which was a direct insult aimed at my previous post about how my daughter loves to sit and help me and chat with me while I do that, and that home time is not "wasted" time for us as other were referring to it.

Why is it OK to sling an unrelated jab at a SAHM in defense to a word I used in the proper context that some may not like because they don't know the true definition? Sorry, but public daycares are very much institutions.

I don't actually know of any "public" daycares in my town, unless you are referring to government-funded HeadStart programs or 4 year old kindergarten programs for at-risk children in public housing. All of the daycares I know about are private businesses. Schools, libraries and hospitals that are public are required to take in and offer services to any person who comes through the doors (unless they are intoxicated, etc.) I don't know of any daycare that has to take every child who comes through the door.

I do think you were using the word "institution" in a derogatory manner, as much as you would like to offer another definition.

 

[rt2dz]

AWESOME article - thank you so much for posting it!

Good Job!!

 

[my4kids]

I don't actually know of any "public" daycares in my town, unless you are referring to government-funded HeadStart programs or 4 year old kindergarten programs for at-risk children in public housing. All of the daycares I know about are private businesses. Schools, libraries and hospitals that are public are required to take in and offer services to any person who comes through the doors (unless they are intoxicated, etc.) I don't know of any daycare that has to take every child who comes through the door.

I do think you were using the word "institution" in a derogatory manner, as much as you would like to offer another definition.

sigh...here we go again. Thank you for crawling in my head and deciding what I was thinking when I used a proper definition of a word.

Here you go: From Merriam-Webster Please read and reread definition 1. Establishment (which could be public or private). and my personal favorite, definition 2b. "an established organization or corporation."
Nowhere does it say that it is a derrogatory term, nor does it state that an institution must be publicly held.


Main Entry: in·sti·tu·tion
Pronunciation: "in(t)-st&-'tü-sh&n, -'tyü-
Function: noun
1 : an act of instituting : ESTABLISHMENT
2 a : a significant practice, relationship, or organization in a society or culture <the institution of marriage>; also : something or someone firmly associated with a place or thing <she has become an institution in the theater> b : an established organization or corporation (as a bank or university) especially of a public character;


I'm done here. I did enjoy ther article by Belle and Beast. But no use saying anything here when there are some working mothers who apparently work out of the home as psychic mind readers because they presume to know that I meant a word in a derrogatory way when I was using it in the proper way.

 

[jodifla]

sigh...here we go again. Thank you for crawling in my head and deciding what I was thinking when I used a proper definition of a word.

Here you go: From Merriam-Webster Please read and reread definition 1. Establishment (which could be public or private). and my personal favorite, definition 2b. "an established organization or corporation."
Nowhere does it say that it is a derrogatory term, nor does it state that an institution must be publicly held.


Main Entry: in·sti·tu·tion
Pronunciation: "in(t)-st&-'tü-sh&n, -'tyü-
Function: noun
1 : an act of instituting : ESTABLISHMENT
2 a : a significant practice, relationship, or organization in a society or culture <the institution of marriage>; also : something or someone firmly associated with a place or thing <she has become an institution in the theater> b : an established organization or corporation (as a bank or university) especially of a public character;


I'm done here. I did enjoy ther article by Belle and Beast. But no use saying anything here when there are some working mothers who apparently work out of the home as psychic mind readers because they presume to know that I meant a word in a derrogatory way when I was using it in the proper way.

Interesting that you assume everyone who disagrees with you is a working mom. I'm largely SAHM now....I do some freelance writing from home, but only when DS is in school.

Institution may have its dictionary meaning, but it's all those words you put around it that give it context.

 

[DVCLiz]

sigh...here we go again. Thank you for crawling in my head and deciding what I was thinking when I used a proper definition of a word.

Here you go: From Merriam-Webster Please read and reread definition 1. Establishment (which could be public or private). and my personal favorite, definition 2b. "an established organization or corporation."
Nowhere does it say that it is a derrogatory term, nor does it state that an institution must be publicly held.


Main Entry: in·sti·tu·tion
Pronunciation: "in(t)-st&-'tü-sh&n, -'tyü-
Function: noun
1 : an act of instituting : ESTABLISHMENT
2 a : a significant practice, relationship, or organization in a society or culture <the institution of marriage>; also : something or someone firmly associated with a place or thing <she has become an institution in the theater> b : an established organization or corporation (as a bank or university) especially of a public character;


I'm done here. I did enjoy ther article by Belle and Beast. But no use saying anything here when there are some working mothers who apparently work out of the home as psychic mind readers because they presume to know that I meant a word in a derrogatory way when I was using it in the proper way.

Actually, I'm a full time SAHM and have been for almost 7 years. I don't work at all, not even as a pyschic mind reader. I just think the word you used had a different meaning in the context of your post. If you'll check the definition of "institutional" from the same source, you'll find references to "bland institutional food" and "institutional" wall colors. Those definitions aren't meant to be neutral or complimentary in their comman usages, I don't think. If I told you I thought your kitchen walls were "institutional" looking and your cooking reminded me of "institutional" meals, I don't think you'd take it as a compliment.

 

[RachaelRol]

I'm a SAHM and I have 2 wonderful plaques up on my wall. LOL
1. A clean house is a sign of a wasted life.
2. Come in, sit down, relax...My house doesn't alway look like this, sometimes its even worse.

Those are pretty funny and absolutely true.

 

[TikiGoddess2006]

Original Poster here.

Gee, kids, thanks for the opinions. I never thought my lil' ol' question would spark such heated debate!

I started this thread for opinions on sending kids to daycare when parents are home. I was hoping I could get the viewpoints of other parents without anyone disrespecting anyone else's opinion. And if this thread continues, could we keep it to just that?

Last word: We all have to be confident in my parenting choices. Belle and Beast, your article that you posted was very enlightening. Thank you.

Look to your children and you will see that you're doing a good job.

TikiG

Edited: Okay, BIG typo there. Let me try again.
We all have to be confident in OUR OWN parenting choices.
There.

 

[DVCLiz]

Last word: We all have to be confident in my parenting choices.
TikiG

OK, Tiki, we all will, but could you make sure they match our choices, too?

It's a joke - I'm only kidding, I promise!!!!!!!

 

[RachaelRol]

OK, Tiki, we all will, but could you make sure they match our choices, too?

It's a joke - I'm only kidding, I promise!!!!!!!

 

[rt2dz]

OK, Tiki, we all will, but could you make sure they match our choices, too?

It's a joke - I'm only kidding, I promise!!!!!!!

 

[sara74]

wow glad i read this before it is locked (nak so I'll keep it short)

took the 3 kids to daycare this am so I could do some at-home continuing ed for my job. sure, I could have done it after they were in bed, but
i find the neurons function better before 8 pm these days...

I've BTDT with the mommy wars and have gotten over it. i am my own person, they are my kids, and they are darn fine kids at that! Despite or because of their daycare experience, we'll never know! All I know is that we are a happy family. If we weren't then I would change something. Our pediatrician gave me some advice on being a 2 income family (he isn't presumptive enough to assume that it is always the mom that stays home) I was the victim of an attack of 2 Mommier than thou's on the playground and happened to mention it to the doctor. His only take on me working was, sit down every year, six months, whatever, and decide if what you are doing is working for all of you. If not, change it. If so, keep it up. So that's what we are doing. I hope that's what we can all do.

Hugs to everyone and hope for a little more acceptance for us all...

(can I confess to secretly wishing I was back at that playground again and had the phrase "mommier than thou" at the ready for those witches? WHAT A GREAT PHRASE!!! I LOVE IT!!!)

 

[emma'smom]

We do it...we don't want to break our dd's routine. Also, sometimes I keep dd4 at home and send dd2 to day care (dd4 is in all day preschool...not at the same place). I don't like to break dd2's routine and it is nice to do things with dd4 that we can't do with a busy toddler around.

Don't sweat the "mommy martyrs"...I love that term!

 

[Dazer22]

We have not even touched on Part 2 of the "Mommy Wars". When mothers compete with one another through their children. Whoever said that parenting is the most competitive sport was right.

I'll never forget when I was at the playground with my then 2 year old daughter, when a mother asked me " So how many activities is your daughter signed up for???". Being so new to parenting, I was dumbfounded.

Over the years I find that mothers use their children's successes, grades, activities, awards to validate themselves and the choices they made ;whether it was to stay at home or to work outside of the home.

Raising kids is extremely difficult. We sometimes feel insecure and question if what we are doing is "on track". It is not an exact Science.... and so the insecurity and the competition. Let's not compete. We are all trying our best.


Just my .02

 

[meandtheguys2]

We have not even touched on Part 2 of the "Mommy Wars". When mothers compete with one another through their children. Whoever said that parenting is the most competitive sport was right.

I'll never forget when I was at the playground with my then 2 year old daughter, when a mother asked me " So how many activities is your daughter signed up for???". Being so new to parenting, I was dumbfounded.

Over the years I find that mothers use their children's successes, grades, activities, awards to validate themselves and the choices they made ;whether it was to stay at home or to work outside of the home.

Raising kids is extremely difficult. We sometimes feel insecure and question if what we are doing is "on track". It is not an exact Science.... and so the insecurity and the competition. Let's not compete. We are all trying our best.


Just my .02

Have you read Queen Bee Moms and Kingpen Dads?

 

[shelly3girls]

We have not even touched on Part 2 of the "Mommy Wars". When mothers compete with one another through their children. Whoever said that parenting is the most competitive sport was right.

I'll never forget when I was at the playground with my then 2 year old daughter, when a mother asked me " So how many activities is your daughter signed up for???". Being so new to parenting, I was dumbfounded.

Over the years I find that mothers use their children's successes, grades, activities, awards to validate themselves and the choices they made ;whether it was to stay at home or to work outside of the home.

Raising kids is extremely difficult. We sometimes feel insecure and question if what we are doing is "on track". It is not an exact Science.... and so the insecurity and the competition. Let's not compete. We are all trying our best.


Just my .02

I think about this every day. My DDs teachers both say the girls are at the top of their class. Their words, not mine. It was greatly reassuring b/c if I listened to the amazing things all of their friends are doing (told by the parents) I thought for sure my kids were ready for special ed...

 

[FayeW]

As the mother of children now 12 & 10, I too have been all over the spectrum. I have judged, and been judged (and been found lacking, I'm sure).

We did not want to have any children. Period. I judged my working friend who did exactly what you did OP, and wondered why they bothered to have children when they clearly didn't want to spend time with them.

Then we decided to have one child, but just one. I was going to be a SAHM until she went to school. Guess what, it didn't work out that way. We needed the money, so I went back to work part-time. My husband worked shift so some weeks she was only at a sitter for 1.5 days, other weeks for 3 or 4. Of course, we both wanted to spend every waking moment with our little darling. She was sooooo cute we decided to have another baby, just like her! (Thank God he was a boy, and is nothing like her!). So along comes number two. By this time, I am a SAHM again, and have a baby and a toddler who hit the Terrible Two's at 18 months and never looked back. I think the happiest day of my life was the day my oldest started 1/2 day kindergarten.
By the time the baby is 3, I am back to work part time to save my sanity. Our sitter lived directly across the lawn. Lovely lady, great with the kids, they loved going. The only issue was that she was homosexual. This was a non-issue for my husband and I, but boy, did we get judged for that! Especially my husband, for some reason. I guess other fathers had a real issue with homosexual caregivers. The only thing that mattered to us was that someone who was kind and caring looked after our children. She cared for our children for 2 years until we moved out of the neighborhood.
And you know what? I did EXACTLY what I judged my friend for doing all those years before: I sent my kids to daycare on SOME days that I had off from work.

Now, I work for myself, and work from home most of the time. My son STILL attends afterschool care (3 hours a day) and goes to day camp usually 4 or 5 weeks off the summer. WHY? Because he loves it! He used to cry if we picked him up before 5:30 because we "came too soon". He plays floor hockey, basketball, dodgeball, soccer, etc with his friends. He is active and social. If he was home he would watch TV, play video games, and fight with his sister. Sometimes, my daughter and I go out to the mall when she comes home, or go walk the dog in the park and have some time together. IT'S ALL GOOD.

After all these years, I've learned that it really doesn't matter how you choose to parent. If your children's physical, mental and emotional needs are being met, you are doing a good job.

 

[Kellyscrapbooks]

Yes it's wrong. Did you have children so someone else could raise them? As a teacher don't you understand the importance of raising your children? Your home by 4pm, my DH dosent get home until 7pm and he would NEVER want them in daycare when he was home all day. Thankfully we have never had to put them in such a place.

When you have children they always come first. No question.

Gee.. judgemental much?