OT: Send kids to daycare while you are home?

[meandtheguys2]

Gee.. judgemental much?

Actually, she does! I've never seen a post by her that didn't state that "Kids come first." Makes me think she wasn't or she resents hers.

 

[DVCLiz]

Edited: Okay, BIG typo there. Let me try again.
We all have to be confident in OUR OWN parenting choices.
There.

LOL! We all knew what you meant!!

 

[ruadisneyfan2]

A school building is an institution. All of my kids go to a school that is an institution. I used the term genericly to refer to a building that is not a home. A hospital is also an institution as is a library and about 100 other things. Why do people get offended just because I am using the English laguage in the correct way. It is not my problem if some don't know the definition of "insitution" and jump to being defensive. I honestly did not say that as a jab. I was saying I prefer my kids to be at home the majority and not at school or a daycare or another public facilty, but since I have a command over the English language, I shortened by saying" institution".

And my offense at the original post came from Jodifla's jab at how she would have "MUCH rather be at school playing with friends than at home watching her mother fold laundry" which was a direct insult aimed at my previous post about how my daughter loves to sit and help me and chat with me while I do that, and that home time is not "wasted" time for us as other were referring to it.

Why is it OK to sling an unrelated jab at a SAHM in defense to a word I used in the proper context that some may not like because they don't know the true definition? Sorry, but public daycares are very much institutions.

btw, not all day cares are an "institution." Ds10 went to a home day care from 4 mos. until he began kindergarten. She had a small group of 5 kids she cared for, her own were moved out and 1 in HS, then college. She had been doing day care since her oldest began kind. since it's only half day and there were no after school programs in those days. He bonded very well with her, no high turnover like a kinder-care and he loved her like having a 3rd grandmom. He could lay on the couch, etc. All the nice things of feeling like home.
He's in 4th grade now and misses her. We're still in touch but not the same as every day contact.

 

[PaulaSue]

OP, you are not wrong to do it. It is just llike me asking my mom to come over and help dh and I with the girls so we could work painting our basement. Sometimes you need a little help.

 

[ThreeMusketeers]

Yes it's wrong. Did you have children so someone else could raise them? As a teacher don't you understand the importance of raising your children? Your home by 4pm, my DH dosent get home until 7pm and he would NEVER want them in daycare when he was home all day. Thankfully we have never had to put them in such a place.

When you have children they always come first. No question.

I am a little late to this thread and stopped reading here..b/c i was so shocked by this blunt awnser!

First off, to OP. Noone can tell you what is "right" or "wrong". It's what is best for you.
I am a SAHM, and I am the first one to believe that little statement about raising your own children. BUT...everybody needs a break sometimes! Work is work! It's not "you" time, or "you and hubby" time, so I see that you need a break from the kids sometimes to enjoy e/o. Whats the big deal??
I mean, as long as there is a balance, and you are spending time with your kids than letting them go to daycare on vacation for a few days (which you probobly had to pay for weather they were there or not) is not that big of a deal.

 

[ChristmasEveTwins]

Yes it's wrong. Did you have children so someone else could raise them? As a teacher don't you understand the importance of raising your children? Your home by 4pm, my DH dosent get home until 7pm and he would NEVER want them in daycare when he was home all day. Thankfully we have never had to put them in such a place.

When you have children they always come first. No question.

Judge much?

I'm a SAHM and my dd has been going to preschool for half a day since she was 3. She LOVES it and is terribly upset on days when she can't go. She wants to see her teachers and play with her friends.

 

[alexy]

First, around here there is a difference between daycare and preschool. There are even different types of preschool—social based or educational based. Each preschool is a learning environment; it is just a matter of how they teach and what they concentrate on. We went the social route, but they still learn. Daycare is just babysitting. It is safe. It is fun. There is nothing wrong with it, but it is different. Preschools also accommodate the working parent. .

I understand your distinction and that you noted "around here", but I hope others also understand that the term "daycare" is often interchangeable with "preschool"

My kid's "daycare" is educational/developmental based and "preschool" is just a grade at their daycare. Each grade follows an developmentally-appropriate curriculium. Other grades include toddler, transition, preschool, pre k, etc. Children can attend part time for any grade.


Enough said on that topic. . .

Also love "Mommier Than Thou" Sums it all up!

Choosing to stay home with my kids vs. sending them to daycare, does NOT alone make me a better/worse parent. Nor does it mean that one choice vs. the other will ensure a child will be more successful or well-adjusted as an adult.

Likewise, choosing to send the kids off to daycare sometimes while I'm at home will not change my their lives.

However, choosing to sometimes keep them home for a special fun day (no errands, special projects, house cleaning, etc.) when I have a day off can change their lives because these are the moments that count! They count because they're special and appreciated. . .

 

[ChristmasEveTwins]

Do not diminish the pain of a child who sleeps chained in a closet, ribs cracked from her latest beating by equating her to a child who has learned to sleep by crying it out for a few nights in her crib. Do not diminish the pain of a child who has been sexually abused by equating her to a child that sleeps peacefully between her loving parents or still breastfeeds at 2 and 3 years old. Do not diminish the pain of a child who has not eaten for days by equating her to a child who is not fed meat or who drinks formula.

Don't get me wrong, I completely agree with the overall point of this post. However, I couldn't read this part of your argument and not respond. While formula correlates to hunger and some believe CIO correlates to cruelty/abuse, breastfeeding NEVER correlates to sexual abuse. Breastfeeding a 2- or 3-year-old child may not be the norm in this country, but it is in many parts of the world and is the BIOLOGICAL norm for our species. Breastfeeding is food and it is comfort, but it is NOT sex.

 

[delilah]

I agree that the OP should not be made to feel guilty because she sends her children to daycare so she and her husband can complete chores around the house when they happen to have a day off work. There are some projects that would not be safe to do with a child around the house. Several years ago, a SAHM in our community was refinishing furniture while her young children played nearby. The children involved were about 3 and 18mos, so, I doubt that they could have been "helping" in any meaningful way. To make a long story short, the chemicals she was usin exploded, it blew up the building she in which she was working, and her precious children were seriously injured. The reason I say she was a SAHM was because this happened in the afternoon on a weekday.

Not all families have the luxury of having relatives nearby who can watch the kids for a few hours so they can do tasks. My parents are deceased, and my MIL is in a nursing home with Alzheimer's disease. I think that my 9yo son would be better equipped to supervise her than vis versa. My husband is an only child, and my siblings live in Florida and Seattle. We live in Indiana. Our friends all work the same hours we do. So, the school aftercare I use is my babysitter. So, yes, if it should happen that I have a day off work, and school is in session, I will keep him in aftercare until I have finished my planned chores for the day. In fact, I have been reprimanded by my son for picking him up "too early", because was still wanting to play with his friends. Doing my chores on my day off work frees up the weekend so we can do fun things together as a family. That way, our son gets the undivided attention of both parents.

 

[crisi]

Don't get me wrong, I completely agree with the overall point of this post. However, I couldn't read this part of your argument and not respond. While formula correlates to hunger and some believe CIO correlates to cruelty/abuse, breastfeeding NEVER correlates to sexual abuse. Breastfeeding a 2- or 3-year-old child may not be the norm in this country, but it is in many parts of the world and is the BIOLOGICAL norm for our species. Breastfeeding is food and it is comfort, but it is NOT sex.

And formula NEVER correlates to hunger nor does CIO correlate to abuse. CIO is also widely used and is our NORM in raising kids historically in the Western world - you think my great grandmother had time to attachment parent fourteen children on a 800 acre farm? And formula is anti-hunger for those of us that can't breastfeed.

When CIO is taken to ridiculous levels, it might be abuse. And when breastfeeding is taken to ridiculous levels, its abuse and sex. The only time formula equates to hunger is when its withheld (or when Nestle makes formula that doesn't have any nutrional value to sell into the third world - which they stopped doing years ago) - and some people withhold the breast as well.

(I knew a guy whose mother breastfed him until he was a teenager - the relationship became sexual when he was eight or nine - it was a REALLY screwed up and abusive thing - not normal at all - but for her, the breastfeeding WAS sex. His father had left when he was an infant and the whole thing was ooky - I knew him in his twenties, when he was just beginning to grasp that his relationship with his mother wasn't normal).

 

[Mouse House Mama]

And formula NEVER correlates to hunger nor does CIO correlate to abuse. CIO is also widely used and is our NORM in raising kids historically in the Western world - you think my great grandmother had time to attachment parent fourteen children on a 800 acre farm? And formula is anti-hunger for those of us that can't breastfeed.

When CIO is taken to ridiculous levels, it might be abuse. And when breastfeeding is taken to ridiculous levels, its abuse and sex. The only time formula equates to hunger is when its withheld (or when Nestle makes formula that doesn't have any nutrional value to sell into the third world - which they stopped doing years ago) - and some people withhold the breast as well.

(I knew a guy whose mother breastfed him until he was a teenager - the relationship became sexual when he was eight or nine - it was a REALLY screwed up and abusive thing - not normal at all - but for her, the breastfeeding WAS sex. His father had left when he was an infant and the whole thing was ooky - I knew him in his twenties, when he was just beginning to grasp that his relationship with his mother wasn't normal).

Please let's not turn this thread into this. These are all exteme examples and have nothing to do with getting a babysitter while you clean your house. If you need a break to make you a better parent go for it. Who cares what everyone thinks? Do what you think is best.

 

[meandtheguys2]

Please let's not turn this thread into this. These are all exteme examples and have nothing to do with getting a babysitter while you clean your house. If you need a break to make you a better parent go for it. Who cares what everyone thinks? Do what you think is best.

 

[Ilovefozzie]

While formula correlates to hunger...

Could you verify this statement ChristmasEveTwins? I'm trying to understand it. I only breastfed my DS for he first 6 weeks. Due to several reasons, I formula fed my DD from birth...How is formula equating to hunger?

Or am I just reading that wrong?
Thanks!

 

[crisi]

Please let's not turn this thread into this. These are all exteme examples and have nothing to do with getting a babysitter while you clean your house. If you need a break to make you a better parent go for it. Who cares what everyone thinks? Do what you think is best.

Hey, don't come down on me...I wasn't the one who correlated formula to hunger and CIO to abuse......

I am saying do what you think is best - part of my point was to say "no, these things AREN'T hunger or abuse - unless taken to ridiculous extremes, which can happen with breastfeeding (or really anything).

 

[Mouse House Mama]

Hey, don't come down on me...I wasn't the one who correlated formula to hunger and CIO to abuse......

I am saying do what you think is best - part of my point was to say "no, these things AREN'T hunger or abuse - unless taken to ridiculous extremes, which can happen with breastfeeding (or really anything).

I am sorry, I wasn't trying to single you out. I just read your post last. I was just trying to say let's not turn this thread into a whole other debate. Again- I am so sorry if you felt I was singling you out. I wasn't trying to.

 

[ChristmasEveTwins]

Could you verify this statement ChristmasEveTwins? I'm trying to understand it. I only breastfed my DS for he first 6 weeks. Due to several reasons, I formula fed my DD from birth...How is formula equating to hunger?

Or am I just reading that wrong?
Thanks!

You must have read it wrong. The pp correlated (NOT equated!) CIO to abuse and formula to starving and bfing to sex. My point is that while a correlation could be drawn between the other two examples, ie, formula is food and letting a baby CIO is perceived as neglect or abuse by some people, breastfeeding should never be compared with sex.

In the extreme case of the elusive 9-year-old that was breastfed, it doesn't even compare or pertain to the discussion. The pp correlated bfing a 2 or 3-year-old to sexual abuse, which it clearly is not. And btw, "everyone" seems to know some poor kid who was bf'd until he was 9 years old . . .

 

[ChristmasEveTwins]

Hey, don't come down on me...I wasn't the one who correlated formula to hunger and CIO to abuse......

I am saying do what you think is best - part of my point was to say "no, these things AREN'T hunger or abuse - unless taken to ridiculous extremes, which can happen with breastfeeding (or really anything).

*I* did not correlate formula to hunger or CIO to abuse, the previous post which I quoted did. Go back and read my post and hopefully you'll understand my argument. I was not criticizing ffing or those who practice CIO.

But, while we're on the subject, how can formula NOT correlate to hunger? It's food! Breastfeeding correlates to hunger. My point is breastfeeding does NOT correlate to sex!

And just in case there is some confusion over the meaning of the word, correlate means that there is a "relationship." It does not mean "equate."

 

[Ilovefozzie]

You must have read it wrong. The pp correlated (NOT equated!) CIO to abuse and formula to starving and bfing to sex. My point is that while a correlation could be drawn between the other two examples, ie, formula is food and letting a baby CIO is perceived as neglect or abuse by some people, breastfeeding should never be compared with sex.

In the extreme case of the elusive 9-year-old that was breastfed, it doesn't even compare or pertain to the discussion. The pp correlated bfing a 2 or 3-year-old to sexual abuse, which it clearly is not. And btw, "everyone" seems to know some poor kid who was bf'd until he was 9 years old . . .

Ok...I had a feeling I wasn't adding it up. My DS was dancing around the room celebrating our snow day...the DD was hugging me from behind, I was trying to organize work since I won't be going in....you know one of THOSE days. I'm glad it was MY misunderstanding.

Another 8-12 inches of snow today...Blizzard advisory, Snow/ Blowing snow advisory and complete white out conditions in most of our area. And we still of another 32 days until Disney!!! ARGH! I can't take much more of this white stuff!! We still had at least 3 inches on the ground from last week besides.

What does Peter Pan say? Think happy little thoughts???

 

[ameraumi]

I'm sorry, but I truly don't understand. How can you disagree with that? That is the way it is HERE. In my area, where I live. I was pretty clear on that. Or at least I thought I was. I was in no way implying that is the way it is everywhere. But in my area, which is in a completely different state than you, that is truly the case. What you have is billed not as in-home daycare, but in-home preschool.



ETA--Here there is actually different licensing requirements for daycares and preschools. There is a difference--HERE.

I apologize, I did miss you stating "around here" in the beginning of your paragraph. Trust me, that is not the norm. Daycare centers in IN has to have lesson plans in order to be licensed. As a home daycare, I do not have to have lesson plans but I choose to do learning activities. There are differences in licensing here as well. Preschools do not have the same requirements that daycares do. But the state of IN says I have a licensed home daycare not an in-home preschool.

 

[crisi]

In the extreme case of the elusive 9-year-old that was breastfed, it doesn't even compare or pertain to the discussion. The pp correlated bfing a 2 or 3-year-old to sexual abuse, which it clearly is not. And btw, "everyone" seems to know some poor kid who was bf'd until he was 9 years old . . .

"Everyone" knows that story because it was a court case a few years ago that got a lot of press (though I think in the court case the kid was younger - seven (?).)

I'm saying I know someone who was breastfed until he was fourteen (!) with the relationship becoming incestuous at eight or nine - negating your statement that breastfeeding is NEVER sexual. It is only sexual in really screwed up situations, but there are those really screwed up situations out there.

(And I have nothing against extended breastfeeding, my girlfriends have overwhelmingly breastfed past a year - and some until three or four).