OT - SAHMs and jury duty

[wrighter]

All I can say is, "Wow."

As the original poster of this thread, I truly cannot believe that my honest inquiry to my problem has generated this commentary. If you actually read my posts here, you would see that I DO understand this is my duty. I am not saying it isn't - otherwise, everyone would get off and who would be left to sit on a jury? My original inquiry was just that - wondering if anyone else had been in my boat and what happened to them.

I must also say that to suggest my husband is not supportive of my family is not only ridiculous, but appalling. I won't bother to tell you all the wonderful things he does for me, my children, and us as a family. Obviously you wouldn't believe it anyway.

I had no idea that there were any other threads like this as of late - and I read the boards pretty carefully. If I'd known that, I would simply have read that one.

I sincerely thank those who have offered their thoughts, suggestions, and support here. What is our world - a DIS world at that!!! - coming to when an inquiry of help is answered with judgemental discriminations? I am stunned and saddened.

With that I would like to request that the mods close this thread and remove it in it's entirety. There is no place for this on The DIS. At least not on my DIS.

 

[momx2]

btw...there is onsite childcare in almost every courtroom across the state. they wont tell you about it. its not really for you, but its there. bringing my children would not result in my being arrested. thats quite laughable.

Not in KY. I'm work in the third largest city in KY and there is no childcare. I know of none in our state, maybe NJ, I don't know. You might not be arrested if you bring your children, but you may be held in contempt and fined or jailed at a contempt hearing at a later date. If you just don't show up the sheriff may come looking for you at home with a one way ticket, in the back of his car, to the Judge to explain why you chose to not even try to find childcare.

Healthy, well-adjusted children will not break if they spend a few days in another's care or with a friend's mom or dad. Everyone should have a back up plan. What would you do if you were in the hospital or had another emergency? Very few people have no options, but alot of people choose not to utilize the options.

 

[r4blessings]

I don't think the OP is trying to get out of jury duty (and I know personally I would love to serve on a jury duty...I think it is fascinating....if I was in a different situation not being a SAHM). And I don't think she is saying it is more inconvienient for her than for other moms, working or not. But I think she is concerned, and rightly so about what she is supposed to do with her kids.

I know when my husband has served, his employer (he is a hs teacher) hasn't been thrilled, but they hire a sub for him and he goes and serves. I am the primary care giver for my four kids, only two of which are in school. My best girlfriends work full time and would be unable to care for my kids, as well as my mother and father. Finding someone to watch the littles for an hour or so to go into my older son's classrooms can be impossible sometimes. So I know that asking someone to watch two little kids for the entire day, maybe for several days would be impossible. And as a SAHM, I know that if a friend asked me to watch her kids all day I could swing it maybe for one day, but thats it. And the idea of finding someone I don't know to babysit my children out of the blue is crazy to me.

And like I said, DH is a teacher, he cannot take vacation time whenever he wants, his vacation time is in the school calendar.

My girlfriend is the only caregiver to her terminally ill mother, she also could not find care for her mom to serve jury duty. So I do think that the OP is right to question whether she can possibly postpone serving for a few years.

OP good luck!

 

[momx2]

I have to say I have never heard of jury duty for a month! That is crazy, what if you didn't get paid from your job how would you pay your bills and how can a company go a month without their employee.

I agree, but in KY it is for a month at a time. Federal is usually for 3 months. Now, that doesn't mean that you have to show up everyday, just be available if needed. They will leave a message on a machine for everyone to call after 4:30 to tell them if they are needed the next day.

 

[momx2]

if the state really wanted primary caregivers to serve on juries, it would reimburse dependant care expenses. It does actually reimburse such expenses for witnesses called on behalf of the state in criminal cases. I sympathize with you, OP, and wish you luck. I had to bring my young child to court and I did get ushered in and out very quickly.

They don't even reimburse for salary loss, let alone child care. I agree that they should reimburse for both.

 

[GJM]

I don't know of any childcare in the courts in NJ unless it it there for the employees that work in the courthouse.

 

[momx2]

wow, you mean you werent put in jail? amazing!

Maybe not this time. You never know what kind of judge you'll get. Most would never do that, but some would. I would hate to draw the less understanding judge.

 

[momx2]

All I can say is, "Wow."

As the original poster of this thread, I truly cannot believe that my honest inquiry to my problem has generated this commentary. If you actually read my posts here, you would see that I DO understand this is my duty. I am not saying it isn't - otherwise, everyone would get off and who would be left to sit on a jury? My original inquiry was just that - wondering if anyone else had been in my boat and what happened to them.

I must also say that to suggest my husband is not supportive of my family is not only ridiculous, but appalling. I won't bother to tell you all the wonderful things he does for me, my children, and us as a family. Obviously you wouldn't believe it anyway.

I had no idea that there were any other threads like this as of late - and I read the boards pretty carefully. If I'd known that, I would simply have read that one.

I sincerely thank those who have offered their thoughts, suggestions, and support here. What is our world - a DIS world at that!!! - coming to when an inquiry of help is answered with judgemental discriminations? I am stunned and saddened.

With that I would like to request that the mods close this thread and remove it in it's entirety. There is no place for this on The DIS. At least not on my DIS.

I am not trying to judge you, but warn you to be careful. You never know the what a judge will do. Most are great people, some.....not so nice.

 

[momx2]

I don't think the OP is trying to get out of jury duty (and I know personally I would love to serve on a jury duty...I think it is fascinating....if I was in a different situation not being a SAHM). And I don't think she is saying it is more inconvienient for her than for other moms, working or not. But I think she is concerned, and rightly so about what she is supposed to do with her kids.

I know when my husband has served, his employer (he is a hs teacher) hasn't been thrilled, but they hire a sub for him and he goes and serves. I am the primary care giver for my four kids, only two of which are in school. My best girlfriends work full time and would be unable to care for my kids, as well as my mother and father. Finding someone to watch the littles for an hour or so to go into my older son's classrooms can be impossible sometimes. So I know that asking someone to watch two little kids for the entire day, maybe for several days would be impossible. And as a SAHM, I know that if a friend asked me to watch her kids all day I could swing it maybe for one day, but thats it. And the idea of finding someone I don't know to babysit my children out of the blue is crazy to me.

And like I said, DH is a teacher, he cannot take vacation time whenever he wants, his vacation time is in the school calendar.

My girlfriend is the only caregiver to her terminally ill mother, she also could not find care for her mom to serve jury duty. So I do think that the OP is right to question whether she can possibly postpone serving for a few years.

OP good luck!

In my area your friend with the terminally ill mother would probably be excused.

 

[happymommy]

I was just reading this and going, "Oh my God!".

I was apparently called once, but they had my address incorrect. I got a nasty call from a "B" saying why hadn't I shown up for jury duty. I asked what she was talking about, she gave me the details, and I said we had moved over two years ago! Still Maryland, but gosh she was NASTY! I also said I had one 3 year old, one one year old breastfed baby, and so I could bring them with me.... I had no help from family and my son has severe medical issues (asthma and severe food allergies) and I was nursing. I didn't ever have a babysitter so that was no good.

She was so NASTY! She said, well, we'll give you this one time, and I'm like thanks a lot (whatever).

Now, I am sorry (or not) but some folks underestimate what being a SAHM means. Of course it is so different for all of us. When DH was in the Marines active duty, and we lived on base, he was home at about 4pm daily. It is different now - he is gone in the AM (okay, sometimes home when I leave with the kiddos) and not usually home till at least 8pm. I remember nursing DD sitting on the bathroom floor while bathing DS (2 or close to 3 at the time) in the evening. Juggling all that with no support from family, and no babysitters either (we just didn't ever use them that much if at all). Thanking God to get us all ready for bed by 7, then off to sleep for them, and a few minutes before I crashed also.

For me, had I been called for jury duty, I would have brought my kids with me. I had no sitters. I never used them. My son had food allergies that somehow no one but our allergist (the head of Pediatric Allergy at Johns Hopkins, just so I don't sound like a quack) understood. I have had relatives literally spoon feed him an allergic food, then seen the consequence and it's ugly....

I think my experience has jaded me. They were so nasty to me. I am not registered to vote, so they can go by my car registry (damn).

Sorry to rant....

 

[momx2]

I was just reading this and going, "Oh my God!".

I was apparently called once, but they had my address incorrect. I got a nasty call from a "B" saying why hadn't I shown up for jury duty. I asked what she was talking about, she gave me the details, and I said we had moved over two years ago! Still Maryland, but gosh she was NASTY! I also said I had one 3 year old, one one year old breastfed baby, and so I could bring them with me.... I had no help from family and my son has severe medical issues (asthma and severe food allergies) and I was nursing. I didn't ever have a babysitter so that was no good.

She was so NASTY! She said, well, we'll give you this one time, and I'm like thanks a lot (whatever).

Now, I am sorry (or not) but some folks underestimate what being a SAHM means. Of course it is so different for all of us. When DH was in the Marines active duty, and we lived on base, he was home at about 4pm daily. It is different now - he is gone in the AM (okay, sometimes home when I leave with the kiddos) and not usually home till at least 8pm. I remember nursing DD sitting on the bathroom floor while bathing DS (2 or close to 3 at the time) in the evening. Juggling all that with no support from family, and no babysitters either (we just didn't ever use them that much if at all). Thanking God to get us all ready for bed by 7, then off to sleep for them, and a few minutes before I crashed also.

For me, had I been called for jury duty, I would have brought my kids with me. I had no sitters. I never used them. My son had food allergies that somehow no one but our allergist (the head of Pediatric Allergy at Johns Hopkins, just so I don't sound like a quack) understood. I have had relatives literally spoon feed him an allergic food, then seen the consequence and it's ugly....

I think my experience has jaded me. They were so nasty to me. I am not registered to vote, so they can go by my car registry (damn).

Sorry to rant....

Why is it so different for SAHMs. The night time example you give could apply to most moms, praying for bedtime to come, especially single moms. What about the single or married working mom who won't get reimbursed her missed salary to serve on jury duty. Sure, she has daycare, but no way to pay it now. Jury duty is a hardship to most everyone, some more than others. I just hate that this becoming a SAHM vs. WOHM debate. Moms are moms and we all have problems. I'm just saying, if possible, everyone needs a back up plan. BTW, my daughter also has food allergies so I understand their needs, that's why you need a good back up if possible.

 

[Colinsmom]

I recently served on federal jury duty. It was my third call for jury duty in less than 2 years. The first two times were county, and I was deferred because I was breastfeeding at the time (this is a law in the State of Illinois). I had to call in for two weeks and go in the next day if they needed me. I called the first day, went in, and by 2pm was seated on a jury for a 3 week trial. I have two young children and a husband who works crazy hours, and needed to commute about 1.5 hrs each way every day for court. I took it one day at a time as far as childcare coverage and we got through it.

Has the OP considered flying a grandparent or other relative in for a visit and to provide back-up childcare? Or talk to a friend who uses daycare and see if their daycare has an opening that you can use for the week - unless you live in a super-tiny town, I'll bet that you can find something this way. Yes, it can be hard on the kids (it was very hard on my kids for me to be gone so much - usually I'm gone from the house only 1 day per week), but they are young and more resilient than you think. They'll be fine, and by Christmas it will be a distant memory.

The reality is, it's easy to say that you'll bluff the attorneys and get yourself excused for some reason, but most of the people who I heard saying that could NOT pull it off when they were actually in the midst of voir dire. Some people did not get paid by their employers while they served, but that wasn't an excuse either. One man did get excused because he was the primary caregiver for his sick wife. Showing up with your kids is risky; I certainly wouldn't recommend trying that stunt.

OP, you need to talk to the court to find out if you can be deferred, but plan that you WILL be called again relatively soon (they may ask specifically when you can serve, and you can bet you'll get called at that time). You say that your husband can't take off work, but what would he do if HE was called for jury duty? He'd have to go to court. This is no different - you are being called, therefore he may need to stay in town that week and telecommute. I work in an industry like his, and sometimes you just need to do things like that. But if the court will defer your service, you may not need to worry about it for a few months.

 

[DVCLiz]

All I can say is, "Wow."

As the original poster of this thread, I truly cannot believe that my honest inquiry to my problem has generated this commentary. If you actually read my posts here, you would see that I DO understand this is my duty. I am not saying it isn't - otherwise, everyone would get off and who would be left to sit on a jury? My original inquiry was just that - wondering if anyone else had been in my boat and what happened to them.

I must also say that to suggest my husband is not supportive of my family is not only ridiculous, but appalling. I won't bother to tell you all the wonderful things he does for me, my children, and us as a family. Obviously you wouldn't believe it anyway.

I had no idea that there were any other threads like this as of late - and I read the boards pretty carefully. If I'd known that, I would simply have read that one.

I sincerely thank those who have offered their thoughts, suggestions, and support here. What is our world - a DIS world at that!!! - coming to when an inquiry of help is answered with judgemental discriminations? I am stunned and saddened.

With that I would like to request that the mods close this thread and remove it in it's entirety. There is no place for this on The DIS. At least not on my DIS.

You are WAY overreacting. Stop being stunned and saddened and requesting threads be closed just because you don't like the advice you are getting.

I don't care what kind of relationship you or imthatgirl have with your husbands, and I didn't say a word about them. I said if MY husband was willing to put me in that postion I would be very unhappy. I have no idea whether yours would do that, so stop putting words in my mouth.

Also, it is not a "judgemental discrimination" to suggest that a good parent has child care back up plans in place for occasions exactly like this. Almost EVRY parent has had something like this to deal with, whether it's jury duty, illness, or some other unforseen event. Jury duty doesn't sneak up on you. You know several days in advance and there's no reason you can't find adequate childcare.

 

[happymommy]

Why is it so different for SAHMs. The night time example you give could apply to most moms, praying for bedtime to come, especially single moms. What about the single or married working mom who won't get reimbursed her missed salary to serve on jury duty. Sure, she has daycare, but no way to pay it now. Jury duty is a hardship to most everyone, some more than others. I just hate that this becoming a SAHM vs. WOHM debate. Moms are moms and we all have problems. I'm just saying, if possible, everyone needs a back up plan. BTW, my daughter also has food allergies so I understand their needs, that's why you need a good back up if possible.

I never had a babysitter. So I didn't have anyone to call.

I was breastfeeding?

I never used any type of daycare. My son has many issues (or had, he's older now). I didn't have any options. Some of us don't use daycare. I am not saying that is right or wrong, but when you are nursing, or your husband is the breadwinner, and has to work long hours, or you only have one car, what are you to do?

I wouldn't ever consider flying a relative into town to serve a jury duty. That could honestly wait. I am not going anywhere (God willing).

I don't wish this to become a debate over which is right - a woman working outside the home or not.

I just could not possibly take my infant nursing and toddler with allergies and give them to some stranger (which anyway I didn't have a sitter, I always stayed with them). Some of us don't use sitters, and the law system simply needs to understand that we just don't. And my husband has a JD.

When your spouse works like mine does, he treasures the time on the weekends with us all. So we honestly haven't had that much time at all apart. That is just us.

 

[imthatgirl]

I don't know of any childcare in the courts in NJ unless it it there for the employees that work in the courthouse.

nope its not there for the employees either.

 

[imthatgirl]

You are WAY overreacting. Stop being stunned and saddened and requesting threads be closed just because you don't like the advice you are getting.

I don't care what kind of relationship you or imthatgirl have with your husbands, and I didn't say a word about them. I said if MY husband was willing to put me in that postion I would be very unhappy. I have no idea whether yours would do that, so stop putting words in my mouth.

Also, it is not a "judgemental discrimination" to suggest that a good parent has child care back up plans in place for occasions exactly like this. Almost EVRY parent has had something like this to deal with, whether it's jury duty, illness, or some other unforseen event. Jury duty doesn't sneak up on you. You know several days in advance and there's no reason you can't find adequate childcare.

so now youre accusing people of having husbands who dont care about their family and saying we're bad parents?
i hope you have a hat on, i would bet it gets cold on that horse.

 

[DVCLiz]

I never had a babysitter. So I didn't have anyone to call.

I was breastfeeding?

I never used any type of daycare. My son has many issues (or had, he's older now). I didn't have any options. Some of us don't use daycare. I am not saying that is right or wrong, but when you are nursing, or your husband is the breadwinner, and has to work long hours, or you only have one car, what are you to do?

I wouldn't ever consider flying a relative into town to serve a jury duty. That could honestly wait. I am not going anywhere (God willing).

I don't wish this to become a debate over which is right - a woman working outside the home or not.

I just could not possibly take my infant nursing and toddler with allergies and give them to some stranger (which anyway I didn't have a sitter, I always stayed with them). Some of us don't use sitters, and the law system simply needs to understand that we just don't. And my husband has a JD.

When your spouse works like mine does, he treasures the time on the weekends with us all. So we honestly haven't had that much time at all apart. That is just us.

But that is exactly my point, happymommy. The law system DOES NOT accept your opinion about the use of childcare as an excuse. I know you would like them to, but they don't. And they won't. No one on this thread has reported any courtroom experience where small children were welcomed into the jury room and able to stay for the duration of the selection process.

This thread should have nothing to do with being a SAHM or a WOHM. But all the stay at home moms I know have a basic understanding of the need for backup childcare. And the OP has two children - one in school and one in preschool - so she is bound to have some other mothers in the school community who could be of help to her.

 

[happymommy]

You are WAY overreacting. Stop being stunned and saddened and requesting threads be closed just because you don't like the advice you are getting.

I don't care what kind of relationship you or imthatgirl have with your husbands, and I didn't say a word about them. I said if MY husband was willing to put me in that postion I would be very unhappy. I have no idea whether yours would do that, so stop putting words in my mouth.

Also, it is not a "judgemental discrimination" to suggest that a good parent has child care back up plans in place for occasions exactly like this. Almost EVRY parent has had something like this to deal with, whether it's jury duty, illness, or some other unforseen event. Jury duty doesn't sneak up on you. You know several days in advance and there's no reason you can't find adequate childcare.

Sorry but I disagree.

My kids are older now, but when they were little, I did not leave them with anyone but me and my husband.

I am not alone, and don't feel like I should apologize for this.

My kids had medical issues when very young.

No, jury duty doesn't sneak up on you. They give you a week or so.

I don't think we should be so quick to judge. My husband used to get home at 4pm (when he was defending our country and we lived on the Marine Corps base). Now he rarely can make it home before 8 or 9. He is still defending our country, but not active duty. So, I would have no one to assist me if I got called. Some folks use babysitters frequently, some either can't or don't. It is so silly to think that everyone uses daycare or babysitters - I almost never did. And no, I don't regret that, I am so happy that we got to have two children that we so very much wanted (wanted to have more but that isn't in God's plan). I am blessed to be able to spend time volunteering at the school and taking care of the home.

So please whoever gets pissy about this, just let it be...

 

[DVCLiz]

so now youre accusing people of having husbands who dont care about their family and saying we're bad parents?
i hope you have a hat on, i would bet it gets cold on that horse.

No, I don't think that's what I said. In fact I believe I specifcally said I did not know what your relationship with your husband was like, and how he would handle it. I said if MY husband let our children and me actually be in that position I would be very unhappy and I would have to wonder what his priorities were.

And except in very specific circumstances that I'm not aware of locally, most people who are called for jury duty are expected to find childcare for their young children. I gave the OP three options because I thought she was seriously asking what her choices were. If she finds them all unacceptable, then I hope she's in one of those rare situations where the court system will excuse her. If not, I hope she finds a solution she is ultimately happy with and that she lets us know what it was.

 

[happymommy]

But that is exactly my point, happymommy. The law system DOES NOT accept your opinion about the use of childcare as an excuse. I know you would like them to, but they don't. And they won't. No one on this thread has reported any courtroom experience where small children were welcomed into the jury room and able to stay for the duration of the selection process.

This thread should have nothing to do with being a SAHM or a WOHM. But all the stay at home moms I know have a basic understanding of the need for backup childcare. And the OP has two children - one in school and one in preschool - so she is bound to have some other mothers in the school community who could be of help to her.

Actually, when they called me about jury duty, I was excused. Because I had small children. They DID excuse me. I just don't want to go through that again, since my DH now works a lot (to defend our country). And my point was - if they were going to make me show up, I'd just show up with my kids - of course I'd leave then thank you very much (baby nursing and all). The first lady was so nasty...

For jury duty in Maryland, you have to be available from well before school starts until about 6pm.

I don't know about many folks that would want to take care of another's baby until then?