OT - SAHMs and jury duty

[allison443]

**I actually enjoyed the experience. I wouldn't want to serve on a jury often, but every now and then wouldn't be too bad.

Actually I did vent about jury duty, but I did get to read a couple of books (it was a lot of sitting around-I wasn't picked for a trial) and I had a nice quiet lunch by myself. It was relaxing once the arrangements were made! Sadly that is what my life has come to...

 

[soulbazooka]

or that on Day One they realize they don't want me in the jury pool.

What in the world am I going to do?

Actually, you touched on another important strategy: ways to make yourself "unattractive" to either the prosecution or defense council.

I've been called three times. Twice, a full jury was seated before they got to me. The other time I was brought up with a panel for review. For whatever reason, the DA seemed to really get annoyed when was asking me questions about my occupation in (I don't do anything particularly provocative, I just think he couldn't relate to what a "research and development executive" does). So no way did he want me (thank you!!!)

I guess the moral is if you get to the interview stage, pay attention to the facial expressions of each attorney as they interview other potential jurors. In particular, watch for frowning/squinting and when it appears note what the interviewee is doing/saying to cause it. When they get to you. mimic as required!

 

[NotUrsula]

Lots of large daycare centers will take drop-ins for short periods in cases like this, if they have space. Infants you are usually out of luck because those spaces are so scarce, but for preschool-aged kids they often have the room.
So if all else fails, try your local Kindercare or Children's World. It won't be cheap (probably about $400 for the week with two kids), but it beats a citation for Contempt of Court.

 

[LisaNJ25]

I would sent the form bck explaining you are home with the kids. I got called 2 years ago and was able to get off. NJ here also. Hubby got off years ago when we were first married since his job would not compensate for the day. Personally I would rather pay the fine that go to jury duty.

 

[Camno's Mama]

OP here.

I do know it is my duty to make my "contribution to the administration of justice." (That's what they called it.) And kacaju - I was called into Trenton also, but as a "petit" juror, not a grand juror. Does that mean they're calling me skinny?!

But I digress - I actually think it might be interesting to serve on a jury. Eye opening, at the very least. But I just have no idea what I'm going to do with my kids for that week. One or two days I could probably ask for help. But a whole week?! Yikes! I just don't have that many people I can fall on here.

Here's hoping that either my batch of jurors gets called off, or that on Day One they realize they don't want me in the jury pool.

What in the world am I going to do?

I totally sympathize with you. I know that, at some point, I will get it. And I stay home with my two and my friend's two kids. Between the four, they go to three different schools. It would be extremely hard to come up with something.

I'm a little surprised at some people's tones. It's hard for people with young children to get jury duty, whether we work or stay at home. For some of us, if our husbands took vacation days, we would lose money on vacations that we had put money down on that those days were to be used for. Spending 400 on day care isn't an option for some people. Others don't have family in the area to help out, or don't know many or any of the parents in their area. Not everyone has a fabulous support system in place!

To the op...it'll work out. I served on a jury a while back (actually as an alternate) and it was interesting. I'm pretty fascinated with the whole process...I hope that my slip comes in a mail in a few years though.

 

[wrighter]

Thanks, everyone, for your thoughts and suggestions here. It's nice to be able to vent to others who understand. (Well, at least those who don't misinterpret my tone.)

My DH travels for work every week - I'm basically a single mom Monday through Friday - and for him to not work is HUGE. (I tell him all the time that the firm won't fall apart without him, but for some reason he doesn't agree.) I'm sure some of you can empathize, right? I actually begin to chuckle when I think of his face if I said, "I got called for Jury Duty, so you need to take off of work."

I understand everyone's situation is different, but to those who would (mis) judge me on this one, I only ask that you walk a mile in my shoes before you label me a whining copout. Perhaps that is the one flaw with online "conversations," - You can't see someone smirking or laughing or just plain throwing their hands up in the air.

I'm going to try the honesty route on this one - and send in my form stating that I am a primary caregiver with no alternative care. If they tell me I'm cuckoo, then I'll roll with it from there. And even though I think it would be an interesting look at our judicial system, you can bet I will give those attorneys a run for their money during jury selection.

 

[famofsix]

you can do what my dad does...he brings the huge Family Bible with him and he has never been chosen

I would try to get a friend to help and hope they don't pick you.

 

[wrighter]

OMG - That is hysterical!

Thanks for the suggestion!

 

[KTMEMOMMY]

I'm really shocked that some people are that cavalier about thinking one can just drop their kids off anywhere and "find" care . If I had to start sending my 3 and 5 year olds to a random drop off daycare that they didn't know or I didn't know, that would be a major problem for me and them. And "having a friend" do it is not as easy as it sounds....I have plenty of classmates of my children that I am friendly with, but none on whom I would impose like that. And just because your kid might go to school with someone doesn't mean they play on their soccer team, etc.

I have been called a few times and have been fortunate that I was able to defer for two years each time. The first time, my dd was an infant and I was working- her caregiver and the court where in opposite parts of the county and I could never have managed to get her dropped off and get to the court on time, nor could I have picked her up on time if I had had to serve. The next time, I was the SAHM mom of a 1 and 3 year old with no childcare,no family in the area to pick up the slack, and the next time, SAHM to a 3 and 5 year old. Again, I explained the situation and was excused for 2 more years.

I don't think that it is easy for any mom, but now that I am a working mom, I know it would be easier...I have options since my kids do have caregivers, and before and after care options at school, that I didn't have when my kids where younger and at home with me and me alone.

My plan, if I had had to go, was that I would bring the kids with me...since I had no childcare I had no place else to leave them, and I figured that would illustrate the point!

Good luck.

 

[imthatgirl]

I'm really shocked that some people are that cavalier about thinking one can just drop their kids off anywhere and "find" care . If I had to start sending my 3 and 5 year olds to a random drop off daycare that they didn't know or I didn't know, that would be a major problem for me and them. And "having a friend" do it is not as easy as it sounds....I have plenty of classmates of my children that I am friendly with, but none on whom I would impose like that. And just because your kid might go to school with someone doesn't mean they play on their soccer team, etc.

I have been called a few times and have been fortunate that I was able to defer for two years each time. The first time, my dd was an infant and I was working- her caregiver and the court where in opposite parts of the county and I could never have managed to get her dropped off and get to the court on time, nor could I have picked her up on time if I had had to serve. The next time, I was the SAHM mom of a 1 and 3 year old with no childcare,no family in the area to pick up the slack, and the next time, SAHM to a 3 and 5 year old. Again, I explained the situation and was excused for 2 more years.

I don't think that it is easy for any mom, but now that I am a working mom, I know it would be easier...I have options since my kids do have caregivers, and before and after care options at school, that I didn't have when my kids where younger and at home with me and me alone.

My plan, if I had had to go, was that I would bring the kids with me...since I had no childcare I had no place else to leave them, and I figured that would illustrate the point!

Good luck.

ITA i am a SAHM and have never used daycare and would NEVER just drop my kid off at one. i would assume finding a daycare is time comsuming and doesnt happen in an afternoon.

i would have no option. my husband cant just take off time. sure i have friends, but they all work.

it really just isnt possible for everyone.

 

[DVCLiz]

Whether or not you like any of the alternatives, here are the facts.

YOU HAVE JURY DUTY. Being a SAHM in your state is apparantly not a valid reason to be excused. So, what in the world ARE you going to do?

You are going to have to find some acceptable care for your children while you go to jury duty, if you are actually called. I don't understand why people are getting so riled up and talking about how difficult it is - of course it is difficult. If it weren't the OP would already know which easy solution she was going to use.

If the choice is to find care for your children or be tracked down by the sheriff (which is what happens in our county) you better believe you will find some care. Whether your husband travels or not is beside the point. You two are the parents and you are going to have to figure out how and who will care for your children.

Figure out your best option and make it happen. If you have to advertise for a babysitter and have her come a few times to get to know you and the children, so be it. If you have to call someone in your child's class and say, "I don't really know you that well but I am in a big bind and I wonder if you have any daytime sitters you could recommend", then do it.

Part of parenting is planning for emergencies. This kind of thing will come up again more than once - you need to put a backup plan in place. if you have time to plan it so that you are comfortable with your choice, then you will feel better if you actually have to use it.

I would be telling my husband to clear his schedule, whether I thought he would laugh or not. He's a parent of these children, too.

 

[DVCLiz]

ITA i am a SAHM and have never used daycare and would NEVER just drop my kid off at one. i would assume finding a daycare is time comsuming and doesnt happen in an afternoon.

i would have no option. my husband cant just take off time. sure i have friends, but they all work.

it really just isnt possible for everyone.

The issue is, try telling that to the judge. If the judge has said lack of childcare is NOT an acceptable reason to miss jury duty, then you have to find care. It's that simple. Whether it's last minute, random stranger drop off childcare that makes you uncomfortable or well planned, carefully selected sitters who know you and love your children is up to you as the parent.

But you can't just say to a judge, "Sorry, it just really isn't possible", if the court has said otherwise. No matter what you might think about it.

 

[imthatgirl]

The issue is, try telling that to the judge. If the judge has said lack of childcare is NOT an acceptable reason to miss jury duty, then you have to find care. It's that simple. Whether it's last minute, random stranger drop off childcare that makes you uncomfortable or well planned, carefully selected sitters who know you and love your children is up to you as the parent.

But you can't just say to a judge, "Sorry, it just really isn't possible", if the court has said otherwise. No matter what you might think about it.

like the PP, i would have no choice but to just bring them with me.

 

[GJM]

I agree - it takes more than an afternoon to find a daycare! When I was looking for a daycare for my DS, we looked at many and took awhile to find one. My daycare did do drop off when my DS was older but only because he went there before.

If I got called now for jury duty I don't know what I would do, DH is deployed and I don't have any family here.

I like how someone mention to take your kids with you, maybe they should provide a daycare at the court for parents that don't have any other options.

 

[DVCLiz]

like the PP, i would have no choice but to just bring them with me.

But the judge has said having no care is not an option. So what would you do when you showed up at the courthouse and were told you had to stay and you could not have your children with you? Would you just sit down in the middle of the lobby and wait until the day ended? What would you do if the judge cited you for contempt and put you in jail???

Honestly, sometimes you have to MAKE A PLAN, even if it is not the most wonderful option in the world. I'm not sure what people are having such a hard time understanding. To a judge, the fact that someone might not "feel comfortable" with a care option isn't relevant. If there is childcare available in your community, the judge is going to expect you to use it.

Personally, if I were in that situation and my husband was so unsupportive as to take the risk that I (and our children) might end up cited for contempt, I would seriously question whether I wanted to be married to him.

 

[imthatgirl]

But the judge has said having no care is not an option. So what would you do when you showed up at the courthouse and were told you had to stay and you could not have your children with you? Would you just sit down in the middle of the lobby and wait until the day ended? What would you do if the judge cited you for contempt and put you in jail???

Honestly, sometimes you have to MAKE A PLAN, even if it is not the most wonderful option in the world. I'm not sure what people are having such a hard time understanding. To a judge, the fact that someone might not "feel comfortable" with a care option isn't relevant. If there is childcare available in your community, the judge is going to expect you to use it.

Personally, if I were in that situation and my husband was so unsupportive as to take the risk that I (and our children) might end up cited for contempt, I would seriously question whether I wanted to be married to him.

youre kidding right? youre saying my husband doesnt care about his family. my husband works 2 jobs ,7 days a week, 9 shifts, and no he doesnt have the option to just take a day off. he doesnt work in that kind of job. thats why i stay home. not everyone has these perfect little 9-5 jobs. the only full day my husband gets off everyyear is xmas.
not to mention a daycare would never take a drop off. whoever said that is way off base. there are all kinds of things they need from each family before they would take over care of a child. there are way too many risks involved with them just taking care of random children.

luckily i cant sit on a jury. ive been called twice, and as soon as i tell them what my husband does im excused. but i do feel for other women.


btw...there is onsite childcare in almost every courtroom across the state. they wont tell you about it. its not really for you, but its there. bringing my children would not result in my being arrested. thats quite laughable.

 

[momx2]

I don't know who else to ask - so I turn to you, my fellow DISers, to see if any of you have some sage advice.

I received a notice for jury duty today. It is a one week duty, in early November. I have one DS5 in kindergarten, and one DD3 who is in preschool two mornings per week. DS5 also has soccer practice, DD has dance class, etc. As any of you SAHM can attest, I am a full time chauffer as well as caregiver. But can this count as a "hardship?" I do not have family nearby who can help out that much.

Anyone else ever been in this situation before? I'm not sure what to do. I don't even know where I would begin to find that kind of coverage for both of my kids for a week.

Any thoughts here? TIA.

I don't know about NJ, but here in KY it is not and should not be. You are very lucky it is only one week. Most places are a month or more. It is your duty to serve. It is not easy for most people to serve. Very few people just sit around all day doing nothing. I'm not trying to flame you, but this is the second thread on this very thing in about a month and I don't think people realize how important this service is. Your service is the only way our justice system can move forward. Just try to rearrange your schedule for one week. I always feel more sorry for the poor people who won't get paid while serving. They are just out of luck and money since KY only pays jurors $12.50 per day.

 

[GJM]

I have to say I have never heard of jury duty for a month! That is crazy, what if you didn't get paid from your job how would you pay your bills and how can a company go a month without their employee.

 

[kcromley]

if the state really wanted primary caregivers to serve on juries, it would reimburse dependant care expenses. It does actually reimburse such expenses for witnesses called on behalf of the state in criminal cases. I sympathize with you, OP, and wish you luck. I had to bring my young child to court and I did get ushered in and out very quickly.

 

[imthatgirl]

if the state really wanted primary caregivers to serve on juries, it would reimburse dependant care expenses. It does actually reimburse such expenses for witnesses called on behalf of the state in criminal cases. I sympathize with you, OP, and wish you luck. I had to bring my young child to court and I did get ushered in and out very quickly.

wow, you mean you werent put in jail? amazing!