OT - SAHMs and jury duty

[imthatgirl]

No, I don't think that's what I said. In fact I believe I specifcally said I did not know what your relationship with your husband was like, and how he would handle it. I said if MY husband let our children and me actually be in that position I would be very unhappy and I would have to wonder what his priorities were.

And except in very specific circumstances that I'm not aware of locally, most people who are called for jury duty are expected to find childcare for their young children. I gave the OP three options because I thought she was seriously asking what her choices were. If she finds them all unacceptable, then I hope she's in one of those rare situations where the court system will excuse her. If not, I hope she finds a solution she is ultimately happy with and that she lets us know what it was.

dont insult the people on this board, its exactly what you said, we can read.

you gave her 3 choices and if she finds then unacceptable im fairly certain that none of this is up to you.

 

[Schmeck]

When I am sent Jury Duty, i just call and let them know I am the primary care provider for my children, there is noone else to watch them and they take me off the list. That easy.

Hopefully you'll never need a jury in court to prove you innocent of something, because they may all claim not to have anyone at all to watch their kids. What would you do if you had to be hospitalized? Who would watch your kids then?

We are so lucky to live in a country where there is jury trial by peers. It's a shame some people see it as a burden, or feel they don't have to do it.

 

[happymommy]

Hopefully you'll never need a jury in court to prove you innocent of something, because they may all claim not to have anyone at all to watch their kids. What would you do if you had to be hospitalized? Who would watch your kids then?

We are so lucky to live in a country where there is jury trial by peers. It's a shame some people see it as a burden, or feel they don't have to do it.

I DID have to be hospitalized - for two months while expecting my second child (and one month while expecting my first).

Please don't equate that with needing to serve jury duty.

I had to have my mom fly in to take care of me and my son (as well as the nurses that came daily).

To do more would have burdened my family beyond their duty. My husband already served his country as a Marine - I did my part.

Some of us don't use daycare or sitters - or sadly our inlaws won't help.

And in our area of the country, you are expected to be there from 8 am until about 5 pm. When I got called my son was in preschool from 9am till 11:30am.?? And that was a distance from our house.

Guess I could call in the Marines???

 

[Schmeck]

It can be a burden when you have a preschooler (which I don't anymore) and they expect you to be in town (like Rockville) until at least 6 pm. And your child gets out of school at 11:30. And you have no one to help and your husband is out because he defends his country. And your kid has ADHD and allergies. When I had to be hospitalized for TWO MONTHS my mom had to fly in and help take care of me and my son. That was an emergency! For Gosh sakes, jury duty isn't.

It's no more of a burden than any other situation where you have to change your daily responsibilities though. If I had jury duty during the school year, I'd have to make sure all of my special needs students had substitute lesson plans for the person that had to fill in for me, I'd still have to arrange transportation for my own kids to school and to and from afterschool activities, etc. Pretty much everyone who gets called up for jury duty has a day full of responsiblities, not just mothers with little kids. I'm amazed at how some moms think no one else can do what they do each day...

 

[a1tinkfans]

If it is FREAKING you out, I say call them, explain you are Primary caregiver with No family around to help out your young children. You just never know.

I am in NY and was a SAHM with a "medical" issue child. I was told by just about EVERYONE, no way, they want you anyway but I called, they asked me some q's and then said to reply in writing, I did. I was then Postponed.

Got contacted again, I think like 6 mos later and just decided it was not worth trying to postpone again. At the time I had No family nearby and in addition to medical issue with the child had VERY serious (life threatening) family medical issues as well....what a time!
It took some serious "finagling" (excuse the spelling) to make arrangements Just in Case....
I was on "phone stand by" for 3 days, each day getting pushed over, on 4th day they said, SERVICE no longer needed and I would be CREDITED with time served, WOoHoo!
So, guess lesson learned is YA JUST NEVER KNOW.
Try and make some arrangements NOW and then make the call too.
Good Luck to You!!

 

[happymommy]

I'm sorry - I missed your sarcasm. It seemed to me that you were just reiterating the viewpoint that the court system SHOULD amend itself according to your opinion. If you were being sarcastic, I missed it.

Is your husband in the courtroom much? If so, does he have any experience with parents using care of small children as a valid reason to get out of jury duty??

No, he no longer does court litigation. Did some - it wasn't the best for him. Much preferred legal assistance.

It's not that we use our kids as a valid excuse, it's just that I never had a babysitter. Ever. We liked it that way. In an emergency (which was bad) my mom flew in and lived with us. Oh how I want that again (sarcasm). But my DD was in danger.

 

[happymommy]

It's no more of a burden than any other situation where you have to change your daily responsibilities though. If I had jury duty during the school year, I'd have to make sure all of my special needs students had substitute lesson plans for the person that had to fill in for me, I'd still have to arrange transportation for my own kids to school and to and from afterschool activities, etc. Pretty much everyone who gets called up for jury duty has a day for of responsiblities, not just mothers with little kids. I'm amazed at how some moms think no one else can do what they do each day...

It is different when they want you available until 5 or so pm, and you would have another 1 or 2 hours in traffic to get home. And you have never used a babysitter. And your kids maybe are only in preschool or one breastfeeding. It's not that no one can do what I was doing, but I had a son with multiple allergies and a nursing baby. My inlaws even didn't understand his allergies - fed him some dairy and I think finally got it when he had an awful reaction in front of them. He's been hospitalized from it. So it's not that we are thinking that no one can do what we can, it's that sometimes we have no option.

 

[DVCLiz]

No, he no longer does court litigation. Did some - it wasn't the best for him. Much preferred legal assistance.

It's not that we use our kids as a valid excuse, it's just that I never had a babysitter. Ever. We liked it that way. In an emergency (which was bad) my mom flew in and lived with us. Oh how I want that again (sarcasm). But my DD was in danger.

happymommy, believe me, I am not questioning your personal decisons. I am just discussing what I understand to be the truth about this issue - that most courts won't accept the excuse of no child care. If you get a chance to find out the facts about your court system, it would be interesting to hear their views. Otherwise, it's all just discussion - my youngest is almost 15 and I don't have a childcare issue anymore.

 

[momx2]

Sorry but I disagree.

My kids are older now, but when they were little, I did not leave them with anyone but me and my husband.

I am not alone, and don't feel like I should apologize for this.

My kids had medical issues when very young.

No, jury duty doesn't sneak up on you. They give you a week or so.

I don't think we should be so quick to judge. My husband used to get home at 4pm (when he was defending our country and we lived on the Marine Corps base). Now he rarely can make it home before 8 or 9. He is still defending our country, but not active duty. So, I would have no one to assist me if I got called. Some folks use babysitters frequently, some either can't or don't. It is so silly to think that everyone uses daycare or babysitters - I almost never did. And no, I don't regret that, I am so happy that we got to have two children that we so very much wanted (wanted to have more but that isn't in God's plan). I am blessed to be able to spend time volunteering at the school and taking care of the home.

So please whoever gets pissy about this, just let it be...

I also wanted my children, why this is brought up in a jury duty thread is beyond me. My youngest also had the same issues, now better. I had sitters that when needed knew how to tend to these issues. I only hire a sitter for DH and me time about 1x a year, sometimes not even that, but I had sitters I could trust.

Normally for jury duty you have about a month to prepare. I bet just about anyone could find suitable people to watch their children in that length of time. I will say it again.....the people who serve, moms and dads, and don't get paid are the ones I feel sorry for, not the moms who don't WANT to leave their children a few days (unless there is a life threatening situation). That decision is a choice, not an absolute need.

Most judges don't and shouldn't excuse just because you have children at home. I hope you never need a jury to help you in any way. These are normally the most serious moments in a person's life. Yes, there are accused criminals (not all are guilty), but there are also parents who have had their children die by possible neglect or malfeasance and you may have decide if someone is or isn't liable......I don't know why I am typing all of this, it is probably no use and you probably don't care.

 

[Schmeck]

It is different when they want you available until 5 or so pm, and you would have another 1 or 2 hours in traffic to get home. And you have never used a babysitter. And your kids maybe are only in preschool or one breastfeeding. It's not that no one can do what I was doing, but I had a son with multiple allergies and a nursing baby. My inlaws even didn't understand his allergies - fed him some dairy and I think finally got it when he had an awful reaction in front of them. He's been hospitalized from it. So it's not that we are thinking that no one can do what we can, it's that sometimes we have no option.

breastfeeding - well, if they'd have to stop the trail so you could go pump, that would be inconvenient, and probably something they'd excuse you for. For an child with allergies, try a home health care service, as they should have nurses available for duty.

Never having used a babysitter is not a valid excuse.

 

[Colinsmom]

breastfeeding - well, if they'd have to stop the trail so you could go pump, that would be inconvenient, and probably something they'd excuse you for.

Not necessarily. They could argue that you can just pump as needed during breaks. However, some states (Illinois, maybe others) have laws that defer jury service for breastfeeding moms. I simply sent a letter to the court saying that I was breastfeeding and my service was deferred.

Having small children does NOT always automatically get you a deferral for service or excused from a jury (ask the SAHM with two VERY young children who was on my jury last May). Sometimes, however, it will.

 

[momx2]

Not necessarily. They could argue that you can just pump as needed during breaks. However, some states (Illinois, maybe others) have laws that defer jury service for breastfeeding moms. I simply sent a letter to the court saying that I was breastfeeding and my service was deferred.

Having small children does NOT always automatically get you a deferral for service or excused from a jury (ask the SAHM with two VERY young children who was on my jury last May). Sometimes, however, it will.

KY also recently passed a law allowing a deferral for breastfeeding women.

 

[Mickey'snewestfan]

My DH travels for work every week - I'm basically a single mom Monday through Friday - and for him to not work is HUGE. (I tell him all the time that the firm won't fall apart without him, but for some reason he doesn't agree.) I'm sure some of you can empathize, right? I actually begin to chuckle when I think of his face if I said, "I got called for Jury Duty, so you need to take off of work."
:

I'm not judging you, and I understand that it's hard for you to have time off, but I want to offer another perspective.

I am a real single mom (which is a very different thing from someone who has the support, love and income of someone else even if they happen to be out of town). The job I do is just as important as the job your husband does, and yet I take off for parent teacher conferences, sick children, etc . . . If anything my income is more important than your husband's because it provides everything his income does plus pays for all the things you do during the day to be done for my child.

And I don't get out of jury duty. I do it because it's my duty, and because I can't really afford to go to jail for contempt of court. If SAHM's get out of jury duty then people like me get called more.

I'm sorry that your husband doesn't realize that doing jury duty is your responsibility as an American, and that taking care of his own children is yours. Jury duty can usually be rescheduled for a date of your choosing -- tell him to look over the calendar, pick a week and request leave. It's what the rest of us do when we're called.

 

[mjantz]

It's no more of a burden than any other situation where you have to change your daily responsibilities though. If I had jury duty during the school year, I'd have to make sure all of my special needs students had substitute lesson plans for the person that had to fill in for me, I'd still have to arrange transportation for my own kids to school and to and from afterschool activities, etc. Pretty much everyone who gets called up for jury duty has a day full of responsiblities, not just mothers with little kids. I'm amazed at how some moms think no one else can do what they do each day...

Good point. I was called for Jury Duty twice over the summer (county & city courts). TX has an exception for parents of children under 10YO so I was excused. (I have school-age kids) However, I had already talked to my mom about sending the kids up to her (she's a teacher so summers free) & had looked into seeing if my MIL or SIL could come down if we got into the time my mom would have to go back to work.

What I've found, in general, is that if you're not a person who abuses your friends & expect them to be at your beck & call to take care of your kids, they're usually more than willing to help. We've had a few situations over the past several years where we've needed help.(No family in the area) And every time, help has been given. I've also given help as needed because I know how it feels to need someone to pick up your kids & care for them at your home or drop them off in the AM or whatever.

Bottom line is that if you end up needing help, I'm sure you can find it.

 

[Mickey'snewestfan]

if the state really wanted primary caregivers to serve on juries, it would reimburse dependant care expenses. It does actually reimburse such expenses for witnesses called on behalf of the state in criminal cases. I sympathize with you, OP, and wish you luck. I had to bring my young child to court and I did get ushered in and out very quickly.

Here they have a daycare center attached to the court that your kids can attend.

Having said that, I'm not sure why a SAHP would get reimbursed for childcare, when an hourly employee doesn't get reimbursed for missed wages.

 

[NotUrsula]

btw...there is onsite childcare in almost every courtroom across the state. they wont tell you about it. its not really for you, but its there. bringing my children would not result in my being arrested. thats quite laughable.
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Not in KY. I'm work in the third largest city in KY and there is no childcare. I know of none in our state, maybe NJ, I don't know. You might not be arrested if you bring your children, but you may be held in contempt and fined or jailed at a contempt hearing at a later date. If you just don't show up the sheriff may come looking for you at home with a one way ticket, in the back of his car, to the Judge to explain why you chose to not even try to find childcare.

None here in MO, either, and yes, I'm absolutely sure of that. Here the notice comes 3 months in advance of your service days, and says in very large print that all jurors must make individual arrangements for the care of minor children for the days that they must serve. It further states that young children are NOT allowed in the Jury Room, and that bringing them with you is Contempt of Court, which carries a $200 fine for each day that you are in contempt. If you cannot pay the fine you get jail time. I get called a lot, and I've seen DFS officers remove children from the Jury Room. My understanding is that they take them to a DFS office (in the same building) and call whatever number you give as an emergency contact when you are taken out to answer the contempt citation. If no one can come within a few hours, the children are remanded to temporary foster care, and then you get to talk to another judge at another hearing to get them back.

It's a lot of things, but it's not laughable. They WILL do it if you defy them.
If you ask politely for a deferral you will get one, however. (Only one, though. You have to serve at the time you offered as an alternative.)

I find that most people who don't deal with the Court system on a frequent basis have no notion of the power that most judges have when it comes to behaviour in their courtrooms. They are well-nigh omnipotent, and they are well aware of it. Protesting is absolutely futile, and the more you do it, the more determined the judge will be to make an example of you and nail your hide to the barn door. A colleague of DH once missed the birth of one of his children because he protested when the judge refused to grant a continuance when his wife was in labor -- he not only didn't get his continuance but got a 24 hr. contempt sentence for unwisely mouthing off to the judge.

 

[Traveliz]

happymommy, believe me, I am not questioning your personal decisons. I am just discussing what I understand to be the truth about this issue - that most courts won't accept the excuse of no child care. If you get a chance to find out the facts about your court system, it would be interesting to hear their views. Otherwise, it's all just discussion - my youngest is almost 15 and I don't have a childcare issue anymore.

I think it just varies by where you live - where I live they send a form and you are to write out why you want to be excused (if you do). Send it back in and then you get a confirmation back in a few days.

I have been called what seems like a zillion times over the years. I did it once - the first day of kindergarten for my only child and missed taking her.
At that particular time she was the only child I was caring for and I made arrangements with another kindergarten mom to take her. It was sad to miss that day though.

Since then whenever I have been called I have been providing home daycare for about three children. On my sheet I write that I am the primary caregiver during the day for children these ages and list their parent's occupations and I have been excused each time. I do this immediately upon receiving the form.


My dad was called at one time and although he would have liked to do it he was having trouble with getting the medicine right for the timing of restroom breaks...you know the same as that Detrol commercial....and he was excused so they wouldn't have to deal with that in the courtroom.

My daughter got called almost immediately after turning 18 and sent the form back in saying she was a college student and she was also excused.

My husband (who loves to be called) has only been called twice and works in a large corporation that will pay their employees while they do jury duty and is supportive ... he even got to do federal court once.

Liz

 

[momx2]

I think it just varies by where you live - where I live they send a form and you are to write out why you want to be excused (if you do). Send it back in and then you get a confirmation back in a few days.
My daughter got called almost immediately after turning 18 and sent the form back in saying she was a college student and she was also excused.
Liz

Yes, it depends. I live in a big college town. The college students, nor professors get excused. If the professor gives the student a hard time then the judge will call the professor to explain the importance of jury service and that usually solves the problem real quick.

 

[Karlzmom]

while the summons is an inconvenience to you, please consider what the jury pool would be if everyone who "had a really good reason" was able to skip out. I can't even come up with a person who doesn't have something in their life that is interrupted by needing to serve.
If possible, consider if you had a case, be it civil or criminal- would you want a jury of productive citizens? How about people who are educated and have some work experience? Maybe some moms? Homeowners? The truth is, most people would expect a jury of the community as a whole, not merely the unemployed, the retired, or the disabled. To make that happen, we all need to take the time to give time. There are others in our country who are giving far more to protect our way of life. They have given you plenty of time to make arrangements and count it as performing your civic duty.

 

[allison443]

not to mention a daycare would never take a drop off. whoever said that is way off base. there are all kinds of things they need from each family before they would take over care of a child. there are way too many risks involved with them just taking care of random children.

"Drop off daycare", as I understand it, means you sign up and register your child, give the daycare place all the necessary information, and then you are able to just use and pay for the daycare as needed, like for jury duty or another situation.
As opposed to regularly using the daycare while you work.
It doesn't mean you just go and drop off your kid there one day.