OT Need advice in Kindergarten for dd who misses cut off.

[belle&beast]

OP, I feel for you, we struggled with this decision last year, and decided to wait. DD's birthday is July 24 and the cutoff is August 1. I am a speech therapist in preschools, so I had lots of professionals to consult. The one thing that helped us the most was a friend of mine said that you will never hurt a child by waiting a year, but you could hurt them by starting too soon.

I was really young in my class and the early years were not a problem, it was junior high when everyone was developing and I was not. Then in high school everyone was starting to drive and I couldn't even take driver's ed with my class and my dad had a no dating until you're 16 policy and I turned 16 my junior year. I started college at 17 and didn't turn 21 until my senior year.

Only you know your child, but this is our experience. My DD was ready academically, but was more reserved and tended to be more of a follower with friends. Now, she is thriving in preschool and her teacher thinks the extra time has given her more confidence. I don't consider it "holding her back" because it really was just waiting until she is ready.

 

[rt2dz]

Getting everyone's input is great (I'm especially interested, as you will see), but it does depend on the child. Case in point, my sister has an Oct. 21 b-day, cut-off date was Nov. 1. My mother sent her and swears it was a HUGE mistake. My brother has a Sept. 23 b-day, cut off date was moved to Oct. 1. My mother sent him and swears it was the smartest thing she could have ever done. And people say it is more important to leave boys behind.

DS#3 has a Sept. 1 b-day and cut-off date is Sept. 1. I'm not sure if I should send him or not. There are pros and cons on both sides. Yes, they have to wait an extra school year to drive (both a pro & a con), but they still get their license on the same b-day (16). Yes, they're going off to college a little earlier, but they get to finish school up a year younger too. To me, I think it is all about analyzing each individual child when it comes up--and being sure to look to the future too.

Having said all that, I would not consider, under any circumstances, sending a child two months (or even 2 weeks) past the deadline date. So many kids who can go are held back an extra year that you'll have 7 year olds (just turned at the end of the year or started a year late & still held back) in kindergarten. Do you want your 4 year old hanging out with 7 year olds? Even if it is more at the 7 yo and 10 yo level? That will be your child's peer group by default.

 

[ilovejack02]

My husbands ex wife and i have discussed this recently at length. She is in college right now and wants to be a guidance counselor when she grows up I think she is a psych. major but not sure, i know she has taken child psych classes
I have a 4 yr old who will be 5 on Aug 6 and cut off for school is mid Sept. Ex. asked where he would be going to Kindergarten and I told her that he is going to a half day kindergarten and then possibly on to full day kindergarten the next yr OR too first grade depending on how he does that yr. He is doing well in pre k and learning alot and gets along great with the kiddies also behaves pretty good. He doesnt not like to complete his paperwork they give him, and my cousin who is a kindergarten teacher said that is just a maturity thing and he will grow out of it. I can still tell he is got a bit of growing up to do before he will really excel in real life school. No way in heck he will be able to handle full day kindergarten next yr.
My DH's ex told me I was making a big mistake by doing that. I should send him to full day kindergarten because what if he failed at some point, then he would be two yrs older than the other kids and thats a horrible thing to do to a child . HELLO who send their kid to school with the thought that they may fail at some point. All i can say is Please God dont let her be a guidance counselor she will screw some parents and kids up.
Oh and she also told me how horrible children do that attend Montessori schools later in life... Ive also thrown around putting him in Montessori school.
To the OP, it cant hurt keeping her home another year, but it might hurt by sending her early. They are only young once is my thought, why push them to grow up. Plus, that book i mentioned earlier, really helped me with my decision on keeping him out of full day kindergarten for next year.
Good luck!

 

[momofbgtwins]

What a timely thread! Anyone have experiences to relate regarding twins?

DH and I are trying to decide what is best for the kids - b/g twins...The cut-off in our school district is 12/31, and their birthday is mid-September. They have been in daycare since they were 4 months old. They are now in the pre-k room, and have lessons everyday. My DD is ahead of her brother in terms of intelligence (she wants to learn) and behavior. My DS would be happy to play all day - doesn't want to be bothered with letters or numbers or anything that might require him to concentrate for more than a few minutes. BUT they are very very close. We feel, and her teachers concur, that DD would do fine in kindergarten this fall. My DS would really benefit from the extra year. We won't separate them at this time. The true nursery or preschools in our area only offer 1/2 days, 3 or 5 days a week. I feel that won't be enough. They are already used to a full day learning environment. Our only option, at this point, is a transitional kindergarten program for 4 1/2 - 5 1/2 year olds. offered by a private entity. That will cost about $1,900 per month (September-June) for both of them: and they are looking for a committment from us NOW.

I know we have 7 more months for my son to possibly mature, but I think it would be more emotionally harmful for him if he is held back and she goes ahead without him.

Such hard decisions!

I know we have

 

[mjantz]

School cutoff here is September 1. DS is an August birthday & we decided practically the day he was born to not start him in K until he was 6YO. We decided that & its been an excellent decision. He's in a challenging charter school now & I think if he was a grade higher, he'd be really struggling right now. He is one of the tallest in his class but he seems to be doing fine.

DD OTOH, is also a summer birthday & we decided to start her in K at age 5. I talked to her preschool teachers & such about it, along with a few K teachers I knew & they all agreed she would be fine. And she really has been. We had a conference last week & she's doing incredible. My only concern is social/maturity but so far she has *no* problem making friends & getting along with others & seems to be just as mature as her peers.
I will tell you that when I student taught, we held back 3 students. All had done fine in K, but once they hit 1st grade & were expected to sit at a desk, stay on task & work independently, they were not mature enough to do it. As always, YMMV, but all 3 had summer birthdays.

 

[ilovejack02]

What a timely thread! Anyone have experiences to relate regarding twins?

DH and I are trying to decide what is best for the kids - b/g twins...The cut-off in our school district is 12/31, and their birthday is mid-September. They have been in daycare since they were 4 months old. They are now in the pre-k room, and have lessons everyday. My DD is ahead of her brother in terms of intelligence (she wants to learn) and behavior. My DS would be happy to play all day - doesn't want to be bothered with letters or numbers or anything that might require him to concentrate for more than a few minutes. BUT they are very very close. We feel, and her teachers concur, that DD would do fine in kindergarten this fall. My DS would really benefit from the extra year. We won't separate them at this time. The true nursery or preschools in our area only offer 1/2 days, 3 or 5 days a week. I feel that won't be enough. They are already used to a full day learning environment. Our only option, at this point, is a transitional kindergarten program for 4 1/2 - 5 1/2 year olds. offered by a private entity. That will cost about $1,900 per month (September-June) for both of them: and they are looking for a committment from us NOW.

I know we have 7 more months for my son to possibly mature, but I think it would be more emotionally harmful for him if he is held back and she goes ahead without him.

Such hard decisions!

I know we have

Gosh 1900 a month WHEW!!!!
I would go that route if I were you, but goodness that is expensive.

 

[Luv Bunnies]

Both of my sons have summer birthdays and we opted to hold them both until they were 6 instead of sending them as young 5 year olds.

My older son's kindergarten teacher summed it up well. She said the older kids always have the advantage in school. Those who start kindergarten when they're too young never really catch up and she feels that's one of the reasons that California schools have such low test scores (our cut-off date is Dec. 15 so we potentially have lots of 4 year olds starting kindergarten each year).

Some younger kids do fine, but I don't think there's any hurry to start them as soon as they're eligible. One of the best things we did for our younger son was to put him in a private jr. kindergarten program when he was 5. He was well-prepared for kindergarten when he started the next year. Remember that kindergarten is much more academic than it used to be. There are lot of expectation put on really little kids so I think it's best to do them the favor of waiting until they're truly ready for the challenge.

 

[rt2dz]

It just seems to me that this thread is actually very closely related to the address/phone number thread on the family board too; it has evolved. Anyone with questions on sending kids earlier might want to read it. It lists what kids are supposed to know before and at the end of K, which might give some parents an idea of their child's actual readiness.

Just a thought.

 

[stacy6552]

Dont push her ahead. Think of HS. There's something to be said for being the first to do stuff.....Find a good preK program.

 

[Del]

There is a reason for a cut off date. She may be ready academically but socially now and maybe later on.....? Enjoy the extra time with her.

Del

 

[brymolmom]

I have dd with Oct 21st b-day and cutoff here is Dec 1st - I have known from the start that I would be sending her as a 4 year old unless anything 'shows up' that would indicate she would have a problem with it. It is still my intent to send her.

I haven't read this entire thread (yet - will tonight after work) BUT...not sure if anyone has brought up this point. The only thing that worries me AT ALL about sending dd as a 4 year old is not the kids in her class with a handful of months difference in age....it is the handful of kids who will be a YEAR plus older than she is. Due to the fact that so many parents are opting to hold their kids an extra year if the bday is close to the cutoff that means there will be some/several/many (don't know yet) kids who turn SIX before she even turns 5, now that large a difference does scare me a bit.

Personally, I think the decision making should be taken out of it - they should set the cutoff and if the child is born before the cutoff date he/she attends, if they are born after he/she waits until the next year (unless obviously there is some problem that the child has that makes it not advisable to send the child with others his/her same age). At least that way all the kids in the class would be on a level playing field. Can you imagine being the teacher with 6 year old AND 4 year olds in the same classroom?

In my area, I am in the minority wanting to send dd 'on time' and not hold her back. Everyone I run into with kids with fall b-days are planning on holding their child back.

 

[taximomfor4]

I have dd with Oct 21st b-day and cutoff here is Dec 1st - I have known from the start that I would be sending her as a 4 year old unless anything 'shows up' that would indicate she would have a problem with it. It is still my intent to send her.

I haven't read this entire thread (yet - will tonight after work) BUT...not sure if anyone has brought up this point. The only thing that worries me AT ALL about sending dd as a 4 year old is not the kids in her class with a handful of months difference in age....it is the handful of kids who will be a YEAR plus older than she is. Due to the fact that so many parents are opting to hold their kids an extra year if the bday is close to the cutoff that means there will be some/several/many (don't know yet) kids who turn SIX before she even turns 5, now that large a difference does scare me a bit.

Personally, I think the decision making should be taken out of it - they should set the cutoff and if the child is born before the cutoff date he/she attends, if they are born after he/she waits until the next year (unless obviously there is some problem that the child has that makes it not advisable to send the child with others his/her same age). At least that way all the kids in the class would be on a level playing field. Can you imagine being the teacher with 6 year old AND 4 year olds in the same classroom?

In my area, I am in the minority wanting to send dd 'on time' and not hold her back. Everyone I run into with kids with fall b-days are planning on holding their child back.

I can only share my own experience with dd (now in 9th grade, and should graduate high school at 16). She is very, very active outside of school. Her school extracurriculars are chamber orchestra (by invtation + audition only), and Science Club. Other than that, she has always been kept more involved in things that involve a variety of ages. Dance for a few years, then gymnastics for a few yrs, then iceskating for a few years, now Irish Dance the past few years. We do the Irish Dance school's extra activities (they have summer camps, bowling parties, etc) when we can. So in the end, her friends span several different ages.

Her friends are getting almost to Drivers Ed age, and I don't foresee her having a cow or losing her self esteem over it. Heck, I didn't get a license till I was 19 1/2. Not EVERYONE drives right at 16. She is quite aware of rated R subjects, and we discuss them openly. She even "developed" right around when the other girls were. Is the situation perfect for her in school? Of course not. But for some kids, school never WILL be a perfect fit. She began at age 5 like she should have, so she could "be a kid" longer. But within several years, she was having terrible problems at school. All kinds of testing really opened our eyes, and the school's. We had to make some tough decisions, and everyone told us "Wait till she gets to Middle School. All the kids will DEVELOP faster, and she'll be miserable." Didn't happen. She wasn't miserable, at least not more miserable than she had been in 1st and 2nd grades before changing grades.

I do NOT recommend this course of action for every "advanced" kid, trust me. We KNEW dd was advanced, yet waited to start K. We only moved her grade levels because there was no better solution at the time. And all a parent can do is make the best decisions they can for their child, and plan on making more tough decisions as their kids grow.

Beth

 

[cancer_survivor_06]

My DD6 misses the cut off date here by 15 days. When she was 2 I enrolled her in a Private Montessori school. When she reached the age of Kindergarten she was not able to attend the schools in our area so she is currently in kindergarten now. Where we live kindergarten is not required and the school that has openned at our church is not up to kindergarten standards IMO. I recently had her tested at Sylvan Learning Center and she tested on a 1st grade level in math, and where she should be as far as reading goes, but could/should be better. As for communication she leveled at that of a 7yr old and a 7yr 9mth old.

 

[maxy mouse]

Wait until next year. DD is in kg this year. It is hard work these days.

 

[Aristomommy]

My older son's kindergarten teacher summed it up well. She said the older kids always have the advantage in school. Those who start kindergarten when they're too young never really catch up and she feels that's one of the reasons that California schools have such low test scores (our cut-off date is Dec. 15 so we potentially have lots of 4 year olds starting kindergarten each year).

Age has really nothing to do with academic advantage. Every child is different in their cognitive abilities and how fast they learn. DD started school early and has a Nov. birthday. She has a boy in her class that just turned 10 (DD is 8) and they are almost two years apart. One has no advantage vs. the other because of age and DD is not a student that brings the schools scores down lower.

Each child should be considered in the own inherent cognitive abilities and social development. Age cut off is a guideline in most school districts and they will consider younger children case by case basis. Younger children that are truly ready will help to raise a district's scores as they tend to learn at a fast pace and have been tested before entry to Kindergarten.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

Just thought I'd add my experience to this for what it's worth. When I was a kid they wanted to skip me 2 grades. My parents thought long and hard about it. We had a friend who was a very respected doctor who also was skipped and my Mom talked to him about it. He said that while it wa good academically it was terrible socially. Even at his young age he could not relate to people in his age group. His friends were all much older and it made it very difficult. He told my mom that he would never reccomend skipping a child. Now I must add that I was one of the youngest in school as I have a late October birthday. I don't think it really hurt me and academics were no problem. I do however have a child that misses the cutoff and I will not send her early. She is ready for school but I will send her to pre-school and let her be a little older (not that the ps will let her go to k anyway). There is more to it than a driver's license. Do you want your 16 year old socializing with 18 year olds? I know it doesn't sound like a huge thing, but at 18 in college the social challenges and decisions are much different than in say 2nd grade. Unfortunately there will be sex, drug, alcohol etc. I would prefer that my kids are old enough socially to make those decisions and I pray they make the right ones regardless. I know that kids are exposed to things at a young age these days, but keep in mind that your child will be that much younger. Also- going through school with no friends because you don't really fit in stinks. I am not saying this will happen as there are plenty of success stories, but overall I think it's a bad idea. JMHO.

 

[disneyfan6301]

I can speak to this as both a teacher and a parent in that situation.

As a teacher, girls do mature faster than boys and usually do well. But, think about the future...boys and dating specifically. I am a seventh/eighth grade teacher and can easily pick out students who just barely made our cut off date (Sept 30). We even had a parent ask us to consider retaining her child in 8th grade just because of his immaturity--his grades were fine. She was really concerned about him going to our rather large high school. The school district would not let us.

As a parent, my DS is an August 30 birthday. My mom was a 2nd grade teacher for 35 years and she told me very early that I did not need to start him. I am sooooo glad I listened to my mom. We waited an extra year and what a blessing it has been. He is in fourth grade and is doing great in school. I firmly believe that if I had started him a year earlier, he would have done okay, but would have had to work a lot harder than he does to keep all A's and B's.

Your daughter will probably do fine. But, she is going to be in school for a long time, especially if she ever wanted to be a doctor/lawyer/something that calls for extra college. And, school has changed quite a bit. As another poster said, today's Kindergarten is what use to be 1st grade, etc. We are teaching Algebra and Chemistry in the 8th grade now. Let her be a kid for another year.....they grow up way to fast as it is!

 

[belle&beast]

I posted earlier, but I have another tid-bit to add. I was talking with a child psychologist and he told me that social maturity is the biggest predictor of overall success in school. We were not talking about grades, but the way children are able to work with peers and teachers and feel good about themselves. We waited with DD, but she was not ready socially, and that extra year has given her so much more social independence. And by the way, she is more interested in academics- and is learning to read!

 

[brymolmom]

Okay - for those who have said 'it would never hurt to hold them back and wait a year, but it might hurt to send him/her'....what about this as a 'hurt' for holding them back - BOREDOM!

Think about it - if your child is really ready for it (not talking about anyone who has specific issues academically or soically that factor in) - won't you be hurting him/her by making them potentially bored for the first couple years of school and then, potentially, turning them 'off' to learning because they're so bored.

I have a friend who held back her Oct bday ds, and then on the Kindergarten form to fill out, she put as a concern 'That he won't be challenged to read at his level'. Now, come on, holding them back is a parent's decision - but you can't have your cake and eat it too. If you decide to hold your child back, know that he/she has basically had a WHOLE YEAR of extra schooling/learning (whether it be preschool, pre-K or just more learning/reading/practicing at home) - so chances are with most almost-6 year olds I know - they will already know almost all of the Kindergarten material presented. Keep in mind that at least here where the cutoff is Dec. 1st - Kindergarten classes are geared for and planned for almost 5 year olds and 5 year olds, NOT for 6 year olds or almost 6 year olds. So, that first year of your child's school will really be letting the other kids in his/her class 'catch up' to your child who has had a year more experience and learning. So if you decide to hold your child back, it is your decision - but you cannot then expect Kindergarten to be up to his/her learning level - the teacher is supposed to be teaching 4 and 5 year olds. The schools here don't offer advanced/enriched stuff until like 2nd or 3rd grade, so you might be waiting to challenge your child.

That's one of the reasons I think we shouldn't even have a choice - let all the kids in the class be the 'same' (or nearly so) age - Decide on a cutoff date (whenever that is) and if you're born before it - you go - born after - you wait until next year.

 

[crisi]

As I said before, for a bright child, they can be a bored six year old in first grade or a bored five year old in first grade. I was young for my class and bored out of my mind - starting early did no good in helping with the boredom. Moving them up will be a short term solution to providing a bright kid with challenges - they will catch up and surpass the kids in their class.

There are plenty of kids starting first grade reading at a third grade level. There are fifth graders reading at a high school level, and lots of junior high kids reading at a college level. I have TWO friends whose KINDERGARTNERS read the first Harry Potter book. To place them appropriately intellectually, those kids would have been five year old forth graders. Which is the other thing - your kid won't be the only bright one in class.

A good teacher/district will help provide challenges for bright kids. If the school doesn't do it (and even if they do) parents of bright kids also have a responsibility to make sure their kids get enrichment.