OT- "Meeting people online" experience needed!

[tawasdave]

 

[Carrieannew]

Definition of player from a womans point of view = Man out here on dating site who is NOT looking for serious relationships but says he is when his profile should actually just say looking for dating....(and umm, I know someone that needs to reread his match.com ) He goes from woman to woman , and most of the time he is a real charmer, he does all the right things until someone that looks a little better in his eyes comes along and then he is off to the "next" one.... A player isnt a "bad guy" he's just someone that has no intention of settling down with just one woman because quite honestly that one right woman (in his eyes) would never give him the time of day(but he is too blind to realize that) so obviously he will never find her. So he has his "for this moment" gf, and its not that he treats her bad, but as soon as something new catches his eye and he can "have" it he dumps the old for the new.... A player does not end one relationship until he has someone else in the wings. A player is the guy who knows he isnt interested in a long term relationship with the woman he is currently with but instead of dumping her he strings her along because he hasnt found a new toy yet There are players, both male and female on this site and others, its a part of life. The important thing is to know a player when you see one and either be willing to "play" or dont get involved at all if you are the type to let your heart get involved.

Exactly.

Very well said.

And I hate the line.. don't hate the player.. hate the game

 

[acm563]

I think this post just proves my point What was that about honesty??????????

 

[Mrsduck101]

Hello my friend, I miss you two. . .gotta talk story soon. . .will be near Cincinatti at the end of Jan. Wanna meet for Lunch or Drinks? I am sure I can talk Rob into it.

Darcy! Let me know when you will be there - we would love to see you

Hopefully it's a little warmer, it's -8 here right now, wind chill -26

 

[WieczoreksLoveDisney]

is very hard when you love disney as much as me. guy look at you like your weird when you are 27 and love a mouse

 

[tawasdave]

is very hard when you love disney as much as me. guy look at you like your weird when you are 27 and love a mouse

It does not get any easier at 50 y/o...lol

 

[nurse.darcy]

Darcy! Let me know when you will be there - we would love to see you

Hopefully it's a little warmer, it's -8 here right now, wind chill -26

Flying in on the 30th and leaving on the 3rd. Friday is 4th street live night but any other day or night is good. . .

 

[starrzone]

Definition of player from a woman's point of view = Man out here on dating site who is NOT looking for serious relationships but says he is when his profile should actually just say looking for dating....(and umm, I know someone that needs to reread his match.com ) He goes from woman to woman , and most of the time he is a real charmer, he does all the right things until someone that looks a little better in his eyes comes along and then he is off to the "next" one.... A player isnt a "bad guy" he's just someone that has no intention of settling down with just one woman because quite honestly that one right woman (in his eyes) would never give him the time of day(but he is too blind to realize that) so obviously he will never find her. So he has his "for this moment" gf, and its not that he treats her bad, but as soon as something new catches his eye and he can "have" it he dumps the old for the new.... A player does not end one relationship until he has someone else in the wings. A player is the guy who knows he isnt interested in a long term relationship with the woman he is currently with but instead of dumping her he strings her along because he hasnt found a new toy yet There are players, both male and female on this site and others, its a part of life. The important thing is to know a player when you see one and either be willing to "play" or dont get involved at all if you are the type to let your heart get involved.

OP here! to this whole thing, and especially the bolded parts. I got duped this past summer by someone who pretty well fits this description to a T. My problem was that I was NOT willing to "play" but I didn't know how to ID a player. I'm a bit better now, though, although it was pretty rough.

No flaming, just a comment. When I was doing eharmony I got matched with...count them...3 coworkers. It was embarrassing. As a result I hid my picture until I could confirm the match was not a coworker. As soon as I knew I would release my picture. As a result though some guys would immediately close the match because they couldn't see my picture. Basically I was not even given a chance.

I recently reinstated my membership. Not really sure why, I don't feel like dating...maybe boredom. Anyway, they added this feature now where you can send someone a nudge if their picture isn't posted. And still I am being closed immediately by some men because I don't make my photo available immediately. This makes no sense to me. If you want to see it just send me a nudge and I will release my pictures.

My feelings about this? Their loss...if all they are interested in is the picture than they really aren't worth my time. Also I feel like if they aren't smart enough to send me a nudge first than they are a dummy and I am not wasting my time. So what do I do to those guys? I go up, release my picture, and than finalize the match closure (you have the option of requesting the match be reopened which I don't do LOL).

The picture thing is a sticky point with me. It took a long, long time before I was confident enough to post a picture, for many reasons. I didn't want the "You're hot, let's get together" messages (not that I think I am lol, just trying to make a point!) because that's how I got sucked in with the last Jerk. I wanted guys to like me for me. Aaaaahhhh, this is all so complicated!

 

[Carrieannew]

OP here! to this whole thing, and especially the bolded parts. I got duped this past summer by someone who pretty well fits this description to a T. My problem was that I was NOT willing to "play" but I didn't know how to ID a player. I'm a bit better now, though, although it was pretty rough.



The picture thing is a sticky point with me. It took a long, long time before I was confident enough to post a picture, for many reasons. I didn't want the "You're hot, let's get together" messages (not that I think I am lol, just trying to make a point!) because that's how I got sucked in with the last Jerk. I wanted guys to like me for me. Aaaaahhhh, this is all so complicated!

I understand what you mean completely. But I think once you have been burned by one of "those" guys.. they become easier to spot.

The picture thing is completely understandable as you want someone who wants you for you. But Randy seems to think all men are pigs and only think of looks first.. Holding out hope still on my end that its not true.

 

[sand2270]

The picture thing is a sticky point with me. It took a long, long time before I was confident enough to post a picture, for many reasons. I didn't want the "You're hot, let's get together" messages (not that I think I am lol, just trying to make a point!) because that's how I got sucked in with the last Jerk. I wanted guys to like me for me. Aaaaahhhh, this is all so complicated!

well and what makes it weirder is they will close me and not have their own picture posted! Seriously are you kidding me. At least I can thank them for not wasting my time .

 

[sand2270]

I understand what you mean completely. But I think once you have been burned by one of "those" guys.. they become easier to spot.

The picture thing is completely understandable as you want someone who wants you for you. But Randy seems to think all men are pigs and only think of looks first.. Holding out hope still on my end that its not true.

LOL!

 

[Carrieannew]

LOL!

 

[jadedbeauty14304]

I just want to chime back in on a few things...

First off Pictures!
Maybe I am a lot like a guy but I would instantly close a guys profile unless it had a picture. lol I always wonder what he is hiding if he doesn't have a picture posted!!! It doesn't even matter if he looks unattractive in the photo... just post it so I know what I am talking to!

Players are everywhere...lol Male and female all shapes and sizes and ages!! But once you really truely get played, you can start spotting them. Maybe get played enough and you start becoming one. I know I did for a while. Trying to see how many suckers I could get to take me out in a week... how many free dinners I could score...etc... Just playing games... but when I met someone who really clicked with me all the games ended. So remember that... if something is real, and true, even a player will stop making it all a game.

LOL these were my younger years, I have grown more wise in my old age... lol

 

[Carrieannew]

I just want to chime back in on a few things...

First off Pictures!
Maybe I am a lot like a guy but I would instantly close a guys profile unless it had a picture. lol I always wonder what he is hiding if he doesn't have a picture posted!!! It doesn't even matter if he looks unattractive in the photo... just post it so I know what I am talking to!

Players are everywhere...lol Male and female all shapes and sizes and ages!! But once you really truely get played, you can start spotting them. Maybe get played enough and you start becoming one. I know I did for a while. Trying to see how many suckers I could get to take me out in a week... how many free dinners I could score...etc... Just playing games... but when I met someone who really clicked with me all the games ended. So remember that... if something is real, and true, even a player will stop making it all a game.

LOL these were my younger years, I have grown more wise in my old age... lol

Exactly
You just need a picture to put with the face.

I think everyone has a little bit of "player" in them

 

[SyracuseWolvrine]

I didn't want the "You're hot, let's get together" messages (not that I think I am lol, just trying to make a point!)

Personally, I can't stand when people are described as "hot" ... There are, in my opinion, much better ways to describe someone's attractiveness ... Cute, Pretty, Beautiful, none of those terms bother me, but I don't like using "hot" (or, for that matter, having it used to describe me) The only time I should look hot is when it's 95 degrees outside, with 95% humidity, and sweat is pouring off my face ... then it's acceptable to describe me as looking hot, because that truly is my state of being at that moment. (And in that scenario, I don't think hot would be any indication at all of attractiveness, because I guarantee, it's not all that attractive)

 

[Steffiesunshine]

I dated a few guys I met online through the old LOVE@AOL. I have to say several were LOSERS, but it was my own fault because I didn't spend enough time talking to those guys to get to know them first before meeting.

After 2 years of dating, I decided to quit and took down my profile.

On March 17, 2002, I decided to give it one more shot and put my profile back up, but hadn't gotten to add a picture yet. After a couple of hours, I thought to myself "WHAT THE HELL AM I DOING?" There isn't anyone good out there. I signed on to take my profile down and I had one email already. I read it, and he sounded like a really nice guy. He sent a photo and was really cute, and he didn't ask me for a photo! What???

From there, we traded emails for a few days, and then talked on the phone. I did eventually send him a photo.

Fast forward to today...we have been married for almost 5 years and are as happy today as we were when we first met!

My advice: Take it slow. If a guy is in a "rush" to meet you, and doesn't seem to want to take the time to see if you have some good conversations before meeting, then he probably is only looking for something loose and casual. If that's what you are looking for too, great. But if not, keep looking.

Good Luck!

 

[Johnfish]

I dated a few guys I met online through the old LOVE@AOL. I have to say several were LOSERS, but it was my own fault because I didn't spend enough time talking to those guys to get to know them first before meeting.

After 2 years of dating, I decided to quit and took down my profile.

On March 17, 2002, I decided to give it one more shot and put my profile back up, but hadn't gotten to add a picture yet. After a couple of hours, I thought to myself "WHAT THE HELL AM I DOING?" There isn't anyone good out there. I signed on to take my profile down and I had one email already. I read it, and he sounded like a really nice guy. He sent a photo and was really cute, and he didn't ask me for a photo! What???

From there, we traded emails for a few days, and then talked on the phone. I did eventually send him a photo.

Fast forward to today...we have been married for almost 5 years and are as happy today as we were when we first met!

My advice: Take it slow. If a guy is in a "rush" to meet you, and doesn't seem to want to take the time to see if you have some good conversations before meeting, then he probably is only looking for something loose and casual. If that's what you are looking for too, great. But if not, keep looking.

Good Luck!

This is a great story!!! I am almost to that same point. I have tried on and off with match, eharmony, plenty of fish, okcupid for many years. I have met a few nice girls some that I am still in touch with. But I still havent met the one I am going to spend the rst of my life with. I am begining to think she doesnt exist. When I first started dating I was looking for the ONE. I quickly realized that was the wrong approach. Dating since then has been more pleasent. The problem is there is no one in teh metro Richmond area that is a compatible match for me. I have actually had more meaningful conversations with people from other parts of the country. But I just dont think LDRs work. At least in my experience they havent. Why is it so hard to find someone locally!

John

 

[Bill Brown]

Met a good number of casual friends on a variety of singles and church singles sites, though I am on DIS primarily for sharing parks info. Anyway, on the singles and church singles sites I skipped looking at any profiles lacking a photo. Was honest about not looking for any long term relationships and never had any problems. Sometimes met at church social functions (various unrelated churches and religions, I'm flexible), other times at their place (there was always an adult roommate or 2), and sometimes at a public place. However, pretty much lost interest in Net dating in recent years.

 

[nurse.darcy]

An addition cause you all have added some great stuff. . .

1. I want a picture so I always make sure I post one.

2. I have NEVER been drawn to looks. . .its always something in a person's personality that draws me to them.

3. The more you date, the easier to spot the phonies.

4. Try to decide what it is you truly want from a relationship at this point in your life. Do you want lifelong companionship? Do you want marriage? Is getting married important to you? Do you want a physical partner (sorry, family board, gotta keep it clean)?, do you just want more friends?. . .

Its easy to say "Oh I want a lifetime partner and a marriage commitment". . .it is in reality much harder to do. Many people say they want to be "married" but don't have the first clue how to pull that off. . .Trust me, I am not a relationship expert, just honest with myself enough to know that I am NOT looking for a marriage partner at this point in my life. I want a companion, friend, love interest, etc. . .I could add a myriad of things to this list, but the fact is I took the time to look inside me and figure out what I want. . .

 

[tsing]

4. Try to decide what it is you truly want from a relationship at this point in your life. Do you want lifelong companionship? Do you want marriage? Is getting married important to you? Do you want a physical partner (sorry, family board, gotta keep it clean)?, do you just want more friends?. . .

. . .

Good advice... I hadn't thought about making these decisions before getting into a relationship...