OT - 8 year old home alone?

[lillygator]

You're not going to put your child in any kind of situation where they could be taken??? I guess you better get a jumbo king size bed and all sleep together then because I can think of 3 high profile kidnapping right off the top of my head where girls were taken from their own beds. One during a slumber party with other girls in the very same room, and one who was sleeping right next to her sister. There is a small amount of danger in anything, you can't prevent everything all the time. Trying to do so will do so much more harm than good. Eventually your child will be on their own and the ones who have some experience in the world will fare far better than the ones who were sheltered and are naive.

oh for goodness sake..I don't mean it like that...but no I won't put my child in the situation of being home alone. So many things could happen that at 8 they are certainly not ready for. And my children are not sheltered or naive.

Which cases are you talking about? is Elizabeth Smart one? From the looks of that house it was huge....our house is one level and pretty small and I a light sleeper so the chance of someone coming in to our house and kidnapping is about zero.

No I can't prevent everything all the time but I can sure as heck try!

 

[CdnCarrie]

oh for goodness sake..I don't mean it like that...but no I won't put my child in the situation of being home alone. So many things could happen that at 8 they are certainly not ready for. And my children are not sheltered or naive.

Which cases are you talking about? is Elizabeth Smart one? From the looks of that house it was huge....our house is one level and pretty small and I a light sleeper so the chance of someone coming in to our house and kidnapping is about zero.

No I can't prevent everything all the time but I can sure as heck try!

I think she was talking about Polly Klaas.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Polly_Klaas

 

[imthatgirl]

You're not going to put your child in any kind of situation where they could be taken??? I guess you better get a jumbo king size bed and all sleep together then because I can think of 3 high profile kidnapping right off the top of my head where girls were taken from their own beds. One during a slumber party with other girls in the very same room, and one who was sleeping right next to her sister. There is a small amount of danger in anything, you can't prevent everything all the time. Trying to do so will do so much more harm than good. Eventually your child will be on their own and the ones who have some experience in the world will fare far better than the ones who were sheltered and are naive.

Do you always over react? Jump far off the deep end?

Our job as parents is to 1. keep our kids safe and 2. prepare them for the world( while keeping them safe). I personally see no reason an 8yo needs to be left alone. Does that mean that none of my children will never be alone....come on now. Thats just a ridiculous assumption.

An 8yo certainly doesn't need to be thrown into being alone to prepare for adulthood. At that age they need guidance.....which we provide by age appropriate responsibilities. To having to care for themselves at 8 is not age appropriate.

 

[princessmom29]

Do you always over react? Jump far off the deep end?

Our job as parents is to 1. keep our kids safe and 2. prepare them for the world( while keeping them safe). I personally see no reason an 8yo needs to be left alone. Does that mean that none of my children will never be alone....come on now. Thats just a ridiculous assumption.

An 8yo certainly doesn't need to be thrown into being alone to prepare for adulthood. At that age they need guidance.....which we provide by age appropriate responsibilities. To having to care for themselves at 8 is not age appropriate.

to me though there is a difference between caring for themselves and being left of 15 min while I walk to a neighbor's house. I think it about starting small and increasing the level of responsibility as the level of maturity increases.

 

[imthatgirl]

to me though there is a difference between caring for themselves and being left of 15 min while I walk to a neighbor's house. I think it about starting small and increasing the level of responsibility as the level of maturity increases.

I don't consider leaving to wander to a neighbors house leaving the child alone anyway. Unless you leave and make it a point to be unaware. The post was about leaving a child alone...not running to a neighbors house for some sugar.

 

[MiniGirl]

to me though there is a difference between caring for themselves and being left of 15 min while I walk to a neighbor's house. I think it about starting small and increasing the level of responsibility as the level of maturity increases.

Precisely. I started leaving mine alone by bringing our HOA fees to the office. I was gone less than 10 minutes, and I could see my house the entire time. Next I think I went for quick walks around the block. Now, at 11 and 9, I will leave them for a couple of hours while I run errands.

I should also say that those small things in the beginning were as much for me as they were for them. Not only do our children need to gradually work up to some things, but I think we as parents sometimes need to as well. I have read many posts from parents saying they are not ready to leave their kids alone.

 

[princessmom29]

I don't consider leaving to wander to a neighbors house leaving the child alone anyway. Unless you leave and make it a point to be unaware. The post was about leaving a child alone...not running to a neighbors house for some sugar.

they are technically in the house by themselves, and "anything could happen" just as easily as if you are 100 miles away if you cannot see the house. If you are not supervising them it doesn't matter how far away you are , they are still unsupervised. My point was that we as parents have to start somewhere. If your kid has been left alone several times for 15-20 min, then 30 doesn't seem like a big deal. If you have left them to run to a neighbor's then the corner store does't seem like such a big thing.

Precisely. I started leaving mine alone by bringing our HOA fees to the office. I was gone less than 10 minutes, and I could see my house the entire time. Next I think I went for quick walks around the block. Now, at 11 and 9, I will leave them for a couple of hours while I run errands.

I should also say that those small things in the beginning were as much for me as they were for them. Not only do our children need to gradually work up to some things, but I think we as parents sometimes need to as well. I have read many posts from parents saying they are not ready to leave their kids alone.

This is exactly what I am talking about.

 

[imthatgirl]

they are technically in the house by themselves, and "anything could happen" just as easily as if you are 100 miles away if you cannot see the house. If you are not supervising them it doesn't matter how far away you are , they are still unsupervised. My point was that we as parents have to start somewhere. If your kid has been left alone several times for 15-20 min, then 30 doesn't seem like a big deal. If you have left them to run to a neighbor's then the corner store does't seem like such a big thing.

So anytime your kids are unsupervised They are alone....like when your in the shower? Yeah, I'm not the obsessive.

Caring for oneself at the age of 8(which is what you originally quoted from me and what the OP is about) and mom running across the street for minute are completely different things...unless mom is completely unaware(which if thats you then so be it). At least thats how I feel....you want to categorize them as one in the same....and thats fine.I think you are over generalizing, in some lame attempt to look like a better mom. Oh well. It's the internet.....

 

[princessmom29]

So anytime your kids are unsupervised They are alone....like when your in the shower? Yeah, I'm not the obsessive.

Caring for oneself at the age of 8(which is what you originally quoted from me and what the OP is about) and mom running across the street for minute are completely different things...unless mom is completely unaware(which if thats you then so be it). At least thats how I feel....you want to categorize them as one in the same....and thats fine.I think you are over generalizing, in some lame attempt to look like a better mom. Oh well. It's the internet.....

Lame? do adults really use that word?
Anyway, I think you are either confuse or purposely misunderstanding what I am trying ot say. It doesn't matter where you go, if you leave a child alone in the house, and you cannot see the house you are not providing supervision. Yes, my DD is alone when I am in the shower. I am NOT providing supervision during that time. I cannot see or hear her. If she were to choke or fall and hit her head, unless she comes to get me I won't know it is happening. Does that mean I am paranoid about it and never shower, or ask her to sit ni the bathroom with me while I do? NO, it just means that I accept the risk and move on. Same with running down the street for 15 min. I am not ready to leave the neighborhood yet, but do acknowledge that there is risk involved in leaving DD in the house out of my sight for a short time. I am comfortable accepting that level of risk.
I didn't read the op's post as aking about leaving achild to "care for themselves" but about an hour or so at a time. My suggestion was to start with a few minutes and work form there. I quoted your post becuase it seemed to me you were equating leaving achild alone for ashort period of time like the op was asking about to saking achild to care for themselves. Yes leaving a child for a few minutes vesus leaving them to care for themselves for an entire day are two different level of responsibility. That is what i was TRYING to say, but leaving a child to run across the street, or even to take a shower is not without risk. It is about what is acceptaple to you. I was simply suggesting that starting with an acceptable level of risk and steppingi t up gradually might be a good place to start? I don't see why you have so much of a problem with that suggestion that you need to call me "lame"??

 

[imthatgirl]

Lame? do adults really use that word?
Anyway, I think you are either confuse or purposely misunderstanding what I am trying ot say. It doesn't matter where you go, if you leave a child alone in the house, and you cannot see the house you are not providing supervision. Yes, my DD is alone when I am in the shower. I am NOT providing supervision during that time. I cannot see or hear her. If she were to choke or fall and hit her head, unless she comes to get me I won't know it is happening. Does that mean I am paranoid about it and never shower, or ask her to sit ni the bathroom with me while I do? NO, it just means that I accept the risk and move on. Same with running down the street for 15 min. I am not ready to leave the neighborhood yet, but do acknowledge that there is risk involved in leaving DD in the house out of my sight for a short time. I am comfortable accepting that level of risk.
I didn't read the op's post as aking about leaving achild to "care for themselves" but about an hour or so at a time. My suggestion was to start with a few minutes and work form there. I quoted your post becuase it seemed to me you were equating leaving achild alone for ashort period of time like the op was asking about to saking achild to care for themselves. Yes leaving a child for a few minutes vesus leaving them to care for themselves for an entire day are two different level of responsibility. That is what i was TRYING to say, but leaving a child to run across the street, or even to take a shower is not without risk. It is about what is acceptaple to you. I was simply suggesting that starting with an acceptable level of risk and steppingi t up gradually might be a good place to start? I don't see why you have so much of a problem with that suggestion that you need to call me "lame"??

It's all coming back..I remember you. Yeah...moving on....

 

[princessmom29]

It's all coming back..I remember you. Yeah...moving on....

Ok..... I don't know what that is supposed to mean, but I still would like to know what made you so mad that you needed to sling names. I wasn't attacking anyone, so why so angry?

 

[imthatgirl]

Ok..... I don't know what that is supposed to mean, but I still would like to know what made you so mad that you needed to sling names. I wasn't attacking anyone, so why so angry?

It means conversing with you is generally a waste of time. So I won't waste mine any longer.
BTW, no where did I call you lame...I called your attempt to look better lame( though I understand the comprehension issue). Which it is...and always is every time I see you on here.

Have a nice day, I won't be back.

ETA the definition of lame. since yes it is a word in the English language that people use
lame 1 (lm)
adj. lam·er, lam·est
1. Disabled so that movement, especially walking, is difficult or impossible: Lame from the accident, he walked with a cane. A lame wing kept the bird from flying.
2. Marked by pain or rigidness: a lame back.
3. Weak and ineffectual; unsatisfactory: a lame attempt to apologize; lame excuses for not arriving on time.
tr.v. lamed, lam·ing, lames
To cause to become lame; cripple.

 

[princessmom29]

It means conversing with you is generally a waste of time. So I won't waste mine any longer.
BTW, no where did I call you lame...I called your attempt to look better lame( though I understand the comprehension issue). Which it is...and always is every time I see you on here.

Have a nice day, I won't be back.

Comprehension issue? No, I think I understand just fine. Nice effort at blowing off being nasty however. The intent was obvious. If you think I am waste of time, then so be it. The Ignore feature is a great way to eliminate wasting your time. I would suggest using it if you think nothing I have to say has any value. Personally, however, I think you enjoy trying to belittle too much to use it.

Yes, I know what lame means. I am not stupid. I don't know very many adults who would use in in am attempt to belittle someone, however. (yes I know that you did not directly call me stupid, but agian, the intent is obvious)

 

[princessmom29]

back to the topic at hand. I really think 8 is sort of a threshold area for this. Personally, I am comfortable right now leaving my 7 1/2 year old when I am in the neighborhood, but not much further than that. If there is a real problem I can get back qulickly if she calls me, and she can be trusted not to ope the doors for anyone and not to do anything dangerous while I am gone. I am not ready to leave her an go to the store yet however, just becuase if she called it would take me longer to get home, and I am not sure how secure she would feel with me further away. WE will get there, and I think taking small steps is a betterway to do so than all at once.

 

[Missingthejob]

Yes, I know what lame means. I am not stupid. I don't know very many adults who would use in in am attempt to belittle someone, however. (yes I know that you did not directly call me stupid, but agian, the intent is obvious)

I'm really confused by this. What do you mean you don't know many adults who use the word lame? If she had used it in a "slang" way, then I could see what you mean, but she used it for it's proper intended use. It's a word, like any other. So please explain what you mean by "adults" who don't use the word?

Anyway, I would not allow my 8yo to come home from school alone. I see no reason an 8yo needs to be alone anyway, regardless of laws.

 

[princessmom29]

I'm really confused by this. What do you mean you don't know many adults who use the word lame? If she had used it in a "slang" way, then I could see what you mean, but she used it for it's proper intended use. It's a word, like any other. So please explain what you mean by "adults" who don't use the word?

Anyway, I would not allow my 8yo to come home from school alone. I see no reason an 8yo needs to be alone anyway, regardless of laws.

Because it is used as slang by kids in such a negative manner, I find that most adults, at least in my aquaintance, avoid using it. Even when used porperly it still seems to convery childish disdain. There are so many other choices to get the same point across without sounding childish. I simply don't know many adults that would choose to use lame as a descriptor, unless they were trying to belittle someone, or suggest that what they are doing is childish.
I wouldn't purposely put my child in a position where she was alone just to prove a point or make her more independent, but if it was necessary for some reason I think it would be doable.

 

[cwasko]

It really depends on the child. I wouldn't leave my Daughter alone for an extended period of time until she was 11 or 12; my Son was ready when he was 10.

 

[Bonnie151]

I wouldn't be worried about my 8 year old in the slightest. He'd be happy reading or playing with his lego - I doubt he'd suddenly develop a compulsion to play with knives the minute I left the house. I *would*, however, be worried that something would happen to me. It'd be just my luck to have my car break down or some idiot drive into me and suddenly the half hour at home would be rather longer.

 

[sunshineNJ]

I would never let an 8 year old be home alone. It's not that you don't trust the child it's the world i don't trust. My kids started staying alone at 12. I never let them play outside without me watching from the window or me on the front step. I didn't get as much done in the house but there safety was more important. Anything can happen and does!!

 

[BBG-BLT]

Yes - I have done that. My son is cautious and responsible. Knows how to use his cell phone (yes he has one) ..

his twin sister - not on your life - she'd let anyone in.

Depends on the kid but that was the first age that I left him alone.