Opinions Wanted! Which Event Do I Attend? UPDATE post #41

[The Mystery Machine]

Without reading any of the other replies, I am going to Ocean City. This sounds like it is very important to your SIL.

As far as your sister, I would just be sincere and hope she is understanding.

Although I would rather stick forks in my eyes than go to a third wedding, but that is not what you are asking.

 

[dismom2]

I would go to DSIL's celebration because it's been planned for a long time, and a third wedding of DSis would not take priority for me. If it were the first wedding, it would be a harder choice, but third, no.

 

[Arielle22]

I would go to the birthday party. If my sister asked (and I have 4 of them) I would tell her that I already had a committment.

When my younger brother got married, it was on short notice (a couple of weeks) on a beach by a JP during a week day. A couple of our siblings couldn't make it and my brother was ok with that.

 

[Kathi OD]

I am so sorry you have been put in this situation. Honestly it sounds like you are closer to DSIL and would enjoy a weekend with her more. Could you tell your sister you are so sorry, but you already have commitments for that weekend. I truly believe family is something we create, and we don't owe those with the same blood more than we owe people who are major parts of our lives.

hugs on this tough decision

True about the bolded part. DSIL and I don't always agree, but we are closer than most sisters-in-law. I started dating DH when she was 12 and often did things with her that sisters do. She really does consider me her sister.

I'm pretty sure I'd go to SIL's birthday celebration. Third weddings are not something I really want to go to. My sister has been married twice and is working on her third victim, uhm I mean husband, so I know what I'm talking about.

If your sister gives you a hard time tell her you've already put the deposit down on SIL's party (or something like that).

Sounds like our sisters have a lot in common. I feel bad for the new guy.

What they said!

Oh and two months to plan a wedding?

They've already got the hall; the yacht club my parents belong to. The caterer is a friend of the family. The hard part is finding someone who will actually perform the ceremony.

You've been looking forward to the 50th party for a long-time. Your sister hasn't contacted you to tell you about her wedding. It seems odd to me that she hasn't rushed to tell you, but perhaps with it being her 3rd wedding she doesn't expect much excitement from you confused3).
I would stick with the plans you already have in place, as those are more concrete than the wedding you've heard nothing about (I don't count hearing it 3rd hand). IMHO, if your sister really, really wanted you involved and at her wedding, she'd have contacted you already. If she expects you to drop major plans already made, then that's just rude or self-absorbed.

Are you a friend of my sister? She is extremely self-absorbed, but has no clue that she is.

Without reading any of the other replies, I am going to Ocean City. This sounds like it is very important to your SIL.

As far as your sister, I would just be sincere and hope she is understanding.

Although I would rather stick forks in my eyes than go to a third wedding, but that is not what you are asking.

I would also rather stick forks in my eyes than attend a third wedding. The rest of the family is already picking the length of the marriage.


Thank you for confirming what I wanted to do. DSIL would be devasted if I decided not to go to her birthday weekend. DSis will be upset & throw a hissy fit if I don't attend, but in the end it will be more because I had the nerve to not do what she wants me to do, not because she really wants me there.

 

[ZephyrHawk]

Don't freak out yet. When DH and I were still dating we got a frantic call from his grandmother asking us when the wedding date was!!! Umm...sometime after he proposes, I guess. Seems she got the info from DH's mom, her daughter (who DH was still 'disowned' from at the time) that we were getting married. We told her she'd be among the first to know when we did eventually decide to tie the knot. Why she would have trusted the word of DH's mom about this, knowing DH never talked to the woman and I'd never met her, is beyond me.

Things change. People make mistakes.

 

[shirleyb]

Go to the birthday party. Tell your sis you'll catch her next wedding.

 

[PrincessKsMom]

Go to the birthday party. It's always possible your sister might get married a fourth time, and then you can attend that one!

 

[Nancyg56]

Thank you for confirming what I wanted to do. DSIL would be devasted if I decided not to go to her birthday weekend. DSis will be upset & throw a hissy fit if I don't attend, but in the end it will be more because I had the nerve to not do what she wants me to do, not because she really wants me there.

She'll get over it. If she felt that attendance was so important she would have confirmed the date with you.

Go to the birthday party. Tell your sis you'll catch her next wedding.

 

[Disney Doll]

Let's see...the 3rd (and probably not last) wedding of someone so self-absorbed that she makes a point of making it known that a college kid better attend her THIRD wedding 3 weeks after said kid, who has limited finances, starts at college halfway across the country, and who hasn't let me, her sister, in on her wedding plans which are about 2 months away now...

OR

A celebration for someone who I have known for 38 years, and who truly wants me there and has been looking forward to it for over a year who considers me a sister and has been actively looking forward to spending her birthday weekend with me and a group of friends for over a year.

I agree with shirleyb. Tell your sister you'll catch her next wedding.

 

[wdwfan16]

I thought about posting under another name, but what the heck...I just want opinions....

Here's the deal....

DSIL will be turning 50 on October 3rd. For months, she has talked about nothing other than celebrating by having a "girls weekend" at her house in Ocean City, MD. She is super excited about this and brings it up every time we are together, which is every weekend. She really wants me to go, as I am her only "sister." Great, I like my SIL, we get along well, and was looking forward to celebrating her special birthday with her and her other friends. Besides, it should be a fun time.

Fast forward to last night. DD(31) calls, and in the course of conversation tells me she had lunch with her cousin, who is 24. I go on about how happy it makes my sister and me, that despite the difference in their ages, they make it a point to get together occasionally. She goes on to tell me that my niece has decided to go to grad school and has been accepted to a school in Chicago and starts in September.

Then she drops the bomb and asks, "why didn't you tell me Aunt is getting married on October 3rd?" (evidently cousin - not aunt's daughter - has told her this at lunch) UMMM....because maybe I didn't know?? Aunt is MY sister!!! Evidently she is planning to get married (for the 3rd time) on the same weekend as DSIL's birthday celebration. She expects the entire family to be there for her "special" day, including the niece who will have just started school 1/2 way across the country about 3 weeks earlier (read: no money for plane fare).

DSis hasn't called me to tell me the good news, but I am sure I will get the call shortly as the date was just set over the weekend. So the big question is....which event do I attend? Either way someone is going to be hurt/po'd, whatever....GRR!

This one is easy. You attend the birthday party. You already made those plans.

 

[Kathi OD]

Go to the birthday party. Tell your sis you'll catch her next wedding.

Both of the previous marriages lasted 10 years. About 8 years in, it seems as though there are better prospects than the one she has. I hope that this time it lasts, I do kinda like this guy.

 

[Rence]

Wow over 30 posts in and we have a unanimous decision. How often does that happen on DIS???

 

[Stacerita]

Go to the birthday bash. You made plans for that first.

 

[Kathi OD]

Wow over 30 posts in and we have a unanimous decision. How often does that happen on DIS???

I never thought something I posted could cause such unification of the DIS!

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I never thought something I posted could cause such unification of the DIS!

Yes, unbelievable! That shows you how much of a stinker your sister is.

Perhaps we can have a "watchgate" as to when she acutally calls to tell you about it.

 

[rie'smom]

Birthday all the way!

 

[EthansMom]

I agree with the others. You already have plans for that weekend and can't attend the wedding. (Besides, you already attended two weddings for your sister but haven't attended a 50th Bday celebration for DSIL yet!)

 

[golfgal]

My first thought was that your sister picked that date KNOWING you had plans--any chance that happened? I would go to the birthday party and send your sister a nice frame for her new wedding photo.

 

[Kathi OD]

My first thought was that your sister picked that date KNOWING you had plans--any chance that happened? I would go to the birthday party and send your sister a nice frame for her new wedding photo.

To be fair, sis didn't know that I already had plans. She lives about 5 hours from the rest of us. My mom & dad live at the shore and she was planning on having her wedding there because some of the family will be there for an annual festival. The only problem with there is, at this late date, there are no accommodations available on the island unless you want to pay out the nose. In addition, my mom already told my DD that she and her friends could stay at her house for the weekend, so there really isn't any room for the rest of us.

Yes, unbelievable! That shows you how much of a stinker your sister is.

Perhaps we can have a "watchgate" as to when she acutally calls to tell you about it.

Still waiting to get the news first hand. Maybe I'll make the call this afternoon and say that I heard through the grapevine that congratulations were in order. It's what I did after I found out she was engaged (about 9 months after it happened). Again, DD was the one to clue me in.

 

[golfgal]

To be fair, sis didn't know that I already had plans. She lives about 5 hours from the rest of us. My mom & dad live at the shore and she was planning on having her wedding there because some of the family will be there for an annual festival. The only problem with there is, at this late date, there are no accommodations available on the island unless you want to pay out the nose. In addition, my mom already told my DD that she and her friends could stay at her house for the weekend, so there really isn't any room for the rest of us.



Still waiting to get the news first hand. Maybe I'll make the call this afternoon and say that I heard through the grapevine that congratulations were in order. It's what I did after I found out she was engaged (about 9 months after it happened). Again, DD was the one to clue me in.

Just a thought because that would be exactly what MY sisters would do .