Opinions please, not quite 6 year old behavior?

[SnowBelleAlice]

How this relates to Disney? The object being discussed was an Olaf themed birthday cake.

A not quite 6 year old is told specifically to not touch something, they proceed to mangle what they were told to not touch.
Typical soon to be 6 years old behavior, or slightly cruel?
Incident occurred when kid was 5 years, 7 months old. Highly likely that a not quite 8 year old witnessed the mangling.
Thoughts? Please

 

[North of Mouse]

How this relates to Disney? The object being discussed was an Olaf themed birthday cake.

A not quite 6 year old is told specifically to not touch something, they proceed to mangle what they were told to not touch.
Typical soon to be 6 years old behavior, or slightly cruel?
Incident occurred when kid was 5 years, 7 months old. Highly likely that a not quite 8 year old witnessed the mangling.
Thoughts? Please

Need more info on what you are talking about - don't really understand what you are getting at!! What did she mangle? The birthday cake? What was going on before this happened to trigger her behavior??

 

[SnowBelleAlice]

Correct, fondant Olaf figure was mangled.
What was going on? A cousin's birthday party.

 

[Allison]

Really not enough information to have a discussion.

Neither?
Both?

One incident doesn't mean much.

 

[SnowBelleAlice]

Really not enough information to have a discussion.

Neither?
Both?

One incident doesn't mean much.

Super, thanks. I consider it cruel, had the child been two, or three, somewhat typical, not normal for a 5.7 years old.

 

[North of Mouse]

One incident doesn't mean much.

I agree! Is this something she has done before? Did someone make her really upset? True, it was not a very nice thing to do, but kids that age can be provoked easily (some more than others). Her normal disposition would also play a lot in this situation. Is she a well disciplined child, or does she often 'get by' with her antics? My children would have known better at that age and would know there would be consequences, but children's home lives are sometimes very different.

 

[Ava]

I could see my 5.5 year old doing something like that if she got angry. So I'd say it's normal behavior, depending on the circumstances surrounding the incident. Kids that age can have trouble dealing with their emotions, and don't always think about the consequences of their actions.

 

[Spunky946]

I say that it's not completely out of the ordinary for a child that age in a busy situation.

 

[SLP958]

I would say a child that old should be able to control themselves better and I would not think of that as a normal behavior.

 

[AZMermaid]

I teach first grade and have taught kindergarten. I would say it is not normal behavior, but if this isn't a constant problem, not totally off the bell curve either. I would say it is not normal because I would not think I would need to watch a typical kindergartener in an effort to protect a cake. I agree this was probably more a mean thing than impulsive. But, maybe not intentionally as mean as it seems. More like "I am so mad I am going to wreck this cake." Not "I want to ruin the party and make the birthday kid feel awful etc." 5 year olds don't walways have that much forethought. I would expect (and give) a consequence that will sink in, not a few minute time out you might give a 2 year old. At a very minimum, no cake for the offending child. If it was my house, to the room for the rest of the party, if not, we would leave immediately. I have a 4 year old and almost 3 year old. No way would my 4 year old touch a cake after being told not to, but a toy or something, yeah, he might. My almost 3 year old I would redirect away if she kept trying to mess with something she shouldn't. I know that wasn't your question, but I am guessing it was brushed off as "kids will be kids" because you are asking it here.

 

[nadira36]

More information would be needed to make a call. Is it your child, or someone else's? Is this something that happens often, or was this a one off? Are there other issues besides 'impulse control'?

I know a 7 yr old that would totally do something like that - she's a very egocentric kid and if something doesn't go her way she will totally do whatever she can to ruin everyone else's time - and if at first she doesn't succeed, she'll call her mom in for back-up (yeah, I think the mom causes most of that problem).

My one DD at 5.7 could possibly have done something like that - I do recall fingers in a wedding cake!!! (yikes!) (luckily not THE wedding cake!!) but we also hadn't thought to tell her not to touch yet. It wouldn't have occurred to my other DD to ever touch something without first getting express permission.

With my girls, if they're upset about something, they face it head on, so they wouldn't damage a cake in anger or malice - though they may punch another kid if the situation devolves.

Soooooo - could it be normal? yes. Could there be something more going on? yes. It really depends on the situation and child.

 

[Luv Bunnies]

I wouldn't jump to the conclusion that the child was intentionally being mean without considering other options first. Does the child tend to get away with things at home? Do the parents set limits and follow through after directions are disobeyed? Or does the child pretty much think that nothing will happened no matter what he/she does? Could it have been a jealously issue? Something like, "I'm jealous that you got a cake like that for your birthday and I didn't so I'm going to mangle it." It doesn't make it OK, but there could have been some underlying emotion that triggered the action. Lastly, could it have been an attention-seeking behavior? Could the child have been thinking, "Everyone is paying attention to the birthday child, no one is paying attention to me, so I'll do something to get myself some attention." Some kids thrive on attention and will try to obtain it in any way they can. Positive or negative, it doesn't matter to them as long as someone is focused on them.

 

[ktlm]

More information is needed. Was this a chikd who wanted to touch it or hold it and was told not to, but did not realize how fragile it was and tried anyway and accidentally crushed it, and was the child sorry afterwards? That is totally normal 5 year old behavior, especially if they are an extremely curious child. Or was it done out of anger and the child was not sorry? That is a totally different situation. I'm guessing you are the cousins mother and are mad at the 5 year old?

 

[North of Mouse]

That is totally normal 5 year old behavior, especially if they are an extremely curious child.

I will totally disagree! It is 'not' normal behavior for a nearly 6 year old to smash a birthday cake! Curious child has nothing to do with it - I've had three curious children that age and they well knew how to behave, also knew there were 'consequences' for not doing so.

 

[MandiC]

I think it is a bit much to expect a 5 year old to control their behavior despite their emotions when many adults cannot do the same. To me, it sounds like a jealous 5 year old who didn't understand how to express that emotion. Pretty much every kid I know loves Frozen and so to have a cool cake with a fondant Olaf...might just make another child jealous. Rather than calling the child cruel it'd be better to talk to them about how that is not an acceptable way to express your emotions. Labeling a child, especially a child that young, as cruel is cruel in itself.

 

[MSSANDRA]

I agree that the situation is really important and the fact that an 8 year old was the witness,not an adult makes a ton of difference. I HAVE an 8 year old, so I am around them constantly and its such a cool age when kids are trying to set and understand rules and enforcing them to other kids. Their perspective and an adults will be very different however. I Would never base a punishment on what another kid tells you. For a six year old to deliberately destroy part of a birthday cake at a party is not typical behavior. If he or she was told not to touch and then did so, we call that deliberate disobedience and that is something we do not tolerate in our family. Rough play that gets out of hand? ok. Trying to reach something across the table and not being careful???ok. But unless the child had special needs, being told to not touch it and his or her intentionally not only touching it, but destroying it is not.

 

[cel_disney]

I agree that the situation is really important and the fact that an 8 year old was the witness,not an adult makes a ton of difference. I HAVE an 8 year old, so I am around them constantly and its such a cool age when kids are trying to set and understand rules and enforcing them to other kids. Their perspective and an adults will be very different however. I Would never base a punishment on what another kid tells you. For a six year old to deliberately destroy part of a birthday cake at a party is not typical behavior. If he or she was told not to touch and then did so, we call that deliberate disobedience and that is something we do not tolerate in our family. Rough play that gets out of hand? ok. Trying to reach something across the table and not being careful???ok. But unless the child had special needs, being told to not touch it and his or her intentionally not only touching it, but destroying it is not.

I agree that it's 'deliberate disobedience' and I do think that is well within the norm for occasional behavior in the 5-8 age crowd. It's not an everyday Occurrence but it happens and there should be consequences. I find that deliberate disobedience happens more frequently when kids are overtired, bored, and are not the center of attention or actively engaged in activities. I find that it is also more likely to occur if someone just says 'don't touch' with no reason why. I know that many believe kids should obey their parents, but my observation is that it's an age when blindly obeying is not as well respected.

I also think that a telling indication of whether your child is 'normal' is actually in their reaction to the mangling. Was there remorse for it immediately? Did they seem shocked to have done so much damage? To realize that it was going to be impactful to others now that it had been done? Or did they shrug it off an not care.

I'm sorry you and the 5 year old are in this predicament - I'm sure it wasn't fun for anyone.

 

[kirstenb1]

I don't think it's what an average 5 yr old would do. If my kid did this I'd be disappointed.

 

[Perditamarie]

I think it is a bit much to expect a 5 year old to control their behavior despite their emotions when many adults cannot do the same. To me, it sounds like a jealous 5 year old who didn't understand how to express that emotion. Pretty much every kid I know loves Frozen and so to have a cool cake with a fondant Olaf...might just make another child jealous. Rather than calling the child cruel it'd be better to talk to them about how that is not an acceptable way to express your emotions. Labeling a child, especially a child that young, as cruel is cruel in itself.

This makes a lot of sense to me. Seems very strange to come here to get a consensus that the child is "not normal" - for sure not normal adult behavior.

 

[lost*in*cyberspace]

I don't think it's what an average 5 yr old would do. If my kid did this I'd be disappointed.

Isn't every parent disappointed when their child misbehaves?

While every five year old isn't going to break a fondant figure on a cake (not smash a birthday cake as another poster stated), this is certainly not abnormal behavior for a five year old. I'm surprised so many posters here think it is.