Opinions on this school lunch matter

[auntpolly]

As for kids sharing food - they do it all the time. "I'll trade my fruit roll-up for your cupcake..."

I'm not sure this is what we're talking about - more like, a mom shows up with 5 happy meals for her DD and her 4 best friends. That's just weird.

 

[jrmasm]

I didn't read all the responses but I don't think it's that big of a deal. First of all life isn't fair. Second, cliques will exist with or without pizza delivery. Third, DH used to go eat with DD once every 2 weeks. He always bought ice cream for her friends. And then he'd go out and help the girls cream the boys at basketball.

 

[MushyMushy]

I also wanted to add that when I was younger I would have been mortified to have my parents come and eat with me in the cafeteria . What happened to those days

When I was in elementary school, we didn't have a cafeteria. Anyone whose parents were home had to walk home to eat, and anyone whose parents worked had to brown bag it and eat in the classroom.

My grandfather used to come every day to pick me up and take me to his house for lunch. What wonderful memories!

Now that I think about it, our lunches had to be longer than a half hour.

 

[BellePrincessBelle]

My parents would bring me a lunch every day either McD's or Subway but I went to private school and we didn't have a cafeteria. It is not allowed where my children attend school as far as I know. Parents are only there if voluntering. If you have to bring your child their lunch it has to be left in the school office. I wouldn't want my kids eating it every day for lunch anyway.

 

[Disney1fan2002]

For some odd reason, it doesn't bother me that this would happen in a high school. But in an elementary school, it just doesn't seem necessary.

Personally, I think it would be more necessary in elementary school. I have very picky eaters. They will only eat certain foods, and will not try anything new. I am at my wits end. So, imagine my shock when I hear from other parents that their children are PICKIER than mine. I know some parents who have kids that will eat a total of 3 foods, and nothing else.

I am just saying, maybe there is a reason the parents bring in food for their kids. Could it be they want them to eat?

 

[auntpolly]

I am just saying, maybe there is a reason the parents bring in food for their kids. Could it be they want them to eat?

You mean there are kids that will only eat fast foods?

 

[NMAmy]

I used to bring fast food to dd a couple of times a year when she was in elementary school. It was always a huge deal to her--she loved showing me around the school and having me chat with her classmates--most of whom I'd known since they were all in kindergarten or preschool. I only brought food for the two of us and then we'd hang out on the playground for a bit before I had to go back to work.

I think it can be a nice occasional treat for both parents and children.

 

[meandtheguys2]

You mean there are kids that will only eat fast foods?

For some reason that question sounded like a shark circling potential prey! sorry! I'm sure that isn't the case!

 

[stargrazer]

I'm going to get smacked down for this and I realize this is JMO. But isn't school supposed to be a place to work and learn independence? Is having your mom bring you (and sometimes your friends) cooler food, sit with you through lunch and ensure your popularity preparing you for reality?

I no smacka down nobody.



I agree that school is a place to work through your independence, including your feelings of being left out on occasion and figuring out how to deal with that.

I wouldn't call McDonalds cooler food, lol. I pack my DD lunch, that's MUCH cooler food than eating the cafeteria offering but, last I checked, doesn't make her feel elitist. It makes her feel...uh...full?


And I don't know about other places, but Mom's that sit with their kids though lunch everyday are NOT insuring popularity...they are pretty much guaranteeing it's NOT going to happen!

 

[Disney1fan2002]

You mean there are kids that will only eat fast foods?

Sadly, yes.

 

[auntpolly]

For some reason that question sounded like a shark circling potential prey! sorry! I'm sure that isn't the case!

I'm sure it was!!

Seriously - if your kid will only eat McDonald's for lunch, you've got bigger problems!!!

 

[castleview]

And I don't know about other places, but Mom's that sit with their kids though lunch everyday are NOT insuring popularity...they are pretty much guaranteeing it's NOT going to happen!

Good point!

 

[meandtheguys2]

I no smacka down nobody.



I agree that school is a place to work through your independence, including your feelings of being left out on occasion and figuring out how to deal with that.

I wouldn't call McDonalds cooler food, lol. I pack my DD lunch, that's MUCH cooler food than eating the cafeteria offering but, last I checked, doesn't make her feel elitist. It makes her feel...uh...full?


And I don't know about other places, but Mom's that sit with their kids though lunch everyday are NOT insuring popularity...they are pretty much guaranteeing it's NOT going to happen!

OTOH, the parent taking sushi...totally cool!

The more we keep parents and kids connected, the better for the kids. I'm not talking of helicoptering, but fostering communication. Always a good thing. My kids know many adults. One of them may someday be the one they go to for help and advice. Because sometimes a person other than a parent can offer objectivity.

 

[stargrazer]

Besides, this is a moot point. In today's society, the cool girls are the ones that don't eat so they can become models and pop stars when they grow up.


Ya'll would really freak if you were at my school. It's almost like a contest around here to see who can make the other kids feel the worst.

Parent aides, field trip volunteers, school dance coordinators, parent lunch pals, car-rider line (vs. after care kids), thousand dollar + parties, clothes, after school clubs, activites...even which Public School you get your kid into 'says' something around here.

Next year in middle school (6th grade), kids that do exceptionally well on their grades and behavior don't eat with general population; they get an ID card that allows them to mix in a seperate outside area during lunch. Other kids are NEVER allowed in this area. You wanna talk about being clique-y? How much more can it be than that?

Face it guys, we can only control what we teach our kids. Give them the best you can, do what's right for YOU and hope for the best when we we send them out into the big bad world.

That said, being judgemental in either direction is not going to help our kids, it only tells them that our way is the only way. Have morals, standards AND an open mind that there's more than one way to do things.

IMO.

 

[cybrkitn]

I've never heard of this practice before so it must not be common here. I do know that if a child forgets his/her lunch at home the parent can bring it in but it must be left in the office and the child has to pick it up. Parents aren't allowed in the cafeteria to eat with their kids or bring them a special lunch. I wonder who makes the policy, is it by individual school, district, state??

Anything that is brought in must be dropped off at the office. It has to do with the safety of the kids. I'm guessing that all school districts here have that policy but I'm not sure.

 

[auntpolly]

That said, being judgemental in either direction is not going to help our kids, it only tells them that our way is the only way.
IMO.

But you have to teach kids something - one way or the other, they are going to get something from us. We can say, "Oh, there's nothing I can do about it - the world is just like that" or we can decide what we want the model to be for our kids and show it to them, live it for them.

I think it works. When you see a weird, catty cliquey lady in your office, you can bet she had a weird catty cliquey mom that taught her how to be weird catty and cliquey when she was just a little girl in grade school.

 

[va32h]

I think it has a lot less to do with economical issues than social ones. Honestly, can't these parents wait until 3 o'clock to see their kids? School is for school, not a happy little lunch with a helicopter mom that can't stay away from Junior. Save the lunch for Saturday and let your kid have a whole day on his or her own.

You know, it's really a pain for me to have lunch with my kids. It's inconvenient for me to stop what I'm doing and run up to the school, it disrupts my 3 year old's nap schedule and makes her cranky for the rest of the day.

So I don't do it very often. Only when they ask - and even then, half as often as they do ask.

My daughter is 11 and still wants to be seen with me in public. My son is 7 and still lets me give him a kiss goodbye in front of other people. I'm not going to turn their affection away because I'm afraid of how it would make me look to other parents.

They are independent. They each spend one month of the summer with their aunt - a month in which they seldom call me because they are having so much fun. Dd goes to Girl Scout Camp on top of that.

Can't a child be sufficiently independent and still love their mom and want to have lunch with her once in a while?

 

[stargrazer]

But you have to teach kids something - one way or the other, they are going to get something from us. We can say, "Oh, there's nothing I can do about it - the world is just like that" or we can decide what we want the model to be for our kids and show it to them, live it for them.

I think it works. When you see a weird, catty cliquey lady in your office, you can bet she had a weird catty cliquey mom that taught her how to be weird catty and cliquey when she was just a little girl in grade school.

Of course you teach kids. Every single minute every single day, more by the behaviors you display than the words you say. Around here that includes NOT making judgements on the mom that comes to school every day for lunch, the dad that has yet to show for even one single school function and the parents that throw their kid a $10,000 party for Bday #7 (because 7 is their favorite number).

When we see someone that does things different than we do, it's a teaching opportunity.

EDIT to add when you quoted me you left off the part about having morals standards AND an open mind...that was the key to that sentance.

 

[Southern4sure]

In elem school, I was always so jealous of kids that got to buy their lunch. My parents couldn't afford it so we had to take sandwiches. Everyone who bought lunch ended up at the end of the table because you had to sit according to where you were in line. Sack lunch kids sat at the head of the table. Believe me, cool kids don't bring their lunch (at least not at my school) so I sat with the "uncool" kids everyday.

I promise I'm not scarred for life. I still made friends and learned that life isn't always fair. Same as when Lunchables became popular and my mom refused to buy them for me because they were $ but the kids around me had them. Or the kids allowed to have 2 desserts and a Coke in their sacklunch.

Just part of life. Unless you make a uniform lunch that every child has to eat, there will ALWAYS be differences in what kids are getting to eat. Funny that is often the same argument used for school uniforms

(I will add that bringing pizza for a few kids isn't cool but bringing a special lunch for YOUR kid and eating with YOUR kid isn't a big deal, IMO)

I had to laugh at this be because it was the opposite for me. I was envious of the kids who brought their lunch to school. I hated eating the school lunches most of the time...YUCK, we were on the free program and I had no choice. I rarely was allowed to bring a lunch from home because my mom rarely bought lunchable fixings. Mom said it cost too much money and I never understood why until I was older. I grew up in a family of 9, dad made just enough so we didnt qualify for govt. assistance beyond free lunches at school. Times were hard growing up, I was envious about alot of things but it taught me to appreciate the small things now.

back on topic: Our school allows food brought in BUT the parent must sit outside with the child unless it is raining. No food can be brought in for other children. I'm kinda sad at this because I'd gladly buy pizza for the entire class. I send in assorted goodies (no home baked items) all the time and the teacher appreciates that I include every student.

 

[damo]

I see no problem with it. It is just part of life. It isn't any different than Suzie wearing cooler clothes or Johnnie going to Disney or anything like that. Do those of you who take your kids to Disney prohibit them from talking about it at school when they come back? Isn't sharing those experiences with kids who haven't been there causing others to feel inferior? Is sharing their experiences with kids who have been there creating a clique?

I think we need to stop sheltering our kids from competition and the facts of life so they can learn their coping skills early and not grow up complaining that everything isn't fair but instead striving for more.

When my kids were in elementary school, a few of us moms had a lunch club where we each provided lunch for the group of (4 kids) one day a week. That way, we each only made lunches once a week. Sometimes we got them something special like subs from a fast food place. I never, ever thought that I was creating a clique or causing a disturbance in the classroom.