Opinions on spanking children?

[Minnesota!]

We were never spanked when we were kids...and I always believed that we should have been.

We spank. Not for minor things...but for repeated disobayment, etc. It's a "last resort" punishment.

 

[OceanAnnie]

This topic never goes over well.

I do think we can all agree that "Spanx" is a good thing.

 

[Goofyluver]

This topic never goes over well.

I do think we can all agree that "Spanx" is a good thing.

Hell yea.

Best post on this thread.

 

[castleview]

I don't have a problem with a spanking. But I don't think it should be done in public and you really shouldn't have to do it past age five. I'll admit I spanked when I was mad which people say you shouldn't, but when do you do it? Planned, calm spankings are just creepy to me.

 

[RayaniFoxmur]

The problems with these discussions is that many that are against spanking only see it from their pov. Beatings, being spanked over accidents, being hit constantly, etc. Everyone that believes in spankings tend to think that everyone who does not spank does not discipline their children at all.

Neither of these are true.

My kids were/are spanked. They were not beaten, they wre not hit anywhere but on their bottom and they were not spanked often and not for things they couldn't help (like accidents).

I have seen kids whose parents don't believe in spanking. One couple says they "distract" thier kids. Well, while they are busily trying to distract their children, their children are destroying the house. Does that mean that EVERY parent that doesn't believe in spanking allows their kids to act like this? No.


Everyone should be able to raise and displine thier children as they see fit. As long their child has all the love, care and nuturing they need and are not abused or neglected--its really up to the parent. And they should be able to raise their children without the judgement of other parents.

 

[Freyja]

The problems with these discussions is that many that are against spanking only see it from their pov. Beatings, being spanked over accidents, being hit constantly, etc. Everyone that believes in spankings tend to think that everyone who does not spank does not discipline their children at all.

Neither of these are true.

My kids were/are spanked. They were not beaten, they wre not hit anywhere but on their bottom and they were not spanked often and not for things they couldn't help (like accidents).

I have seen kids whose parents don't believe in spanking. One couple says they "distract" thier kids. Well, while they are busily trying to distract their children, their children are destroying the house. Does that mean that EVERY parent that doesn't believe in spanking allows their kids to act like this? No.


Everyone should be able to raise and displine thier children as they see fit. As long their child has all the love, care and nuturing they need and are not abused or neglected--its really up to the parent. And they should be able to raise their children without the judgement of other parents.

The thing is, to many spanking IS abuse. It is to me!

 

[bicker]

The thing is, to many spanking IS abuse. It is to me!

There was a time when it was permissible and considered appropriate to do things with/to your children that we would all be mortified by today. I mentioned this in another thread this morning: Humanity's perceptions evolve over time, generally towards greater compassion.

 

[The Pink Cupcake]

I do not agree at all. I don't think a 10 year old should be spanked in front of anyone but I don't think its out of control either. I don't think a 10 year old is too old for other methods of discipling, so not too old for spanking either.

So, at what age do you stop spanking?

ETS: So, using your line of thought: A 16 year old is "not too old for other methods of discipling, so not too old for spanking either."

Does this make sense to you?

 

[castmember19]

No matter what side of the fence you are on, I am sure we can all agree that “spanking” a 10 year old is totally inappropriate And it is done in front of people

If you haven’t figured out how to teach or discipline your child over the course of a decade without hitting them, I am going to go out on a limb and say spanking isin’t working for you

For the record, I don't spank. I don't hit my husband or anyone, for that matter. So why would I hit my children

Hey, if hitting your child is the only thing that works, go for it. I guess. But to "spank" a 10 year old is out of control.

In the defense of the family, the little girl is not your regular ten year old due to a lot of development issues. I don't really wish to get into the specifics of it because I don't know too many details, but yes, not your average ten year old who should know better.

Also, when I said witness, I'm usually upstairs while the family is downstairs. I can hear what is going on, but no, I've never seen them getting spanked personally.

I really had no idea that this was a hot topic, however there are some issues I'd like to clear up-

First of all, the kids aren't spanked as in beaten- again, I've never seen it myself but judging by talking it over with my boyfriend, it is just a swat on the behind.

Second of all, three of the kids raised by the same parents are older now. All three of them turned out perfectly fine. Two are in college and doing well, one is an athlete and thespian at her high school. There have been no discipline or bullying problems with any of them. You could ask any three of them if spanking negatively impacted them at all and they'll all say no, and that they never once felt as if they were being abused.

As a previous poster stated, the spanking is always the "last resort" punishment, if the kids are acting really out of hand.

I personally stand by the idea that it is just what works for some families. My family went through a situation where my dad laid a hand on me (swatted my arm and left a mark) and everyone screamed abuse- I didn't think I was being abused at all, nor did it traumatize me. But the people who were screaming abuse were the ones who turned my life temporarily upside down, not my own father.

Seeing as I was never spanked, I could never personally spank my own children. But there are families who do spank (read: spank as in a quick swat, not beat. There's a difference.) and if that is a lifestyle that worked for them, then why is it any of my business?

 

[abdmom]

In the defense of the family, the little girl is not your regular ten year old due to a lot of development issues. I don't really wish to get into the specifics of it because I don't know too many details, but yes, not your average ten year old who should know better.

So, they're hitting a developmentally delayed child???

Also, when I said witness, I'm usually upstairs while the family is downstairs. I can hear what is going on, but no, I've never seen them getting spanked personally.

I really had no idea that this was a hot topic, however there are some issues I'd like to clear up-

First of all, the kids aren't spanked as in beaten- again, I've never seen it myself but judging by talking it over with my boyfriend, it is just a swat on the behind.

Second of all, three of the kids raised by the same parents are older now. All three of them turned out perfectly fine. Two are in college and doing well, one is an athlete and thespian at her high school. There have been no discipline or bullying problems with any of them. You could ask any three of them if spanking negatively impacted them at all and they'll all say no, and that they never once felt as if they were being abused.

As a previous poster stated, the spanking is always the "last resort" punishment, if the kids are acting really out of hand.

I personally stand by the idea that it is just what works for some families. My family went through a situation where my dad laid a hand on me (swatted my arm and left a mark) and everyone screamed abuse- I didn't think I was being abused at all, nor did it traumatize me. But the people who were screaming abuse were the ones who turned my life temporarily upside down, not my own father.

And if they were teachers or medical personnel, they were legally required to report that to authorities.

Seeing as I was never spanked, I could never personally spank my own children. But there are families who do spank (read: spank as in a quick swat, not beat. There's a difference.) and if that is a lifestyle that worked for them, then why is it any of my business?

Then why are you posting about it here????

 

[The Pink Cupcake]

In the defense of the family, the little girl is not your regular ten year old due to a lot of development issues. I don't really wish to get into the specifics of it because I don't know too many details, but yes, not your average ten year old who should know better.

This makes it 100X worse

That poor child.

 

[The Pink Cupcake]

I'm usually upstairs while the family is downstairs. I can hear what is going on....

I've never seen it myself but judging by talking it over with my boyfriend, it is just a swat on the behind.

And yet you can hear it from a different area of the home

 

[NMAmy]

This makes it 100X worse

That poor child.

I agree.

OP--if you and your BF decide to have children together, then deciding where the two of you stand on spanking is extremely important. I was very strongly anti-spanking and my ex was ambivalent so neither of us spanked dd. But we made that decision long before dd was old enough to misbehave.

 

[castmember19]

So, they're hitting a developmentally delayed child???

Then why are you posting about it here????

They're not hitting the child, it's a quick swat on the butt... again, I believe there is a difference. Some people do not. I'd try to explain further but I fear digging myself into a deeper rut.

And I'm posting about it just because I wanted to see opinions from all side. Why else would I post about it? I asked for opinions, and I'm getting them. I never said, "Oh, I'm going to spank my own children" and yet in some ways I feel as if people are reacting to the question as if I myself am the perpetrator. I'm a nineteen year old girl who asked a question. I wouldn't spank my own kids even if I had them, I merely wanted to see how others felt about the issue and I got warnings that I would probably get flamed for asking. Then again, this is the internet- I don't expect everyone to be kind, either.

I said it's none of my business because what am I supposed to do- tell them no, don't do this, when it is the way they've been raising their children for twenty years?

Honestly, when I discussed the issue with my boyfriend I was alarmed, but thought I would be in the minority who thought that spanking was not something I'd ever do to my own children. I was curious to see if other people thought like I did. Now I've learned that not only do they think the way I do, but even more passionately about it, which wasn't something I was not expecting.

OP--if you and your BF decide to have children together, then deciding where the two of you stand on spanking is extremely important. I was very strongly anti-spanking and my ex was ambivalent so neither of us spanked dd. But we made that decision long before dd was old enough to misbehave.

I do realize that this would be an issue, but at the same time, we are both nineteen year old college students. Neither of us are even thinking about a time when we'll be getting married and having children... so the odds are unlikely at the moment. I'm not going to worry about it.

 

[Disney Doll]

I don't think an occasional whack on the butt kills anybody and it somtimes gets their attention. I was spanked very infrequently as a child, so when it happened, it did get my attention.

However, please note that I said an occasional whack on the butt and not beating with any sort of implement, I did not say slapping across the face, I did not say beating to witihin an inch of a child's life or any of the other things that people are going to hyperbole about in this thread.

 

[Disney Doll]

I was spanked with a belt when I was a kid. I will never, ever, ever do that to my child. He is 16 now. I turned out very good, but I was an incredibly rebellious teenager. So far, my son is pretty dang terrific. Please God let that remain that way. I have no doubts that those that are spanked can turn out perfectly well. However, I find spanking brutal, unnecessary and cruel. I still remember the pain of it and having to go pick out the belt for the punishment. What I don't remember is what I even said that made my dad to decide to whip me for in the first place.

But see, that's not spanking. That's beating and there is a difference. A spank is a swat on the bottom. Not a beating with a belt.

 

[Disney Doll]

This topic never goes over well.

I do think we can all agree that "Spanx" is a good thing.

Best invention ever!!!!!!!!

Do you ever wonder why they named them that though????

 

[aprilgail2]

I do not agree at all. I don't think a 10 year old should be spanked in front of anyone but I don't think its out of control either. I don't think a 10 year old is too old for other methods of discipling, so not too old for spanking either.

oh come on--now you can't be serious??? There are 10 year olds in Jr. High school and you think that it is appropriate to spank them still?? Where does it stop- putting your 17 year old on your lap and spanking them??
No matter what you call it, it is still abuse and unacceptable behavior from a so called adult.

 

[nmmom95]

So, they're hitting a developmentally delayed child??? :sick

 

[The Pink Cupcake]

oh come on--now you can't be serious??? There are 10 year olds in Jr. High school and you think that it is appropriate to spank them still?? Where does it stop- putting your 17 year old on your lap and spanking them??
No matter what you call it, it is still abuse and unacceptable behavior from a so called adult.

I agree. I don’t agree with spanking on any level. But there does come a point where it is downright perverse and weird for a daddy to hit his daughter on the buttocks.