Opinions on spanking children?

[RadioFanatic]

I was spanked and had a wooden spoon used on me many times when I was a child. Yes, I'm a nice person, but I still resent it.

Dh was beaten by his father as a child. Still hates him.

We will never hit our son. Frankly, no matter how frustrated I've been with him (he's three), I have never even had the urge to do it. I honestly can't imagine it.

And, as a three year old, he sometimes hits me. I like being able to say to him "has mama ever hit you?" to which he of course responds no. if I had spanked him, how could I teach him it was not okay to hit others?

 

[disneyjunkie]

^This. It's probably why I've had problems with bullying as a child and ended up in an abusive relationship as a teen-because all along I was taught that someone bigger than you can make you hurt and it's perfectly fine, plus, it's your fault.

Sometimes I don't understand why you would ever hit your child if your whole goal was to protect them from harm...

You really think spanking was the reason you were bullied?

I was spanked as a child,(I can honestly say I deserved each one) but I was never bullied. I was never bullied, because the bullies knew I would fight back.

Bullies tend to seek out those who will not stand up for themselves.

 

[bdcp]

Before I start, our definition of spanking is a pop on the bottom through clothing. DH and I were spanked occasionally as children. Our boys were spanked occasionally and they turned out perfectly fine. They are successful, loving adults at 25 and 27 and they both believe in a little corporal punishment. Now, we never had a reason after the boys were 4 or 5. But, let me tell you, it was used for dangerous actions, not just for any reason. A quick pop on the bottom is a lot easier on someone than getting hit by a car KWIM?

I have two sisters. One spanked her kids, one didn't. The one who did has had the least issues with her kids. The one who didn't had rude, sneaky kids who hit each other despite never being spanked. Oh, and her daughter kicked my husband one time and her parents didn't do anything. Our boys also never hit each other. And, they never hit DH or I or kicked any adult. So, anyone who says kids who are spanked become kids who hit others,um no. My sisters and I never laid a hand on each other either.

I know a lot of kids that were spanked growing up and I have yet to meet anyone who was traumatized for life by it. I personally think, unless you are beaten or spanked in front of your friends, a couple of swats on your behind isn't that big a deal. My mom used to say the shame she felt when my grandfather was disappointed in her made her wish he'd just spank her and get it over with.

 

[Cee]

I went to Catholic school as a child and while in elementary school, the principal would occasionally come to class and "discipline" a naughty child in front of the class. This was usually a boy and she(a nun) would have him take off his belt, turn around, bend over and then she would give him a few good swats with his own belt. Once, there was a girl who was naughty and the principal said to her, "I've never had to do this to a young lady and I hope I never will." She told her to return to her seat. All I can say is, it certainly made an impression on me.

Oh...and that young lady was NOT me, in case you were wondering...

 

[Freyja]

In MY OPINION spanking is no different from other forms of hitting. Aka: Violence. I have not and will not ever subject my children to any form of violence. I was spanked on very rare occasions as a kid, my husband was not but we have agreed to never use violence as a tool to get our children to obey. There are many other, much more efficient ways to raise children in our opinions.

 

[bicker]

Bullies tend to seek out those who will not stand up for themselves.

Precisely, just as people prone to commit domestic abuse will seek out partners who have been essentially trained to be accepting of such abuse, often by previous experience within which they were shown that a failure to submit shall result in infliction of pain.

It is strange how this sort of thing works: Generally, the damage manifests as a drive to an extreme, but not necessarily the same extreme: Folks abused tend to be driven to become life-long victims or life-long abusers.

 

[monkeybug]

I think you should do whats right for your family, and if you're unsure about what that is then seek out the opinion of parents whose opinions you value. If you don't know many parents who you feel have successfully raised their kids then research what child development experts have to say on the matter.
Parenting isn't the kind of thing that has to be done in one specific way to be successful, there are 1,000's of routes that all lead to the same place.
Our family motto (stolen from a Raffi song) is "All I really need is a song in my heart, food in my belly, and love in my family"
Basically feed your kids, have fun with your kids, and above all else, love your kids, and chances are no matter what other methods you choose they will turn out just fine.

 

[abdmom]

You really think spanking was the reason you were bullied?

I was spanked as a child,(I can honestly say I deserved each one) but I was never bullied. I was never bullied, because the bullies knew I would fight back.

Bullies tend to seek out those who will not stand up for themselves.

I never deserved to be spanked - I really don't think spilling my milk at the table when I was 4 "deserved" it. Yes, bullies will pick on kids who have been taught to let people bigger than them, hit them and emotionally abuse them.

 

[Tinkh]

I was spanked with a belt when I was a kid. I will never, ever, ever do that to my child. He is 16 now. I turned out very good, but I was an incredibly rebellious teenager. So far, my son is pretty dang terrific. Please God let that remain that way. I have no doubts that those that are spanked can turn out perfectly well. However, I find spanking brutal, unnecessary and cruel. I still remember the pain of it and having to go pick out the belt for the punishment. What I don't remember is what I even said that made my dad to decide to whip me for in the first place.

 

[bombygriz]

You really think spanking was the reason you were bullied?

I was spanked as a child,(I can honestly say I deserved each one) but I was never bullied. I was never bullied, because the bullies knew I would fight back.

Bullies tend to seek out those who will not stand up for themselves.

I never deserved to be spanked - I really don't think spilling my milk at the table when I was 4 "deserved" it. Yes, bullies will pick on kids who have been taught to let people bigger than them, hit them and emotionally abuse them.

That's what I was trying to say. I wasn't bullied because of it, I was afraid to stand up and therefore became a target because of it.

 

[Freyja]

I never deserved to be spanked - I really don't think spilling my milk at the table when I was 4 "deserved" it. Yes, bullies will pick on kids who have been taught to let people bigger than them, hit them and emotionally abuse them.

No children ever deserve to be hit by the people they´re supposed to be able to turn to for shelter, the people they love the most.

 

[bicker]

Before I start, our definition of spanking is a pop on the bottom through clothing.

Okay that's interesting, but the distinction only establishes a matter of degree: Big harm versus little harm. Very bad thing, or moderately bad thing.

But, let me tell you, it was used for dangerous actions, not just for any reason. A quick pop on the bottom is a lot easier on someone than getting hit by a car KWIM?

Pulling the child out of the way of the oncoming car would more effectively prevent them from getting hit by the car, in the moment, and the point is what is the very best way to train a child to behave so as to not get hit by cars, long-term. Spanking a child applies the same logic and approach as disciplining a dog, and is supported by all the same rationale, and indeed no other rationale. I'm not sure how happy spanking advocates should be by the fact that their perspective is essentially "treat children like dogs". However, we have to be fair: There is merit in that means of training. The question is whether the benefits (and typically, for any one administration of pain, there is only one potential benefit) outweigh all the detriments (and typically, for any one administration of pain, there are many detriments).

Again, what I rely on is the fact that the advocates typically don't acknowledge the realities. They don't say "The benefits outweigh those detriments - the long-term good is bigger than all the long-term bad that spanking causes." Instead, they tend to reject the long-term bad, avoid it, ignore it, or otherwise obfuscate.

I have two sisters. One spanked her kids, one didn't. The one who did has had the least issues with her kids.

I appreciate how you worded this. It really cuts to the heart of the issue: What's spanking for? To ensure that the parents have "the least issues" with their children? I feel that that reflects an indefensible value. Instead, the priorities should be what ensures that the children have "the least issues" with themselves and ensure that society has "the least issues" with the children. Both of those are equal in importance and value, and are both far more important, imho, than what causes the least issues for the parent.

 

[saffron1000]

I have never spanked my child. I find that there is a certain tone in my voice that does the trick!

 

[Hannathy]

I don't believe in beatings or true spankings, I however do believe in a swat on the behind for a toddler or a swat on a toddlers hand is appropriate.

I do not think once a child is school age there is any need for it.

Saying that my DD is 19 and she has been hit exactly 1 time in her life. When she was 18 months she thought it was very funny to run out of the driveway into the street. After a couple days of her not listening and running out so we would chase her and laughing, my DH picked her up and gave her 1 good swat on her behind as he brought her back from the street. She never ran out into the street again and she has never been hit again but it was effective in delivering the message and for showing how serious it was.

I also don't believe that spankings are the root of all evil nor do I think they cause you to become the victim of bullies. If that was the case then 99.9% of the kids I grew up with would all be messed up people or victims of bullies cause in the 60's spankings were the time outs of the day.

 

[The Pink Cupcake]

My boyfriend grew up in a family where the kids were spanked and I still see his younger siblings (10 and 7) being spanked from time to time.

No matter what side of the fence you are on, I am sure we can all agree that “spanking” a 10 year old is totally inappropriate And it is done in front of people

If you haven’t figured out how to teach or discipline your child over the course of a decade without hitting them, I am going to go out on a limb and say spanking isin’t working for you

For the record, I don't spank. I don't hit my husband or anyone, for that matter. So why would I hit my children

Hey, if hitting your child is the only thing that works, go for it. I guess. But to "spank" a 10 year old is out of control.

 

[nmmom95]

My boys are 13 and almost 8. DH & I do not believe in spanking. "Listen to me or I'll hit you " is not the message I want to give my children.

 

[nmmom95]

Be sure and park your car at the Contemporary even if you aren't staying on site. That's the best place to park, because you can walk to MK from there.

Don't forget that you can get free parking at Boardwalk and walk over to Epcot!

 

[luvsJack]

The problems with these discussions is that many that are against spanking only see it from their pov. Beatings, being spanked over accidents, being hit constantly, etc. Everyone that believes in spankings tend to think that everyone who does not spank does not discipline their children at all.

Neither of these are true.

My kids were/are spanked. They were not beaten, they wre not hit anywhere but on their bottom and they were not spanked often and not for things they couldn't help (like accidents).

I have seen kids whose parents don't believe in spanking. One couple says they "distract" thier kids. Well, while they are busily trying to distract their children, their children are destroying the house. Does that mean that EVERY parent that doesn't believe in spanking allows their kids to act like this? No.


Everyone should be able to raise and displine thier children as they see fit. As long their child has all the love, care and nuturing they need and are not abused or neglected--its really up to the parent. And they should be able to raise their children without the judgement of other parents.

 

[HOGFAN]

I was spanked,spanked my kids, everybody is fine...

 

[luvsJack]

No matter what side of the fence you are on, I am sure we can all agree that “spanking” a 10 year old is totally inappropriate And it is done in front of people

If you haven’t figured out how to teach or discipline your child over the course of a decade without hitting them, I am going to go out on a limb and say spanking isin’t working for you

For the record, I don't spank. I don't hit my husband or anyone, for that matter. So why would I hit my children

Hey, if hitting your child is the only thing that works, go for it. I guess. But to "spank" a 10 year old is out of control.

I do not agree at all. I don't think a 10 year old should be spanked in front of anyone but I don't think its out of control either. I don't think a 10 year old is too old for other methods of discipling, so not too old for spanking either.