Only One Child??

[WDWorBUST]

Please let me preface this by saying that I don't think there is anything in this world wrong with having an "only" child. I'm just struggling with whether it is or isn't right for me. So my question is - if you have an "only" child what made you decide to stop with just one? and if you have more than one child what made you want more? I'm really struggling with this right now.

 

[luvwinnie]

I have no kids, but my sister decided on just one mostly for financial reasons.

 

[noseybuddy]

I was only going to have one child. Then everyone started telling me that my child should have a sibling, because when they get older and the parents are gone they still have each other. So I did have another. I stopped after that, I have a DS and a DD.

 

[NMAmy]

I really just had one because of my own family growing up. My mother really favored my younger sister--still does, as a matter of fact. It caused terrible problems for me growing up. Financially, it was better for me as well.

DD loves being an only child. She has a half sister and 3 step-sisters through her dad and one step-sister (who is a grown up) through DH. So she gets plenty of one-on-one time at my house but still gets to have siblings.

 

[CathrynRose]

Please let me preface this by saying that I don't think there is anything in this world wrong with having an "only" child. I'm just struggling with whether it is or isn't right for me. So my question is - if you have an "only" child what made you decide to stop with just one? and if you have more than one child what made you want more? I'm really struggling with this right now.

I am an only child - my mom's decision was made...well, cuz my father didnt want ANY kids, and left shortly after I was born (great guy, huh?? A detective on the Chicago Police force, too... )

Now, I wished I had brothers and sisters growing up - but I was spoiled rotten, not having any - and full attention was given to me - me - me. I have to say even now, I wish I had bro/sis's - my mom is pretty sick (diabetes, legally blind from it, dialysis - all sorts of fun things!), and never re-married - so it's just me, and it sucks. I have no one to ask for help, and my mom is a pain in the butt since getting ill - so it doesnt even feel like my mom. It completely sucks.

On the other hand - I have 2 boys. And they fight like cats and dogs, on steroids. They bicker, argue, whine - UGH!

Its a tough call to make - but I think having another child is better, IMO.

 

[LBAK]

Another only child here. I always wanted a brother or sister just like other kids but I had a great childhood and 2 parents who loved me very much. However, when my mom died and dad was in so much grief I badly wanted a brother or sister to help get through it. It was then that I decided I wanted more then one child. It took 9 yrs. (thanks to infertility problems) but I have 2 girls who are very close. Now I have an aging dad and again I wish I had someone to turn to to help make decisions. It's a very personal decision and either way would be fine I'm sure. Just trying to give you a different angle.

 

[Mom2Ashli]

I have an only child. Honestly I am not sure what made me not want anymore. And now that she is almost 7 I just can't see starting over.

I have two older brothers, but I am the one that takes care of my Mom. I make sure she is doing okay and all that stuff. When my Father was sick and when he passed it was Me that took care of most of the stuff. Yes my brothers were there but they didn't help much. Sometimes they tend not to get along so I had to deal with that also.

Now one of them lives 30 minutes away and there only lives 20 hours away. So it is still up to me to take care of things.

Sometimes I feel like an only child with the responsibilies and my brothers just have all the fun with no worries.

 

[DisneyPhD]

I always new I wanted more then one child, but I didn't really want a 2nd child until my 1st was fully out of babyhood. (one baby at a time is enough for me thanks, I don't know how some mom's do it!)

I have 3 older brothers myself, always wanted a sister.

My FIL was an only child. Caring for his 97 year old widowed mother is rather a lot of work, emotionally and other wise. We always said we had a 2nd so our 1st child wouldn't be stuck with all the responsibility of caring for us in our old age.

There are more reasons then that, but that is a pretty good one.

I don't know yet if we want more then 2 kids, time will tell (one is still baby enough for me at the moment.)

Good luck.

 

[luvmydogs]

I am an only child, and dh and I have an only child.

We decided this for several reasons, most in the forefront being that after having one, neither of us had the sincere desire to have another. And I truly believe that having children should be done with that utmost desire for one.

I've heard many comments such as 'you're selfish,' and 'your son will be lonely,' along with the really personal comments questioning our decision. I just can't imagine questioning outright those who have made different childbearing decisions than we. I never really gave Chris being 'an only' a second thought, mainly because I was one and loved it. Dh has two brothers and sisters to whom he is not at all close, so he really never was worried abut the sibling thing either.

Bottom line, we were happy with our little family, and just had no deep, true desire for more children--now I'm not saying that if we would've had an unplanned preganancy we wouldn't have welcomed the child, but I can honestly say we don't regret having only one.

Follow your heart on this one--'onlies' do just fine, and I certainly wouldn't make the decision to have other kids based on that concern alone. What works for one family won't work for another, and I do hope you make the decision that's best for you and yours.

 

[luvwinnie]

I have to say that I DO Love having siblings...esp. when my mom was so ill, it was great to have each other...but not all siblings are like that. For all the help DH"s brother was when their father was ill, he might as well be an only child.

 

[Longsx3]

Please let me preface this by saying that I don't think there is anything in this world wrong with having an "only" child. I'm just struggling with whether it is or isn't right for me. So my question is - if you have an "only" child what made you decide to stop with just one? and if you have more than one child what made you want more? I'm really struggling with this right now.

We have only on DD(9), after she was born we decided that if we were to have another it would be when DD was about 4. When we were finally ready complications arose which eventually led to me having a Hysterectomy. In the end I am okay with only one. Does DD want a sibiling? sure she does but then she doesn't really realize the ramifications of having a brother or sister. Besides the monetary aspects, we are able to focus soley on her...whether it be academics or extracurriculars. To be honest I couldn't imagine helping with 2 science fair projects or being able to shuttle 2 kids to activities. Having another child 5yrs ago would haven nice but that was not meant to be and now we are very happy and content with our single child lifestyle.

 

[AMcaptured]

We have one child and I have never had any regret about not having more. I was in bed for the last 5 months of my pregnancy with my daughter, the doctors told me that I would be in bed for the entire pregnancy if I had another so we chose not to have any others. I couldn't imagine being in bed that long with a toddler or a pre schooler or a grade schooler or now with a high schooler. I believe it was a blessing because I developed 5 years ago a progressive disease that is dibilitating and caring for my daughter and husband plus aging parents is more than I can bare most days.

Only children don't have to be brats, I don't believe mine is but they do tend to be spoiled and not just with material items. Our daughter has our undivided attention and that is very rare in this day in age with most parents working, a sibling or two, etc. However, that said, remember, most kids are spoiled these days, even kids with two or three siblings.

Good luck and I would say, don't make any decision one way or the other until you are sure.

 

[FionaLovesShrek]

My DD is an only child, but not because we didn't want more children. I went through in-vitro fertilization to have her. I had 1 child out of 4 embryo's. I couldn't afford to do the procedure again. DD is 9, and has always wanted a sibling. I feel bad...she deserves one.

 

[WDWorBUST]

Thanks everyone....I don't know how I'll ever get this one figured out but all the different view points definitely help.

 

[barkley]

dh and i both have siblings (me 3, he 4) but in both cases we were both the youngest (me with the next youngest 6 years older, dh with the next youngest 14 years older). we had nothing in common with our sibs-when we got old enough for companionship they were in jr high or older and did'nt want a younger sib to be hanging out with them even now we don't have a lot in common with them (they were dealing with kids in highschool when our kids were born, their kids are in college or out of the house ours are firmly entrenched in "kidhood"). we decided if we had children we were going to have 2 and space them such that they could provide companionship for each other.

do they always get along? nope-they often fight like cats and dogs, but they are each other's greatest defenders. do they share all interests? nope-but they will try out something the other is interested in for virtue of having someone to play with.

i'm not fooling myself into thinking they will be "bff's", but i take some comfort in knowing that both of them have a friendly relationship with one other person that is much more enduring than those they've made at school or play.

we have a dear friend who is an only child. she was adored by her parents had lots of cousins to play with, was not spoiled-but she still talks about wishing desparatly for a sibling to share her childhood with. she says "at the end of the day they always went home with their moms and dads and brothers and sisters, i always thought it must be nice to have someone that stays with you".

 

[MO Disney cruiser]

I have an only DD. She's almost 15 now. When she was little, she thought she wanted a sibling. Ask her now and she says "No way!"

We decided not to have another one when she was about 4. There are 6 years between me and my DS. I'm the oldest. It was horrible. Since she was a moster, I was left to take care of her when DM and DD went out. I swore there would not be a big age difference in my children. I didn't want DD to go through what I did.

She's very happy and well adjusted. A little spoiled, yes.

 

[Chicago526]

DH and I have no kids yet. But I want at least two (I'd love three) but DH wants only one.

I was the youngest of three, and he is an "only"! So I think what you experiance growing up can influance what you want for yourself.

But for what's it's worth, this is what I think. Kids with sibs miss out on being an "only" and "only" kids miss out on having sibs. Both life experiances are unique and have their drawbacks and advantages.

Personally I feel that having a sibling has more advantages than being an only. HOWEVER there is nothing wrong with having "only" one child, and "only" children grow up to be perfectly normal adults (well, as normal as anyone can claim to be, anyway! ).

Whatever you and your spouse feel is right for YOU, is the right answer. Don't let anyone else presure into anything you don't want.

 

[PaulaSue]

Dh and I are both only children (I hated it and he was okay with it) so we wanted at least 2 and close in age so they would have someone. No cousins or Aunts and Uncles for ours IMO make the holidays very lonely especially with our parents getting older.

 

[goofyforlife]

My DH and I only have one.....

She wasn't planned but we love her just the same....after she was born we struggled to finish college (i had one year left; my dh had 2).

We were on our own financially so it made it almost impossible to have another. (Day care costs etc...)

While I truly wanted another child; I was afraid to try. I was on bedrest for four weeks with my DD and then had to have a c-section when she came early (and backwards) at 36 weeks.

My DH was also hesitant because of all the problems with our DD (She has ADD) and DH was afraid another baby could be something normal or much worse.

Years went by and....

Then we moved down here to DC area and I truly don't know how we could have another. Do you know how ridiculous the cost of a babysitter is? something like $250 a week

My sister has a two year old right now and we have been able to get our baby "fix" off of him and realize we're getting to old to think of starting over again (DD is 12).

 

[JVL1018]

All I have to do is look back on my childhood and all the fun I had with my brothers(plenty of fights too! LOL) to know there is no way I could have had an only.
No matter what they were there for me and vice versa..and even as adults, when my Mom was sick with cancer I used to call my little brother and have him come over just to keep me company because I needed to talk to someone who knew my Mom just like I did. I needed someone with the same memories to talk with..and when she died, I was never so happy to have those 2 guys standing with me.

My husband pretty much grew up as an only(his brothers are 11 and 13 years older than him) and he hated it, was lonely, he never would have gone for having only one.
Now that they are all adults he is close to his brothers..closer than the other 2 are to each other, even though they are only two years apart.

I even sort of feel guilty for having 2 and not 3 kids, but I'm satisfied with just my 2.