Only One Child??

[beattyfamily]

I have 2 girls. I felt that I wanted them to have siblings for so many reasons. I'm kind of glad they are sisters even though DH would have preferred one of them being a boy! They can share so many special things being sisters. IMHO.

I am 1 of 6 children so that might have something to do with it.

My mother was an only child and she didn't like it. She said she was very lonely.

Sorry I didn't shed very much light on the 'why's' of our decision but I'm very happy with it even when they fight with each other on a daily basis!

 

[Lynn CC]

We have one child, he's 18 now.

I remember we struggled with the decision on having another for years. DH and I sat down and made a list of pros and cons. He made his list, I made mine. We had many conversations about the lists until we came to a decision. It was not a decision we decided overnight, it took a lot of communication. We even included DS in some of those conversations to get his view, even though he was young he had a lot to say about the subject!
I think we came to a final decision to just have one when he was about 8.

He loves being an only, that was always his opinion when he was young and it still is now that he's off to college!
I'm happy too, my cons list was always way longer than the pros list!
DH wanted to have a little girl, but now that our neices and nephews are having children, we get to spoil their kids and babysit anytime we want!!

Good Luck with your decsion, it isn't an easy one.

 

[disney50fam]

I am the only child. It was hard for me growing up because I always wanted brothers and sisters. ( but my dad left my mom when I was 3 and never came back so my mom rasied me alone)
Anyway, when I planed to have kids is was going to be one boy one girl...
Boy was I wrong
Had my first son, then got PG right away with my second son. My exhusband and I ( then he was my hubby ) Talked and said we would try one more time for a girl and then came bug ( another boy) Well I got on birth control pills and a few years down the road... found out I was PG with Jessica.
After I had her the had to remove one of my tubes and the doc's said it was like a 1 in 100 chance I would ever have kids again. Well I was fine with that I had my DD finally... Well my ex and I divorced ( long story) and I met someone and we started dating and then getting more Serious and all of a sudden HELLO PG again.....
Wowzers.... Well I made sure they tied burned and cut everything in there
I love my kiddos dearly and I thank god for them everynight but If I had one more I would lose my mind

 

[Mandabella]

Then everyone started telling me that my child should have a sibling, because when they get older and the parents are gone they still have each other.

Not necessarily. My brother and I don't talk to one another and my DH barely speaks to his siblings. I know we aren't the only ones who do not like or get along with their siblings as an adult. So in my mind, this is not a good reason (for me) to have more than one child. Eventhough I have a sibling, I feel like an only child now. As children, my brother and I got along much better than we do now...who would have thought?

I think it's a personal decision for the parents to make for their situation. DH has already told me that if we decide to have children he wants two...and I'm leaning towards one.

To the OP, good luck in your decision!

 

[Pea-n-Me]

DH and I were on the fence for a long time about having any children. We then decided that having one would be right for us. However, we ran into infertility problems once we started trying, and ended up going through Assisted Reproductive Technology in order to become pregnant. Through the miracle of IVF, God gave us twins, a boy and a girl. Not a day goes by that we don't count our blessings, however if we had had just one child, that would have been just fine, too. I couldn't imagine having more than two.

 

[MamaLema]

I have 3 kids but I'm an only child.

I always wished for a sibling, and even now I wish I had one.

My mom told me she had only one because it's too hard

 

[suzannen]

I was the youngest of 4 and there was constanting fighting in my house. I never got personal attention or time with my parents; money was always tight - we could never afford to go on vacations or buy new clothes. I lived in hand-me downs. And now, none of us are very close. A great many of my friends also do not have good relations with their siblings. I believe that's a terrible reason to have another child.

As for me, I never actively made a decision, life decided it for me. I have two DDs, but they were both basically raised as only children. I had my first when I was 23 during my first marriage. I remarried and my 2nd came along 14 years later. My youngest was not quite 4 when my oldest went away to college and moved out. They each got massive amounts of personal attention from me and never felt sibling rivalry. My oldest is now 25 working on her financial career and the youngest is in 6th grade. It worked out perfect for me.

 

[budbeerlady]

We have an "only", didnt start out that way. I lost two pregnacies (one at 14 weeks) before getting DD. I held my breath and worried every minute I was pregnate. I know mentally I couldnt go through it all again and Dh supports my decision. We had talked about two when we got married but are very lucky to have our one. She did want a sibling for the longest time.

When she was almost 4 she went so far as to tell everyone and I mean everyone she came in contact with for a week that she was having a brother. I found out when her teacher came to me and asked if Hailey was having a brother because it seemed a bit weird as I was close with her teachers and hadnt said a word. And there was no way I looked pregnate enough to know it would be a boy. She had the story down to getting a crib and blue clothes. She had spun quite a tale and we had quite a talk about it and lying. (Some day when she is older I'll tell her what she did and we will laugh about it.)

With one we can afford priv. school, trips to WDW, ballet, extras for her that we couldnt with two. She has alot but isnt spoiled. She knows she is mommy's angel and I couldnt imagine having to share my time or attention with another child. I'd be afraid of the favortism or something. (And Dh would die if we had a 3 women house.)

I was the oldest of 3, Dh middle of 3. But dh and his sibblings are not close (neither are siblings and parents)and care for his parents will fall on him and myself. Care for my parents falls to me in the future also as DSis lives 5 hours away.

DD loves being an only grandchild, Dsis has dogs for kids and Dbro isnt married. I do get sick of people saying "You need to have more than one!" I really want to say "Some people really should stop at 1 or less!" She comes from a close family and does alot with her 4 cousins, so I dont worry. I am lucky to have her and wont push my luck either.
You will know in your heart what is best for you, but know for sure before you have more. I dont belive in strapping yourself so Dchild can have a sibbling or two. Cousin wanted 4 kids, cannot really afford two but they have 4 so they can all play together. I wouldnt really call that playing together but anyway. The bills are huge, they both work seperate shifts because day care is too much. And the kids are falling behind because of it. They should be in a preschool or young 5's (4's, 3's etc) program but arent. School will be a challenge for all of those kids without some early academics to start them down the path. Will they have time to help 4 (each a year apart) do homework each night? Go to school events, volunteer for school helpers, the pros and cons list can go on and on. Figure out what is most important and works best for your family.

 

[MrsKreamer]

I am an only and have always longed for a sibling. Especially now when the few friends I do have live in other cities and don't have kids yet. My mother said she always only wanted one, and I respect that. She wasn't in a great marriage with my dad, and her second husband wouldn't have been great to have a child with. My mom really liked being "done" when I was a teenager and then off to college. She got to have her time at 40, when some of her firends still had younger children and even babies to take care of. My dad remarried, but his wife is childfree by choice. She told me she always wanted to marry a man with a child, and she got me and was complete....I loved her for that!

Me on the other hand, I ALWAYS knew I would have at least 2. Timing has been a bit off, but I believe everything happens for a reason. My son is the light of my life and I cannot wait to meet his little brother or sister!

 

[Caleb's Mom]

My DS 4, soon to be 5 is an only.

My DH is an only and I was the oldest of 3. My mom owned an in-home daycare, my dad taught school and I did a ton of babysitting as a teen so I was about kidded-out once I moved away to college and met DH.

I have to work full time and my DH works a 12 hour swing shift including overnights and every other weekend. Very often my DS and I are alone, which is very lonely and stressful as there is no downtime between my commute, my job and my son.

We're also about out of room - at just over 900 square feet we're tripping over each other in our home, a new baby would have to sleep in a dresser drawer!

Given the financial resourses and an extra measure of patience on my part we'd probably have another but that's just not in the cards right now.

 

[MerryPoppins]

Let's face it, if you look at the big picture, the number of siblings isn't the most important thing. It's the loving relationship with your family and the care your parents put into raising you. You can compensate for most anything if you work at it. I mean, you can't be a sibling for an only or wave a wand and get more money if you have 5 kids, but you can be there for your kids and they'll be okay either way.

I wanted a third more than anything, but my DH didn't. I backed down, because I didn't want to force the issue. After all, I had two wonderful kids. Now I'm going to be 45 in a few weeks and I've had cancer. I take medicine that won't allow me to have more children and DH says he made the wrong choice. He wishes we had another. Sigh.

But it wasn't the wrong choice. Three would have been great, but two was just as good. Sometimes I dream of adopting a third, but we're getting too old I guess. And money would be an issue. We have two kids to put through college in the next few years (and one wants to do medical school! ) It won't be long until we have grandchildren to take to Disney World.

 

[Sylvester McBean]

my wife and I have been together since 1989. after miscarriages, we finally had our daughter in 1993. we nearly lost my wife due to an ectopic pregnancy after using Clomid trying for a second child. when you come that close, you appreciate the child you have even more. she knows why she's an only child, and better off with both of her parents rather than a single dad with no clue. it's frustrating at times, but I'd rather have an only child and still have my wife with us. every family is unique. you don't need the 2.5 kids nuclear family to be happy.

 

[KarenAylwood]

I'm an only child, mostly because when I was a baby my dad wanted another, my mom didn't. Then when I got older (3 or 4) my mom wanted another and my dad didn't... so they just didn't have another!

When I was little I used to ask for a little sister for Christmas. (Santa didn't deliver). I had a baby sitter when I was younger who had a girl my age and another a few years younger and they were like my siblings.

My mom is also an only child (who came from an only child, notice the pattern?) and I am watching her struggle through dealing with my sick grandmother and making decisions for her now. It's been tough not having siblings to help her deal with it. However, my dad has a brother and being the more responsible one in the family, my dad took care of his mother's entire estate because my uncle didn't step up. Having a sibling doesn't necessarily make things easier, but a lot of times it does.

I don't mind not having siblings- I have an incredible bond with my mom and I don't know if I'd have that if she had had more children. I have a DBF with three siblings and look at them as part of my family now.

When I DO have kids- I plan on two at the least.

 

[WDWorBUST]

You know - out of all the decisions in life - so far this one is weighing on me very heavily. Me and DH got married when I was 21. When I was 25 we went to WDW for the first time and decided after we got back we would start trying to get pregnant. By the time we got back I backed out - I just didn't feel like we were as ready as I wanted to be. Then after a trip in 2000 we thought about it - but weren't ready. Then during 2001 we decided to go back to WDW in December and I would go off the pill after that trip. So we did and I did. But I didn't get pregnant....and didn't get pregnant. So then I started charting - figured out what was wrong and went to the doctor who prescribed clomid. One cycle of clomid and I was pregnant. Finally. After that year - which was awful - and I know many others have an even more difficult time and I can't imagine how horrible it is - I was pregnant. For the most part I had a very uneventful pregnancy - I went to Disney at 32 weeks and had a wonderful time - and actually played 18 holes of golf 2 weeks before she was born. It was such a wonderful time in my life I can't imagine not repeating it. I mean all of it from my pregnancy through now. I can't imagine not doing it again it was so so and still is so so amazing. When I hear that little voice saying "I coming Mommy - I coming." as she's running through the kitchen to the laundry room so she can "help mommy, help mommy" I can't imagine it not being twice as wonderful with two. Then I think - is that a realistic reason for wanting another child?? All the joy she brings me - she is such a blessing. What is better for her? She is spoiled - she's the only granddaughter on my side of the family - and my dad (and my mom) spoils her rotten. However....I don't think there is anything wrong with being spoiled with love. Sammi is very polite and very well-behaved....but she is the center of my world. It would totally rock her world to have to share mommy and daddy and nanny and poppy. Would the benefits of a sibling outweigh all the negatives?? I just don't know. I thought deciding to have one was hard - but this is 10 times harder.

 

[mickeyboat]

It is a tough decision. Good luck. I have seen posted on this board more than once, something like, you may always regret the decision not to have a child, but you will never regret the decision to have one.

Denae

 

[WDWorBUST]

you may always regret the decision not to have a child, but you will never regret the decision to have one.

Denae

I have heard this before - and I can definitely see the truth in it.

 

[MerryPoppins]

A sibling might rock her world, but she'd learn to love it. This makes me think of a song we used to sing when I was little. "Love is something if you give it away, you'll end up having more." If there is plenty of love in your family for her, there is enough for another. She'd learn to have enough love to share, too. It's healthy to learn to spread your love around. You'd just make sure you give her her own time and attention. And you play up the big sister part.

I saw a disgusted look on my son's face a few times when his little sister came home from the hospital. But I just made a big deal out of all the things we could still do together. I even remember one day when she was crying a lot, that I told him that as much as I loved the new baby she was a royal pain sometimes. He agreed with a grin. She was his baby as much as she was ours and he was fiercely defensive of her. Actually, he's 18 and he still is. I can't imagine what he'd do if anyone hurt her.

 

[padams]

As an only child, I never wished for a sibling as a child. As an adult, I would give anything for a sibling to share the emotional and financial burden of my aging parents. My parents didn't save adequately for their retirement and are not in good health so all of their care and financial issues are solely my problem. If you are going to have just one child, please prepare for your golden years so you are not a burden to your child, and your child doesn't resent your choice to have just one.

Every time a thread appears on this topic, I notice that the posters never seem to be concerned about what the "only's" adult life will be like. The only concern is the childhood. Please think beyond the childhood years.

 

[Lynn CC]

Does your only have any cousins that are the same age?
My brother's wife and my sister had a baby within the same 9 months as me,
so my DS has 2 cousins that are the same age and they are all very close to my DS. They both have their own sisters, but they are closer to my DS than they are their own sibling. They are the 3 musketeers, they have gone through every stage in life together and now they are all in their first year of college together!

 

[staci]

We are pregnant with #2 right now.

My main reason, to give ds a sibling that he can play with, grow up with, and grow old with, long after dh and I are gone.

I know growing up my brother got on my NERVES but in retrospect we had so much fun together, even with the almost 4 year age difference.

He moved away to college about 4 years ago, and I have honestly missed him more than I ever thought I would. Especially now that I have ds, who adores his uncle, I have a new appreciation for my family, and I cant imagine not having him around. I hope that ds and his new sibling can one day feel that close to each other.


Money is tight for us now, I wont lie. I was raised in an affluent home, dh was raised in a very poor home (with one sibling). We talked about kids, and both of us really wanted 2 (and havent ruled out a 3rd). If money is still tight, we wont go for #3. But we decided, even with a tight budget now, we knew that this was somethign we wanted for ourselves and our family.