Only One Child??

[Pin Wizard]

I have only one because I didn't have a choice about it. My sister had only one because she wanted to give him the best she could. With more than one, things wouldn't have been as good as she wanted it for him. Yes, spoiled child...who is now in the Coast Guard!

 

[Tigger&Belle]

Every time a thread appears on this topic, I notice that the posters never seem to be concerned about what the "only's" adult life will be like. The only concern is the childhood. Please think beyond the childhood years.

That was exactly my point. As I put it before, I don't think that being an only child would be so bad, but for me personally, being an "only adult" would have been tougher. I don't think that providing siblings for your grown children is a good enough reason on it's own, though, because there are no guarantees that the grown siblings will even have a relationship with each other.

 

[Christine]

Well, I am an "only" that has turned into an adult. Am I supposed to be having a bad life because I don't have siblings. Not sure what I *might* be missing. I'm 42 years old. Yes, my parents are still living. I have a few cousins and my own kids now.

Maybe when my parents "go" the burden will be all on me but, frankly, I didn't like the way things went between my mom and her five siblings when my grandmother passed away--and they all got along before that.

 

[Bunchkin]

After having my DD, I thought that one child was good for me. I didn't think I was capable ( I don't mean physically) of more, at the time. I enjoyed being able to spend so much time with her. Almost 4 yrs passed, and then shortly after the Sept. 11 disasters, I changed my mind. I felt that I was ready and that she was ready too. DH had been wanting more children since DD was born. So in July of 2002 DS was born. DD is 8 and DS is 3 1/2. They are the best of buds. They play together all the time and DD reads to DS constantly. And they argue very little.
Long ago I couldn't imagine having another child, now I can't imagine my life without both of them in it. I am glad I waited till DD was 4 yrs old. It gave us the opportunity to bond in a special way that might not have happened if I had had another baby right away.

 

[smilingmouse]

I am an only, but I would like to have more than one. I am an only because my mom had a very difficult time having children (I was born 10 weeks early)....I really enjoyed being an only. I'm hoping to have 2 children someday

 

[pawsitivemom]

I have 2 "only" children....

Let me explain.


I had ODS fairly young. I was single but in an abusive relationship. That ended when DS was 1yr old and a few weeks later I met the man who would become my hubby. I thought, at the time, that I'd want another child "later, when we are more secure" well....after about 8yrs that "more secure" never happened and we decided that we liked having only one child who was growing up. And we liked the freedom that came with not having a "little" one. So, we agreed that we would have no more children.

About a year later we had an "oops" and I became pg...then miscarried at 16wks. What we, as a family, went through made me relize that DH had only said he was O.K. with one to make me happy. He really did want another child. I agreed to "give it a year" and see what happened. After 14mo I was going to call my DR to get a consult about having my tubal done...I put it off a month then called her for a pre-natal instead.

So....12yrs after my first child, 3yrs after deciding not to have anymore I had my second boy. It changed my life **dramatically**. I had just decided that I would open my own business as well as having my "hobby" take off (dog showing) to another level. Instead I stayed home with my new child and put my dogs on hold again....180 degrees from where I thought I was going.

I can't say that there was any 1 thing that led to our diecision to stop at one and there was no 1 thing (except divine interventionn) that made us decide to have another. KWIM???

anyway....that is how I have 2 "only" children.

 

[MerryPoppins]

I chatted with DH about this thread last night. Remember, he is an adopted only. (He recently met his birth mother and two full siblings, but that is another story.) He says growing up, he never missed not having siblings. His family life was happy and he felt fine being the center of attention.

However, now he wishes he had a sibling. His father had a stroke 7 or 8 years ago. He's in a wheelchair and can't talk. As the years go by, it's getting harder for his mom to handle him alone. Since DH is an only, he has no one to share the burden with. Not that they ask much from us, but he feels like he needs to be there for his mom. For example, he is looking for a new job and he feels like he has to stay in this area in case they need him. And he's very aware that when his parents are gone, he'll only have aunts, uncles and cousins from his side of the family.

I also asked DD if she'd rather have been an only. She said sometimes. But usually she is happy that she has a sibling. She loves him a lot. She just doesn't always like it when he acts like he's her parent. She says he's bossy. She wishes she had a sister, too.

 

[jodifla]

I'm an only child, and I have an only child.

Like any life situation, there are pros and cons. My parents couldn't really afford more children, so they were wise not to have any more. Would it have been easier for me as an adult to have siblings to help with them? Maybe. Or perhaps the sibling would have stuck me with everything....I see that all the time.

As an only child, I sought out great friends that I've had a lifetime. I'm closer to many of my friends then they are to their own siblings. Having a sibling or two or more is no guarantee of lifelong friendship. I also have a great husband who helps out with my parents, so a sibling isn't a loss for me....I have DH.

DS didn't come along until I was older, so he'll be an only child. DH and I will set up our lives so he doesn't need to feel responsible for us when we're older. And we're giving him opportunities at a young age to meet and play with a lot of different kids, including his cousins.

There are lots of different paths in life. Choose the one that you feel is best for your family, and don't let anyone tell you you're selfish or any nonsense like that.

 

[Magalex]

We have a wonderful happy 5 yr old DS. I am the very very last child of six. My oldest brother is about 18 yrs older(quessing if that is right) then me. He was out of the house in the military by time I was one. He is a total stranger living in another state. Also if there are 6 children doesn't mean that all 6 take care of elderly parent.

 

[Tigger&Belle]

Well, I am an "only" that has turned into an adult. Am I supposed to be having a bad life because I don't have siblings. Not sure what I *might* be missing. I'm 42 years old. Yes, my parents are still living. I have a few cousins and my own kids now.

Maybe when my parents "go" the burden will be all on me but, frankly, I didn't like the way things went between my mom and her five siblings when my grandmother passed away--and they all got along before that.

I certainly don't mean to imply that you are living a terrible life now because you don't have siblings. If you had siblings you'd probably not be able to imagine not having them. Either than or you wouldn't get along and you'd wish you didn't have them.

So much of our happiness depends on other things. But I do know for me personally I'm glad that I have my sisters. I'll have to say that if I only had my 2 brothers that I don't know that I'd feel the same way about adult siblings since there really isn't much of a relationship there.

 

[mickeyfan2]

There is something called second child infertility. Most of these couples will not seek IF treatment for many reasons.

 

[Christine]

I certainly don't mean to imply that you are living a terrible life now because you don't have siblings. If you had siblings you'd probably not be able to imagine not having them. Either than or you wouldn't get along and you'd wish you didn't have them.

So much of our happiness depends on other things. But I do know for me personally I'm glad that I have my sisters. I'll have to say that if I only had my 2 brothers that I don't know that I'd feel the same way about adult siblings since there really isn't much of a relationship there.

Awww, I didn't take you too seriously! Just remember, we "onlies" are very sensitive. I swear, only children are the most misunderstood group of people in the world. You spend all your life, especially your childhood, trying to convince people you're really NOT spoiled, even though you are automatically labeled as such. Then you spend a few more years convincing your friends that you really DIDN'T spend your childhood sitting in a corner mourning for playmates.

I think you really don't miss what you never had.

 

[Tigger&Belle]

Awww, I didn't take you too seriously! Just remember, we "onlies" are very sensitive. I swear, only children are the most misunderstood group of people in the world. You spend all your life, especially your childhood, trying to convince people you're really NOT spoiled, even though you are automatically labeled as such. Then you spend a few more years convincing your friends that you really DIDN'T spend your childhood sitting in a corner mourning for playmates.

I think you really don't miss what you never had.

I think that it's easy for some people to be critical of people who don't have 2 children, and a boy and a girl to boot. The comments that I got when, after a girl and then a boy, we had a third child. People would say, "but you have one of each, why are you having more?". I wasn't expecting them to support my children. By the time I had my 4th, people assumed that he was an "oops" and I didn't get the comments, only sympathy.

I do think that it's harder to not spoil only children, simply because it's easier to afford a treat, new pair of shoes, etc when you're only doing it for one child. That's only natural. I have to multiply everything by 4 and things do get expensive. But my 4 kids have a lot, too, and many people could say that they are spoiled so I'm the last to criticize.

 

[luv2nascar]

I am an only and always wanted a brother when I was young. I was spoiled so that was a plus. But I really wish as an adult I had a sister or brother. I never wanted only one - always at least two. For a while it looked like my DD would be an only due to medical issues and my age but she has a miracle little sister. There are almost exactly 8 years apart but I'm glad they have each other.

 

[MerryPoppins]

If we're being honest, my two are spoiled too. They haven't wanted for much. But they have had to learn that not everything goes their way. There is a lot of give and take that naturally takes place if you have siblings that onlies MIGHT not have to deal with.

When I said DH was spoiled, it wasn't with material things. He was just everything to his parents and they made him the center of their universe. When he married me, they resented me horribly.

All of life's situations have plus and minus sides, don't you think? You just have to weigh the pros and cons of your situation.

Oh, and while having siblings doesn't guarantee help with aging parents. . . not having siblings does pretty much guarantee that you won't have it.

 

[SC Minnie]

Just because you have a sibling as an adult doesn't mean you share the burden when parent issues come up.

My only brother decided to up and move to FL 7 years ago. He remarried and his wife doesn't want to move here. Fine. They come to visit 2 or 3 times year. Fine. We get along better and DD has actually spent several weeks with them during the summer. When my parents were going through a divorce a couple of years ago who had to deal with all the 'stuff'-- Me. He wasn't here so he didn't have to be put in the middle when it came time to decide who you were going to spend this holiday or that holiday with because he just wouldn't come up. When my Dad has his financial issues who gets pulled into that-- me. When my parents get to the point they need more because of health reasons who will have to deal with that-- me. So, having a sibling does not mean you will have help as an adult dealing with elderly parents.

 

[Christine]

I do think that it's harder to not spoil only children, simply because it's easier to afford a treat, new pair of shoes, etc when you're only doing it for one child. That's only natural. I have to multiply everything by 4 and things do get expensive. But my 4 kids have a lot, too, and many people could say that they are spoiled so I'm the last to criticize.

Yes, I certainly understand where you're coming from. I guess I was "lucky" in that my mother is a VERY practical, frugal woman. She also had me when she was 19, got divorced, and was a single parent until I was 9. We lived with my grandparents until she remarried. Material-wise, I didn't have a lot. I wasn't showered with toys. In fact, my mom's rule was "the only toys you get are at Christmas." And she stood by that. When I got older and when we had more money and wanted the "latest fashions", my mom was saying: You will get 5 pairs of "school pants and matching tops" and that's it. Anything else was either something I managed to get myself, or something I earned somehow. And when I was 16, MANY, MANY of my friends got their own cars for birthday presents and they had SIBLINGS. I was like "hey, I'm the one who is supposed to be spoiled." I was very confused.

But, I will say, I did get undivided attention from my mom. Having only one child, she was much less hassled/busy, whatever and things were pretty easy going in my house (and quiet). It has actually been a little "rough" on me having two kids.

 

[Tigger&Belle]

But, I will say, I did get undivided attention from my mom. Having only one child, she was much less hassled/busy, whatever and things were pretty easy going in my house (and quiet). It has actually been a little "rough" on me having two kids.

The next time you're in Maryland, you can stop and see me. Spend some time with my family and then you'll go home realizing how quiet your house is! We're so noisy I can't even hear myself think sometimes. Well, I do know of one noisier family--they make us seem quiet.