Only children?

[NHdisneylover]

Oh please, I was giving some examples of only children I know-so what. I can give plenty of examples of kids from families with many children too but that is not what the OP was asking about. Again, YOU may think you are just fine but from someone looking from the outside in doesn't have the same opinion (you collectively, not you specifically). I never said ALL the only children I know are like this, just these specific ones are. Most people would probably not assume they are only children either until they get to know them well enough and see their quirks that DO come from being only children.

Yes, but when you chose to list only extreme examples (particularly in answer to a question about only children in general) and with no qualifiers (like "the vast majority of only children I know are perfectly well adjusted, there area always those extremes in any group though like . . .") then you do help perpetuate the stereotype. That's all I was getting at.

I mean, now that I know you have more kids and have read your signature to know you have twins, if someone asked if twins are able to develop separate personalities and I posted that well, they are separate but different than non twins and then listed ONLY examples of twins I know who still dress exactly alike every day in their 80s (I DO know two women like this--they must call each other every morning or something; even their accessories are identical), college age twins who have had each other in all their classes and are not doing well in college alone because they never learned how to function on their own, twins who call each other daily and make ALL their major life decisions with each other ignoring the opinions of people like their spouses, etc. and I did not say those were extreme cases but rather simply listed them as examples of how twins are "different" I would think you would have a reason to call me out on that kind of awful assumption.

I don't know--it just felt TO ME as if your post was a perfect example of the type of attitude the OP is encountering and upset by.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

I read through this whole thread. Some people were very insulting to those who have more than one child. Having an only or multiple children still brings out the snotty comments from strangers. It is not exclusive.

That being said this is my opinion. I was an only child for 7 years until my sister was born. I was the only grandchild, niece etc. I hated it. I had a huge family with cousins that stayed over every week etc. It was not the same. Siblings have a different bond than cousins. I had friends that were onlies but again- it is different. Nobody knows your childhood like a sibling. I was so happy when my Mom had my sister that stayed up the whole night checking on her that first night she came home. I helped my Mom & Dad with everything with her. All I ever wanted was a sister. I would have given up all of my toys for the next 10 years for that. Needless to say I was over the moon.

We did have our years (when we were young) where we didn't get along as well. We both believe that was because of our age difference and some family factors. We are now very close and talk to each other every day. Our kids are close too. Both of us always wanted more siblings. We were always envious of people with big families. We always thought they had so much fun. No matter how close you were to a friend their sibling was always going to come first- as they should. We both still wish we had more siblings.

For the people who said that large families don't travel or go places I disagree. We are fortunate that our kids have gone on many vacations and we take them everywhere! No- we don't go to the movies often or amusement parks every week but if we had one child we wouldn't do that anyway. I take the kids plenty of places by myself -including the beach- and they are all young. My DH is capable as well. That is a personality thing not a multiple children thing. We have taken our kids everywhere since they were born. They also don't fight for our attention as some people have said. We make a huge effort to make sure that nobody ever feels slighted. It is important to us. We even do "dates" (going out for hot chocolate etc.) with each child alone. We don't insist that they bring siblings on playdates or to birthday parties etc. Many times people will invite one of my children to a party as they are their friend and the parents will say to bring all the kids and we politely decline. Each child has their friends and it doesn't always have to be a family event. We believe they should have time with friends without a sibling around. Although we will not tolerate friends being mean to their siblings and neither will they.

That being said I think that whether or not you have a lot of kids, one kid, no kids etc. it is your own choice. Have a child because you WANT to. Not because you feel you have to. We wanted all of our children so much that it hurt. We couldn't imagine our life without them. This is what is good for us. You have to do what is good for you. There is no magic number that suits everyone.

Plenty of people grow up to be well adjusted whether they had siblings or not. I will say that there is a difference when the kids play with children who have no siblings. They play differently. It doesn't mean that they are spolied brats because you can be a brat no matter what family you come from. It's just different. Nothing I would stress over though.

Have the children you want. It doesn't matter what anyone says. It is your life to live.

 

[Mickey'snewestfan]

I will admit that we don't go to amusement parks and movies often, because of the expense, but I would NEVER trade any of my kids for the ability to buy things! My children play together on a daily basis, and love their siblings so much. We don't have to go places to keep them entertained - they're playing hide-and-seek, making up games, just enjoying each other, on a daily basis. I only had one sister - I had no idea of what I missed out on not having a big family (BTW, my sister has 3, and would have more if her DH was on the same page).

Now, if someone only wants one child, fine, but I hate to hear that that decision was made because of vacations and other monetary stuff. Each child has made our family richer, even if our bank statements don't agree.

I think that lots of families make the decision because of "monetary stuff". It's not always as trivial as you seem to make it sound.

I'm struggling with the decision of whether or not to adopt again. If I do I don't know that I'll be able to afford the same standard of daycare that I used with my first (his center is not $1500 a month for preschool), or that I'll be able to have my kids have their own bedroom (since we're talking about a 12 year age gap, that's hard for the older child in my opinion) or that I'll be able to afford the same length of maternity leave. These aren't trivial things by any stretch, and I'm not sure if I'm comfortable parenting without them, so I may decide no.

If I were looking at sacrificing even more basic things -- health insurance, for example, or putting healthy food on the table, then the decision would be easy.

 

[peanut1967]

I am a only child, I am 42 and still miss not having siblings. I am well adjusted, done ok in life, a good person do not demand attention and am not selfish. BUT when my Mum is ill its me or nobody to look after her, when my Dad died ( mum and dad were divorced) it was just me, nobody to talk to about 'our Dad'.

Has a child I was lonely, and would have loved a brother or sister. Now I tend to be more of a loner and just get on with, very independent which isnt always a good thing. I personally always feel sorry for only children, I know sometimes its just the way it is, but my experience wasnt a good one so I tend to identify with the bad side of it.

Angie

 

[mjkacmom]

I think that lots of families make the decision because of "monetary stuff". It's not always as trivial as you seem to make it sound.

I'm struggling with the decision of whether or not to adopt again. If I do I don't know that I'll be able to afford the same standard of daycare that I used with my first (his center is not $1500 a month for preschool), or that I'll be able to have my kids have their own bedroom (since we're talking about a 12 year age gap, that's hard for the older child in my opinion) or that I'll be able to afford the same length of maternity leave. These aren't trivial things by any stretch, and I'm not sure if I'm comfortable parenting without them, so I may decide no.

If I were looking at sacrificing even more basic things -- health insurance, for example, or putting healthy food on the table, then the decision would be easy.

I'm talking about taking big vacations every year, being able to buy expensive gifts, going out to eat, affording private schools.... I'd rather have my children, and have our annual vacation consist of a weekend of camping, than only have one, but buy into DVC, give my child designer clothing, and send her off to prep school. I also think that only children tend to have only child traits, some are positive, but some can be negative. I think it's challenging to raise an only child, and not make them the center of one's universe. I remember how focused I was on my first child, sometimes a good thing, sometimes not.

 

[golfgal]

Yes, but when you chose to list only extreme examples (particularly in answer to a question about only children in general) and with no qualifiers (like "the vast majority of only children I know are perfectly well adjusted, there area always those extremes in any group though like . . .") then you do help perpetuate the stereotype. That's all I was getting at.

I mean, now that I know you have more kids and have read your signature to know you have twins, if someone asked if twins are able to develop separate personalities and I posted that well, they are separate but different than non twins and then listed ONLY examples of twins I know who still dress exactly alike every day in their 80s (I DO know two women like this--they must call each other every morning or something; even their accessories are identical), college age twins who have had each other in all their classes and are not doing well in college alone because they never learned how to function on their own, twins who call each other daily and make ALL their major life decisions with each other ignoring the opinions of people like their spouses, etc. and I did not say those were extreme cases but rather simply listed them as examples of how twins are "different" I would think you would have a reason to call me out on that kind of awful assumption.

I don't know--it just felt TO ME as if your post was a perfect example of the type of attitude the OP is encountering and upset by.

No, this wouldn't bother me in the slightest because, first, I am not hypersensitive about things because I know the world is full of different people and second, twins ARE separate but different. It is a bond I will never fully understand but I see it in action every day. If either twin has a problem they go to each other first, us second. Our oldest will come to us first, them second. Our twins NEED to be in contact with each other every day-again, something I can't fully understand because I am not a twin just like an only child can't fully understand what it is like growing up with siblings because they never did. I also find that people that get so defensive about issues find that there is an element of truth to the opposite side of the issue they are just not willing to accept.

As far as them dressing alike, being a boy and girl precludes most of that however last night DS15 was complaining to me because he thought I should make DD change her shorts because he thought they were too short (it was pretty cute) and then I commented that he changed his clothes and now they both had on blue and white checked shorts so they actually matched. He pretended to be "upset" but he didn't go change either. They LIKE being twins and getting recognized as twins, especially since they look nothing alike.

 

[AustinTink]

Coincidentally, Time just published a very interesting article about only children...

http://www.time.com/time/nation/article/0,8599,2002382-1,00.html

 

[Feralpeg]

My daughter is an only child. She's never seemed upset at not having siblings. She seems pretty well adjusted. I think this is a totally personal choice and I don't understand why people get upset with choices different than their's.

 

[4greatboys]

Hmm I'm an only and I feel I am fairly well adjusted, lol. Really no matter how many kids you have someone always has something to say about it. If you have 1 they want you to have more, if you have several (I have 4) they seem shocked you would have that many. They say "Oh my, I don't know how you do it." Well it's really not difficult, busy, but not difficult. 2 or 3 kids is not the dream every parent has.

I will say the reason I have 4 is because I always wanted a sibling. I was not a fan of being an only, and really still am not.Thankfully I have a group of wonderful friends who are like sisters to me. I love the feel of a large family. I wanted my boys to have siblings to share things with and they are all close even with the big age gap.

You guys just need to do what is best for your family. If everyone is happy with the status quo then great, and if not you can cross that bridge when you come to it.

 

[Planogirl]

I was an only until I was 12 and I have an only. I have no regrets.

 

[Darsa]

My daughter is an only child; at 14 she seems fairly well adjusted to me! The only kids I can think of that make me raise my eyebrows at what they do, come from a family of many children (and yep, same family). So I really don't think it's HOW MANY kids you have, rather, WHAT you do WITH the kid(s) you have.


IMHO of course, YMMV!

 

[PolyndianPrincessJes]

I'm sort of an only. My older sister passed away as a baby, but I also had a cousin spend about 50% of her time at our house. I am spoiled (but not selfish) and assertive. Well-adjusted? Possibly.

 

[NHdisneylover]

My daughter is an only child; at 14 she seems fairly well adjusted to me! The only kids I can think of that make me raise my eyebrows at what they do, come from a family of many children (and yep, same family). So I really don't think it's HOW MANY kids you have, rather, WHAT you do WITH the kid(s) you have.


IMHO of course, YMMV!

And that sums it up beautifully

 

[MrsJackSparrow4Life]

So I really don't think it's HOW MANY kids you have, rather, WHAT you do WITH the kid(s) you have.

Ding Ding Ding

 

[themilesfamily]

So I really don't think it's HOW MANY kids you have, rather, WHAT you do WITH the kid(s) you have.

THIS!

My best friend is an only and she's super-well-adjusted and successful. She was raised with a lot of love and support. My mother was an only, but she had a really harsh upbringing and would have liked having brothers and sisters to lean on. She was terribly lonely and without kind adults in her life.

I have an only. I LOVE having an only. And she loves being an only-child.

So I guess it depends on the kid, depends on the parents, depends on the situation.

 

[peanut1967]

I have already replied but just wanted to add, I longed for was a sister to share a room with and to chat to at bedtime.

Angie

 

[padams]

I'm an adult only. I never cared about having a sibling as a child. As an adult dealing with aging parents, I would give anything to have a sibling. Prepare yourself and your child by having wills, powers of attorney, living wills, etc. Be financially responsible and save enough money for your retirement because any financial issues in your later years will fall solely on the shoulders of your only child.

 

[Happy Mom2]

I am an only child. My mom said when I was little I used to ask for a little brother or sister, but I don't remember that. I only wanted one child, and DH had to talk me into having a 2nd baby. In the end, he wanted another one more than I didn't want another one. Now I can't imagine NOT having both of my babies. Now that I'm older (almost 40), I wish I had a sibling. I know I will never have that sibling relationsihp that my kids have or that my mom has with her sister. My kids are best friends, and my mom and aunt are best friends. That being said, DH and his brother are total opposites and not very close. Although they gotten closer in the last couple years - BIL is finally growing up. Having a sibling does guarantee you will have a close happy relationship, but I still wish I had one.

 

[Happy Mom2]

I'm an adult only. I never cared about having a sibling as a child. As an adult dealing with aging parents, I would give anything to have a sibling. Prepare yourself and your child by having wills, powers of attorney, living wills, etc. Be financially responsible and save enough money for your retirement because any financial issues in your later years will fall solely on the shoulders of your only child.

I agree 100%.

 

[Darsa]

I'm an adult only. I never cared about having a sibling as a child. As an adult dealing with aging parents, I would give anything to have a sibling. Prepare yourself and your child by having wills, powers of attorney, living wills, etc. Be financially responsible and save enough money for your retirement because any financial issues in your later years will fall solely on the shoulders of your only child.

This is happening to me, and I have three siblings...