Only children?

[arubio0801]

I agree I know only childs and they're fine!! I just had my son in feb and the moment I got out of the OR my MIL asked when we we're going to have another!!!!!! Mind you my SIL just had a baby 2weeks before!!! So my MIL has 2 grandsons under the age of 6monthes and already wants more its like geez I always said I wanted 2 but now I don't mind just having my son if we couldn't have another one that's okay with me(DH has kidney failure so it may not happen). But if we did then great but I don't think there's anything wrong with it! Do what you feel is right for you and your family!!!!

 

[MickeyMomOfThree]

I am an only, not a very well adjusted one, but it has a lot to do with my raising. How many kids you have is your choice, no one else's, but if I could tell anyone having an only by choice or otherwise is to really form bonds with extended family. I felt very lonely growing up and still do. When I got married and had my kids was esppecially tough. I have only 2 cousins, but because of family stuff, I have not seen or spoken to them in years and even when I was younger, they were both much younger then me and lived far away so I rarely saw them then. I truly believe that onlys who have strong family bonds with cousins and other family members do a lot better then lonelys like me.

 

[AustinTink]

I have seen those attitudes with people that were not only children. In fact I see them all the time with people who have a lot of siblings and never got their own items. They end up overcompensating as soon as they are out of the house.

Just because the OP doesn't want to have another child doesn't mean she is going to end up with a socially awkward kid. Nor does having a second child guarantee your kids are going to be well adjusted human beings.

YES.

 

[aprilgail2]

If I was continually asked that question I would have to give them my standard reply too--- "ok- if I have another are YOU going to pay for college for them because I can afford to send my ONE to college--I will need help with college payments if I have another"... I stopped at one for reasons (and not because my daughter didn't want a sibling LOL..if I wanted one I certainly would have had one and she would hav eto suck it up and deal with it)-- I like vacations and I can afford to take the ones I like with one child, I can pay for one childs college-I could not afford to send two or more! I want to run for the hills when I am out with friends and I hear "that's not fair" coming from every kid with a siblings mouth..I HATE that phrase!!! Mommy he has 4 and I only have 3 THATS NOT FAIR.....he is watching TV and I want to watch something else THATS NOT FAIR....grrrrrrrrrr

 

[cassiez76]

there's not many of me... only child and grandchild (on both sides).

i had school friends and a few kids in the neighborhood, but that was it. they always seemed to move and we never did.

my dad was an only child and when he died, that whole family was gone. i named my son after him (i flipped the name though), so there is at least a thomas in the family now. he had a few 1/2 cousins, but i wouldn't know them if i fell over 'em! that family was all crazy. and not a good way. lol

my mom's brother and sister didn't have kids. my mom's family is otherwise pretty big, there's a ton of cousins (some crazy number like 56 1st cousins).

my nearest cousin is like third.

my parents were 33 and 43 when i was born. i was a surprise! with no siblings and cousins, i got along with older people. always had to be on my best behavior (probably why i rebel against that now).

i turned out pretty well adjusted. yes i was completely spoiled as a kid, but that all stopped when my grandparents died.

when i went off to college, that was the biggest adjustment for me, not only being away from home, but being around people my own age every day in and out.

i still get along with older people, because that's what i grew up with.

also, my hubby is an only child. he has 2 step-sisters though that came into the picture when he was about 11 or so. but he'll tell you i'm an only child. he had cousins, so he wasn't lonely like i was.

as much as i only want one child, i know he has to have a sibling. i want him to get everything like i did, but the stuff i've gone through without a sibling to be there with me has been hard.

even my mom mentioned 2 days ago she wished she had given me a sibling, but at the time she only wanted one. so you just have to be happy with your decision. she was happy, she still is. and asking when she's getting another grandchild.

 

[mrsltg]

OP, you need to do what is right for your family. Whatever your reasons are, they are YOUR reasons and they are right for YOU. People really need to mind their own business! Your child will be fine and will grow up with her version of normal. Who (besides the grandparents!) cares whether you have 1 or 3 or 12? If you're the one caring for them, then it's really your opinion that matters! I have three girls and come from a family of 3. I LOVE it! It works for us and our family. Oddly enough, we hit magic number 3 and people began asking, "you're not going to have anymore, are you?" Really folks, why is the uterus of another woman so flippin' fascinating???

 

[Tracy Savage]

I have an only and I do feel sad for him sometimes. But I also know alot of people who have siblings and they have horrible relationships. So my theory is that you can always pick your friends but you can't pick your family. So when he goes out in this world he can surround himself with people he truly loves and who love him back for themselves, not out of obligation.

 

[kjs1976]

YOU SPEAK MY LANGUAGE! ARE WE TWINS???!!! What you're saying is exactly my life some times. I have a DD who will be 3 in Dec. I had three friends who had babies around the same time I did. They now all have #2 and I get the same questions about when my #2 is arriving. Finally my best friend, whose daughter is just a month older than mine had a boy in April. She told me the truth..."You need to wait. This is hell!" She told me the truth about what it is like to have a 2.5 yr. old and a newborn and I was so glad because people leave those fine details out some times. Although she loves her kids to death, she said some days she white knuckes it from wake-up to bed time...and she hasn't even gone back to work yet!

I had a horribly trying pregnancy with every ailment and symptom you can imagine from 5 weeks to birth. I had a wonderful baby, she just would never sleep. I have a DH who works nights at least 2 weeks a month so I single-parent it then and it is tough working and taking care of a child and a household.

I have an amazing daughter and it is just such a wonderful experience getting to know her and spend quality time with her. We get to go to WDW each year, (which might change when we have to buy her tickets starting next year.) We get to go to fairs and museums and all those fun places. A friend who has 4 kids said she laughed when a friend of hers invited them to the beach, "By myself, with 4 kids 8 and under at the beach? Are you nuts? Never!" which I thought was sad because it was just a free public beach. I talked to another friend who has 3 kids and told her how we went to the fun amusement park attached to the zoo. I said it was only $16.99 for an all-day wristband. Her response was, "Yea, but for us that is times 3 kids so we just can't do it." I thought that was a sad comment as well. Not that they don't love their kids any less, with more kids come more expenses and I want to be able to have fun and enjoy life with mine. We aren't made out of money, but we like our vacations and day trips.

So for us, as of right now DD will be an only child. I am fine with that. Some times I get sad when I think some women have 6 and do just fine and I have one and that's enough. But I need some sense of myself each day. I can't just give to others full time. It may be more selfish of me to try to give her a bro or sis if I go crazy in the process and can't be a good person to anyone. But tomorrow is another day and you never know. Today, we are a very content fam of 3! And one fur baby!

 

[smb6]

Oddly enough, we hit magic number 3 and people began asking, "you're not going to have anymore, are you?" Really folks, why is the uterus of another woman so flippin' fascinating???

Yep, it goes the other way too... I have 5 and got grief for the 3rd, 4th, and 5th with comments like you mentioned. People find a way to get in your personal business no matter what you do..... People kept asking was I going to get my tubes tied and other inappropriate stuff that I always just laughed off...

 

[Elmo888]

DDs are almost 5 years apart.

DH and I couldn't imagine having a second child until DD#1 was about 3 1/2. And then, separately, we both started to think that we might like another one.

That time between a child's third and fourth birthday is a time for independence - potty trained, playing by themselves and with their friends (ie, not you all the time!), dressing themselves, etc. And they just seem to start being more fun and able to do more things - noticing things that are more interesting to you, interesting in what you are doing, dusting (ha ha), etc. That was the big change for us.

So, you might change your mind or you might not.

In any case, my point, and what might be good news to you, is that at some point, people just stopped asking about a second child. People seem to assume that if you don't have your second kid exactly 2.5 years later that you just aren't having another one. So, they stop asking (everyone stopped asking - my mom, my friends, even my close friends, DH's sisters, etc.) I think that they stopped asking when DD#1 was 3, maybe 3 1/2 or 4. And then people were shocked when we announced that we were having a second one.

So, if you are sticking with one, just be assured that, given time, people will eventually leave you alone!

 

[kjs1976]

I have an only and I do feel sad for him sometimes. But I also know alot of people who have siblings and they have horrible relationships. So my theory is that you can always pick your friends but you can't pick your family. So when he goes out in this world he can surround himself with people he truly loves and who love him back for themselves, not out of obligation.

SO very well said! Thanks for that! My dad has 4 bros and has issues with all of them. They chose different lifestyles than his and he couldn't always get along with that. My mom has one bro that has a vastly different life than hers and they don't always get along. I have inlaws that I mostly can't stand. So yes, family doesn't mean the be-all-end all...it's who you surround yourself with is who you will find your love and support from.

 

[quentina]

Are there any well-adjusted only children out there?
DD is 2 and a half and it seems like every day someone asks “when are you having #2?” or “ready for another one?”. Umm… no. I mean don’t get me wrong DD is a true joy and I love being her mommy but I’m definitely not ready for another child and I’m not sure that I will ever be. I love our life as a party of 3. I feel like DH and I provide well for DD while at the same time maintaining our own interests and hobbies.
Is that so wrong? I’ve indirectly mentioned to friends and family that she may be our only child and I get mixed responses. A few friends are supportive, but mostly it’s “oh, you’ll change your mind” or “don’t do that to her, she needs a sibling”. Generally people imply that I’m being selfish and only children are socially awkward.
Several of my friends had kids back to back. I call it the “2 under 2 club”. Hey, it works for them. Sure their lives are hectic but they are happy with their family plan. It’s just not for me and I don’t like feeling pressured into having more kids just because they did.
Does anyone feel similarly?

My husband and I are both only children. We both turned out fine (if I can say so myself) and both loved being an only. This issue that I have with it is that when our son was born, I wanted more kids because I was worried that if something happened to us.....my son would be alone. The bad part of us both being only's is...no Aunts/Uncles to raise kids if we died young. So, if you can imagine, I was unable to give birth to any more kids. I worried all the time about my son not having an extended family if something happened to us (young) so, we adopted 2!!!

 

[C.Ann]

DD's DH is an only child - and although he has his little quirks (just like we all do) - he is extremely intelligent; a very, very hard worker; kind; compassionate; caring; has excellent manners; an extremely loyal friend; is very respectful of his elders; a wonderful husband; a wonderful father (to their "only" DD - who will be 12 soon ); and is the best son-in-law anyone in the world could ask for..

He's the kind of person that everyone loves - right off the bat..

Based on that - and the fact that my DGD is a wonderful "only child" - I don't see any problems at all.. They're both well-adjusted - and have never lamented the fact that they're "only children" - so I think it's more about the misconceptions other people have in regards to "only children"..

 

[HeyIt'sMe]

My DD is an only child (she'll be 13 in a few weeks) and she's very well adjusted. She's a great kid! My DH is also an only child .... ok yeah, he's well adjusted too. On most days.

 

[HerdOHuds]

I am an only child and while I think I am pretty normal and stable now, looking back I think I was quite a bit of a brat growing up. There weren't too many things my parents said no to, though I thought there were!

These days I have heard several people tell me that I don't seem like an only child. And after watching my parents deal with my grandparents' deaths, that is the time that I may wish for a sibling. Or maybe not. My grandparents' deaths have not created any lasting bonds in my parents' lives with their siblings. My mom has gone for more than a year without speaking to my aunt as a result of how my grandfather's estate worked out.

People say stupid stuff all the time. A friend of mine who is a mom of 5 children had someone ask her, "Don't you know how that happens?" She was mortified.

 

[JVL1018]

My husband was raised as an only child pretty much(his brothers are 11 and 13 years older than him) and he is awesome, totally well adjusted and a great guy.

He does get annoyed more quickly than I do when the kids bicker-but he has no clue what it's like to have someone so close to your age with you all the time(mine are a little less than 2 years apart).

I am the middle of 3 (brothers 3 years older and 2 years younger)and I know it can be annoying, even when you're older they can be annoying, LOL-but it's worth it because it's it's pretty great to have someone to turn to and say hey remember that time mom did.. or remember when we went on vacation to... or remember that Christmas when I was 5 and got...or remember that time you wiped out on your sled..or remember the Halloween that crazy lady yelled at us for ringing her bell..

That's what my husband says he misses the most. He has no one who knows what it was like to grow up in his house the same time he did with his parents. He never wanted to have just one child. But really, he's probably more well adjusted than I am.

My niece is an only child and is very good friends with my DD, they see each other a lot. Does she have some "only" stereotypes like a little spoiled and a little too used to having her own way and speaking to me like an adult instead of an 11 year old? Yes. But who cares? I don't have to spoil her or let her have her way when she's at my house, LOL. She's a great kid.

I wasn't an only child, but I was the only girl, so I was a little spoiled, and a little used to getting my own way-and I had my own room while my brothers shared so I was a little bit used to having my own space and really liking it. So you can have a non-only and still run into the same stuff.

I guess what I'm saying is there are pluses and minuses to both and you do what is right for your family.


When my DD whines that her cousin got this or that, I tell her I got her a brother instead and he's the gift that keeps on giving.

I think onlies often tend to be more outgoing too. I think that's a great thing. My BFF is 11 years older than her only sibling and she never met a stranger in her life. I have another friend who is an only and she doesn't have a shy bone in her body. Just from what i have observed from the people I know as onlies or almost onlies.

So have an only and enjoy every minute!

 

[staley7580]

I have a sister who is 7 years older then I am, but she hadnt lived with us from about the time I was 5 on. So I consider myself being raised as an only. Now we have a great relationship.. But that didnt start until I was ab out 27 or so. Anyways!! For me, I hated it! I am totally normal.. I think.. But I hated being alone all the time. I had no family nearby, so it really was just me.. and my mom and dad. I SWORE I would have more than one kiddo. My dh and I went for three, and got twins on the third go! So we have four kiddos, and I LOVE IT! My kids, they love it too! My oldest two are the best of friends, and the twins are still babies.. But SO SPOILED by the biggers. My older two bicker, A LOT. But get along AMAZINGLY well for brother and sister. Everyone comments on it.

BUT... that works for us. I get comments ALL THE FREAKING TIME on how many kids I have. I am quite sure that it is just as annoying and hurtful hearing about having an only as it is for me hearing... GAWD!! You have FOUR KIDS. TWINS?? I would SHOOT MYSELF. Really?? They are my miracle. I wasnt supposed to be able to have anymore kiddos. People ask me almost daily if we are done having kids, or if I am getting my tubes tied, or my husband is having a vasectomy.. Perfect strangers!! One lady asked me if I was baby sitting, and when I said they were all mine.. SHe rolled her eyes at me! OMG! What the heck is it to you?? Anyways.. I feel your pain on busybody know it alls.. Its YOUR choice how many kiddos you have.. and NO ONE elses business!

 

[Dee77]

My DD (who will be 4 in Oct) is an only, not by choice but because of secondary infertility and I couldn't be happier. We did try a few basic infertility treatments but as I said to my doctor (2 1/2 years ago) that if he met my DD he would see why we wanted more but also if he met her he would know why we are perfectly fine with just one. I really believe that this was the family we were meant to have, and the exact child that DH and I were meant to parent.

What I find funny with having just one is how some Moms of several kids think that having one is not like being a real Mom because I have no idea what's it's like to have 2 or more. The running around with them to all sorts of activities and sports, the constant pulling at you for attention, let alone the financial stuff etc. Apparently I have no clue because one is some sort of a cake walk.

 

[amyren]

Thanks for the feedback & support! I’m glad hear about all of the content “parties of 3”. I guess I just need to learn to be confident in my decision (key word “my”).
For the record I know that there are lots of “well adjusted only children”! That’s why I put the <wink> after the question. Actually, DH and I just had dinner with 2 of our good friends, both of whom are “onlies”.

I grew up with lots of cousins my age. My mom always worked as did my aunt so my cousin and I spent a LOT of time with each other so it was almost like I had a sister. I also had other cousins that I saw at least once a week.

I agree that having close cousins is especially important for only children! DD goes to work with me, as do my brother’s kids so fortunately she gets to see her cousins at least 4 days a week. She also spends the night with her cousins at my mom’s house once or twice a month. I’m sure when she’s a little older her cousins will spend the night here regularly.

As a family of three, we can afford private schooling k-12, a private college education with no loans and extensive travel. This is important to us. My son has traveled all across Europe, Mexico and the United States. He got his first passport at 6. These are things we might not have been able to do with multiple kids. I'm one of seven, so I know first hand.

Travel is a huge deal for us too! DH and I traveled extensively before DD was born. We visited most of Europe, Russia & Central America. Actually we just got back from our fist international trip since the birth of DD. We had a fantastic opportunity to visit Australia & Hawaii. DD stayed with my parents, I didn’t think she could handle 20 plus hours on a plane. We really look forward to traveling with her in the future. At 2 she already has a passport. She’ll get her first stamp when we go on our first Disney Cruise this September. The 3 of us (and my parents) are also booked on a 10 night Med cruise next June. Traveling is a huge part of our lives. There is so much that DD can learn and experience through travel. I really don’t see how it would be possible with multiple kids.

Siblings guarentee a relative, not a "friend". Now, lots of siblings do grow up to have good adult relationships. But, there are many who don't. I know many people who never speak w/ their siblings.

Interestingly, siblings with a spread of four or more years between them are, for all intents and purposes, psychological "onlies" (in that they have personality traits more commonly associated with onlies rather than kids with siblings).

Very true! I have 2 older brothers. One is close to 9 years older and one is 5 years older. Because of the age difference, and the fact that they were both boys (and I was the little baby sister) I spent a lot of time playing alone, playing with cousins or playing with my very best friend (who lived across the street). As adults my brothers and I get along fine, but I definitely spend more time with my friends.

From time to time as a kid I wished I had a sibling or two--but not any more than I wished I had other things (like a horse or a giant canopy bed). As an adult I am FINE with not having any siblings. DH is one of four (and they do get along). I think there about as many benefits as disadvantages to having sibling as not.

It made me laugh, that you wanted a sibling as much as you wanted a horse.

YOU SPEAK MY LANGUAGE! ARE WE TWINS???!!! What you're saying is exactly my life some times. I have a DD who will be 3 in Dec. I had three friends who had babies around the same time I did. They now all have #2 and I get the same questions about when my #2 is arriving. Finally my best friend, whose daughter is just a month older than mine had a boy in April. She told me the truth..."You need to wait. This is hell!" She told me the truth about what it is like to have a 2.5 yr. old and a newborn and I was so glad because people leave those fine details out some times. Although she loves her kids to death, she said some days she white knuckes it from wake-up to bed time...and she hasn't even gone back to work yet!

Yay – glad to know there is someone going through the exact same thing! DD will be 3 in January. I totally understand about the friends. I find it odd that my friends (and family) who persistently ask about baby #2 are the ones complaining that 2 in diapers is horrible, that they never get sleep, they never get alone time with their spouse or (gasp) that their budget is strapped and they could never afford a Disney trip (with 3 kids) um I think I’ll stick with one.

Again thanks for the responses. I can sleep well tonight knowing that my daughter has a good shot of turning out “normal” even if she is an “only”.

 

[Vwdiva93]

Hi there! I am an only child and have adjusted pretty well to not having any other siblings. My parents were in your same position as well, they were perfectly happy with having just one child. They have spoiled me a little over the years, but I don't really have a problem with that. Sometimes I do wish that I had an older sibling to look up to and to just have a friend that would always be there to hangout with me. I also get told a lot that I'm too quiet, but I've never had to be loud in my family since I get all the attention. But overall I do enjoy being an only child, it has its pros and cons sometimes but I do have a great relationship with my parents due to the fact that I'm always around them! lol