OK, super embarrassing, but so funny! AKA:The Fart Thread

[maslex]

OH MY WORD.........

I don't think I have EVER laughed so much in my whole 35 years of life!!!! I also just watched the farting preacher video. LOL

Just the other night at the dinner table no less, my youngest DS (9) let's one go and then puts his arms up in the air (think along the lines of a victory of some sort) and then proclaims his new name is "Farticus". That boy just ain't right.

 

[Sonya]

Thank you all so much. I have been really sick and was in need of a good laugh! And I got a good cry in too!

DH has taught DS about pulling the finger, and when one of us lets go we say we stepped on a frog. If it is pretty bad we will say the frog is dead.

 

[Disney1fan2002]

Sad to say, but I've blamed them on the dog before Before I was married, my mom and I were sitting on the couch watching TV with my yellow lab right by my feet. I felt one really start to boil. So instead of getting up and leaving the room, I tilted to one side and let the cushion kind of muffle of the sound. About 5 seconds later my eyes start to cross. I start trying to discreetly blow this monster away from me when mom gets a whiff. She looks at me and I see her nose start to crinkle up. I immediately jump up and say,"Dang that dog stinks!" My dog looks at me like what the heck did I do? I put the dog in his pen, come back inside, and tell my mom that the last time I let him eat cheap dog food.

You win!

 

[Lorix2]

OMIGOSH this thread is making me laugh out loud and I needed this today - thanks Marie!

I have a permanent reminder to make us crack up (no pun intended) any time I want...

My DH was filming my DD at Christmas when she was 4 yrs old and ripped one so loud, she and I whipped around to see what it was and the looks on our face is priceless I'm crying thinking about it! It's SO funny! The dog even ran for cover!

Uh, jeez...I think I'm going to pull that tape out for Christmas this year, when the extended family is here....we can just rewind and play, rewind and play....

 

[laurie31]

When he was in college he, his roommate, and another friend were going out. They all climbed in his roommate's car, with my husband in the back. As they start to pull out my husband feels the "need" and being a guy just lets it go. It was an SBD and he kind of chuckles because apparently it was BAD (he had chili earlier). So his roommate (who is driving) hears the chuckle and says, "What's so funny, did you fart back there?"

My husband says, "No!, I just remembered something funny."

Okay, the whole story is hilarious, but then is struck me - your DH farted and laughed - and the other guys IMMEDIATELY assummed he was laughing because he farted!!

 

[TheOtherVillainess]

Oh great..now I have this picture of Tony Curtis in my head, wearing a toga proclaiming, "I AM FARTICUS!".

TOV

 

[ClaraBug]

This thread is way too funny to let die!!!

 

[luvflorida]

This thread is way too funny to let die!!!

I agree. I just can't stay away from this thread!

This happened last month to my DD22. We were at Borders and she went one way and I went another. After a bit, she came over to the book section I was in. She started to tell me that something funny happened, but that she'd have to wait and tell me when we got out of the store. This was because she KNEW I'd start laughing and not be able to stop. Well, that was enough to get me going, so she left me by myself.

When we finally got out of the store she told me what happened. She was looking at some display and bent down to look at the items on a lower shelf, when a woman walked over, stood beside her, and started looking at items above my daughter. All of a sudden the woman let one go. The way my daughter was positioned, the woman's rear-end was just about nose level to my daughter. At this point in the story, I'm laughing so hard I can hardly hear the rest.

I asked my daughter if the woman said anything, and what my daughter did. Well, she tells me that they both just kept looking at the display like nothing had happened. A second later, the woman walked away, then my daughter came to find me. She told me she didn't dare tell me the story in the store because she knew I'd fall apart and she was afraid the woman would walk by and know why I was rolling on the floor convulsing with laughter.

The thought of the two of them going about their business as usual really cracked me up. If that had been me bent down at the display, and the woman let one go, I KNOW I would have been shaking, trying to hold in the laughter, and tears would have been rolling down my face!

 

[ferris198]

OMG this is the funniest thread I have read in awhile.
My mother refers to it as "Trouser Cough"!

 

[carolfoy]

My brother shakes his trouser leg and says 'get out and walk you lazy b*****d!'

 

[Jennasis]

Who doesn't love a good fart story?? I got tons of 'em!

When my older sister was about 3 or 4, my parents took her out to dinner. Well something foul must've wafted through the dining room cause my sis caught wind of it and loudly announced to the packed restaurant "Ewwwwwwwwwww!! I smell a FART and it smells just like MOMMY'S!"

When I was younger (think ages 12-16) I thought it was hilarious to chase my dalmation around the house and then whip around and fart right in his face. Poor dog...He would see me haulin @ss his way in reverse and his eyes would just about bug out of his head!

In that same vain, I was sitting cross-legged on the couch one time and said dalmation was just vibrating with PLEASE-PET-ME energy right in front of me. I was totally ignoring him, so he pushed his nose under my crossed leg so that I now had his head locked between my legs with his face resting on my lower stomach. Well you know where I'm going with this right? I let one rip...it was one of those world class room clearing farts. The dog's eyes squinted and he backed out of his little spot so fast, sneezing and wiping his face on the rug.

This dog also used to scare HIMSELF when he would fart. He would let one go and then crane his neck around and stare at his own butt with a look of puzzlement and horror. God help him if he was sleeping when it happened because he would jump up barking.

 

[Chuck65]

This dog also used to scare HIMSELF when he would fart. He would let one go and then crane his neck around and stare at his own butt with a look of puzzlement and horror. God help him if he was sleeping when it happened because he would jump up barking.

Oh Lord Jennasis! I can't get this picture out of my head!

 

[ClaraBug]

Bumping this bad boy!!!

 

[ClaraBug]

My dd (3) farted in the tub last night and I joked with her about taking a "polish" bubble bath (I am polish, so its okay). She thought that was funny and did it some more. She was giggling so hard I was afraid to rinse the shampoo out of her hair in fear of drowning her. Someone please tell why the farts smell worse when wet?

 

[mamaprincess]

This thread needs some more gas so it can rise to the top!

 

[MouseJunkie]

What's funny is I'm sitting here reading this at work laughing while my co-workers wonder why. I'm too embarrassed to tell them I reading a "FART" thread.

Okay, here's my contribution. When I was in High School in gym class we had to do jumping jacks. Yup! You guessed it I jumping jacked one right out of me. I of course did the nope not me act and pretended it never happened all the while hoping and praying no one heard it. If they did they never said anything anyway...WOOOOH I'm safe. Farting in gym class could ruin a girl's reputation you know. Remember the Roseanne when Becky farted while giving a speech in front of the whole class? Then Darlene came home laughing all the while telling Roseanne what happened at school. Becky was of course mortified. See I know what I'm talking about.

 

[TheOtherVillainess]

I hope I don't wake DS up laughing my rear off at this.

I read once there was a Frenchman who was a Master Farter and even had a vaudeville act where he performed great gassy acts of Fart Mastery.

TOV

 

[goofygirl]

My late greataunt- one time as she entered a store smelled a bad one and said really loud, "Phew! Somebody laid a BOMB!" She was not exactly known for being diplomatic!

I don't know if it was here or another board where someone talked about passing gas in church- that's always bad, with the wooden pews that amplify it, etc! LOL

And then once in WDW a man in line in front of me to get into the parks cut a loud one. I was trying so hard not to laugh that I couldn't speak! I went by security (this was right after 9/11 and they had security at the gates) and was on the verge of hysterical laughter as they checked my bag. They must have thought I was nuts!

 

[apirateslifeforme]

I hope I don't wake DS up laughing my rear off at this.

I read once there was a Frenchman who was a Master Farter and even had a vaudeville act where he performed great gassy acts of Fart Mastery.

TOV

I think I heard a French expression somewhere - it might be in this book that my grandfather gave me - I can't remember the French exactly; it meant "to think highly of oneself," but the literal word-for-word translation was "to fart higher than one's a$$." I wonder if this guy is where it came from!

 

[Fintastic]

I have two fart stories to contribute.

When my brother was five or so, he sliced open his leg and had to have major stitches. He opened his leg so deep that we could see the fat in it and they had to do two layers of stitching. They gave him some “happy gas” to take the edge off it and it made him silly. They were stitching him up and suddenly he let a HUGE fart. He was silent for about two seconds and then he started laughing hysterically. “THE DOCTOR FARTED!” he kept saying over and over.

My brother is now 18 and “THE DOCTOR FARTED!” is a catch phrase in our family.

The other incident happened about three years ago. DH’s much-older stepsister was visiting us for the first time to see DD, who was newborn then. She was holding DD and I was hearing these little pop-pop-pop noises every few minutes. I figured that it was DD popping ‘em off and didn’t think anything of it.

Until the stepsister gave Maya to somebody else and came over to talk to me – and the pop-pop-pop noises followed her. She just kept on talking as if she had no idea that she had the walking farts. I was trying not to say anything to her, but as soon as she left I told DH all about it. He said, “Jeez, she should have gone down the hall to ‘admire our family portraits’ if she had to fart that bad!”

Okay, I wasn’t gonna tell this one, but I have to fess up. Mine can be pretty loud. My niece was about six or seven and I laid one out in front of her. She yelled very loudly, “DID YOU JUST POOP YOUR PANTS?!

I’ve also been known to release quiet ones in the car, honestly hoping that nobody will know I’ve just done it, only to have DH shriek, “Did you just FART?!”