OK, super embarrassing, but so funny! AKA:The Fart Thread

[laurie31]

My family that I grew up in finds farting quite funny

oooh, alliteration!!

My family finds farting quite funny!

For some reason, now this is stuck in my head, to the tune of My Bonnie Lies Over the Ocean...

My family finds farting quite funny
My family thinks farts are a gas
My family finds farting quite funny
We all laugh when gas comes to pass

Good heavens, I need to go to bed!! Where did THAT come from??

Laurie also ROTFL over the "her head's the same height as my butt" story! And the teacher - the parents came back!! Good for them! I'm so glad I didn't kill this thread pages ago!! What a relief! (no pun intended )

 

[mamaprincess]

It's ancient I KNOW,but still so funny

 

[apirateslifeforme]

I think I've posted it elsewhere, but my favourite story...

My ex-DH and I were in Kohls. We'd split up, but he suddenly came running to me, laughing hysterically, tears rolling down his face. Seems he'd been in the men's department with only one other man, and a female sales associate who happened to be folding sweaters nearby. He felt "the need" and sidled up close to the other man, then let go one of his patented SBDs. After a few moments, the SA paused, looked up, sniffed the air, and glared at Ex. He shook his head and pointed to the other man. The girl smiled, nodded, and turned her attention back to the sweaters. Ex took off running.

There was another time when we were at my mother and grandmother's house...he and I were in the TV room and he let a particularly rank one fly. I ran out of the room because I literally couldn't breathe. My mother and I then watched the DOG walk into the room, stop, sniff, glare at Ex (who knew dogs could glare?), and immediately turn around and leave the room. I mean, really, if you can get the DOG to leave the room...

 

[laurie31]

OMGosh! The FART THREAD!!! LOL!!

The "passing gas at work" thread made me think of this but I didn't have time to search for it. So maybe now I won't have to live with the stigma of killing the fart thread!!

 

[luvflorida]

It's ancient I KNOW,but still so funny

OMG!!!! You're my new best friend!!!

I searched, but couldn't find this thread. Of course, I'm not very computer literate, so that's probably why I couldn't find it.

I can't believe this thread is over a year old!

 

[luvflorida]

So maybe now I won't have to live with the stigma of killing the fart thread!!

Yay! You didn't kill it! It's back!!

 

[ekball]

Oh my gosh.....where has this thread been?!? The funniest I've read...bar none.

And for my contribution....
It was July '05 and I was lying in a hospital bed, hours after delivering my second child. A nurse came in to examine my uterus, make sure it was contracting properly and shrinking back toward its normal size. She's pressing around on my belly, kneeding and pushing gently, and WHOOOOOOOMMMMMPPPPP! She pressed one right out of there! Bless her heart, she kept her composure and just kept going like nothing had happened. It was all I could do not to lose it, but as soon as she left the room I did just that. Bursting into laughter and sharing it immediately with DH. Here I was an adult, just giving birth to baby #2, cracking up because my nurse had pushed a fart out of my belly.

 

[Pooh_Friend#1]

I remember this thread, hilarious!!!! Thanks for bringing it back up.

 

[luvflorida]

I'm REREADING this thread and laughing hysterically all over again! My daughter just came down from upstairs to see what the heck was going on. I was laughing so hard, I couldn't even speak.

 

[chell]

Wow! I can't believe this thread is over a year old. Seems like it was started just a few months ago. As soon as I saw the title I started remembering how funny some of the posts were.

Thanks mamaprincess for bumping and for the smile and giggle today!

 

[marshallandcartersmo]

How great these are for a good laugh!! Can't wait till the kids are in bed tonight and I have a nice tall glass of wine.........then I'll go back and re-read the ones I missed!!

I have to share mine:

DH & I had just been dating about 4 months, still in the "trying to impress each other" stage. Well I will never forget, we're sitting at his apt. watching a Duke basketball game when I had a silent one slip out. Honest to God it did slip!! So DH looks over and says "did you fart??" and I said "absolutley not!" And he said "well somebody farted, and it's just you and me in the room, and it wasn't me!!" Well he starts cracking up and I'm mortified.............
Needless to say that opened up a whole new chapter into our relationship. Farts/burps/etc. all started flowing after that day.

13 years later we're still farting and burping together.........

 

[ClaraBug]

I am glad to see someone else thinks farts are funny too!

When my DD was about two (she is now 6) she loved to sit in the drivers seat and beep the car horn. She would giggle so hard. A short time later, DH was lying on the living room floor playing with her and lets one fly. DD in her most serious two year old voice said "Daddy, no beepin'" I even have to admit that is sounded like a car horn. Ever since then, "beepin" is what we refer to farts.

When I was pregnant, both times, I had lots of gas. I remember with my first one, DH and I were sitting across from each other, he "beeped", well I matched him. For about ten minutes, we had a farting contest. Needless to say that was the only time I ever beat him. (dont tell, but I am almost proud of that)

DH also has a bad habit of dropping SBDs. If we are in the same room and lets one eek out, he politely says "I am apologizing in advance" I look up at him and then it hits me

Keep'em coming!! Love these stories!!

 

[luvflorida]

If we are in the same room and lets one eek out, he politely says "I am apologizing in advance"...

 

[Mickey1122]

!

When we were on the Explorer of the Seas, a cruise ship, there was a man who was famous for his "abilities." There was an...incident. The man was on the elevator. The moment that we walked in, he let one go. It was loud and disgusting. It was too late to turn back. The doors were closing behind us. He had pushed every elevator button, so we had to be with him all the way up to the third floor. This was premeditated, I tell you! He grinned from ear to ear. We ran! The moment the elevator stopped!
And there's more:
He and his wife participated in the ships' Not-so-Newlywed game. The cruise director asked where he proposed to her.
You guessed it-a jacuzzi. The cruise director asked her if there were any extra bubbles. They had met because she heard one of his farts.

 

[Mickey1122]

we were at the go cart tracks a couple years ago and theres a sign with all the warnings, etc of who should not ride and someone had changed the H in heart problems to an F and blacked out the e.....making it Fart problems. The kids and I laughed and laughed and to this day when we are at go cart tracks one of us will mutter, 'fart problems'. (maybe you had to be there )

There is a joke I received once about a woman who loves beans but they give her gas so badly she doesn't eat them often. So one day she decides to really pig out on them. That afternoon her boyfriend picks her up and takes her to his house, and tells her he has a surprise for her. He blindfolds her as they walk in and sits her at the table. Just then the phone rings...while he is on the phone in the other room, she has to fart. So she does, several times, each one worse than the first. Boyfriend comes back, takes off the blindfold, and there at the table is a cake and a group of their friends ....

 

[Mickey1122]

Oh no! I am such a thread killer! I've killed the fart thread!

 

[TigerKat]

I never thought I would say "The farts made my day". I've been having a rough one and never knew this thread existed. I'm only on page 3 and it's killing me!!!!!

 

[apirateslifeforme]

I'll keep it alive. One time my ex-BF and I were in the mall, and the elevator stopped for us; there was only a husband and wife and their baby in a stroller inside. It really stunk in there, too, but of course it could have been someone who'd gotten off and the smell just lingered. But as the doors closed and the elevator started to go up, the wife suddenly said to her DH, "I said excuse me!!!" Uh, gee, thanks, we really wanted to know...

 

[Disney1fan2002]

I can't believe a thread little old me started is famous! This was dug up from over a year ago! I feel so honored. My fart made me famous!

 

[irishbosoxfan]

I'll add mine from today
We live in military housing so if something goes wrong we just call them up and eventually they'll get to us-Well last year during the winter we noticed a horrible draft in our living room and we called it in and noone ever came-Back in October I called them up again to try and get a jump on it before winter and the guy finally came yesterday and checked it out and agreed something was wrong so he started looking into it and said he'd come back today and he did.

Well he was inside and outside and in the crawlspace under the house and outside and inside-you get it--well while he was outside I was in the living room sitting on the floor wrapping Xmas gifts and I had to release some pressure so I did--it was long and it was loud but it was muffled by the rug so no biggie

Well a couple of minutes later I hear some scrapping noises and see the workman crawling out of the closet where the door for the crawlspace is and he starts telling me all he did to correct the draft problem THEN tells me his is going to look at our heater before he goes because he heard it come on while he was in the crawlspace and it didn't sound right--Me not even thinking about it says "Sure go ahead" and as he heads into the laundry room it kicks in as to what he "heard" in the crawlspace and I run upstairs so I don't lose it in front of him