OK, super embarrassing, but so funny! AKA:The Fart Thread

[mamaprincess]

Everyday someone farts which should mean that every day someone should have a fart story to share.

 

[HollyTyler]

How about when you're at home alone all day, have lots of gas, then unexpected guests come knocking on the door! I find this especially embarrassing in the winter, when the windows are all closed!

 

[mamaprincess]

Yeah. Just when you think it's safe to fart...

 

[Disfan1]

OMG, I can't believe it took me so long to find this thread! OK, here's mine:

DH & I went camping with a group of Venture Scouts for w week in the Smokies. After about the fifth day there, we went on a hike to Laurel Falls. the rest of the group went ahead of me so I thought that would be a good time to 'relieve some pressure'. It was LOUD! After I did that I heard CRASH! CRASH! CRASH! in the brush beside the trail. I look up and there is a black bear running for its life away from me! I was still blushing when I caught up to the group and had to tell them the whole story, so now our 'polite' way of saying "fart" is 'scaring the bears!'

 

[Disfan1]

Did I scare all the bears (and posters) away from this thread?

 

[Mickey1122]

I'm having so much fun reading all of these, I just have to pitch in! I was alone in my car, so obviously not concerned about relieving myself. Unfortunately, I did this while in the drive-through line at a fast food restaurant, completely not thinking about having to roll the window down to get my food! Fortunately, I had just put a new air freshener in my car the day before, so it masked the smell slightly. BUT when the worker leaned over to hand me my food, she said, "That's an interesting air freshener...what scent is it?" Ummmm....it's a new scent - Eau De Fart.

 

[YorkieMommyKandis]

LOL I have so many of these stories.

I had a really bad cold one time that kept me in bed for a few days recovering. I was taking Sudafed the entire time trying to relieve my symptoms. For some reason I had horrible gas! My DH would walk in to check on me and when he did he would get a whiff of the room and run right out. I blamed it on the Sudafed everytime, D... Sudafed. Now that is my excuse all the time! D... Sudafed!


My dad loves the stuff you can buy called "Fart Spray". It was especially fun while we were in Myrtle Beach. They do a fireworks show for the 4th at one of the shopping areas there...I think it's called Broadway at the Beach. It is soooo super crowded and people won't give you any room. So, my dad had bought some of the fart spray in one of the stores and decided to try the stuff out right there in the crowd!! All these people were walking by and trying not to pass out. We heard one guy ask his friend...man did you do that???? Oh god it was more fun than the fireworks!!

 

[YorkieMommyKandis]

Oh I almost forgot the funniest one that makes me laugh every time my mom and I talk about it! I forgot I had all these funny stories until reading this thread.

My mom was in the hospital for hip replacement surgery, and I was on duty that night to stay with her and make sure she was okay. She was having a really rough night and the staff kept coming in to take blood and give her medicine. Neither one of us really got any sleep. I was doing my best to take care of everything she needed, but she was still feeling pretty bad. I had horrible gas and just kept letting them go, not knowing that they were traveling across the room!! It went on for quite a while until finally she exclaimed something about even though she felt really bad she still "had a sniffer". I died laughing out of embarrassment and at the word "sniffer"!! I still laugh when I remember this and her using the word "sniffer". It definitely cheered us both up a bit after such a long night. One of my best memories with mom...LOL!!!!!!

 

[HollyTyler]

Scaring the bears! Hmmm...makes me wonder...was it really so loud that it scared him or was the smell so bad he had to run for cover!?

 

[kellyg403]

This thread has to be the funniest thing I have read in awhile. It has taken me about 2 hours to get through, laughing so hard I can barely read! So, I thought I would share our recent funny story.

When leaving MK the last time, we decided to take the monorail to Epcot. Ds 10 is notorious for having the worst gas. If he burps my 12 yo ds always says "thank goodness that came from the attic and not the basement". Anyway, we get on the monorail, me, dd15, dd14, dd13. ds 12, ds 10, dgd5 and dh. I am right behind ds 10 and just as we cleared the entrance he turned and looked at me and I knew. We sat down and there were 3 people sitting across from us, a teenage boy and his parents. As the ride started, so did the odor and believe me none of you would believe it would have come from that kid. The 3 older girls are dying of embarrasment since this teenage boy is sitting across from us and he is soooo cute. The next thing I know, the boy pulls his shirt up over his nose and in a Scottish accent said "I think me eyebrows have burned off". His parents are laughing, I am laughing and ds 10 is laughing...No way he is admitting it was him. When we got off the monorail, even 6'2 250lb dh who eats food noone else never would touch, warns ds to never do it again it such an enclosed space as he himself almost gagged. The girls made sure they didn't see that "cute" boy again for the whole week. ds12 was in awe of his brothers talents though...the gas and embarrassing his sisters all of them at once in such a strategic manner!

Kelly

 

[DisneyGirl4188]

This thread is

We watched Grandma's Boy and there is a part of the movie where one guy farts and says "My beef strong". For the longest time, that is what DH would say. Then, he say an episode of That 70's Show, where Eric farts and says "Yep, that was me". Now, he alternates between the two sayings.

 

[HollyTyler]

Just bumping up to see if we can get some more laughs!

 

[Hedy]

I remembered a better one: Mom and I were in Tiffany's in NYC, getting my graduation present. We were heading towards the elevator when I released an SBD. Mom goes "My word, you would think Tiffany's would do something about that foul odor."

 

[emememem]

Who stepped on the duck???

 

[goofygirl]

 

[Mickey1122]

That is alarming. Quite alarming.

 

[manning]

Anyone ever been on the lift to the top at the Arch in St louis. It can be a long ride. As the guy said "too many beans".

There was a relative who had one get away from him at a family party. He calmly turns around and starts stumping the floor with his foot and says "Thought you could get away".

Had a dog who was a legend at silent stinkies. He was sleeping on the floor and lets out a loud one. He jumps up like something was chasing him, twirls around 4-5 times barking, stops and looks at us then calmly walks away.

 

[manning]

Anyone ever been on the lift to the top at the Arch in St louis. It can be a long ride. As the guy said "too many beans". It's a very cramped lift.

There was a relative who had one get away from him at a family party. He calmly turns around and starts stumping the floor with his foot and says "Thought you could get away".

Had a dog who was a legend at silent stinkies. He was sleeping on the floor and lets out a loud one. He jumps up like something was chasing him, twirls around 4-5 times barking, stops and looks at us then calmly walks away.

 

[HollyTyler]

Yay! The fart thread is revived!

When I was a kid, my mom used to sit on the couch, in a prim & proper pose, back straight, knees together, reading a book. Every once in a while, she'd slightly lean to one side, let one rip, and completely act like nothing happened! It was almost like she seemed to think that if she pretended like nothing happened, it really didn't happen. Talk about being in denial!

Then, when I got older, my mom would stand at the sink doing dishes and let one rip as she turned on the faucet, or as she started talking....like that would cover up the sound and smell! I'm just waiting for my DS4 to hear her one of these times and say, "Eeeewwww....Grandma tooted!"

 

[Mrs.Toad]

Have you ever had the displeasure of actually seeing a fart?

A couple of years ago, when dd was 6 or 7, she was lying on her bed with her dad reading. I came in the room and questioned who was tooting, because it reeked in there.

Dh and dd are blaming it on each other, when dd sticks her bare butt out of her nightgown and lets one go. I swear on all that is holy, I actually saw the cloud of noxious gas emanate from her butt.