October 20th 2007 Western Magic Part 8

[medicalman]

Sean we leave 4.00am or Time until Saturday, October 13, 2007 (London time)
0 days
15 hours
688 minutes
41301 seconds
....

manchester is it chris? virgin? the plane not you?!!

 

[disgrits]

Sean, when are y'all leaving?

 

[A fat english gent]

The local dosser walks into the local welfare office, marches straight up to the counter and says, 'Hi... You know, I just HATE drawing welfare. I'd really rather have a job.'

The social worker behind the counter says, 'Your timing is excellent. We just got a job opening from a very wealthy old man who wants a chauffeur and bodyguard for his beautiful nymphomaniac daughter. You'll have to drive around in his Mercedes, but he'll supply all of your clothes. Because of the long hours, meals will be provided. You'll be expected to escort her on her overseas holiday trips. You will have to satisfy her sexual urges. You'll be provided a two-bedroom apartment above the garage. The starting salary is £200,000 a year plus a generous pension scheme'

The guy, wide-eyed, says, 'You're bullsh1ttin' me!'


The social worker says, 'Yeah, well... you started it.'.....

 

[A fat english gent]

Manchester is it Chris? virgin? the plane not you?!!

Why Sean am hurt ,no sir Karen is Virgin My lips are sealed am saying nothing for once,were going second choice....

 

[disgrits]

The local dosser walks into the local welfare office, marches straight up to the counter and says, 'Hi... You know, I just HATE drawing welfare. I'd really rather have a job.'

The social worker behind the counter says, 'Your timing is excellent. We just got a job opening from a very wealthy old man who wants a chauffeur and bodyguard for his beautiful nymphomaniac daughter. You'll have to drive around in his Mercedes, but he'll supply all of your clothes. Because of the long hours, meals will be provided. You'll be expected to escort her on her overseas holiday trips. You will have to satisfy her sexual urges. You'll be provided a two-bedroom apartment above the garage. The starting salary is £200,000 a year plus a generous pension scheme'

The guy, wide-eyed, says, 'You're bullsh1ttin' me!'


The social worker says, 'Yeah, well... you started it.'.....

 

[A fat english gent]

In 1986, Mikele Mebembe was on holiday in Kenya after graduating from Northwestern University.
On a hike through the bush, he came across a young bull elephant standing with one leg raised in the air.

he elephant seemed distressed, so Mikele approached it very carefully.

He got down on one knee and inspected the elephant's foot and found a large piece of wood deeply embedded in it. As carefully and as gently as he could, Mikele worked the wood out with his hunting knife, after which the elephant gingerly put down its foot. The elephant turned to face the man, and with a rather curious look on its face, stared at him for several tense moments. Mikele stood frozen, thinking of nothing else but being trampled. Eventually the elephant trumpeted loudly, turned, and walked away. Mikele never forgot that elephant or the events of that day.

Twenty years later, Mikele was walking through the Chicago Zoo with his teenaged son. As they approached the elephant enclosure, one of the creatures turned and walked over to near where Mikele and his son Tapu were standing. The large bull elephant stared at Mikele, lifted its front foot off the ground, then put it down. The elephant did that several times then trumpeted loudly, all the while staring at the man.

Remembering the encounter in 1986, Mikele couldn't help wondering if this was the same elephant. Mikele summoned up his courage, climbed over the railing and made his way into the enclosure. He walked right up to the elephant and stared back in wonder. The elephant trumpeted again, wrapped its trunk around one of Mikele's legs and slammed him against the railing, killing him instantly.

Probably wasn't the same elephant.

OR

What to do in Tesco if fed up shopping with the missus...



01. Get 24 boxes of condoms & randomly put them in people's trolleys when they aren't looking.

02. Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5 minute intervals.

03.

04. Walk up to an employee and tell him / her in an official tone: Code 3 in Housewares... and see what happens.

05. Go to the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on credit.

06. Move a 'CAUTION -WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

07. Set-up a tent in the Camping Department and tell other shoppers you are sleeping over and invite them in if they bring pillows from the bedding Department.

08. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask: "Why can't you people just leave me alone?"

09. Look right into the security camera, use it as a mirror and pick your nose.

10. While handling large knives in the Kitchen Dept, ask the assistant if he/she knows where the anti-depressants are located.

11. Dart around the store suspiciously, while loudly humming the theme from Mission Impossible.

12. Hide in a clothing rack . . . and when people browse through, say: "PICK ME!!! PICK ME!!!"

13. When an announcement comes over the loudspeaker, hit the floor and assume the foetal position and scream "NO!....... It's those voices again!!!

And last but not least:

14. Go into a fitting room, shut the door and wait a while... then yell loudly: "There's no toilet paper in here.

 

[disgrits]

well, I'm off to drive my taxi.

Y'all have a great day. Safe trip AFEG.

Can somebody re-post who's leaving when?

 

[disgrits]

01. Get 24 boxes of condoms & randomly put them in people's trolleys when they aren't looking.

14. Go into a fitting room, shut the door and wait a while... then yell loudly: "There's no toilet paper in here

Of course I think the crudest ones are the funniest ones.....

ok, gotta get dressed for bible study........

 

[oybolshoi]

Karen - have a safe trip tomorrow - can't wait to meet you on the 17th, you wacky Aussie!

Safe travels to everyone else as well ... I know everyone is going to be leaving over the next week so I wanted to wish you all good times once more.

 

[oybolshoi]

Dear Man of a Million Names ... AKA snugglebunny, Mr. Mysterious, Ellusive Pimpernel, Uncle Moneybags, Velvet Hammer, and the Ice Cream Man,

Best wishes to you and your family for a safe flight tomorrow and a lovely three-week hiatus from Limey-land...I joke because I can ... I've got nothing but love for England, really.

You are too kind, but I'm pleased that you enjoyed reading through my ridiculous drivel. If I made you smile then I am happy ... although Jay would probably say that I should start charging a fee.

**Get your mind out of the gutter! I was talking about reading material!

It's been a tremendous pleasure passing the time with you and all the others on the KK thread. I'm looking forward to meeting you on the 17th and shattering the last of any illusions you may have about me and my Adonis.

Until next week, I remain, your one-legged bewb-flashin-for-freebies-cyber-bird.

 

[millerpjm]

Good morning/afternoon all!

AFEG - safet travels...we'll see you on the 20th!

Wine Diva - how'd the t-shirts turn out? And how many glasses/bottles of wine did it take? Inquiring minds want to know!

Ho hum...guess I'd better do some work now...be back later.

 

[millerpjm]

Fo ???

 

[cntkg1]

Karen - have a safe trip tomorrow - can't wait to meet you on the 17th, you wacky Aussie!

Safe travels to everyone else as well ... I know everyone is going to be leaving over the next week so I wanted to wish you all good times once more.

Thank you Brenda. And you as well.

Dear Man of a Million Names ... AKA snugglebunny, Mr. Mysterious, Ellusive Pimpernel, Uncle Moneybags, Velvet Hammer, and the Ice Cream Man,

Best wishes to you and your family for a safe flight tomorrow and a lovely three-week hiatus from Limey-land...I joke because I can ... I've got nothing but love for England, really.

You are too kind, but I'm pleased that you enjoyed reading through my ridiculous drivel. If I made you smile then I am happy ... although Jay would probably say that I should start charging a fee.

**Get your mind out of the gutter! I was talking about reading material!

It's been a tremendous pleasure passing the time with you and all the others on the KK thread. I'm looking forward to meeting you on the 17th and shattering the last of any illusions you may have about me and my Adonis.

Until next week, I remain, your one-legged bewb-flashin-for-freebies-cyber-bird.

I realize that post wasn't for me, but you guys are all making me cry this morning.

 

[cntkg1]

...and some of those tears are of laughter!!

09. Look right into the security camera, use it as a mirror and pick your nose.

And last but not least:

14. Go into a fitting room, shut the door and wait a while... then yell loudly: "There's no toilet paper in here.

My favs.

 

[Cheryl N. WI]

Good morning/afternoon everyone 1 week from now at this time we'll be in the air on our way to Orlando

 

[oybolshoi]

You were supposed to laugh at my posts, Nancy, not cry ...wondering now if they were so badly written that they made your cry rather than giggle...I must need more coffee.

Nancy dear - your wishes are in the mail and hopefully will make you smile.

 

[Cheryl N. WI]

Brenda safe travels to you too!

Karen - have a safe trip tomorrow - can't wait to meet you on the 17th, you wacky Aussie!

Safe travels to everyone else as well ... I know everyone is going to be leaving over the next week so I wanted to wish you all good times once more.

 

[Cheryl N. WI]

Safe travels to you and your family Chris! Have a great week in Orlando and we'll see you on the Magic

Omg we have no days left only hours....

 

[cntkg1]

So in honor of my last "work" day (because God only knows they won't be getting anything out of me on Monday and Tuesday) my boss decided to grill out for lunch today.

We're all bringing something. My job was to bring Lemonade, pickles and some type of pasta salad. Being the conscientous employee I am, I decided to stop at the grocery store, instead of making my own salad, to pick up something from the deli.

The refrigerator cases were revamped last night so there was no deli.

I walked around the store thinking of something else I could buy instead and then started thinking about this cruise and lost my frame of mind. I left with my purchases and once I got to work I realized I forgot the salad item.

So guess what we're having instead?

Marshmallows!! That's right! Lemonade, pickles and marshmallows!
(Don't ask )

 

[Cheryl N. WI]

Don't need to tell me. I was shocked to see her post from this time of the morning. Here I was at work and she's home DISing while Al was I'm sure snoring away Good thing there is no school today but she wanted to get up early to help out with something for student council. I now she why I can't wake her up this morning

ps...Will do Rachel,has she got your phone number?...don't put it on here just e-mail her and i'll get her to mail you back....now go to bed or i'll tell your mum you were DISSing when you should have been Dreaming.....