Not educating child

[Wadecool]

BigRedBill's Wife, you are 100% in the right and I applaud you for sticking up for this poor girl! She sounds miserable and she has the right to an education. It is unfortunate that her mother is using her as a free babysitter.

This!

 

[punkin]

So the nanny wants to go home in the afternoon to clean and rest. Have her daughter look after the op's ofspring and leave her other child in the ops house and get paid for it. And your having a go at op?????????????????????????

That's what I was just thinking.

 

[Plannin'Shannon]

BigRedBill's Wife, you are 100% in the right and I applaud you for sticking up for this poor girl! She sounds miserable and she has the right to an education. It is unfortunate that her mother is using her as a free babysitter.

Seconded.

Rock on, Bill's wife.

Rock on, indeed.

 

[Disney Doll]

Well, if you called CPS they'll determine if it's a problem.

 

[luvsJack]

Since it isn't the OP child it really isn't the OP business how someone else educates their child nor does it make it remotely a CPS worthy "offense" either.

I think CPS is in a better place to make that decision. And yes, if someone is neglecting their child then it is very much someone else's business.

BigRedBill's wife: I commend you for "butting in" and making this your business. You took a stand and maybe this child will get some help.

 

[Goofycampers]

I think you did the right thing. When you report there is an investigation. If all is well that's the end of it. At least you know you did what you thought was right. Unfortunately sometimes MYOB is not appropriate. As a nurse I am obligated to report and unfortunately have had to a couple of times. Nothing drastic happened but the parents knew someone was watching their actions and they changed their behavior for the better.

 

[spacemountainmom]

BigRedBill and the Mrs.

Thank you for caring enough for this poor child to do the right thing. I hope the damage done to this girl's education can be repaired.

 

[DawnM]

Can you do a little research on homeschooling in your state and see if your state offers a free online curriculum the girl could sign up for? This would relieve her mother of the burden and allow her to continue her education on her own.

I am not sure that CPS will do anything to be honest.

Dawn

 

[sookie]

I have an issue with one of my wife's former friends, who also used to be our nanny. I say "former", as my wife has little contact with her now. She had brought such drama and poor influence into our household, we decided our family was better off without her.

However, I still have a major concern with her. She took her (then) 13 year old daughter out of school last year to "home school" her. Normally, this wouldn't be an issue -- I respect the decisions of families that are doing what they feel is best for the education of their children. The concern I have is that she doesn't educate her daughter at all. Instead, she uses her as a babysitter for their one-year old.

We had utilized the mom as a nanny over the summer, but let her go when she told us that she would not be putting her daughter in school again. In fact, she wanted to be able to leave her nanny responsibilities in the early afternoon, and have her daughter finish up watching our kids each day. We told her that we couldn't do that, didn't feel that what she was doing to her child was right, and that we'd need to find a new nanny.

We recently found out from the daughter that no home schooling has taken place this fall, and that she is primarily responsible for taking care of her younger brother. My wife has had multiple discussions with the mother in the past, trying to advocate for the daughter, to no use. We have been essentially told to "butt out".

After a great deal of thought and prayer, my wife contacted Child Protective Services and filed a complaint. Do you think we overstepped our bounds?

You did the right thing. It is called educational neglect and is not legal in many places. Hopefully CPS will follow up.

 

[mom2boys]

I think you did the right thing and I commend you for your courage in taking a stand for this child's well being.

 

[Disneynut5]

Maybe she's unschooling.

Calling CPS was overstepping.

I agree! I think calling CPS was wrong.

 

[StephMK]

Hi fellow NE poster.

I'm surprised at all the people who said to butt out. At what point then is it ok to get involved? How bad does it get before someone should step in? I do not think it's ok not to get an education for your child. I think you did the right thing. That poor girl is going to have her whole future affected because her mother is too selfish & lazy to take care of her family properly. I hope she is at least woken up by this and gets her DD the education she deserves.

 

[Nayan]

Here's an informative article:

http://homeschooling.gomilpitas.com/articles/031799.htm

 

[cntrygal]

I find it hard to believe that NY goes to someone's home on every call that comes into CPS. If that is the case NY needs to rethink how they handle things. In my state all calls to the child abuse hotline are carefully screened at that level to see if they warrant a visit from CPS. There are some crazy calls that come to the hotline.

Yes all calls are investigated and a home visit with contact of all children involved is made within 24 hours. Even the ones that come in with only a lisence plate number or a street number with no names

 

[snowy76]

Yes all calls are investigated and a home visit with contact of all children involved is made within 24 hours. Even the ones that come in with only a lisence plate number or a street number with no names

This.

I can't recall the name off the top of my head, but there are two branches of CPS where referrals are handled. If the call taker determines it's possibly at the level of criminal offense, investigators take over. Most other cases go to a separate division (the name of which I don't recall) which approaches the family with strategies/education and follow-up visits to remedy whatever situation exists.

But yes, they do respond in some way to all contacts.

 

[ZachnElli]

Another Nebraska poster, are you in Omaha? I think Omaha would have more laws in place than just the state, our city council is good like that! But if you are a lawyer you would know more than I would on that. Our new truancy laws are rather strict. Anyway, I haven't paid attention in a while, but our CPS isn't that overwhelmed, certainly cannot be compared to a state like NY, seriously look at the population difference and figure that out. But when we adopted in 2005 there were less than 50 kids available for adoption out of the foster care system here (48 I believe the number was including sibling groups). I think you did the right thing, CPS will investigate and figure it out.

 

[bigredbill]

Yep, we are in Omaha. Thanks for your support!

 

[cornflake]

Well, this is bigred's wife. I actually made the call to CPS. I also realize very little may be done. But I could not, in good conscience, sit back and do nothing...

She replied, "7th grade is really just a repeat of sixth grade -- she'll be fine." When I said, "Uh, no, 7th grade really is its own grade and is teaching building blocks for 8th grade" and that her daughter was going to be way behind, she got quiet and said that they were thinking of holding their daughter back a year to "catch up" on what she missed...


I decided then and there to call CPS. Even if they can't do anything to help, I want this child to know someone gives a rat's *** about her and her needs. I know some of you think I am a busy body and I am ok with that. But, while I have felt sadness over calling CPS, I have never felt a moment of guilt. I don't want my friend to lose her child, and having worked with CPS, she is NOT going to lose her child. I want her to do right by her child...

As others have said, rock on.

Frankly, right around the 'eh, 7th grade is no big deal to miss' conversation is when I would have called some authority, though I kind of understand what you were thinking and the steps you took that seemed like they'd result in schooling of some kind or other.

I think you were beyond right to call CPS, this is neglect and abuse (using your 12-year-old as slave labour and preventing her from receiving an education, is, yes, abuse, imo - they're not Amish, in a societal structure set up a certain way, they're in THIS society and she's keeping her child isolated, uneducated and using her), and needs to be treated as such.

If nothing is done in short order, I'd say call someone else - school authorities, a local senator, a state rep., hell, call the local media and report that CPS was informed about this and did nothing, they'll keep the child's name private but may make enough noise to get something done.

As you said, education is everything, it's choices and she can't just fall further and further behind and expect to catch up somehow, some way, without intervention.

 

[PaulaSB12]

Well, this is bigred's wife. I actually made the call to CPS. Honestly, I had no idea he was going to post on here and I am not upset he did, but I am a little surprised. I didn't call CPS lightly. I was, and am, deeply concerned about this child. To give a little more information, I am an attorney. Prior to law school, I got a bachelor's degree in Social Work (and Poli Sci). I did my first social work internship with CPS. I know how the system works, both from a legal and an intervention perspective. I also realize very little may be done. But I could not, in good conscience, sit back and do nothing.

I have great friends who homeschool. I have a cousin that homeschooled her 5 kids. Frankly, if my husband would agree, I would probably homeschool my little ones if my little girls wanted to someday AND if I thought it was what was best for them. I am not against homeschooling. I am against NOT schooling at all. Education is the path to choices. If you are not educated, you have very few choices.

As I said, I did not call CPS lightly. I spent a lot of time with this woman (let's call her Janelle) and her child all summer. We did a lot of things together -- went to the pool, went bowling, went hiking, took trips, ect. In the beginning of May, she told me she took her daughter out of school in December 2010. She said it was because her daughter was getting into trouble. I respected that and even told her that my oldest daughter had been told that if she didn't start making better choices, we were going to pull HER out of school and enroll her in a university online schooling course. Thankfully, my daughter decided to straighten up and we did not have to follow through on our threat.

As time went by, the "real" reasons started coming out. She said she had carpel tunnel surgery in December and that she had to take her daughter out of school because she physically couldn't even pick up her 6 month old son after the surgery. Then, she said, she started working with her mother, who owned a fitness business. She said she couldn't have worked at the store every other day (from 7 am until 4 pm) if she didn't have her daughter to watch the baby. She continued working at this store every other day (on the opposite days she cared for our children) until September, when she quit. I asked her how she could possibly homeschool her daughter if she had her babysitting her brother all that time. She replied, "7th grade is really just a repeat of sixth grade -- she'll be fine." When I said, "Uh, no, 7th grade really is its own grade and is teaching building blocks for 8th grade" and that her daughter was going to be way behind, she got quiet and said that they were thinking of holding their daughter back a year to "catch up" on what she missed. She admitted that discipline wasn't her strong suit and she was going to look into some programs that would offer some structure for her and her daughter. I told her I would give her $300 extra a month to pay for these classes (which is what the classes cost approx).

A few days later she told me she was going to register her daughter for online university homeschooling classes and that her daughter had to test for placement. She asked for an advance on her salary for this testing. We gave it to her. I do not know what the testing revealed, only that she decided NOT to homeschool through the university and that she was going to hold her back a year and teach her at home again. She said this was because she had to catch up on the schooling she had missed the last 9 months. She also proposed at that time to have her daughter babysit the kids in the afternoon while she went home to clean. She stated that taking care of my two little girls and her son really wore her out so she was unable to take care of her own home in the evenings after work. She thought if her daughter took care of my kids and her little brother in the afternoon, she might be able to stay on top of her house. Janelle later informed me that she wanted to buy another fitness center (like curves) with her mother and she would work the afternoons at the gym and hire someone to do the mornings until the gym was profitable enough to pay her full time. She said she could not open another gym with her mom without her daughter being home schooled because she needed a sitter for her son while she was at the gym.

I asked her if she thought she'd be able to do actually homeschool her daughter, in that she hadn't homeschool AT ALL in the previous 9 months. I also wanted to know how she would do it if her daughter was babysitting her little brother at the fitness center AND babysitting my kids all afternoon while she (Janelle) either cleaned her own home or worked in the gym. She said that she would find a way -- maybe sign up for a program here where you paid a small amount of money and the child used their facilities to study.

At that point, I informed her that my husband and I could not be party to her not educating her child. I told her that while it was her choice how to educate her child (or not), that I could not in good conscience be a silent partner in her using her daughter as a babysitter for her and ME instead of schooling. I told her it was very hard for me to say this, as I cared for her as a friend, but that I felt what she was doing was wrong. I said her daughter was a bright child with a wonderful future ahead of her, but without some education, she was limiting her choices. I told her that I thought she (Janelle) was putting her own interests ahead of her child's best interests.

I told her that I was saying this because I cared about her and her child and that someone needed to stand up for her daughter. Janelle stated that she had stood up for her daughter by taking her out of school because her daughter was "cutting classes." Her daughter, who had been listening, came around the cornering yelling, "Stop lying. You keep saying I skipped classes and got into trouble but that is just lies. I NEVER cut one class. I had straight A's. I was NOT a trouble maker. Just stop LYING!" And she was crying and upset.

Janelle told her to butt out and that it wasn't a discussion for her. But she never denied what her daughter said, and in fact, got all flustered and embarrassed.

Someone asked what Janelle's husband thinks. He is adamantly against homeschooling but since he is "just the stepdad" he doesn't get a say. Janelle's ex husband, and father to her child, does not want his child homeschooled either but lives across the country and has little involvement other than holidays and long weekends (and he does pay child support).

I didn't call CPS at that time. We actually "made up" and both agreed not to discuss certain topics. She asked me to be on the board of directrors for a nonprofit she was starting and I had to decline because of my employment contract and the fact that she was not going to carry liability insurance for the BoD. However, we were part of the same playgroups and I kept running into her at those different playgroups around town. I asked her (Janelle) how homeschooling was going and she said, "We've been so busy getting my nonprofit up and running, that I haven't had any time to do it." I was shocked. I said, "Janelle, you held her back a year. If you don't do it, she'll be two years behind her peers." She said she felt really bad and was going to focus on that "soon."

I ran into her and her daughter last week and her daughter was crying. I asked what is wrong and she said her mom is pregnant and has bad morning sickness and so she has been taking care of her brother full time. Janelle said, "(Daughter's name) is just upset that I am having another baby." Daughter said, "That "I" am going to have to take care of!" And she walked away.

Janelle said that her daughter just doesn't want another sibling. I asked, "How's the schooling going?" She said, "I am too sick to do any right now. But we'll get to it." In two weeks, her daughter will have been out of school for 1 year with NO schooling.

I talked to her daughter a few minutes later and her daughter said, "You know, you called it. You told my mom I would never get any schooling and you were right. I haven't had ANY lessons in almost a year." She told me how lonely she was hanging out at the playlands around town and having nothing to do and how she wished she was in school or doing SOMETHING.

I decided then and there to call CPS. Even if they can't do anything to help, I want this child to know someone gives a rat's *** about her and her needs. I know some of you think I am a busy body and I am ok with that. But, while I have felt sadness over calling CPS, I have never felt a moment of guilt. I don't want my friend to lose her child, and having worked with CPS, she is NOT going to lose her child. I want her to do right by her child.

And, if it comes down to it, and Janelle calls CPS on me and my family out of retaliation, I will welcome them into my home. I have nothing to hide. My children have a nanny becauseI went to law school and incurred $150,000 of debt. I hadn't found "mr. right" and I did not have children. I needed to suppport myself and I wanted a job that I would like. i met my husband shortly before finishing and, while I could quit working and go delinquent on my school debts like a good portion of america (more than 60%!), I chose to honor my commitments. That requires me to work. Because I want to be near them and visit them and eat lunch with them on days I work, I employ a nanny. I do not think CPS while find that so objectionable.

Anyways, that is the full story. It was not retaliation. It was not mean spirited. It was out of concern for a child who deserves someone to stand up for her. Whether anything comes of it, well, I'll let the authorities figure that out. Also, CPS handles all education concerns. They refer to the county prosecutor, but the county prosecutor requires you file a complaint through CPS -- see, I did do my homework.

After the op's wife posted this there are STILL some who think they where wrong. I don't believe it the mother has called the child a lier after she said the child was cutting school and the daughter denied it, is leaving the brother in the care of a 13 year old because she is pregnant and has admitted that in a year the child has had no education. And yet the op and the op's wife are still overstepping???????????? Is this more to do with it being a man who made the original post because from what I have seen there is a lot of anti male bias in many posts here.

 

[HelenePA]

is so funny everyone hates the duggards here because they think they do the same thing but it seems like its okay in this family... ah gotta love the dis...