Non-residential parents and step-parents

Which I think, while it may not sound very friendly, proves my point that she assumes he has one to bring.

I still think that this is a misunderstanding between you. She thinks she is asking him to bring his blow dryer. You think shes telling you to buy him a blow dryer for their house.

Someone needs to communicate to them that he doesn't have his own blow dryer and ask to get one for his use at their house.
Even if the kid had his own, he shouldn't have to be lugging it from house to house.

If the grown-up doesn't want to share, she should buy the kid one of his own.

But, really, the dad should step up. It is his child.
 
If that's the case, perhaps, "I'd prefer he not use mine, could he bring his own?" or perhaps, "Hey Chris, do you have a hairdryer you could bring here?" Maybe those would be better options. Or, here's a thought...maybe HIS FATHER could speak TO ME about it, instead of her telling DS.

I must be a terrible horrible person, because it would never occur to me to pussyfoot around to a 15 year old about not wanting him to use my blow dryer. I would assume if he didn't have his own to bring, he'd say so and I'd go get him one.

It seems to me that could very well be the case here. I could be wrong, but sometimes it helps to hear a different perspective. Since it obviously isn't helping anything here, I'll bow out of this thread.
 
Yes, my thoughts exactly. If the young man uses a hair-dryer, why doesn't he have one???? I would not have even have put him in the position of having to ask Step-Mommie-Dearest to use her personal items.

If his dad is not looking out for him while he has cutostody, then so what. This is not about that. It is about doing what is right for the son.

I hope the OP will very strongly consider the above suggestions about providing her son wiith some nice travel gear and personal accesories.

Really, I know the OP is frustrated. But to come here fishing for agreement on how awful the Stepmom and the Dad are, like it is some kind of competition or argument... Not good. Hopefully the OP is not contributing to putting her son in the middle.

Do you really think that it is a "so what" issue that the dad doesn't look out for his own son???:confused3
 
I must be a terrible horrible person, because it would never occur to me to pussyfoot around to a 15 year old about not wanting him to use my blow dryer. I would assume if he didn't have his own to bring, he'd say so and I'd go get him one.

It seems to me that could very well be the case here. I could be wrong, but sometimes it helps to hear a different perspective. Since it obviously isn't helping anything here, I'll bow out of this thread.

I understand what you're saying, but what good is telling him to bring his own at 9 a.m. when he's being picked up at 9:30.? Obviously she knew he didn't have one if she HID HERS so he couldn't use it. Or, maybe it could have been mentioned prior to this morning. Or hey, maybe they could've just bought him one if it was such an issue. This morning was the first I heard of it.
 

I understand what you're saying, but what good is telling him to bring his own at 9 a.m. when he's being picked up at 9:30.? Obviously she knew he didn't have one if she HID HERS so he couldn't use it. Or, maybe it could have been mentioned prior to this morning. Or hey, maybe they could've just bought him one if it was such an issue. This morning was the first I heard of it.

I'll try one last time. She told him at 9 when he was being picked up at 9:30because she thought he would walk into the bathroom, grab it from his drawer and toss it in his bag. She knew he didn't have one at HER house because he keeps borrowing hers. So she wanted him to bring is because - What she doesn't know is that he doesn't have his own at YOUR house. She assumed he had one and just wasn't bringing it. That is the misunderstanding.

I say that, because that is what I would assume. I would assume he had one. It just wouldn't occur to me he didn't.

While I agree they should buy him one to use in their house, it sounds like he takes his own personal items over there and they consider a blowdryer to be one of those items.
 
You'd have to know her to understand. That's all I can say. I'm sure she's told him before that she doesn't want him to use her hairdryer. She's gone as far as to HIDE hers.

Couldn't she have asked him, "Do you have your own hairdryer you can bring here?" Rather than, "Make sure you bring a hairdryer."

Sometimes it's not WHAT we say, but how we say it. And, he's been blowdrying his hair for at least 6 months.....
 
Crap on a cracker...if this woman is so adverse to sharing her stupid hair dryer, why doesn't she tell her DH to buy his son one on the way over? It's obvious she thinks he needs to have one there and his visits are not a temporary thing where he should just throw one in his bag every time he comes over...it's an appliance he should have there if he uses one regularly. You can get one for like 10 bucks at any drug store/Walmart.

IMO, she was making a point to be a witch, pure and simple. "Make sure he brings a blow dryer because he is not using mine"...not "Can you ask him if he can bring a blow dryer?"....Come on. She is not assuming he has one or she would say tell him to bring HIS blow dryer. She is annoyed by the inconvenience of his presence, and she wants it known. At least that is how she is presenting it.
 
Couldn't she have asked him, "Do you have your own hairdryer you can bring here?" Rather than, "Make sure you bring a hairdryer."
.....

there again, it's all in how you view a blowdryer. If my kids had a step mom I would prefer she said "make sure you bring a hairdryer". If she asked if he had one I would think "duh, of course he has one - how condescending!"

She assumed he had one, so she didn't ask if he had one.

It's the kind of thing that would make an interesting poll here. "Do your kids have their own blow dryer or do they use yours?" I'm sure there would be some people who would say they pass one back and forth between people and bathrooms, why would they need two? And others who would say "of course we each have our own!"

The issue you need to solve IMO is why he doesn't have a duplicate set of personal items at their house so he doesn't have to pack things back and forth.
 
Stupid question....why does he even need a hairdryer?:confused3

My sons never used one-just towel dried their hair.
 
I would NEVER let dh's ex in our house. I really don't see any reason for it.

Are you SERIOUS??!! So if she had to go pick her son up she should HONK in the driveway? Not come up to get him?

If my Ex's wife tried to pull that I couldn't come to their house they would not be having my kids there EVER!

And for the record. YES both my ex and his wife are welcome to come in my house anytime they choose, if they are picking up the kids or dropping them off. To not allow this is just plain RUDE, IMO.
 
I still think that this is a misunderstanding between you. She thinks she is asking him to bring his blow dryer. You think shes telling you to buy him a blow dryer for their house.
To be honest, I think she was hoping he would bring the only blow dryer in the OPs house, thus inconveniencing the OP for the weekend (or whatever time he would be gone). Obviously, she doesn't have multiple blow dryers...so why should she thinks the OP does?
 
First of all do you call your ex's wife stepmonster in front of your son?? Second of all, I would NEVER let dh's ex in our house. I really don't see any reason for it. DH just said he would never let his ex in our house. Do you let the ex and his wife into yours? Sounds like you have a whole lot more problems here than just a hairdryer.
That's real mature. Way to set an example for the kids. That's being just as petty.

I go in my ex's house (my former house) when I drop dd7 off there and he comes in my house as well. In fact, I just moved and he hung my curtain rods for me. He has a girlfriend, who I've yet to meet, but I hope we can do our best to remain mature adults for our daughter's sake.

A new spouse not allowing the ex in the house to drop their children off or pick them up, in my opinion, is just a *****y territory thing.
 
Just read more posts in the thread. It's obvious the OP is venting about the situation and I am sure she will make sure her son has what he needs or will work something out.

I don't understand why people can't just call this what it is? The step-mother is being a witch. It's clear as day...'because he isn't using mine'...no misunderstanding that, it's hostile. Whether it was aimed at her DH or the son, she is pissed and wants it known. She may have wonderful qualities otherwise, but it seems pretty obvious that she feels inconvenience by the sons visits. Most people don't even have to bring a blow dryer to a motel these days. (although many choose to bring their own)

I do not see anything wrong with the OP coming here to vent that this is a crappy way for her son to be treated by his father and stepmother. That's all, no more, no less. It's not about ALL stepmothers, just this particular situation. I don't think any of us would want our children treated that way. I wouldn't get crappy with an overnight guest that way "bring your hair dryer, because you are not using mine". Sheesh, what ever happened to hospitality? Not sure why it is such a sin to mention it.
 
First of all do you call your ex's wife stepmonster in front of your son?? Second of all, I would NEVER let dh's ex in our house. I really don't see any reason for it. DH just said he would never let his ex in our house. Do you let the ex and his wife into yours? Sounds like you have a whole lot more problems here than just a hairdryer.

Let me get this straight - you won't allow the mother of your husband's children into your home, but you would object to her calling you "stepmonster" in front of them?
 
That's real mature. Way to set an example for the kids. That's being just as petty.

I go in my ex's house (my former house) when I drop dd7 off there and he comes in my house as well. In fact, I just moved and he hung my curtain rods for me. He has a girlfriend, who I've yet to meet, but I hope we can do our best to remain mature adults for our daughter's sake.

A new spouse not allowing the ex in the house to drop their children off or pick them up, in my opinion, is just a *****y territory thing.

I totally agree.
 
Regarding the 'territory' thing. I am not sure I would want my kids spending the night in any home where I wasn't welcome to cross the threshold. I guess some people are just really territorial and you have to deal with whatever the ex's do, but wow...that is just strange.
 















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