No face to face communication

[okeydokey]

This new normal saddens me beyond words. Our future will be bleak.

This same sentiment has been expressed by people for decades now.

 

[Hrhpd]

My family and I didn't walk into a restaurant to just observe the rest of the customers. The whole observation was at first only a minute with some glances now and then. We were in that restaurant for way over an hour and discussing a number of topics. The whole conversation started when my DS14 started showing us that other people can use their phones in a restaurant why can't I?

This is not the only place I have observed people ignoring family around them because of a cell phone. I took my 5 YO nephew to a park last fall when the whole time I was there a father ignored his daughter because of a personal call. I could tell it was a call that could have waited because he talked so loud. All the while he daughter wanted daddy's attention and he kept shrugging her off.

The point of my post is it is so sad that we find the use of technology to be so more important than the people around us.

Wow, you eavesdropped on the man's conversation? So much so that you knew that it was a private call and you were absolutely certain it could have waited till later?

Proper manners says that you should move far enough away so as to not eavesdrop. And of course, since you won't entertain that there might be extenuating circumstances your OP, one must then say there cannot be any extenuating circumstances on why you chose to stay and listen.

How Rude. What is the world coming to? Oh my!

 

[Hrhpd]

This new normal saddens me beyond words. Our future will be bleak.

My great grandmother used to say that about indoor plumbing. The future was doomed because civilized people just did not do their messy, smelly business inside the sanctity of the home.

Glad Grams was wrong. Future seems pretty exciting with all the advances being made.

Also, all you doom and gloomers should do a little history research. It was not too long ago that it was believed that children should be seen and not heard. It would be unthinkable to have children at the adult's table actually participating in adult conversations.

 

[mamacatnv]

Yep, there are always circumstances and yet, I still judge quietly to myself. I can't help it, I just wonder about a family that goes out to a restaurant but does not interact, I can't help it, I just wonder.

Now, when it bothers me is when Mom and/or Dad are so busy on their phones that they are not paying attention to their small children and it bothers me further when those same small children do just about everything in their power to get Mom and Dad's attention but keep getting shushed because their parent is otherwise occupied.

I get even further annoyed when those kids whose parents are ignoring them become bothersome to the other diners or the wait staff.

I am sure for every 10 families with their noses buried in their electronics that there are maybe 1 or 2 of those families with what could be considered justifiable circumstances but I personally do not believe they are in the majority. I think people are becoming more and more self centered and all of the hand held electronics are becoming more and more addicting.

 

[SLP958]

My great grandmother used to say that about indoor plumbing. The future was doomed because civilized people just did not do their messy, smelly business inside the sanctity of the home.

Glad Grams was wrong. Future seems pretty exciting with all the advances being made.

Also, all you doom and gloomers should do a little history research. It was not too long ago that it was believed that children should be seen and not heard. It would be unthinkable to have children at the adult's table actually participating in adult conversations.

right on!

I will gladly let my kids quietly watch the iPad while out at dinner if it means DH and I can have a relaxing dinner with adult conversation.

Having no family or available babysitters nearby, the kids are always with us. A few minutes of screen time can make us a much happier family.

Just don't look if the sight of us disturbs you. Rest assured, as a family we do a tremendous amount of talking to each other.

 

[Jennasis]

Wow, you eavesdropped on the man's conversation? So much so that you knew that it was a private call and you were absolutely certain it could have waited till later?

Proper manners says that you should move far enough away so as to not eavesdrop. And of course, since you won't entertain that there might be extenuating circumstances your OP, one must then say there cannot be any extenuating circumstances on why you chose to stay and listen.

How Rude. What is the world coming to? Oh my!

What if they're at the booth/table right beside you?

 

[Squirlz]

Last time this thread was started (couple times a year right?) I didn't get to post this before it was locked. The OP was absolutely ADAMANT that if your phone was on the table it meant your phone was more important than your company. When my phone is on the table it means that is more comfortable than having it in my pocket. Point being yet again that not all is as it seems.

 

[sapdaddy2]

Wow, you eavesdropped on the man's conversation? So much so that you knew that it was a private call and you were absolutely certain it could have waited till later?

Proper manners says that you should move far enough away so as to not eavesdrop. And of course, since you won't entertain that there might be extenuating circumstances your OP, one must then say there cannot be any extenuating circumstances on why you chose to stay and listen.

How Rude. What is the world coming to? Oh my!

This gentleman as just about yelling into his phone. The whole park could here him telling the other person about the new car he bought. Don't you think paying attention to his kid was more important.

 

[sapdaddy2]

I'm not judging YOU. I don't know you. When I am in a restaurant and an entire family sits there for over on hour not speaking to each other and on an electronic of choice through the entire meal - I think there may be a problem.

This was the about the idea my original post was trying to point out. Jessica seemed to get to the point better.

I remember as a kid going to a restaurant and hearing the background noise of people talking/laughing etc. Restaurants seem to be a lot quieter now. I remember my dad interacting with me when they gave me crayons and a picture to color.

 

[BadgerGirl84]

Yep, there are always circumstances and yet, I still judge quietly to myself. I can't help it, I just wonder about a family that goes out to a restaurant but does not interact, I can't help it, I just wonder.

Now, when it bothers me is when Mom and/or Dad are so busy on their phones that they are not paying attention to their small children and it bothers me further when those same small children do just about everything in their power to get Mom and Dad's attention but keep getting shushed because their parent is otherwise occupied.

I get even further annoyed when those kids whose parents are ignoring them become bothersome to the other diners or the wait staff.

I am sure for every 10 families with their noses buried in their electronics that there are maybe 1 or 2 of those families with what could be considered justifiable circumstances but I personally do not believe they are in the majority. I think people are becoming more and more self centered and all of the hand held electronics are becoming more and more addicting.

I agree with everything you said. People are becoming quite addicted to their electronic devices and it's sad.

 

[lauradis]

My family and I didn't walk into a restaurant to just observe the rest of the customers. The whole observation was at first only a minute with some glances now and then. We were in that restaurant for way over an hour and discussing a number of topics. The whole conversation started when my DS14 started showing us that other people can use their phones in a restaurant why can't I?

This is not the only place I have observed people ignoring family around them because of a cell phone. I took my 5 YO nephew to a park last fall when the whole time I was there a father ignored his daughter because of a personal call. I could tell it was a call that could have waited because he talked so loud. All the while he daughter wanted daddy's attention and he kept shrugging her off.

The point of my post is it is so sad that we find the use of technology to be so more important than the people around us.

Op while I agree with you.

Your forgetting that the disboard is a mind your own business board.

You should never question what others are doing or look at people and wonder why.

 

[Pixiedustaway]

I don't think it's worth getting worked up over. Do what works for your family and let the rest of the world just be.

 

[SMD]

I'm not judging YOU. I don't know you. When I am in a restaurant and an entire family sits there for over on hour not speaking to each other and on an electronic of choice through the entire meal - I think there may be a problem.

Likewise I would say that the same problem exists with anyone who spent the entire meal monitoring the lack of speaking. If one didn't spend all of that time watching the entire family, one doesn't actually know that they didn't speak to each other in addition to using electronics.

This gentleman as just about yelling into his phone. The whole park could here him telling the other person about the new car he bought. Don't you think paying attention to his kid was more important.

Overhearing people's phone conversations can be annoying, but with phones being portable now, it's going to be a fact of life. You have decided that being on the phone means he wasn't paying attention to his kid. Maybe his kid didn't have 100% of his attention, but being on the phone doesn't mean the kid was totally ignored. What if that father didn't have a cell phone? Maybe he'd be making his calls at home with his kid in another room, instead of together at the park at all.

And in response to your earlier response about your son commenting on other diners on phones because he wanted to use his phone at the table too. Here's to old-school, non-electronic response my parents would have given:
Every family is different, and that's not how it goes in our house.

They would not have gone on a message board to comment on what other people were or weren't doing, they would have discussed it with their kids.

 

[DisneyJamieCA]

All I am saying is that there are many reasons for people to be doing what they are doing. My person dislike is when people bring their toddlers to a meal and prop up a video device. To me, this just means those kids will grow up without table manners.

So you can see why adults would need their phones during the meal, but not any circumstances where a toddler would acceptably be on one?

My 3 yr old is lucky if she gets a nap between the schedules of the other three, and often times it is a too short one in the car on the way to and from. Yet as a family, we still go out to eat sometimes. And yes sometimes I let her have my phone to play on because it keeps her calm & quiet - not because she isn't well behaved but because she is exhausted and toddlers move to stay awake. We also go out to meals where a phone is never pulled out, but that may not be the meal you catch us at. I think saying a toddler on a device equals no table manners is making a HUGE leap.

 

[chipsgirl1030]

Op I agree! Maybe the people getting so offended and defensive are guilty of this behavior themselves.

As for all the "what ifs" and "don't know the circumstances" I would bet most of the texting/cell phone users are not in in this category. Sometimes maybe, but rarely.

Texting/talking on a cell phone while in the company of others (except in an emergency or when it is mandatory) is rude!

If I were dining with someone and they ignored me and played on a phone I would leave.Apparently my presence was not that important.

 

[mamacatnv]

So you can see why adults would need their phones during the meal, but not any circumstances where a toddler would acceptably be on one?

My 3 yr old is lucky if she gets a nap between the schedules of the other three, and often times it is a too short one in the car on the way to and from. Yet as a family, we still go out to eat sometimes. And yes sometimes I let her have my phone to play on because it keeps her calm & quiet - not because she isn't well behaved but because she is exhausted and toddlers move to stay awake. We also go out to meals where a phone is never pulled out, but that may not be the meal you catch us at. I think saying a toddler on a device equals no table manners is making a HUGE leap.

I hear what you are saying and as a few have said, yes, there are always going to be the cases that are not the norm or that circumstance has dictated such as your sleep deprived 3 year old. However, I too think of how often I see a parent hand a fussy kid their phone. Be it in a restaurant, the grocery store, a salon, a Dr's office etc. I too assume that this is a normal habit and since I have seen so many kids, whine, cry, scream and carry on until they are handed the device, I assume that the device is a standard arsenal in keeping them quiet. I see cars all the time with the DVD's engaged and I wonder how these kids are ever going to develop the ability to self sooth, to self entertain etc. when they have been electronically entertained since they were babies.

IMO its not a stretch to think that a toddler who is being electronically entertained all the time when out in public is not learning social graces, table manners which include the ability to sit through a meal, etc.

 

[Ceila]

Op I agree! Maybe the people getting so offended and defensive are guilty of this behavior themselves.

Why is it that you believe that people with a different opinion are "defensive" and "guilty" of this supposedly terrible behavior? You, and all those who agree with you, must be so insecure that you must put others down to inflate your self-esteem.

OK, I don't actually believe that at all. But see how lumping an entire group into one category is ridiculous? Perhaps you could try seeing the other points of view instead.

We don't use cell phones during dinner at home unless it's a work call for DH, and even then he will usually just find out if it's urgent and call back if it can wait. When we're out, it's pretty much the same, with some exceptions. Sometimes we pull up something on the web browser that we're discussing, or if one of the kids is somewhere else I might need to text to work out the schedule for picking up, dropping off, etc. It doesn't mean that we lack family interaction or that we ignore our kids.

There are so many different people in the world and so many different situations. I can't imagine assuming (those first three letters are so appropriate in this case) that anyone who happens to use a phone during a dinner out doesn't interact with their family or their kids will grow up to have no manners, especially when you are seeing a short snapshot of their lives.

 

[Ceila]

IMO its not a stretch to think that a toddler who is being electronically entertained all the time when out in public is not learning social graces, table manners which include the ability to sit through a meal, etc.

I think the point that many are trying to make, and many are failing to comprehend, is that you don't know if those toddlers are "electronically entertained all the time." Unless you personally know the family, you shouldn't assume that what you see during a single outing is true for every outing.

 

[SMD]

Op I agree! Maybe the people getting so offended and defensive are guilty of this behavior themselves.

As for all the "what ifs" and "don't know the circumstances" I would bet most of the texting/cell phone users are not in in this category. Sometimes maybe, but rarely.

Texting/talking on a cell phone while in the company of others (except in an emergency or when it is mandatory) is rude!

If I were dining with someone and they ignored me and played on a phone I would leave.Apparently my presence was not that important.

But do you monitor the diners are other tables who may be playing with their phones instead of conversing amongst themselves? Most of the what ifs are not defending or approving of playing with phones at the table, but in response to the OP's judgements and similar lack of focus on his family while he apparently monitored the other tables.

 

[DisneyJamieCA]

I hear what you are saying and as a few have said, yes, there are always going to be the cases that are not the norm or that circumstance has dictated such as your sleep deprived 3 year old. However, I too think of how often I see a parent hand a fussy kid their phone. Be it in a restaurant, the grocery store, a salon, a Dr's office etc. I too assume that this is a normal habit and since I have seen so many kids, whine, cry, scream and carry on until they are handed the device, I assume that the device is a standard arsenal in keeping them quiet. I see cars all the time with the DVD's engaged and I wonder how these kids are ever going to develop the ability to self sooth, to self entertain etc. when they have been electronically entertained since they were babies. IMO its not a stretch to think that a toddler who is being electronically entertained all the time when out in public is not learning social graces, table manners which include the ability to sit through a meal, etc.

But you're making assumptions based on snippets of people's lives. You're assuming that the the moment in time you see them is the norm when it may not be.

Using the DVD player in the car as an example - our general rule is that it is not turned on unless the drive is longer than the movie. However this week, the 3 yr old I mentioned before is sick. Yet I still have to take her siblings to school and the various activities, so I've turned it on while we wait in the car for the umpteenth time that day. Honestly, if we were home, I'd let her be watching a movie while laying on the couch when she's sick, so why not the car? Yet all you would see is another parent letting their child watch a movie in the car. You also wouldn't see that when the pick up was done, the DVD went off and we all talked to where ever our next destination was.

And what you wouldn't know about my kids is that they are all very social. If we say no media, they listen. They know when it's appropriate and not. They can all sit through long meals without electronics and do that all the time. They had no withdrawal when the DVD player broke in our car and we didn't have one for 6 weeks. And yet, you'd think none of those things applied to my kids if you just caught moments of our lives. So I disagree, it is a huge stretch to make that comparison.