No face to face communication

[vacationer1954]

This new normal saddens me beyond words. Our future will be bleak.

This same sentiment has been expressed by people for decades now.

Centuries actually. There have always been people who choose to see the future in a negative light because things aren't the way they personally want them to be.

 

[sam_gordon]

I'm not judging YOU. I don't know you. When I am in a restaurant and an entire family sits there for over on hour not speaking to each other and on an electronic of choice through the entire meal - I think there may be a problem.

To me, it sounds like you're judging EVERYONE who uses a phone at dinner...

Check all phones at the door (eatery, restaurant) and enjoy your company.

I think it is horrible and have witnessed this more and more when dining out.

It IS becoming a social problem that so far is going unrecognized.

 

[teambeaman]

I do let my 3yo play with the iPad or my iPhone at restaurants. It affords myself and my husband time to sit and talk about the things we don't get to talk about because we're at work 50-60 hours a week. It also lets the other diners enjoy their meals in peace. Our son has a lot of energy and we teach him table manners at home, but when we're out neither one of us has the resolve to walk him outside for a time out every 5 minutes because he is trying to interact with the people sitting behind us, or because he wants to go in the kitchen, or walk around the restaurant, or use the crayons to color on the wall. If you want to judge me for it, I don't care. We spend plenty of time interacting with our son away from the restaurant dinner table. Glass houses people...

 

[sunshinehighway]

This thread is funny.

First, I can't imagine what planet some people live on that an entire restaurant is quiet because all the customers are looking at their phones and not talking. I guess it must be that dis planet where everyone knows people who brag about being on food stamps before they get into their brand new SUV, every child is gifted, and you either should control your children until they have finished college or kick them out at 18 and make them fend for themselves.

Anyways, This thread is funny because some posters obviously spend way too much time watching others people in restaurants or are way too quick to judge, probably both.

Either you are watching these people long enough to know they never interacted with their table dates, in which case that's taking away from you interacting with your table, or you only saw them on their phone for a few seconds.

Maybe someone saw you staring at the other customers and is out there right now judging you.

 

[teambeaman]

right on! I will gladly let my kids quietly watch the iPad while out at dinner if it means DH and I can have a relaxing dinner with adult conversation. Having no family or available babysitters nearby, the kids are always with us. A few minutes of screen time can make us a much happier family. Just don't look if the sight of us disturbs you. Rest assured, as a family we do a tremendous amount of talking to each other.

Amen!!! We're in the same boat!

 

[Skywalker]

Probably texting each other "look at that family staring at us and shaking their heads."
OP - you would have thought we were a horrible family this past weekend. We were out of town. We spent so much "together" time that we were ready for some down time. Dinner was our time to have some private space. It was the first time we could all sit down and check messages, and check in with life.

And hubby had to be on his phone for work. He is on call 24/7, even on vacation. If he didn't check his phone, he wouldn't be able to be with his family the other 23 hours of the day.

But...I would rather my kids check their e-mail at the table than be a nosy Gladys Kravitz and gossip about what the other tables are doing and how they don't meet your parenting standards.

Oh, and FWIW - dinner at the dining room table, which we do nightly even if it means having to do dinner at 9pm to accomodate schedules - no electronics allowed. We even have discussions about being judgemental and how to avoid that. So, no problems you need to worry your little head over, thank you very much.

Bwa ha! I think you need to work on that judgemental thing some more. Calling people names isn't nice either so hope you teach your kids that around the dinner table too.

And if the family is texting about the other family, they are just as nosy and gossipy as you say the first family is.

 

[teambeaman]

I hear what you are saying and as a few have said, yes, there are always going to be the cases that are not the norm or that circumstance has dictated such as your sleep deprived 3 year old. However, I too think of how often I see a parent hand a fussy kid their phone. Be it in a restaurant, the grocery store, a salon, a Dr's office etc. I too assume that this is a normal habit and since I have seen so many kids, whine, cry, scream and carry on until they are handed the device, I assume that the device is a standard arsenal in keeping them quiet. I see cars all the time with the DVD's engaged and I wonder how these kids are ever going to develop the ability to self sooth, to self entertain etc. when they have been electronically entertained since they were babies. IMO its not a stretch to think that a toddler who is being electronically entertained all the time when out in public is not learning social graces, table manners which include the ability to sit through a meal, etc.

We have a lot of kids in our immediate family/circle of friends and my son is one of the most, if not the most, independent among them. If he wakes up before us, he sits in his room and sings, reads, or plays word games until we come and get him. In a restaurant or a grocery store, where he is confined to one small space for a prolonged period of time, and is overstimulated by everything he sees, he no longer wants to "self entertain" as you say because he is strong willed and wants to touch everything. Please stop making assumptions about other people's families. Parenting is hard enough, and parents already feel like we're not doing enough. We don't need to be criticized about every decision we make when we're out in public, especially when half of those decisions are made so that our kids are not bothering other people.

 

[NaLisa]

I went out to dinner and observed this...


A family too busy looking around at and being bothered by all the other diners to have a decent meal themselves.

Just sayin'

Yep.

 

[nugov2]

I have to agree that it is hard to know what is going by one glance into someone's life. Our typical rule is no electronics get brought into the restaurant, but I have been known to give my 3 yr old the phone is he gets antsy. With the age difference he gets dragged around a little more than I'd like and if it is a little late he may get antsy, but the alternative is never going out and sometimes we are far away at dd's soccer game and hate to have her miss out on the team dinner. In a perfect world we'd always have a sitter and usually we do, but sometimes our family is busy and can't make it.

Also I do let my 3 yr old watch tv in the car...even the 10 minute grocery store trip...why? I'm home all day and those 10 minutes are ones where he has headphones on and I can listen to music I enjoy for a little bit. That little bit of me time is what rejuvenates me. Sometimes I put him in the car and drive to the far Starbucks(20 minutes round trip) just to get this me time.

 

[JessicaR]

To me, it sounds like you're judging EVERYONE who uses a phone at dinner...

If it seemed that way - I can tell you that I am not. I don't care - it doesn't affect my meal. If it did, I would say so. They aren't sitting at my table doing it. I'm not angry or mad - I feel bad (sad) to witness a family absorbed in anything but each other while enjoying a meal together.

I have no opinion or judgement as you liked to call it on a phone call being made or a text sent - that is not the same thing at all.

A general observation and opinion of my own. We dine out often and it is very noticeable.

Maybe some people aren't even aware that they are addicted to their electronic. Lately while shopping at numerous places it isn't unusual to find the person that should be helping you on their phone. Sometimes it's difficult to get their attention and sometimes they get annoyed that they have to do their job.

 

[Laura66]

Oh what a sad family we are! My two oldest are on their college Spring Break and we are out to lunch! All 3 of us are on our smartphones desperately trying to snag opening night Divergent movie tix for their little sister!

Update - Score!

 

[mamacatnv]

I think the point that many are trying to make, and many are failing to comprehend, is that you don't know if those toddlers are "electronically entertained all the time." Unless you personally know the family, you shouldn't assume that what you see during a single outing is true for every outing.

True I don't know, neither does anyone else. It is all perception and assumption. I'm being honest, I admit what I perceive and assume.

But you're making assumptions based on snippets of people's lives. You're assuming that the the moment in time you see them is the norm when it may not be.

Using the DVD player in the car as an example - our general rule is that it is not turned on unless the drive is longer than the movie. However this week, the 3 yr old I mentioned before is sick. Yet I still have to take her siblings to school and the various activities, so I've turned it on while we wait in the car for the umpteenth time that day. Honestly, if we were home, I'd let her be watching a movie while laying on the couch when she's sick, so why not the car? Yet all you would see is another parent letting their child watch a movie in the car. You also wouldn't see that when the pick up was done, the DVD went off and we all talked to where ever our next destination was.

And what you wouldn't know about my kids is that they are all very social. If we say no media, they listen. They know when it's appropriate and not. They can all sit through long meals without electronics and do that all the time. They had no withdrawal when the DVD player broke in our car and we didn't have one for 6 weeks. And yet, you'd think none of those things applied to my kids if you just caught moments of our lives. So I disagree, it is a huge stretch to make that comparison.

IMO making assumptions based on a snippet is common. We all do it all the time. Someone cuts us off and we assume they are idiots who cannot drive and yet, I have been guilty of not seeing someone and cutting them off. It does not mean I am an idiot who cannot drive but I am sure the person I cut off sure thinks so.

One day many years ago, my DS's kindergarten teacher cornered me and informed me that my DS really needed to come to school in appropriate clothing and that if I was having trouble providing clothing there were resources. I was flabbergasted and shocked. The boy had a closet full of appropriate clothing. Come to find out, DS was packing an old favorite shirt and jeans in his backpack . Upon arrival at the before school program, he was changing clothes immediately. The shirt was way too small, missing buttons etc and the jeans were ridiculously short, tight etc.

Perception and assumptions, it is how we operate.

We have a lot of kids in our immediate family/circle of friends and my son is one of the most, if not the most, independent among them. If he wakes up before us, he sits in his room and sings, reads, or plays word games until we come and get him. In a restaurant or a grocery store, where he is confined to one small space for a prolonged period of time, and is overstimulated by everything he sees, he no longer wants to "self entertain" as you say because he is strong willed and wants to touch everything. Please stop making assumptions about other people's families. Parenting is hard enough, and parents already feel like we're not doing enough. We don't need to be criticized about every decision we make when we're out in public, especially when half of those decisions are made so that our kids are not bothering other people.

Personally, I am not sensitive, I don't care what others think of me, my kids etc when we are out in public and I certainly did not criticize you, I stated how perception leads to assumptions and how those assumptions are arrived at somewhat reasonably.

 

[teambeaman]

Personally, I am not sensitive, I don't care what others think of me, my kids etc when we are out in public and I certainly did not criticize you, I stated how perception leads to assumptions and how those assumptions are arrived at somewhat reasonably.

When you're assumptions carry negative connotations, that's criticism. I also think it's funny that you don't care what others think of you, but you go onto the Disboards to tell people what you think of others.

 

[mamacatnv]

When you're assumptions carry negative connotations, that's criticism. I also think it's funny that you don't care what others think of you, but you go onto the Disboards to tell people what you think of others.

So, joining in a discussion is not allowed unless one only has positive things to say, to perceive and to assume?

I am critical of a family I see sitting at a table with their noses buried in their electronics for an entire meal.

I am critical of toddlers with smart phones and ipads in the grocery cart.

Yes, I am critical and judge in my own mind. Do I say anything to the parents? Not on your life, not my kid, not my family etc. but that does not mean that I don't wonder what type of example is being set.

As I have said numerous times, there will always be circumstances but I think that often the use of all the electronics is just lazy parenting. Yes, there I go again, judging . I also think that the electronics along with social media is highly addictive and we need to be very mindful to not become so immersed in the virtual that we forget about the in the moment present.

We all judge - I don't think I have ever met a single person that doesn't in some form or another. We have different views, opinions etc. If we all agreed and we all did the exact same things all the time, how boring our world would be.

 

[teambeaman]

I would rather my kid be addicted to technology, than to run around assuming what goes on in other peoples lives based on a snapshot. At least if his face is buried in his ipad he's minding his own business.

 

[JRawkSteady]

I would rather my kid be addicted to technology, than to run around assuming what goes on in other peoples lives based on a snapshot. At least if his face is buried in his ipad he's minding his own business.

This.

 

[sam_gordon]

IMO making assumptions based on a snippet is common. We all do it all the time. Someone cuts us off and we assume they are idiots who cannot drive and yet, I have been guilty of not seeing someone and cutting them off. It does not mean I am an idiot who cannot drive but I am sure the person I cut off sure thinks so.

I agree with you here. However, just because we judge someone doesn't mean we should share that judgement with others. And yes, I am as guilty as anyone.

 

[Hrhpd]

Probably texting each other "look at that family staring at us and shaking their heads."
OP - you would have thought we were a horrible family this past weekend. We were out of town. We spent so much "together" time that we were ready for some down time. Dinner was our time to have some private space. It was the first time we could all sit down and check messages, and check in with life.

And hubby had to be on his phone for work. He is on call 24/7, even on vacation. If he didn't check his phone, he wouldn't be able to be with his family the other 23 hours of the day.

But...I would rather my kids check their e-mail at the table than be a nosy Gladys Kravitz and gossip about what the other tables are doing and how they don't meet your parenting standards.

Oh, and FWIW - dinner at the dining room table, which we do nightly even if it means having to do dinner at 9pm to accomodate schedules - no electronics allowed. We even have discussions about being judgemental and how to avoid that. So, no problems you need to worry your little head over, thank you very much.

Bwa ha! I think you need to work on that judgemental thing some more. Calling people names isn't nice either so hope you teach your kids that around the dinner table too.

And if the family is texting about the other family, they are just as nosy and gossipy as you say the first family is.

Let's see...you bolded 3 lines - I changed them to red since the bolding doesn't show well in a quote.

Texting a comment that somebody is staring at you is not being judgemental. It is recognizing and commenting on somebody making you uncomfortable by rudely staring. If they started making comments about how they looked, how they ate, how they parented, now that would be judgemental. But commenting on somebody making them uncomfortable by staring at what they are doing, not so much.

Saying I would rather have my children check their e-mail IS saying I would rather have my children do a non-judgemental activity rather than judging what strangers are doing at their table.

As for working on the judgemental talks at the table, see above.

 

[Liberty Belle]

Maybe they were texting each other lol....my family will text each other in the same room if we don't want other people to hear.

"Y the H is the freak ovr there staring @ us?"

 

[mamacatnv]

I agree with you here. However, just because we judge someone doesn't mean we should share that judgement with others. And yes, I am as guilty as anyone.

But we all do it all the time. This subject happens to be something that many of us judge to be a negative.

How many times have y'all seen a family with well behaved kids and used them as an example her or elsewhere or commented to their parents? That too is judging, its just judging in a positive way.

In reality, positive or negative is still a judgment. We seem, to allow the positive but not the negative. If all we did was discuss our positive judgments this board would be boring IMO.