No Alcohol at a Wedding?

[*Fantasia*]

We had a cash bar.. why? We didn't have money to have an open bar. Is it tacky.. no.. why? We just didn't have money to have an open bar. Why would we be tacky for not having the money to have an open bar?

I mean we invited our families and friends and co-workers to celebrate our marriage whether there was alcohol or not. If they want alcohol they can buy it there or if not, they can have alcohol at a bar after the reception. What would be tacky are those who think that they have to have alcohol at a wedding for free in order to celebrate the union of two people.

 

[Alesia]

We had a cash bar.. why? We didn't have money to have an open bar. Is it tacky.. no.. why? We just didn't have money to have an open bar. Why would we be tacky for not having the money to have an open bar?

I mean we invited our families and friends and co-workers to celebrate our marriage whether there was alcohol or not. If they want alcohol they can buy it there or if not, they can have alcohol at a bar after the reception. What would be tacky are those who think that they have to have alcohol at a wedding for free in order to celebrate the union of two people.

It's tacky to serve anything you can't afford and expect others to pay for it.

There is no shame in living within your means.

It isn't necessary to serve any kind of alcohol at a wedding. If you do feel it's necessary, then you have to cut something else out of the budget.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

We had a cash bar.. why? We didn't have money to have an open bar. Is it tacky.. no.. why? We just didn't have money to have an open bar. Why would we be tacky for not having the money to have an open bar?
I mean we invited our families and friends and co-workers to celebrate our marriage whether there was alcohol or not. If they want alcohol they can buy it there or if not, they can have alcohol at a bar after the reception. What would be tacky are those who think that they have to have alcohol at a wedding for free in order to celebrate the union of two people.

IMO- and it is MY opinion it is not tacky to not have the money for an open bar. IT is however tacky to not have that money for the open bar, have the bar, and then ask the guests to pay for it. Sorry but I think it is.
If you didn't have the money would you set up food for your guests and then charge them? I mean you put out a bag if chips and if they want chicken they have to pay.
I am not picking on you but I think that those who have the cash bar really don't get why those who don't have a cash bar think it is tacky.
I would rather go to a dry wedding than have the bartender ring me up when I order a glass of wine with dinner. I am there to celebrate the couple. I just think it is rude to be a host, offer something at your party, and then charge your guests for it.

OF course- this is regional from what I am reading here. If it is the norm where you live then it is expected. So perhaps in your area it isn't considered tacky. Here it would be. I am basing my opinion on how things are here. If I went out of state and there was a cash bar I wouldn't bat an eye because I would know that things are done differently in that particular area. If I went to a local wedding I can assure you that I would not be the only person at that wedding that would be shocked and find it rude and tacky.

 

[dolcezena]

It's tacky to serve anything you can't afford and expect others to pay for it.

There is no shame in living within your means.

It isn't necessary to serve any kind of alcohol at a wedding. If you do feel it's necessary, then you have to cut something else out of the budget.

As I have no idea where the Orange Barrel Capitol of the World is, I don't know where you're from....

But, it seems that in North-Central areas of North America, it is not considered tacky, rude, shameful or discourteous to have a cash bar. I have no idea why that is or what sort of cultural norm led to it. But, it's fairly obvious after reading this thread that wedding reception "rules" vary widely, based on where you live. It's a tad judgemental to say something so critical, in regards to something that's not typical in your part of the world.

 

[bluesaturn]

It's tacky to serve anything you can't afford and expect others to pay for it.

There is no shame in living within your means.

It isn't necessary to serve any kind of alcohol at a wedding. If you do feel it's necessary, then you have to cut something else out of the budget.

I'd rather have some alcohol available and pay for it, than to have none available at all.

 

[*Fantasia*]

We weren't serving them.. they had a CHOICE. If they want to drink.. there's the bar. It is tacky for people to look for alcohol at a wedding. Weddings are not about drinking.. I mean we invited our families and friends and co-workers to celebrate our marriage whether there was alcohol or not. If they want alcohol they can buy it there or if not, they can have alcohol at a bar after the reception. What would be tacky are those who think that they have to have alcohol at a wedding for free in order to celebrate the union of two people.

I didn't think it was tacky and I don't think anyone thought it was tacky.. it was our wedding and it is what it is. We all had a good time whether there's alcohol or not. I've been to some weddings where they have cash bar. Did I think it was tacky? No.. they wanted it that way.. and I'm okay with it. I didn't see anyone cry about it either.

As far as for toasting.. We had two champagne bottles at each table. Half of our guests do not drink (my Filipino family and friends don't really drink), but they did sip for the toasting, so what they did was that they handed the unused bottles to those who wanted more champagne.

 

[bluesaturn]

As I have no idea where the Orange Barrel Capitol of the World is, I don't know where you're from....

But, it seems that in North-Central areas of North America, it is not considered tacky, rude, shameful or discourteous to have a cash bar. I have no idea why that is or what sort of cultural norm led to it. But, it's fairly obvious after reading this thread that wedding reception "rules" vary widely, based on where you live. It's a tad judgemental to say something so critical, in regards to something that's not typical in your part of the world.

I agree. Continuously pointing out what is tacky is not classy.

 

[Arielx2]

It's tacky to serve anything you can't afford and expect others to pay for it.

There is no shame in living within your means.

It isn't necessary to serve any kind of alcohol at a wedding. If you do feel it's necessary, then you have to cut something else out of the budget.

Or she can just do what is expected and NORMAL for her area of the country just like others who shell out hundreds of dollars as a 'gift' to pay for their own meal, drinks, cake, and dancing in the northeast.

 

[C.Ann]

It's tacky to serve anything you can't afford and expect others to pay for it..

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When there is FREE wine, beer, soda, and a champagne fountain available for the entire length of the reception, by no means is it tacky to have a cash bar available as well.. If a guest wants or "needs" something "stronger" than that, they should be willing to pay for it..

It's tacky for the guests to expect "more" - simply because they prefer something different than the available choices.. No different than serving prime rib for the dinner and guests whining because it's not lobster..

 

[Eeyores Butterfly]

This is something I'm torn about for when I get married. I have been to only a few weddings, and it seemed like at most of them there was at least one person who was making a total foold of themselves. I also would constantly worry about people drinking and driving- even if transportation were provided. I could never live with myself if one of my wedding guests caused an accident because they got drunk off of the alcohol I provided.

I don't drink very often and neither does my boyfriend. My parents don't drink at all and there are several recovered alcoholics on my mom's side. On my dad's side alcohol is expected. So that will be a tough one.

It honestly boggles my mind the people who say they can't have fun unless there is alcohol or say that they would have more fun if there was. I would have more fun if I was served filet mignon, but I'm not going to think less of them for it or complain about it. The way I view it, it is the bride and groom's choice. They are the ones paying for the wedding. The day is about celebrating the union of two people, not getting drunk off your butt on somebody else's dime. If somebody would skip my wedding because there is no alcohol, then maybe they aren't the friend I thought they were.

 

[Buckalew11]

My reception was dry. It is more common here not to serve alcohol than to serve it. Really huge weddings will sometimes serve alcohol but for the most part regular weddings don't.

My opinion is a wedding and reception is about celebrating the couple getting married. I wouldn't use my hard earned money for people to drink or, for some, to get sloshed. I don't care to feed anyone but I'm not providing the alcohol.

My cousin served alcohol at her rehearsal dinner and wedding. People were sloshed. I'm guessing they were having a blast but quite a few of them stayed sloshed all weekend. Some of them were the same adults I had grown up around as a kid. I remember them being drunk every weekend when I was kid (they were rich and partiers) and then 14 years later when I met up with them again, they were still dancing around drunk, being loud, obnoxious etc.
Darn if I'm going to provide people with the means to get that drunk.

I see nothing wrong with a cash bar if you want to give your guests the option. So, if you are attending and do not want to pay for your drink and think it is rde for the couple to ask you to pay for your own liquor, then don't drink. Pretty simple. I think if you can't afford it but have it their for people you know like to drink and party that way, then that is nice of the couple to give you the option.

 

[Planogirl]

I love formal weddings. IMO how often do you really get to dress up and have a night out and get to see everyone else dressed up? It is fun to me. Relaxed is every other kind of party (birthday,communion, etc).

I don't mind some formality and dressing up. I'm talking about the weddings and receptions where everything is so formal that it's uptight. It's hard to explain but I know it when I see it.

But then I don't look at a wedding as a chance to have a night out.

 

[Planogirl]

I agree. Continuously pointing out what is tacky is not classy.

Great point.

 

[dolcezena]

The way I view it, it is the bride and groom's choice. They are the ones paying for the wedding. The day is about celebrating the union of two people, not getting drunk off your butt on somebody else's dime. If somebody would skip my wedding because there is no alcohol, then maybe they aren't the friend I thought they were.

You definitely have something there...Maybe there's just too much pressure on a couple to try & please all their guests, instead of the guests remembering what an honour it is to be invited to share in a special moment!

True friends won't give a darn if there's a cash bar, champagne fountain or cocktails with glow cubes, as long as they're able to participate on a momentous day.

Guess that means more people can afford an open bar, since they wouldn't have to invite the "but we have to have....." people

 

[JennaTX]

I just read the first page.

I assume that those who have no alcohol also that it doesn't bother if children are there?

I have no problem with either way...it is your wedding and you can do what you want to!

 

[Alesia]

-----------------

When there is FREE wine, beer, soda, and a champagne fountain available for the entire length of the reception, by no means is it tacky to have a cash bar available as well.. If a guest wants or "needs" something "stronger" than that, they should be willing to pay for it..

I disagree. It's like having someone over to your house for dinner and offering free beer and wine but charging them $7.50 for a margarita. The rules of hospitality are the same for 2 people at your house as they are for 250 people in a rented hall.

It's tacky for the guests to expect "more" - simply because they prefer something different than the available choices.. No different than serving prime rib for the dinner and guests whining because it's not lobster..

I absolutely agree with this. In fact, it completely proves my point. It's exactly the reason why people shouldn't feel the need to provide a cash bar.

I've said this before on this thread, but I think it bears repeating: If you can only afford cake and punch in the church basement, then that's what you have. There is certainly no rule that requires alcohol to be served.

 

[jrmasm]

I disagree. It's like having someone over to your house for dinner and offering free beer and wine but charging them $7.50 for a margarita. The rules of hospitality are the same for 2 people at your house as they are for 250 people in a rented hall.



I absolutely agree with this. In fact, it completely proves my point. It's exactly the reason why people shouldn't feel the need to provide a cash bar.

I've said this before on this thread, but I think it bears repeating: If you can only afford cake and punch in the church basement, then that's what you have. There is certainly no rule that requires alcohol to be served.

I agree. And let's remember that we are having a discussion. That is not tacky. Going up to the bride at the wedding and berating her about the cash bar would be tacky.

 

[Disney Doll]

see bolded

You definitely have something there...Maybe there's just too much pressure on a couple to try & please all their guests, instead of the guests remembering what an honour it is to be invited to share in a special moment! Unfortunately, on the other thread that inspired this one about inviting kids to the wedding, every time someone posted about it being the "bride's day" or "the couple's day", someone else called her a "Bridezilla" or called the couple "selfish" or called the groom a woosie for not having the guts to stand up to his fiancee.. So I guess it's the day to honor the wedding couple unless one wants to bring their uninvited child. Then the wedding is about the family. But if the family likes to drink, and the wedding couple doesn't, then the wedding is about the bride and groom and what they want. Just want to make sure I know the rules.

True friends won't give a darn if there's a cash bar, champagne fountain or cocktails with glow cubes, as long as they're able to participate on a momentous day. I agree.

Guess that means more people can afford an open bar, since they wouldn't have to invite the "but we have to have....." people. One would think that would be how it would go.

FTR, I agree with having the wedding you (the universal "you" not specifically you dolcezena) can afford. I do not agree with charging my guests for anything at a party to which I have invited them.

 

[mjkacmom]

You must not read these wedding threads very often because that's exactly what many brides say about the gifts! Even the thread on children at weddings had someone saying it.

I have to disagree - I have never seen a post, from a bride, mentioning expecting a certain amount of money as a gift. Ever. I've seen posts saying these threads exist, but never the actual posts. I've seen many posts regarding expecting to GIVE a certain amount, because we do expect to GIVE. As a guest, I usually give $300. As I bride, I had no expectations regarding what I received (especially since I did have out of town guests). Those who live here know exactly what I'm trying to say.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

I would like to set something straight here. So many of the non alcohol/cash bar people seem to think that just because we (a collective we) serve alcohol at parties that everyone is getting ripped out of their mind and doing lewd things. I have never seen anyone do that at any event that we have hosted or been to that serves alcohol! We are not alcoholics. We can and do have plenty of good times without alcohol. None of us go to a wedding and say "Whoooopppeeeee! I am going to get so trashed tonight at the open bar!" We are adults. We look at liquor as part of the event the same way we look at the cocktail hour and the dinner and dancing. It isn't some magical thing that we are in awe of. It is simply part of the offerings of the event. That doesn't mean that everyone is a bunch of sloppy drunks drinking until they puke.

We offer alcohol because some guests might like a drink during the evening. We consider it to be a host's duty to provide comforts for their guests. For us - in our area- that usually includes alcohol. If you come to my home for a party I will put alcohol out in case someone wants a drink. I rarely drink any alcohol. I still put it out in case someone wants something. I also provde a bunch of different sodas, juice and bottled water. I as a host try my best to give my guests choices of things they might like. You don't have to put out alcohol to be a good host but here most people do.

This is the way we do things in our area. If you live in an area where a cash bar is acceptable then go for it. Here it is simply part of every wedding catering package because we consider it as commonplace as a wedding cake.
I am just so tired of the dry/cash people making comments that if they serve alcohol everyone will be fall down drunk and innapropriate or that we are sad because we can't have a good time without alcohol. None of which it true.