New issue with my DD (college related)

[Tigger&Belle]

My DD has had a hard adjustment to college. I had a rule that she was not allowed home for the first 6 weeks, which she did manage. Her college is a good 2 1/2 hours from home and she doesn't have a car so it's tough for her to get home.

She's also used the "the only thing the people who are left here on the weekends do is to drink" trump card on me. I was thinking, "hmmm, times haven't changed much" and then read her blog and figured out that she was hardly innocent in that department...

I do think it's important to hang around college on most weekends. It's hard for them to feel like it's their home when they are constantly running home.

Of course take this with a grain of salt because I'm the one who has a DD who is having a hard time adjusting and your DD is happy.

 

[daisyduck123]

Give her time. It's been 20 years since I went to college. I remember that the 1st semester I came home about every weekend...saying there was nothing to do at college on the weekends (about 3 hours from home). By the 2nd semester, I had made lots of new friends, got a part time job, & my parents did not see me from January until Spring Break.

 

[DisneyMim]

Give her time. My daughter is in her last year of college. She lived on campus the first two years and has been home for the last two. She also tells me about the week-end drinking. Yes it is what college kids do, but some kids, like my daughter, were never into it. She is now 21 and CAN drink, but still is not into it. I think it will take your daughter time to find the right crowd for her. This happened to my daughter. She made friends who were like her and they started doing other things together on week-ends, movies, etc, non-booze stuff. I think some kids go home because they don't want to drink and haven't yet figured out how to say no because they think the other kids won't like them. It is very hard on us parents!! My son will be starting college next year. He will be barely 18, in fact he will probably start college at 17. It scares me. I don't want him getting into the drinking thing and hope he will find other kids like him. Even in HS a lot of kids drink. I am thankful he has great long time friends who are like him. Parents need to trust their kids. Your daughter may feel that right now she "needs" to come home every week-end. When she finds good friends, and they all agree to stay and plan something for the week-ends she will stay too. Give her time and for now just enjoy your time with her. Just my little ole 2 cents.

 

[florida-again]

I'm at college away from home...

but I'm at home as we speak!

There's just something so comforting about being at home!!!!

And I LOVE college and love my friends there, in fact I probably prefer it to being at home.

And yet there is just still something sooooo nice and comfy about being at home, maybe that's how your DD feels too.

 

[gradtchr]

I didn't go home every weekend. It was more like every other weekend and the weekends I wasn't at hom I was at my grandparents. I did it go get away from myroommate. I couldn't stand her and she liked to make mylife miserable. Finally mid semester I moved to a private room and I didn't come home quite as much. I ended up transferring to a more local university a year later because they had a much better education program and stayed in teh dorms and went to my parents house when I needed to do laundry.

 

[Tiggeroo]

my dd is sitting on my couch as we speak. She's home every weekend and alternately bored, all her friends are in college, or looking for me for entertainment. I love her but I don't want to spend my weekends hanging with a 21yo. The problem is she is at a college where most kids live 2hrs or less from it. Alot of the kids come home on weekends. Most of her friends and her bf are in colleges a bit further. 2hours seems to be the cutoff for shooting home on weekends. I feel for you because it's hard for me to deal with this. I can't see saying I don't want you home.

 

[horseshowmom]

DD is in her 2nd year of college. Last year she came home every weekend but 2. (Of course she has a BF who goes to college up here and lives at home.) This weekend is the 1st one that she will stay at school.

She says the same exact thing as your DD, "Why stay at school when all they do is get drunk all weekend?"

My DD (first year of college) says the same thing, and I'm inclined to believe her. Her university sends out a weekly arrest report, and drunk students are numerous (followed by drunken students who get into fights).

Additionally, one of the first emails that was sent out to the freshman advised them about drinking safely (specifically "no open containers because the town cops will hassle you") and basically told them how best to avoid the roadblocks that are set up each weekend. As DD put it (she doesn't drink), "Well, that's certainly going to make the roads a lot safer for the rest of us, hmm..."

 

[Serena]

My daughter moved out when she turned 18. She was still in highschool and did graduate. She lived maybe 20 minutes from me I saw her maybe every three weeks or so.
Once she moved to college I saw her every weekend. Now she's in texas I hear from her more often than that.
The farther she goes the more often I talk to her.

 

[minkydog]

Ahh, you brought back fond memories of college weekends...not! I don't know about her college, but mine was the most boring place on earth from Friday night 'til Sunday night. I didn't have trasnportation home unless someone felt sorry for me and let me ride along, so I couldn't go home much. But I pined for the familiarity of home and it had nothing to do with any maladjustment at college. I just missed my family--sisters, brother, dog, cats, home-cooking,etc.

This too shall pass. Eventually she'll make other plans and the weekends home will be a rare treat for all of you. Hang in there, mom.

 

[poohandwendy]

LOL, you all make me feel so much better about it. It's not that I don't want her here, just that I thought it was odd or a sign that she isn't adjusting the way she should be.

Glad to hear other people did the same thing and went on to be productive and independent adults, LOL. I do think she misses us, the familiarity, the family pets, etc.

Thanks for all of the responses, you have all made me feel much better. I will enjoy her wanting to be here as long as I can...

 

[Tigger&Belle]

I do think she misses us, the familiarity, the family pets, etc.

You have the kitten(s), right? We got 2 kittens last month and I do think my DD wants to see them as much, if not more than us. She REALLY wants to see her boyfriend, but the kittens are a draw to her.

What I really want to do is for my DH to get another car and for us to let our DD take his current car, but my DH does not want to do that (his car is 11yo, you'd think he'd be willing to let it go...). I think it would help her adjustment if she had transportation. She could get home easier and she could also get around her college town, go to the beach, etc.

 

[Lynn CC]

My DS comes home Every Weekend too. He sounds a lot like your daughter. He is thrilled with his classes and is doing very well so far. He has classes Monday at 1pm - Thursday until 3:45 by 4pm he's on his way home with his laundry! He doesn't go back until around 10 on Monday morning.
He says everyone is into going out for cocktails on the weekends and he needs his peace and quiet after a noisy week at school.

During Orientation the Psychologist came out to talk with us parents and told us that our children would not adjust and they may not graduate etc... if they didn't stay there for atleast the first 6 weeks of fall classes.
Well he made it the first weekend and he's been coming home since. Still no complaints, he's enjoying his classes has made friends in classes, but not in his dorm building. He gets along with his roommate fine, but they are different.
We enjoy having him home, and we know that one day he won't want to come home every weekend. We look at it as a little more time we have with him! Can't beat that, right?

His cousin is in his first year of college too, same age, and he comes to our house a lot on the weekends too from Thurs. night until Mond. morning. He would come every weekend if DS would let him!

I'm glad your DD has adjusted so well to college and I think it's great that our kids like being around us so much!

 

[wdwgirl03]

I live only about 15 minutes away from where I go to school, and even though I live on campus (I don't have a car, and it's just a LOT more convenient for me to live downtown), I also come home a lot on the weekends. After the week sometimes I just need to get away from school and I like to go home. I'm doing well in my classes, and I really love Marquette. Sometimes it's just nice to come home.