Need vs Want

[clarabelle]

I would run the dishwasher -if he wants film free -then he can take them out of the dishwasher and rewash the ones he is using.
I LOVE the dishwasher -I can't imagine my husband not allowing me to use it.
If it really does leave a film -you may need a new dishwasher or you may need to switch detergents or use less detergent

 

[eliza61]

It's very simple, do the dishes and make dinner. The thought that your DH would go as far as saying eating at home is a "want" just to get out of doing the dishes is ridiculous.

Put the dishes in the dishwasher, press run and be done (repeat daily).

LOL, actually marmalade I'd probably resort to being 16 again and say "great idea hon" then order in some really delicious albeit expensive meals.

I do enjoy cooking but I do remember when the kids where little, whew I was exhausted by dinner time, getting some one else to cook or pick up food would have been a godsend.

 

[RitaE]

I'd love to hear what manipulations you guys come up with when it's time to battle over who should clean the toilets and scrub the floors.

 

[SirDuff]

(Actually to me they aren't clean till they go through the dishwasher, which is why he does them by hand because he doesn't like the dishwasher.)

I don't get this. He refuses to use the dishwasher because he knows that you don't think that the dishes are clean unless they go through the dishwasher?

 

[pryncess527]

Every time I hear of couples in a standoff like this, it reminds me of the The Suitcase episode of Everybody Loves Raymond.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wpCr_IkZ7-4

 

[okeydokey]

You both sound petty and immature. When a major life change happens in a marriage (like the arrival of a new baby), mature people change the way they do things to accommodate.

If it were me, I would sit down with my husband and talk about how the household will run now with the new baby so that dishes don't go unwashed for two weeks. If I were to take over the dishes, I would use the dishwasher. If he is to take over the dishes, he can use whatever method he wants as long as the dishes are done daily or at the least, every other day.

You both need to stop being stubborn and figure this out, as the messes and responsibilities will increase over time.

 

[ellie05]

I am sorry op but when I read this thread I my reaction was . It is hard to say what your needs and your wants are because that is different for every person (except for basic needs). A need for me is a clean house, but I learned that is not a need for everyone. I couldn't have dealt with two weeks of dishes left in the sink, my DH wouldn't either. The question that you need to answer to yourself is if it is ok with YOU spending 10% of your income eating out vs. dealing with the dish situation. Since you ask neither of these things would be ok in our house hold, because eating healthy and an clean dishes are important to us.

 

[4HOLIDAYS]

I would never stand for this. For now You need to run the dishwasher. I f he doesn't like it, too bad. Stop wasting energy and time trying to find ways to avoid making dishes dirty. Eating at home is good for your health and budget-that makes it a need to me.

Why not let him do laundry or some other chore and you do the dishes?

I can tell you that we have had stand offs in our house (19 yrs married). And I make it difficult for him-I know that seems mean, but I don't reward my kids or husband for bratty behavior. Your husband is acting like a child so I would treat him like one.

I can say that this has changed a lot of attempted bad/childish behavirs over the years. Don't be afraid to stand up to him because if you don't now, it will only continue over the years.

 

[eliza61]

Every time I hear of couples in a standoff like this, it reminds me of the The Suitcase episode of Everybody Loves Raymond.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wpCr_IkZ7-4

OMG. Was that not the funniest. Maria and the "big spoon and fork"

 

[Soldier's*Sweeties]

JUST DO THE DANG DISHES!!!
WHAT is the issue???

I hope you guys figure it out soon because you have a little human who depends on you guys to teach them right from wrong and how to function in life!

 

[Darcy03231]

I would put all the dishes in the dishwasher and run it, at least every other day. I'd also put the baby bottles in there.

When he decides that he doesn't like them being washed that way he'd be welcome to do them by hand - DAILY!

 

[ajwolfe]

This whole topic is crazy to me. I'm not trying to be mean here, but somebody needs to man up in this situation. Have a discussion about what is really going on and if he doesn't want to participate in the discussion then I would be questionning my relationship. But if you want to be passive agressive about it, I would start only cooking dinner for myself (since I'm assuming he would rather eat out) and washing my dishes in the dishwasher. Eventually he will come around to wanting to discuss what's really going on because I can't imagine this is really about the dishes unless you married a total jerk.
In my house I do all the meal planning, grocery shopping and cooking but my DH does the dishes (everyday!). But for an example this morning I had extra time, so I emptied the dishwasher for him. There are plenty of things he does in the house that I never help with - take out the trash, mow the grass, lawn work, etc. You just have to have a fair divide in the total amount of chores and go from there.
And side note: I cannot even imagine having dirty dishes on my sink for 2 weeks!! Do you not clean your kitchen at least weekly? If so, how do you possibly clean around dirty dishes?!

 

[Tinkerdreams]

A clean home is a need.

This is going to sound harsh, so brace yourself. You both need to stop being childish about who is cleaning or cooking. Work together and get it done. If he isn't going to hand wash them, load the dishwasher yourself and tell him to get over it.

Dishes sitting in the sink for 2 weeks is ridiculous. I cook dinner when I get home and clean up when I am done. If the dishes aren't done right after dinner they are done first thing in the morning.

Get one of those sponge things with a handle that holds dish soap in it. Then just clean those 2 bowls and forks as you use them. Problem solved.

This is not only silly, but I think it's sad that 2 grown people can't work this out without posting on a forum.

I'm done now....

Couldn't have said it better!!

 

[Shanna-like-Banana]

He wants to complain that putting them in the dishwasher doesn't get them clean enough ? Well, guess what, sitting dirty in the sink for two weeks ain't getting them clean either.

He can't complain about doing it the two ways available, and yet still do it neither way.

Get a different dishwasher detergent and tell him to get over himself.



My husband tried to pull this same crap with doing laundry. He didn't want anything of his going in with the general household laundry. ......because he didn't want to help fold or put anything away and if his laundry was mixed in, he would have to help.

Well guess what, I haven't washed a single effin thing of his in years. I wouldn't give two hoots if he had to go out and buy new cloths before I washed something of his until he gives up the childish act.

(PS, he still helps fold the kids laundry, so, not like his tactic is really working for him )

 

[robinb]

To the OP, eating at home or out is neither a need nor a want. It is a choice. If you choose to eat at home for what ever reason (health, savings, diet) then washing the dishes is part of the deal.

The fight over the dishes is really a symptom of a bigger problem but it's not insurmountable ... yet. Once you and your DH work through what's eating him and making him regress like a pre-schooler with a new baby in the house you can look at solving the fight over dishes. Water stains and a film are probably from hard water. Do you have a water softener? Is it filled with salt? Here are some ideas for reducing hard water stains (I googled): http://housespouse.com/make-your-dishes-shine/

FWIW, I feel that paper plates are pricey, wasteful and bad for the environment unless you are recycling them. We use maybe a dozen of them per year and we even have a picnic basket with Corelle dishes instead of paper. Once you get into the groove of using the dishwasher you can add real dishes back into your routine. It will take maybe 5 more minutes of effort to put away dishes rather than throw paper ones away.

 

[littlejimmy]

Mans perspective here. Your husband is a jerk. If you agreed to divvy up the chores, he needs to do his fair share. And you know what, op? I know you already know this about him. Not even taking the health and groddyness issues into account, your husband is a jerk.

 

[3DisneyBuggs]

Not to be insensitive to your marriage chore distribution but why can't you simply load the dishwasher? I can't imagine not having a clean siink every night. The only time I leave the kitchen cleaning to DH is if I am sick. BTW he often cooks and is capable of cleaining , I just prefer my way. With a baby it is even more important to have a clean area to clean and prepare botttles.

 

[ShirikiUtundu]

You have a child. You both need to grow up. Keeping a house to a minimum standard of hygiene is not rocket science.

 

[Soldier's*Sweeties]

You have a child. You both need to grow up. Keeping a house to a minimum standard of hygiene is not rocket science.

Exactly.

 

[NewRVLady]

I am still reeling from OP being happy if they got washed once a WEEK!!!

My son and wife have a new baby and no wY would they live like this!!
Use the dishwasher !!!!!!!
Please