Need advice-people who don't watch their kids(LONG)

[Roemama1]

I have a cousin who is a nice person but no one likes to be around because she has an almost-3-year-old son who is very active, gets into everything and she DOESN"T watch him. So whenever we're together it always ends up being me or someone else making sure that he doesn't get hurt. She relies on other people. Not sure if its laziness or what. I think the majority of the reason why he is so "active" is that they don't really watch him at home. I'm not saying they're abusive but he has been found in a road a couple of times at home. He has broken his collarbone when he was younger (accident wtih another child who shut a swinging door on him). He has also burned his hand on the lawnmower.

Anyhow, I'm not a really good confrontational type of person and was raised by the rule of "if you can't be nice don't say anything at all". So, that being said we're having a 4th of July party out at our camp and she has "assumed" she was invited because we have out of town guest coming in that they are close to. How can I tell her nicely and in a "round about" way that she is welcome to come if she watches her kid???

P.S. she just drives my hubby nuts so he is NOT happy.

 

[EsmeraldaX]

I would just be up front with her. You are not "not being nice' , you are probably taking steps to help her son not get hurt. Think of it that way.

I know how it feels though. We live in a 3 family home and the first floor family has 2 small children they leave unattended ALL the time. The other day I came home and the 2 year old was playing in the un fenced in front yard, very close to the street, by herself.

 

[Hillbeans]

In this case, i'd tell her point blank. Perhaps it's time she knows why no one wants to invite her or have her over. Maybe she thinks it's alright to just let her "little darling" run wild.

Sometimes the truth hurts, however you could be helping to keep a little one safe. I'd just tell her point blank "I'd enjoy having you over, however in the past little "childs name" has been left unattended and it's very important that he is supervised.

 

[Disney Ella]

If you have a talk with her, will it have an impact? I know people like that who think they are being responsible, that kids need room to explore, that they need to find out the things the hard way, etc. They think the rest of the world is unreasonable. If you talk to your cousin, is she the type of person to really listen to what you say, or will she just do what she wants anyway? I would certainly talk to her, but then be prepared if the situation doesn't change.

 

[Christine]

Keep in mind (not that this is an excuse) but some parents actually do get the "bad luck" of the draw and their child truly is hyperactive. Usually, these parents end up tuning out and don't watch the child because they get so overwhelmed. As I said, not an excuse at all--they should look for some help. This could be the case--she doesn't really know how to deal with his hyperactivity. Maybe saying something to her, even it if hurts, will be a wake up call.

 

[Roemama1]

Originally posted by Christine
Keep in mind (not that this is an excuse) but some parents actually do get the "bad luck" of the draw and their child truly is hyperactive. Usually, these parents end up tuning out and don't watch the child because they get so overwhelmed. As I said, not an excuse at all--they should look for some help. This could be the case--she doesn't really know how to deal with his hyperactivity. Maybe saying something to her, even it if hurts, will be a wake up call.

First of all, thanks for all of the advice everyone and keep it coming.

SEcondly, I guess I wouldn't say he's hyper (although I'm not an expert on that) but more of the type of child who keeps getting into things because he doesn't listen because they kind of let him do whatever he wants. I've seen kids with ADD and he's not really like that.

Also, as far as her being overwhelmed, she works 40 hours a week and has a babysitter. Even when she has days off she brings him to the babysitter for a "break". (I understand when people have important things to do or do this once in a while but they ALWAYS do it). If it was me working like that and like I said, didn't have something IMPORTANT to do, I'd want to spend time with my child. BTW, he's the cutest little boy...which makes it even harder.

 

[DawnCt1]

I would tell her that I would love to have her but she needs to keep her child under very close supervision because you will be busy with other guests. If she comments that she "does watch him closely" you can certainly tell her that it doesnt' seem that way to you. As far as a fractured collar bone, we have had two of those, a couple of burns and a few trips to the emergency room over the years. Some children are more active and more impulsive than others. I have watched my boys like a hawk and they have still gotton hurt.

 

[Roemama1]

Originally posted by DawnCt1
As far as a fractured collar bone, we have had two of those, a couple of burns and a few trips to the emergency room over the years. Some children are more active and more impulsive than others. I have watched my boys like a hawk and they have still gotton hurt.

Although I TOTALLY understand that children are children and can be active and impulsive, I guess I was just trying to say that during those two incidences that they were NOT watching him to just give examples. I understand where you're coming from...maybe we all could give her lessons on parenting???

 

[mickeyboat]

Is your camp on a lake? Has she ever been there before? Maybe you could institute "camp rules" to ensure that the child is being supervised. We stayed with a group of friends at a camp on a lake on Memorial Day. The hosts made it very clear that the kids required constant supervision. They were required to wear life jackets at all times on the water side of the camp.

The kids were happy to follow the rules and the parents were very vigilant about supevision. We all had a great time without incident. If you set it up as "these are the camp rules" you can avoid confrontation.

Denae

 

[meandtheguys2]

mickeyboat, you are a genius...meaning ITA! Good suggestion.

Michelle

 

[Roemama1]

Originally posted by mickeyboat
Is your camp on a lake? Has she ever been there before? Maybe you could institute "camp rules" to ensure that the child is being supervised. We stayed with a group of friends at a camp on a lake on Memorial Day. The hosts made it very clear that the kids required constant supervision. They were required to wear life jackets at all times on the water side of the camp.

The kids were happy to follow the rules and the parents were very vigilant about supevision. We all had a great time without incident. If you set it up as "these are the camp rules" you can avoid confrontation.

Denae

Denae, I think you're my new best friend....GREAT IDEA!!!!

Yes, camp is on a lake which you can see but not RIGHT on the lake.

Thanks everyone.

 

[snoopy]

I like the idea of "camp rules".

Good luck. I know how you feel, I hate confrontation like this too.

 

[Roemama1]

Originally posted by snoopy
I like the idea of "camp rules".

Good luck. I know how you feel, I hate confrontation like this too.

Thanks and Gee, we couldn't made one thread between this one and your "pool" thread. Some people are just totally nuts, I know!!!

 

[Roemama1]

Update...the reason for this post was because she sent me an email apologizing for assuming she was invited.

So I basically sent her an email back saying that she was welcome to come. I also mentioned in there that I was telling all the parents to keep a GOOD eye on their kids all weekend because it will be so crowded, etc. Hopefully she will GET THE HINT!!!!

Won't be back until Sund. July 11th so I'll let you know how it went. Thanks everyone.