Need advice on domestic abuse issue ASAP

[Va-bear]

Thank you for trying to help her, I'm glad she has someone in her life that is willing.

Yes, I agree. Just knowing there is someone who supports her may help in ways you never know. I think people saying there is nothing you can do are mistaken and that sort of attitude is part of the problem - her mom isnt helping, her sister isnt helping, you ARE. Yes, she has to be 'ready' but knowing she has the support of a kind, sensible person may make it happen much, much sooner. Thank you.

 

[Nancyg56]

I think it's disgusting that her family is doing nothing to help her get out of this situation. I can't imagine what I would do if that was my daughter or sister. I don't know what has gone on before with them though and maybe they are just fed up with trying to get her out and have washed their hands of her.

Do not assume that the family has not tried to help. Perhaps the problem is that they have tried and have been rebuffed, now are "seeming' not to care. This family may be shellshocked by what is happening.

Anyone who has been in an abusive situation knows that when family steps in to help the abused woman "defends" the man and his actions. Then she avoids her family becasue she is embarrassed. It is sad really because the abuser wins each time and ultimately isolates his victim even more.


OP- I don't have any answers, I do know that I spoke to a friend when it was clear that she was being abused. I asked her if she would find this situation acceptable fro her daughter, if so , if not then she needed to try to get herself out. Her DD was going to learn how women should be treated and her son would learn how men should treat women from this relationship. She left, he remarried the floozy next door and now they are divorced as well. He beat her too.

Keep in touch and leave an open door for this poor woman, you may save her life.

 

[Tuffcookie]

OP, As much as you want to help, until your best friend's little sister decides, for herself, that she's had enough, there is nothing you can do.

The fact that her own mom wants her gone is an indication that they've already tried to advise her, and it has fallen on deaf ears. It is hard to watch someone you know in an abusive relationship. Mom probably feels like if she doesn't have to be a witness to it, it will be better for her (the mom). It may be mom's way of dealing with it. Maybe not cutting her off, money wise, is a good thing. That way if little sis moves she will have funds to get back home.

to you for wanting to help!

TC

 

[Notatourist]

Having also watched several abusive relationships, I have a question to have you ask her that's going to sound melodramatic, but it makes a point. I have used on a friend and she heard me.

"What do I wear to your funreal?"

if she stays with him, she could wind up dead. That should seal the point.

 

[chell]

You have done all you can do and I admire you for taking those steps. For some reason she thinks she deserves this. When I was in an abusive relationship I thought I deserved to be treated that way. Unfortunately I had no one as wonderful as you to look out for me. I hope and pray what you have said sticks with her and she comes to her senses very quickly. I also pray for her safety!

You are an amazing, strong and caring woman to try as hard as you did. Her mom and sister need their butts kicked for not trying to stop her and not trying to protect her!

 

[shellybaxter]

Having also watched several abusive relationships, I have a question to have you ask her that's going to sound melodramatic, but it makes a point. I have used on a friend and she heard me.

"What do I wear to your funreal?"

if she stays with him, she could wind up dead. That should seal the point.

If I had asked my sister this question she would have shut me out and be more stuborn. This question has the ability to alienate the person and could backfire big time.

 

[Notatourist]

If I had asked my sister this question she would have shut me out and be more stuborn. This question has the ability to alienate the person and could backfire big time.

Like I said, melodramatic, but for me, it has worked. Proceed with caution then?

 

[shellybaxter]

Like I said, melodramatic, but for me, it has worked. Proceed with caution then?

Yes - I agree - proceed with caution. I'm glad it worked for you, that means someone was saved

 

[tonilea]

* get Big Sis to do SOMETHING -- she's a police officer, dammit, this is her job!

Are you suggesting she violate their civil rights. As hard as it is, you cannot help someone who doesn't want to be helped. You can let them know you are ready and willing to help when they are ready to leave, but that is about all anyone can do.

 

[Stitchfans]

Are you serious? There is no INappropriate time to try to get help for the victim. This girl's safety is way too important to ignore, even during a wedding reception.

OP, I think you are wonderful the way you're trying to help her. Please keep trying.

I also agree 200%! Sure hope someone can enlighten and help this girl.

 

[ClarabelleCowFan]

OP - what part of SC are they moving to?

 

[Disney Doll]

You cannot help someone until they are ready to be helped.

I have cared for many abuse victims...adult women, one an attorney. They were so badly beaten that they ended up hospitalized, we worked with social services to get them placed, out of their situation, away from their abuser and so forth, only to, a the zero hour when they were going be discharged, have them talk to their abuser and tell us "he's really sorry and he's changed and it won't happen again" and leave to go back home with the man who beat them so badly they wound up hospitalized.

And it's a terribly helpless feeling not to be able to do a thing about it other than wait for the one time when she decides "enough is enough" and leaves for good....if he doesn't kill her first.

 

[beautybelle]

Shortbun: I seriously do not know why I didnt think of buying the tracphone myself. That was an awsome idea. Thanks.
Well guys thanks for the support and listening. This will definately be an ongoing thing and I pray that in the long run she will come out of it in one piece.
I hope........gosh, I just hope so many things. This is one road I wouldnt wish on anybody.
I only ask one more thing from you all.....Please pray for this little girl who is going to need all her strength and many prayers to get her through what is coming.