My wife is driving me crazy!

[Disney Doll]

What we seem to have here is a failure to communicate, on many levels.

Grandma can't communicate that she isn't too happy with her "position" being usurped.

Mama can't communicate that she is really worried that you & her son aren't going to bond and the 2 people she loves most in the world are going to hate each other and be miserable which may cause her marriage to break up or her child to be miserable.

You can't communicate that you are "sick to death" of being henpecked by these 2 women.

Counselling, counselling, counselling.

Move, move, move.

You, your DW & your DSS must form a family unit of your unit, a nuclear unit. Your nuclear family unit is the sun. The relatives, including Grandma, are the planets orbiting around the sun. Notice that the planets never get too close to the sun, never try and steal the sun's "thunder".

Moving will give you the ability to form a family unit without Grandma upstairs.

Counselling will teach you & DW how to communicate effectively, make your needs and wants known.

If DW is unwilling to do either of these, you have a big problem.

My guess is that DW's first marriage, if it ended in divorce, ended for very similar reasons.

 

[momof2inPA]

My MIL WANTS him to stay upstairs until he falls alseep. I don't know why, but that's how she feels. I just haven't put up a stink because I didn't think it was that big of a deal.

If that's so, I think your wife's being silly. It sounds like you work hard and need some down time. Still, I would make an effort to spend some extra time with your son.

 

[boomhauer]

My guess is that DW's first marriage, if it ended in divorce, ended for very similar reasons.

They were never married.

I appreciate all the advice. I think I'll just do the only thing a guy can ever do - Apologize, admit I was wrong, buy her flowers, and wait for her to forgive me.

 

[boomhauer]

If that's so, I think your wife's being silly. It sounds like you work hard and need some down time. Still, I would make an effort to spend some extra time with your son.

That's what my MIL and I both think. My wife thinks differently, and I should know by now, that there's no sense in disagreeing with your wife. No matter who's wrong, it'll always be me.

 

[mickeyboat]

I appreciate all the advice. I think I'll just do the only thing a guy can ever do - Apologize, admit I was wrong, buy her flowers, and wait for her to forgive me.

That solution will smooth things over for today, but won't really solve your problem. I would be more appreciative if DH asked me to sit down and talk about this issue to come up with a committed and long-term solution than if he sent flowers. Please reconsider.

Denae

 

[boomhauer]

That solution will smooth things over for today, but won't really solve your problem. I would be more appreciative if DH asked me to sit down and talk about this issue to come up with a committed and long-term solution than if he sent flowers. Please reconsider.

Denae

You're right about that. Sadly, that's not my wife. She doesn't believe in talking things through. She likes to be left alone, and just let things pass.

 

[Miss Jasmine]

You're right about that. Sadly, that's not my wife. She doesn't believe in talking things through. She likes to be left alone, and just let things pass.

Egads, sounds like my DH (the D doesn't always stand for dear). Good luck.

 

[chrissyk]

What we seem to have here is a failure to communicate, on many levels.

Grandma can't communicate that she isn't too happy with her "position" being usurped.

Mama can't communicate that she is really worried that you & her son aren't going to bond and the 2 people she loves most in the world are going to hate each other and be miserable which may cause her marriage to break up or her child to be miserable.

You can't communicate that you are "sick to death" of being henpecked by these 2 women.

Counselling, counselling, counselling.

Move, move, move.

You, your DW & your DSS must form a family unit of your unit, a nuclear unit. Your nuclear family unit is the sun. The relatives, including Grandma, are the planets orbiting around the sun. Notice that the planets never get too close to the sun, never try and steal the sun's "thunder".

Moving will give you the ability to form a family unit without Grandma upstairs.

Counselling will teach you & DW how to communicate effectively, make your needs and wants known.

If DW is unwilling to do either of these, you have a big problem.

My guess is that DW's first marriage, if it ended in divorce, ended for very similar reasons.

You said it perfectly here, DisneyDoll.

 

[julia & nicks mom]

That solution will smooth things over for today, but won't really solve your problem. I would be more appreciative if DH asked me to sit down and talk about this issue to come up with a committed and long-term solution than if he sent flowers. Please reconsider.

Denae

Do both - they flowers can help lead to a discussion

this is how I would handle it:

give her flowers

and then say - I am really sorry - I thought that your mom and I had worked out a great plan that works for us - but it obviously isn't working for you - let's come up with a plan that works for me and you

I have a TMJ disorder and my doctor INSISTED I go see a psyhcologist to help me relieve work related stres - I went and she confirmed everything I thought about counseling when she looked pretty much asleep or uniterested while I was talking and then looked at me and said - "so you and your stepson don't get along?" I didn't even my own kids yet - and certainly no step children - counsleing is not for everyone and if you push the issue with her when she is not comfortable - she may feel you do not want to try to discuss the issues directly with her

note: I am not saying all counseling is bad - I am saying that if you had a bad experience with it - it may not be effective for you

 

[aprild]

Try not to let her do that. I hate confrontation and i did that for the first 3 years of our marrieage ( we have neen married 6). Once i started getting things out, instead of letting everything build up till i exploded, our communication issues AND our marriage went much better. It's really not good for her to do that. I speak from experience. It only makes things worse.

I know i'm telling you something that you already know, but i thought i would put in my 2 cents.

 

[elan]

I have a few observations/questions.

How did this arrangement work while you were living together? You have been around your stepson since he was 3 and you are still not able to feed him or put him to bed? Does your wife do all the parenting on the nights she does not work?

I can understand why your wife would be upset. It sounds like you did not spend one minute with your stepson yesterday.

Your wife should be able to talk to you and not use email. Apologizing (sp?) when you truly feel you have done no wrong will only build resentment in you, towards your wife and your stepson.

If your wife won't go to counseling you should go by yourself. Good luck.

 

[boomhauer]

How did this arrangement work while you were living together? You have been around your stepson since he was 3 and you are still not able to feed him or put him to bed? Does your wife do all the parenting on the nights she does not work?

I can understand why your wife would be upset. It sounds like you did not spend one minute with your stepson yesterday.

Worked the same as it is now. When my step son wasn't in school, it was no big deal if he was up a bit later. Now, where he needs to be in bed by 7:00, it's different. He's very difficult with me about going to bed.

Of course I can feed him and bathe him. But by the time I get home from work, my MIL has already done that. If my wife has a problem with it, shouldn't she be taking that up with her mother?