My wife is driving me crazy!

[The Mystery Machine]

I would say that you have to many "irons in the fire"....Take a deep breath....

You have too many issues dude. No you are not a jackrabbit but you are for taking it from her.

She sounds like you two are not a match as she is clearly not ready to become a mature married woman.

I would sit down with her and outline how your relationship needs to change. Make a list and don't leave anything out.
Although I would highly, highly put MOVING at the top of YOUR list.

I do not see anything wrong with taking a shower and getting something to eat when the child isin the care of MIL. To not take care of yourself is foolish.

 

[DVCJEN]

Possibly.

I don't know. I don't think that gives her the right to be angry at me. As I said, I wanted her to come with me. She doesn't want to go. I'm someone who works very hard, pays alot of bills, and looks forward to vacations. If she's not, then that's her perogative. Besides, that was something we discussed before we got married.

I did not meant to imply that gives her the right to be angry, I just meant that perhaps she is resenting it more than she was letting on and that was making her more touchy than she would normally be. Just trying to give some insight. Hope it all works out for you.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Oh I didn't know you are going on a solo trip to WDW. That could be one of the sources of your wife's wrath.

Imagine her writing to us......
"I married my husband 6 months ago and he acts like we have not gotten married. He does his own thing including a solo trip to WDW. What should I do to get his attention. I have yelled, screamed, and finally I emailed him to get him to talk."

 

[ItsonlyExperiment626]

Your DW needs to have a talk with DS about your role in his life now. Does DS see you just as a playmate or as an authority figure especially when mom isn't around? She should tell him the consequences if he does not listen to you when she is working late and follow through with it.

DW could also come to reality now that you have your solo trip coming up. Maybe when your first discussed it with her, she may not truly believe you would go without her, but now that you are planning and booking things she is seeing the reality of it?

There's a problem when she is venting through email rather than face to face. Didn't you two see each other that night or in the morning?

 

[minkydog]

Since you and your wife seem to be having several differences of opinion(trip to WDW, etc...) I would suggest a few family counselling sessions to clear the air and set reasonable expectations of marriage. It seems to me that your wife is very influenced by her mother and that needs to change for a marriage to work, kids or not. I don't think you were being horrible, but frankly, when you have kids you don't always get that wonderful "me time" right after work. You and your wife need to stop communicating in email and start talking.

 

[boomhauer]

There's a problem when she is venting through email rather than face to face. Didn't you two see each other that night or in the morning?

That's mainly why I'm so pissed. She always calls me at night when she gets out of work. Her mother told me how pissed she was last night. So, I called her and she didn't answer the phone. When she got home, she wouldn't talk to me, and said she was just tired. This morning, she wouldn't talk to me and just said she wasn't feeling well. So, I come into work and see that long email she sent me.

Things are gonna be tough. I can't deal with a 5th grade relationship.

 

[boomhauer]

Since you and your wife seem to be having several differences of opinion(trip to WDW, etc...) I would suggest a few family counselling sessions to clear the air and set reasonable expectations of marriage. It seems to me that your wife is very influenced by her mother and that needs to change for a marriage to work, kids or not. I don't think you were being horrible, but frankly, when you have kids you don't always get that wonderful "me time" right after work. You and your wife need to stop communicating in email and start talking.

We started going to counseling a few months ago, as certain things like this were coming up. I had to basically force her to go, but eventually she did. After about 5 sessions, the psychologist decided she wanted to just talk to my wife, and that I shouldn't come anymore. After the next session, and first one by herself, my wife stopped going saying the psychologist didn't know what she was talking about.

 

[CathrynRose]

We started going to counseling a few months ago, as certain things like this were coming up. I had to basically force her to go, but eventually she did. After about 5 sessions, the psychologist decided she wanted to just talk to my wife, and that I shouldn't come anymore. After the next session, and first one by herself, my wife stopped going saying the psychologist didn't know what she was talking about.

Just curious - how long were you guys together before you got marroed?

Did you live together before you were married?

 

[MICKEY88]

.

Things are gonna be tough. I can't deal with a 5th grade relationship.

sounds more and more like neither one of you were ready for commitment, she wasn't ready to live away from her mother, you weren't ready to give up your single lifestyle and putting yourself first..

going on solo vacation and leaving wife and stepson behind because you work hard and need your vacation , is not family oriented thinking, your focus right now should be building a solid foundation for your family.....

wanting to eat, shower, and rest before dealing with your stepson is not good either,,,if you made the commitment to marriage and taking on the responsibility of a child, then the child comes first just as he would if you were the biological father,

in the month of June my job often requires working 12-24 hour days, I often joke about being in zombie mode, but I still have always taken care of the kids first...

when you make the commitment to be a parent, whether it be biological or step parent, you commit to putting your life on hold to a point, and putting the needs of the children first until they are at least 18 years old...

 

[boomhauer]

Just curious - how long were you guys together before you got marroed?

Did you live together before you were married?

About 18 months. Yeah, we lived together for a year before getting married.

 

[boomhauer]

going on solo vacation and leaving wife and stepson behind because you work hard and need your vacation , is not family oriented thinking, your focus right now should be building a solid foundation for your family.....

First of all - I wanted them to come with me. She won't go, and won't take the time off from work. Secondly, we discussed this before we got married. I told her, I like to take 2 trips a year, and if she wouldn't go, I would go by myself.

Do you have any step-children?

 

[aprild]

Are you happy?? JUST MY OPINION (cause i really don't know you) but it sounds like you're looking for an excuse to get out?

 

[christinadei]

As to what you should say to your wife, that's simple. Put your arms around her, tell her you love her and her son, and that you want to be with them both.

Yes, she overreacted, but I guarantee if you make a stink about it you'll have a bigger problem on your hands.

Explain to her that you only took a shower when you got home and ask her if she prefers that you get him when you first get home or should he go to sleep at his grandmother's house. You can still shower with him in the house. Or maybe his grandmother can bathe him and you can get him, read him a book, etc and tuck him into bed in his own house. That way he can have some bonding time with you.

Good luck!

This is a very good way to handle it. I do thinkt hat your wife overreacted, but I'm sure she's just nervous and wants to be sure you really love him. I think that you should get him when you get home and that he needs to learn the rules, weather he likes them or not. You can't always be his play buddy, you are his stepdad and that means enforcing rules, even if you are tired and dont' feel like it.

 

[boomhauer]

Are you happy?? JUST MY OPINION (cause i really don't know you) but it sounds like you're looking for an excuse to get out?

I'm very happy. I love my wife and step-son dearly. I'm not looking for an excuse to get out. My mother in law who lives upstairs was watching my stepson when I got home from work late last night, so I decided I would take a shower and shave before I got him.

 

[cats7494]

I'm very happy. I love my wife and step-son dearly. I'm not looking for an excuse to get out. My mother in law who lives upstairs was watching my stepson when I got home from work late last night, so I decided I would take a shower and shave before I got him.

How often do you do this kind of thing? As previously stated by others - being a parent does not allow for you always getting to do what you want when you want!

 

[aprild]

Sorry hope i didn't offend you. That's just the way it seemed to me when i read over this thread.
I think you should talk her into counseling again. I've done it, and it helped me ALOT.
It just takes a while to work out all the 'kinks', so if you both are willing, then it can be worked out.

 

[disykat]

I think your wife over-reacted, but I can understand her reaction. However, IMO she needs to take a step back and look at your side. Your stepson doesn't cooperate for you because grandma is right upstairs. Your wife can't expect you to take over the childcare responsibilities if her mom and son don't want you to. You're the bad guy one way or the other. Maybe I'm reading my MIL problems into this, but it seems like a win/win situation for her. She gets to care for her grandson, but she also gets to report you to her daughter and make you look bad. You agreed to the vacations before marrying. Although I understand how it would be easy to, she really shouldn't be holding that against you.

I think you need to be in counseling to talk about how you can become a real family unit. I think in order to do that you're going to need to move away from mom so you can be the second parent (not grandma!) and start taking at least some vacations together.

 

[boomhauer]

How often do you do this kind of thing? As previously stated by others - being a parent does not allow for you always getting to do what you want when you want!

I didn't say it always did and I'm well aware of this. My MIL was giving him a bath when I got home, so I decided to take advantage of that.

Should I have gone upstairs, yanked him out of the tub, and thrown him in bed?

 

[boomhauer]

You're the bad guy one way or the other. Maybe I'm reading my MIL problems into this, but it seems like a win/win situation for her. She gets to care for her grandson, but she also gets to report you to her daughter and make you look bad.

This is JUST how I feel.

 

[kpm76]

You say you love your wife and step son dearly, but actions speak louder than words and from your posts, I'm not getting that you SHOW them this. I understand perfectly that we are only getting a little bit of the story and relationships are complex. You say your wife is "driving you crazy"....tell her this and tell her why and ask that you both work on ways to better communicate and show one another how special you are to each other. I'm sorry, another posted mentioned that you are taking a solo trip to WDW, but going on solo trips to WDW 6 months after you are married when there are serious issues in your marriage is a very bad idea. You work hard and say you deserve a vacation....that might be true but your wife and step son deserve someone who is going to put their needs above their own...isn't that what marriage and parenthood is all about? Maybe your wife overreacted to this particular situation but it just may have been the final straw for her. Make her feel loved and wanted and special. Good luck.....