My Space and kids

[#1MMFan]

I have a myspace account, but it's set to private, and I'm 29. I'm shocked with some of the comments I see on profiles, and I don't think I'd be happy with younger kids/teens using it unsupervised. I also am on Bebo and Facebook, both of which are more "locked down" to use a previous poster's phrase. There are so many of these profile websites that it will be hard for parents to police their kids.

 

[ozarkmom]

i HATE myspace! I got curious and found my dd's account and made her close it. She probably has other accounts though. He BF's is disgusting he's very conceited and it's full of shirtless pics of himself flexing his muscles and lots of comment from women and girls. I check DD's friends sites but several of them have went private so I can't see them anymore. These kids that I know don't look anything like themselves and the language and stuff is horrible. Oh and when I first came across her sight I saw where her exboyfriend had written horrible things about her in his blogs. Then I figured out that he had other sights too and some of them had satanic crap and just alot of disgusting stuff.

 

[Sparx]

Myspace is not bad, but the way your daughter is using it is.

She is probably using a proxy website, which basically allows you to hook up through another computer. There are millions of them. The IP is virtually untraceable, and she could use a different one every day.

Instead of taking the keyboard away, get the mouse too. you can't do anything without both of them unless your computer has voice recognition technology (most do, but she'd need a mouse/keyboard to set it up)

Instead of taking everything away, which will only make her try harder to get to it, why don't you just sit down and talk to her about it? I mean, yeah, ground her, but also verbally say what you have wrong with the situation.

BTW, myspace has rules about underage users, and as a user who is of age, its really really annoying to see little kids (and yes, they are just kids) with very very inappropriate pictures. They're supposed to have their accounts deleted, but they never do.

 

[Ariel Mae]

WTH is it with myspace and these kids? It's a crap website with bad layout and awful music.

It's a good way for keeping in touch with your friends.

Especially for college aged students.

I don't see Myspace as a bad thing. It's how it's used that can be bad. Other than that, I find Myspace very well to do.

I have an account. I have a few pics up. But it's friend's only, and only those that I accept/invite can see my blogs, information, and pics.

It's very well set up in the privacy area.

BTW, myspace has rules about underage users, and as a user who is of age, its really really annoying to see little kids (and yes, they are just kids) with very very inappropriate pictures. They're supposed to have their accounts deleted, but they never do.

Actually, I've seen quite a few underaged profiles knocked down.

It's not Myspace that's so bad, but how people are using it.

Sure, if you're going to put up inappropriate pictures whilst being underaged, it's bad, but if you're at age, and you're just using it as a connection/communication point...I say don't ruin it for the rest of us, those who know how to use it, ya know?

My mom used to watch my internet like a hawk. She'd read my posts, read my IM messages...and ya know what? I was okay with that. I knew she was doing it out of love/protection for me.

I believe all parents should do that, at least until an appropriate age. I think my mom stopped hawking me at 16, maybe earlier.

I think if we just band together, like that, this predator issue will no longer be.

Protect our children, watch over them, as much as we can, and that's the best we can do.

I hate to say it, but Myspace is not the only website that can be viewed as such a negative effect. ANY forum, ANY message board can be bad. Post a picture here, you're releasing information, JUST like on Myspace.

 

[harleyquinn]

Myspace is not bad, but the way your daughter is using it is.

BTW, myspace has rules about underage users, and as a user who is of age, its really really annoying to see little kids (and yes, they are just kids) with very very inappropriate pictures. They're supposed to have their accounts deleted, but they never do.

These three sentences completely don't make sense to me. If Myspace isn't bad, why aren't they deleting accounts like the ones you mention. Simple, right? The kids will just make up a new account. How is that ok?

It's horrible that a parent trying so hard to do the right thing, can't!

I'm a children's librarian in a public library and it makes me sick to see what kids post. My Space is blocked on the children's PCs, but very few parents know or even care.

This is one of those things where I feel like saying parents need to get active and organized about. There has to be ways to make the site more safe like the other sites mentioned. I know there are groups out there working on it. As a librarian, private freedoms are very important to me, but when minors are involved, all bets are off.

Kudos to all of you who are actually paying attention. I see children every day that do these things whose parents have no idea. (I also have ones that are very proactive about it).

 

[Ariel Mae]

The kids will just make up a new account. How is that ok?

Myspace, just like a forum, admins can ban IP addresses, and they do. I know someone who's 13, and put up a Myspace, and Myspace took it down, and banned her IP.

Sure, she can create an account at a friends', but Myspace took the efforts needed.

It's horrible that a parent trying so hard to do the right thing, can't!

The parent can only do so much. You can't hawk over your child every step and every moment. They're going to make mistakes, they're going to F up evry now and then.

 

[twinklebug]

It's a good way for keeping in touch with your friends.

Especially for college aged students.
....
It's very well set up in the privacy area.
...
It's not Myspace that's so bad, but how people are using it.

It's also a wonderful way for the our military folk to keep in touch with family. When used properly, Myspace can be a great tool. I agree, it's not for 13 yos and I really wish I had never introduced my daughter to AIM as that causes problems too (girls will be cruel to each other over aim saying things they would never dare say face to face.) Putting settings on private certainly helps, but there's nothing there to stop the kids from making them public and the ones who are looking for attention are going to do just that. I'll look into facebook - but they're going to want to stay where the bulk of the activity is with their friends.

 

[Ariel Mae]

It's also a wonderful way for the our military folk to keep in touch with family. When used properly, Myspace can be a great tool.

Ah, I didn't even think beyond college students, my apologies.

 

[harleyquinn]

Myspace, just like a forum, admins can ban IP addresses, and they do. I know someone who's 13, and put up a Myspace, and Myspace took it down, and banned her IP.

Sure, she can create an account at a friends', but Myspace took the efforts needed.

The parent can only do so much. You can't hawk over your child every step and every moment. They're going to make mistakes, they're going to F up evry now and then.

That's great to know. I have to admit that I'm not aware of how much they actually try to police the site. I just know that I believe in many cases they aren't doing enough.

You're second point is totally true too. There are way more things out there harmful to children that parents can't do anything about. I get worked up about things sometimes.

I guess it comes to discipline, if Myspace is so worth it to the kids to give everything else up, what are you going to do? I think the idea of giving the kids stories about bad things happening to kids is a great idea. maybe make them take a quiz to make sure they read it? lol Hopefully you've done everything else right and the kids will know better than doing something REALLY bad.

Both of your posts were very good and well thought out!

I just think if facebook and other sites are more safe, then what is MySpace doing differently that makes it so easy to pick on? Maybe fewer people are using the other sites and that is really the difference?
(BTW I have accounts on Myspace and Facebook, I just don't use them very much)

 

[dreamcometrue]

Through her friend's phones probably.

My DD is also 13. She and her friends have been so into the mySpace bit their personalities have changed due to it. Some things are for the better (she's more social) some things are for the worse (more fighting with EVERYONE) OK, I realize it's a new generation and I'm not "with it" but I overall hate what that system has done to the kids... the pictures they take of each other and post... they do NOT look like 13 year olds! I'd love to just turn off the mySpace bit but I know she'd go behind my back and create a new account like yours has. It's hard to win this fight.

omg, tell me about it!! My 2 nieces are 14 and 15, and they both have a myspace account. I came across them not too long ago! They have pictures posted there that makes them look like they are 18 or older!! It's unbelievable! My SiL even knew it was going on, but she now made them set them to private. They are really beautiful girls, and I hated having them out there for everyone to see before!

 

[Ariel Mae]

That's great to know. I have to admit that I'm not aware of how much they actually try to police the site. I just know that I believe in many cases they aren't doing enough.

It surprised me, too, to be honest.

You're second point is totally true too. There are way more things out there harmful to children that parents can't do anything about. I get worked up about things sometimes.

It's truly understandable.

I guess it comes to discipline, if Myspace is so worth it to the kids to give everything else up, what are you going to do?

Quite honestly, I don't see how Myspace is so 'special', other than a means of connection and communication.

Both of your posts were very good and well thought out!

Thank you.

Ditto.

I just think if facebook and other sites are more safe, then what is MySpace doing differently that makes it so easy to pick on? Maybe fewer people are using the other sites and that is really the difference?

Wish I knew why the two were so different in popularity, considering they're alike in setup, and private options.

 

[mookie]

This thread just put a shudder up my spine of the things to come. My dd is only 4, but I am dreading my days ahead when I'll have to deal with this. I'm already scared!!!

Good luck with everything...and they do grow out of it, right????

 

[MrsPete]

Through her friend's phones probably.

My DD is also 13. She and her friends have been so into the mySpace bit their personalities have changed due to it.

It's an addiction. Really, it is. I've had student SKIP SCHOOL so they could stay home and "MySpace". I had a student last year CHECK OUT OF SCHOOL so she could go home and check out a potential prom date whom her friend had found on MySpace for her (I heard her talking about it, and I knew she was lying about being sick, but her mom let her check out anyway).

 

[NotUrsula]

Predators are the LEAST of the danger -- really. If you keep going on about them your kids will conclude that you are a paranoid and just tune you out. The REAL danger of social networking sites like MySpace (and to a lesser extent, FaceBook) is that once you put something out on a site like that, you can NEVER take it back. Webcrawlers go through sites multiple times per day and cache everything on the site; you can delete it from the active site, but it doesn't take much to find the cached info if you know how to look for it.

Ill-advised postings to social networking sites can follow you for years and do quite a bit to blight your everyday adult life. HR depts. routinely go looking for pages to see what kind of embarassment a potential employee might end up causing for the company. Brags regarding drugs or alcohol can also lose you jobs, and if you are still young, get you tossed off a team or out of school, and/or keep you out of college. (Yes, admissions committees look, too.) If you're dumb enough to put it out there, don't be surprised if people hold that information against you.

When I turn someone down for a job because of a social network post, I tell them why. What is really amazing is the most common response: they get offended and claim that I've invaded their privacy. Huh? You plaster your personal details all over the web and then get bent out of shape when someone actually reads it? Oh, no, they say, it is OK if my *peers* read it.
Sorry, toots -- if you're that clueless you deserve to stay unemployed.

 

[darlak]

I will following this thread as well looking for advice. My sdd15, at last count, has been caught with 4 different myspace pages. I do not have the slightest idea how she is doing it. We have changed the password, we have taken away the modem etc. Everytime she gets caught, she changes her page. I have gotten to the point I have found several of her friends myspace accounts and find her on their friends list. I don't know how she is getting on either. As for consequences, seems like lately nothing seems to affect her. She hasn't been out on a weekend since beg of Feb, she just got phone privileges back and Sat I found ANOTHER myspace page she had set up somehow. I am frustrated as well. My trust level for her is pretty much at zero. She knows the rules and has just decided (as most teens do) I or her father know NOTHING and myspace is too safe! Her mom thinks we should be letting her because she is 2 years away from needing to start looking for a husband. And yes, that was exactly her response. So, OP if you figure something out PLEASE let us know.

Kelly

Kelly

Thanks for the response Kelly. If you learn something, please let me know as well. I'm sorry that you're having this problem too, but it helps that to know that someone else is going through the same thing. It's a sad kind of club, but at least I know I'm not alone.

Yes, I have tried talking to her about the dangers. Unfortunately, in my field of work, I work with child molesters on a regular basis. I've tried to make her aware of the dangers without scaring her too much. I even made her watch a couple of the NBC Dateline To Catch a Predator shows with me. She thinks she's too smart to have anything like that happen to her. Don't all 13 year olds believe they're invincible?

Thanks to everybody else for all the suggestions.

 

[Poppinsme]

Near where I live they just arrested an on-line predator that had child porn and 100s of pictures from MySpace of kids on his computer.

 

[sPaRkLeSpAz]

She could easily be using it at school. While the librarians will tell you she "can't" get on there, she can. It's called a proxy and it's being used more times than not these days at schools just because most schools block Myspace and other websites like it. They also block games.

Proxies are openly available and acessing Myspace through these is extremely easy, and best of all for them (not really good at all for you) she can use it at school even though the site is blocked. If I had to guess, that's probably what she is doing.

Exactly what I was thinking. Last year when I was a senior my best friend made a proxy, and myself, and a lot of other people that used it to get on myspace got into a lot of trouble...

 

[orljustin]

It's a good way for keeping in touch with your friends.

There are much better ways to keep in touch with people, imo. I've gone to people's myspace pages, and I can't even find anything. Everything is so jambled around and badly layed out. There's no rhyme or reason, and inevitably they think I want to listen to their music.

I hire models, and when I get one with a myspace page, I don't even think twice about tossing it.

 

[Caboosey]

MySpace is technically blocked at the school where I work - and sure enough, if you type in "www.myspace.com" the computer blocks it. However, if you do a google search for myspace, you can still click through to the "blocked" website. It took the kids about three seconds to figure it out.

 

[Ariel Mae]

There are much better ways to keep in touch with people, imo. I've gone to people's myspace pages, and I can't even find anything. Everything is so jambled around and badly layed out. There's no rhyme or reason, and inevitably they think I want to listen to their music.

That's not Myspace's problem, but the user's. Myspace is very well organized and very well lay out. It's HOW it's used that is 'bad'.

Sure, there are better ways. Facebook, for example. But, hey, predators exist there, too.

I hire models, and when I get one with a myspace page, I don't even think twice about tossing it.

You toss someone's application based on them having a Myspace page? How is that even logical?

It's like my Criminal Justice teacher said: You're going to find someone's Myspace, probably, that you're about to hire, but to discriminate based on it is a bit absurd, because, often, one's Myspace is nothing like one's personality.