My Space and kids

[darlak]

My 13 y/o daughter had a My Space account. I knew her password and when she was online USUALLY. Thought I was being a responsible parent. Her pc was in a common area of our home, so although we weren't always standing over her, she had no privacy when she was online. One day I walk up behind her and see that she's in the middle of an IM which has lots of inappropriate language. It's also NOT her screen name. She explains by telling me that a friend of hers (we'll call her Laura) is grounded from the computer and asked her to talk to her (Laura's) cousin as if she were Laura. Of course, I didn't believe that, but that's all she would say. Not really having anyplace else to store the pc, I took the keyboard for the time being. Since she won't talk to me, I enlist the help of my 20 y/o daughter, her 21 y/o boyfriend and my 22 y/o son. Knowing her email address (or at least one of them), they're able to find other My Space accounts connected to her same email account. One of the 3 accounts is in the name of guess who, Laura! One of the posts they find says "My parents are so ********. Took my keyboard. Guess they never heard of virtual keyboard!" Right...I never had. Apparently if you have a mouse, you can get online and get a "virtual keyboard" which shows up on the bottom of your screen, allowing you to type with only your mouse. She's talking to some boy (at least I hope it's really a boy and not some perverted old man) and that's who the IM was with that I walked up on. So we take her pc, change the password on the other pc, and keep the laptops where she can't get to them. She manages to get into the other pc that's now password protected! I didn't delete the My Space page that's "Laura" because I wanted to be able to see any activity on it. Lately there hasn't been any. However, I completely believe that she's gotten a new page that I can't find and is still finding a way to access the internet. I believe this because I can get to this boy's My Space page through "Laura's" friends list and he's still talking about "his girlfriend" Laura. She does have a cell phone which did have internet access (although I didn't realize it). It no longer does. I've confirmed with her school that she can't go to My Space on the school's computers. She's not allowed to spend nights with friends right now. HOW IS SHE STILL GETTING ONLINE? HELP!!!!

 

[thewishfire]

While I can't help you to stop her from getting on the computer, why don't you install one of those key-stroke programs on your computer? She'll never know it's been installed and you'll know everything she types. You can even WATCH what she does back like a video. Then you'll know who shes talking to, what she's saying, passwords, etc. Some programs are around $100 (some might be less) but if you're concerned, I'm sure it's worth it.

ETA: Maybe she's getting online in the library or somewhere else with public computers?

 

[twinklebug]

Through her friend's phones probably.

My DD is also 13. She and her friends have been so into the mySpace bit their personalities have changed due to it. Some things are for the better (she's more social) some things are for the worse (more fighting with EVERYONE) OK, I realize it's a new generation and I'm not "with it" but I overall hate what that system has done to the kids... the pictures they take of each other and post... they do NOT look like 13 year olds! I'd love to just turn off the mySpace bit but I know she'd go behind my back and create a new account like yours has. It's hard to win this fight.

 

[va32h]

Wow.

What does she do after school? Perhaps she is going to a friend's house or library then. I would take the phone away too - she could be calling people to go online for her.

 

[trappednabox]

Or a public library computer

 

[Imagine Ears]

She could easily be using it at school. While the librarians will tell you she "can't" get on there, she can. It's called a proxy and it's being used more times than not these days at schools just because most schools block Myspace and other websites like it. They also block games.

Proxies are openly available and acessing Myspace through these is extremely easy, and best of all for them (not really good at all for you) she can use it at school even though the site is blocked. If I had to guess, that's probably what she is doing.

 

[Royalbear]

I know what you are going through. We had issues with what my dd had posted to her myspace profile. We began to think she was actually "Cybil" because what she looked like on line was not anything we thought she was at home (split personality).

Eventually my dh got so fed up with trying to police her that we bought a program, bsafe online which could totally block my space on our computers. We recognized that she could probably get on friend's computers, but warned her when she got caught she would be punished. We kept doing some cybersluething and did catch her with another page, and we kept making the punishment more severe until she realized we meant business.

I am not sure that you will be able to prevent her from using myspace. Just keep talking to her about the dangers of the internet and keep a line of communication open--she may one day want to talk to you about the mess she got into while on myspace.

Best wishes on the roller coaster ride "Teenage Daughters 13-18."

 

[twinklebug]

She could easily be using it at school. While the librarians will tell you she "can't" get on there, she can. It's called a proxy and it's being used more times than not these days at schools just because most schools block Myspace and other websites like it. They also block games.

Proxies are openly available and acessing Myspace through these is extremely easy, and best of all for them (not really good at all for you) she can use it at school even though the site is blocked. If I had to guess, that's probably what she is doing.

You're probably right. The middle school computer teacher commented to me one day how shocking the 7th grade MySpaces were. I know the software they use blocks such sites, but obviously there is a way around it if she's seen them.

 

[ChristmasElf]

We too have gone through this whole MySpace problem. I was shocked to see the language that some/most of these kids are using!

I told all my kids that were using MySpace that if they wanted to have a page, they had to let me know their passwords or get rid of the MySpace. Our dd went and set up an additional page I didn't know about. I caught her last week on what loked like a different page to me and now on Sunday nights, DH disables the upstairs computers from internet access Monday thru Fridays.
If they have homework and need to internet for something M-F they now have to use the one that is downstairs where all the action is. Saturday and Sunday are the only 2 days they have, and I try to keep them busy doing other things! like cleaning their rooms or shopping with us or working in the yard or something.

Also, whenever I hear some news story about a bad thing happening because of myspace, I make darn sure the kids all hear about it.
There was a 13 year old girl here in Orlando that had her face slashed by another girl at her school over a myspace comment that was posted. The girl lost use of one of her eyes and had more than 500 stitches in her face.

Kids are so foolish at times.

 

[LindaM]

Maybe you 20yo dd can talk to your younger dd to see what is going on with her. Maybe your younger dd will share a few things with her big sis, that might ease your mind. Or this might be an opportunity for the big sis to let little sis know the dangers that could be lurking with IM and posting pictures. This way the info is coming from someone who is older than your younger dd, but it's not coming from a over protective crazy mother (sorry my words not yours...I think my dd called me that at one time). Good luck, I hope it all works out for you.

 

[darlak]

Thanks for all the advice. I've thought about one of the keystroke programs and may get one, but I don't believe that she's getting on My Space at home anymore. I do think she's probably using her friend's phones to get online, but I really have no control over that (a REALLY hard fact for me to accept, this having no control over that thing). She's picked up after school by either her me, father, or one of her older siblings. We live in a very remote area and she has no friends that live within walking distance of our home. Which also means she isn't going to the library without one of us taking her. As for getting her big sister to talk to her, she sees her big sister as past of "the enemy" that helped catch her in her "alter ego life". I sooo understand the "Cybil" reference.

I don't know what a "proxy" is in regard to the computer. Can you explain and tell me how it works so that I can further investigate?

 

[NotUrsula]

The answer is for the schools and libraries to institute proxy servers of their own; no valid account, no access. We do it in higher ed. libraries, but it isn't cheap, and it requires dedicated personnel to manage the network.

At home, the best solution is to disable the router or modem, if necessary by physically removing it. You can also try to get the site to blacklist your IP address; some will, some won't (they certainly CAN if they want to, but whether or not they will is another issue.)

 

[GrumpeyMom]

My 13 yo (next week) also has MySpace but I try to keep a very close watch on it.

That being said, my coworker told me last week that his 13 yo daughter apparently had set up a MySpace at a friend's house. She met a 26 yo man from the area and began a sexual relationship with him. He is working with the police to get this guy arrested/off the streets but it hasn't been easy. The horrifying thing is that she had sex with this guy 3 times and never used any protection at all. So they also have to worry about pregnancy/disease. When I said "Why didn't she make him use a condom" - He said "how would she even know to make him use one". Then I questioned him if they ever really talked to her about sex and everything - and he said no.

Many lessons here --- 1) kids almost always find a way to do what they want - get online, etc. And 2) talk to your kids about sex!!!!!!!!!!!! It may be uncomfortable - but I'd rather they hear it from me than from a 26 yo man!

 

[acadia1960]

My son is not into this yet (he is 11), but one of my friends son is 15, she allows him on facebook.com. According to her, this is safer then my space.

 

[disneyhopeful]

We too have gone through this whole MySpace problem. I was shocked to see the language that some/most of these kids are using!

I told all my kids that were using MySpace that if they wanted to have a page, they had to let me know their passwords or get rid of the MySpace. Our dd went and set up an additional page I didn't know about. I caught her last week on what loked like a different page to me and now on Sunday nights, DH disables the upstairs computers from internet access Monday thru Fridays. If they have homework and need to internet for something M-F they now have to use the one that is downstairs where all the action is. Saturday and Sunday are the only 2 days they have, and I try to keep them busy doing other things! like cleaning their rooms or shopping with us or working in the yard or something.

Also, whenever I hear some news story about a bad thing happening because of myspace, I make darn sure the kids all hear about it.
There was a 13 year old girl here in Orlando that had her face slashed by another girl at her school over a myspace comment that was posted. The girl lost use of one of her eyes and had more than 500 stitches in her face.

Kids are so foolish at times.

That's a good idea. Could you or your dh possibly explain how to do this?
Thanks

 

[kellyg403]

I will following this thread as well looking for advice. My sdd15, at last count, has been caught with 4 different myspace pages. I do not have the slightest idea how she is doing it. We have changed the password, we have taken away the modem etc. Everytime she gets caught, she changes her page. I have gotten to the point I have found several of her friends myspace accounts and find her on their friends list. I don't know how she is getting on either. As for consequences, seems like lately nothing seems to affect her. She hasn't been out on a weekend since beg of Feb, she just got phone privileges back and Sat I found ANOTHER myspace page she had set up somehow. I am frustrated as well. My trust level for her is pretty much at zero. She knows the rules and has just decided (as most teens do) I or her father know NOTHING and myspace is too safe! Her mom thinks we should be letting her because she is 2 years away from needing to start looking for a husband. And yes, that was exactly her response. So, OP if you figure something out PLEASE let us know.

Kelly

Kelly

 

[orljustin]

WTH is it with myspace and these kids? It's a crap website with bad layout and awful music.

 

[Monte Cristo]

WTH is it with myspace and these kids? It's a crap website with bad layout and awful music.

I couldn't agree more.

 

[Galahad]

My son is not into this yet (he is 11), but one of my friends son is 15, she allows him on facebook.com. According to her, this is safer then my space.

This is true. DS16 uses facebook as do his friends, teachers, etc. It is more "locked down". He has no desire to do Myspace. Calls it "chaotic" out there. He "invited" DW and I to his facebook friends list. We check in every month or two just to see what he's up to.

 

[ckay87]

DS just helped me set up a myspace yesterday because he wanted me to be one of his friends . OK, it's mildly amusing, potentially addicting, but hey, I have the Dis.

Anyway, I was all honored that he wanted me to be a friend and that I can spy on him, but now you have me thinking. He probably has other pages, huh? Our PC is in a very common room in the house, also, so I'll have to spy a little more.

On the other hand, this page - the one I am a friend to - is just vulgar enough that he doesn't seem to be hiding anything. Know what I mean? I mean, I'm kind of puzzled that he WANTS me reading some of the crap he posted. We're gonna be talking for sure.

You know what it is about MySpace and teens? They are so freaking self-centered and this is just about the perfect all-about-ME forum. I definitely see the appeal.