My son told he can't go to the bathroom during math class - what to do?

[Selket]

I do appreciate all the perspectives on this - it has been very helpful.

The teachers in 3rd grade do have a hand signal for needing to use the restroom just so it is less disruptive overall - that doesn't seem to be the issue for my son however. The bathrooms are in the hallway and not in the classroom. Apparently he does sometimes have a problem because he says there is urine all over the floor or toliets and he wants to use a different bathroom in the school. She has ok'd this but for awhile I guess he was coming back to class to ask again if he could use the other restroom. She has since told him just to go on to the other one if the closest one is too dirty.

He starts school around 9am so there is 90 mins of reading and 90 mins of math (roughly) until lunch at 12:30. Then recess after lunch and then they do something like social studies/library/art/p.e., etc after that.

I did tell him that if he REALLY needs to go he should just go on the the restroom and let me deal with the consequences. However that is only in case of emergencies. But he should ALWAYS go when he needs to go and not try to hold it for any really long period of time - certainly not if he is uncomfortable. I think he does need more time than some kids for the bathroom and he needs a "low stress" place. I think feeling like your teacher is timing you is not helping.

My point about the teacher should be telling me is that of course she should talk to my son first about it. But I think if she decided to completely prohibit ALL bathroom visits by him because it had become such a problem she should let me know. As I mentioned - my other son has type 1 diabetes and one of the major symptoms is drinking and peeing. What if Roderick was having to pee all the time? I think it is good to let the parents know in case there could be a medical reason. Even if not, I would like to know there is a problem. When I pressed her on the issue of him not being allowed to go EVER again in her class she backed off. I really can't see how any reasonable person could put such a prohibition in place or tell that to a student. That is a huge pressure I think and he already feels self-conscious about it.

Frankly there is just no way to telling exactly what is happening except by talking to him. I have to believe what he tells me - yet as many say 8 yr olds are not the best at explaining themselves or situations. The key is to make sure he is going to the bathroom only when he needs to go and that he is not prohibited from going. Probably it is a situation that will take some time to resolve itself - I'll just have to take it one day at a time.

 

[Tigger&Belle]

I would rather have a child going to the bathroom when he doesn't "need" to go than a child that develops bathroom problems, whether those problems are physical or emotional.

I'm amazed that anyone would think that a child would be able to hold "it" for any length of time. I know that I can't. I can maybe pee on queue a little easier and watch how many fluids I drink and the quantity, but when I need to do something more than that I can postpone a little while, but I sure would have problems waiting 45 minutes. Or an hour. Yikes, I'd have this look on my face: Or maybe this one: And pretty soon this one: No, I wouldn't have an accident, but the gas factory would sure start. TMI maybe, but I sure wouldn't want to put a child through that!

And yes, many people do tend to get on kind of a schedule, so going during math every day wouldn't be a great surprise. And some people are fast, some not so fast, as the thread that was on the boards a few weeks ago pointed out.

He should try to avoid missing instruction time, but he's not going to be able to concentrate if he really has to go, anyway.

Why aren't they keeping the bathrooms cleaner? There shouldn't be urine on the floors and toilets in the bathrooms. It's not the end of the day, afterall. Not that they should be filthy then, either, but maybe adults should be checking them more often.

 

[Puffy2]

Look, I had this issue when I was a kid and it really messed me up (the control thing of the teacher saying "you can't go" and thinking that I might need to go) - parents wrote notes saying "she can go when she wants" BUT in my head, that wasn't enough and I had a lot of stress related problems as a child because of it. The issue is a CONTROL issue - a power play between a small child who feels as if he has no control , even over his own body, and an authority figure.

My advice:

Take this seriously and address it immediately. First I'd make it clear by phone with the teacher that your child WILL be allowed to use the restroom whenever they like. If you have to, involve the prinicpal as well. Your child should hear this conversation so that he will "believe" you that everything has been worked out. If there continues to be an issue with this teacher, insist that he is moved to a different class. It is important. Don't ignor it. You might want to also involve the counselor at the school who might be more aware of these issues.

 

[monsterkitty]

Yet another teacher voicing her thoughts here.

I do not limit bathroom breaks. If a child needs to go, they go. However, I must know they are going. Can you imagine if a child were to walk out without me knowing and there was a fire alarm that went off? I am legally responsible for my students when they are in my class. I must know where they are at all times.

Before people say, "well the teacher should be watching the students at all times so one should not be able to leave without being noticed." I agree. However, there are times when a teacher is working with another child and has his or her head down looking at that child, or the book or the worksheet.

So, my rule is, bring me your planner so I can sign it (school rule actually, not mine). If someone is in the bathroom you need to wait until they are out (school rule only one child out of the room at a time). However, my personal rule is that if it is an emergency you use the sign language signal for bathroom and you just leave. If the are not feeling well then they put use the sign language signal for sick. I will then send someone from the office to check on them.

Really, how much learning is taking place when all a student can think about is how bad the have to go to the bathroom?

 

[Selket]

I will continue to discuss this with my son and make sure he understands he has my full support for going to the restroom. I certainly don't want him to have physical problems caused from being overly concerned about whether he be allowed to go or not. I also don't want him to go if he doesn't feel the need just to get out of class. I think if I ask him about it now after he gets home from school and make sure that he feels comfortable then we are ok.

I did tell him this morning that whatever the case, if he REALLY has to go he should go and then to tell the teacher to call me and I'd deal with the consequences. I told him he should always go when he feels the need and that holding it in for too long will cause health issues down the road.