My son told he can't go to the bathroom during math class - what to do?

[Talking Hands]

He does *not* have recess in the morning. He has classroom instruction time (reading and then math) from the time he arrives straight through until 12:30 pm. At 12:30 he has lunch and then they get their one and only recess of the day around 1:00 pm for about 20 minutes. Then back to class.

He has 2 different teachers in the morning - one for reading and one for math so he is about half the time with each before lunch.

I can understand her wanting to limit unnecessary trips to the bathroom but how can you tell a child he absolutely is not allowed to go? If she thinks he is abusing the system shouldn't she talk to me first?

I would talk to the teacher first and if that doesn't help I would go to the office and speak to the principal. The only time I restrict bathroom breaks is 15 after the bell and 15 minutes prior to the bell and this is only for high school students. Elementary if they need to go they go.

 

[MinnieM3]

He does *not* have recess in the morning. He has classroom instruction time (reading and then math) from the time he arrives straight through until 12:30 pm. At 12:30 he has lunch and then they get their one and only recess of the day around 1:00 pm for about 20 minutes. Then back to class.

He has 2 different teachers in the morning - one for reading and one for math so he is about half the time with each before lunch.

I can understand her wanting to limit unnecessary trips to the bathroom but how can you tell a child he absolutely is not allowed to go? If she thinks he is abusing the system shouldn't she talk to me first?

So, if he starts at like, 8am, they have TWO hours of reading and TWO hours of math! Whoa! That's pretty intense for 3rd grade. How do they crowd all the other subjects left in the short afternoon....sounds like only about 2 hours left??

I'd speak to the teacher. Does she have voicemail through the school? She SHOULD respond to an email from you within 24 hours.

Do you think it's the amount of time your child is gone. Maybe he's taking a long time (because he needs to!) and she may think he's playing around.

ETA: I'm glad you got to speak to the teacher!!! Hope all goes well for your son from now on.

 

[minniecarousel]

I think that some boys have trouble using the restroom at school. They feel self-conscious if they aren't just using the urinal. They feel more comfortable going when no one is around....something to think about.

 

[Disney Doll]

I wouldn't panic till I talked to the teacher. He may have a history of fooling around in the bathroom...I know, he says he doesn't but....he is a kid.

I am sure if you explain your child's problem to the teacher, it will all be fine.

 

[ILUVMYBRIT]

Actually, I don't think the teacher should talk to you first. She should talk to the child first. We have to allow our children to learn to work out issues without our constant intervention. I know that 8 seems little, but the teacher is the authority figure in the classroom and he needs to understand that. One way he will learn to understand that is by not having Mom or Dad run in to take care of all his problems for him. And to jump right to the principal as some have suggested is just over-kill. I am sorry if this seems harsh, but every time I open one of these school threads I cringe when I see that everyone jumps down the teacher's throat for trying to handle an issue in his or her classroom. I agree with the posters who said that you have to consider the teacher's perspective - our elementary school principal also asked us to invoke the 25% rule. Sometimes you just have to let the student and teacher work it out and I think we all have to accept that a teacher is going to handle your child's discipline differently than you will.

I've got news for you...if that teacher is doing something that could cause medical problems for my child you had better believe I will step in. Some on this thread don't seem to understand that some children have actual medical problems that have been the DIRECT result of HOLDING IT. My child had encopresis and needed to go to Childrens Hospital in Boston once a month and was subjected to rectal exams at the age of 8. He took 30 minutes in the bathroom after lunch and thats just how it was. The teacher didnt understand it so I took him out of that class. It was medically necessary for him to use the bathroom when he needed to because he had to retrain the muscles to do what they needed to do. Holding it would have totally defeated the treatments.

 

[Cindyluwho]

A look from the teachers side, the one question you didn't ask is does he use the bathroom every day or most days in math? Like someone said earlier, most kids don't go to the bathroom much in school and if he is going every day or most days in the SAME class, it looks a little fishy, especially math class. If he is missing out on math lessons everyday to go to the bathroom, I would be concerned about that more then having him wait a few more minutes to go.

Golfgal, I'm sorry but I just don't agree with this. A healthy normal person should be on a sort of BM schedule. Poor kid happens to have his during this particular time of Math class. My DD had a first grade teacher that swore she could set a clock to my DD's 11:30 bathroom break. She was very lighthearted about it, thank goodness. I don't know what she would have done if she'd tried to stop it.

That being said....I agree with the other posters who say to get the teacher's side of the story. You just never know....

 

[lovedvc]

I would just tell him to get up and go when he has to. I would tell my DS to tell the teacher that he can deal with me if he has a problem. I would ask the principal to set up an appointment for myself to meet with the principal and the teacher to discuss what the teachers problem is with my son.

 

[daisyduck123]

This is a sidenote for the people upset with teachers who do not let their kids use the bathroom.

I teach 1 st grade. There are many times everyday when a child shows me our class signal for the bathroom & I have to shake my head no....the reason being that someone is already in there (we have 1 class bathroom..what am I supposed to do, build another toilet?).

Then I quietly tell the child they'll have to wait until the person is out. I always know who really had to go & who did not (and just wanted to miss some class). The ones who really have to go, do go when the person comes out. The ones who don't really have to go have forgotten about it by the time the person comes out.

This happens alot.....25 kids & one bathroom.

 

[YourMajesty]

This is a sidenote for the people upset with teachers who do not let their kids use the bathroom.

I teach 1 st grade. There are many times everyday when a child shows me our class signal for the bathroom & I have to shake my head no....the reason being that someone is already in there (we have 1 class bathroom..what am I supposed to do, build another toilet?).

Then I quietly tell the child they'll have to wait until the person is out. I always know who really had to go & who did not (and just wanted to miss some class). The ones who really have to go, do go when the person comes out. The ones who don't really have to go have forgotten about it by the time the person comes out.

This happens alot.....25 kids & one bathroom.

Hopefully not many parents would have a "beef" about their child having to wait for a turn. It's not like you are saying they can't use the bathroom but rather it's occupied. Just like many adults everyone has very different bathroom habits and I'm sure some can relate to urgent bathroom trips. This year DS has complained about harsh treatment from his 2nd grade teacher (he's not the only one) and I've mostly just told him that's life....every teacher will be different. However, he recently had to vomit in the trash can because after he informed her he was ill she told him he would be "ok". I think I would have to talk with the teacher however if she denied him regular bathroom breaks especially for BM's...it's not like everything is controllable....even though some think it is.

 

[shortbun]

A look from the teachers side, the one question you didn't ask is does he use the bathroom every day or most days in math? Like someone said earlier, most kids don't go to the bathroom much in school and if he is going every day or most days in the SAME class, it looks a little fishy, especially math class. If he is missing out on math lessons everyday to go to the bathroom, I would be concerned about that more then having him wait a few more minutes to go.

My oldest was a frequent bathroom kid and he didn't need to go as often as he did. Well, he got "caught". He has been abusing his bathroom privileges and the teacher said he couldn't go. Well, that time he really DID need to go and when the class got out he made a mad dash for the bathroom and didn't quite make it. He had to call me from home to bring him clean clothing. He learned his lesson and only asks to go to the bathroom when he needs to and not when he wants to get out of class.

1. an hour and a half is MORE than waiting a "few more minutes" and 2. a child soiling his clothes because a teacher will not allow him to go to the bathroom is NOT ok. This was NOT the way for your son to "learn his lesson."

OP-suggest your son go to the bathroom at the beginning of math and try to go. Obviously his body has developed a rythym. This is very normal and it will take some time to reschedule his motility. I have a son who also had issues with bowel movements. His issues ended up becoming a disease called encopresis because teachers would not allow him to go which created a fear of asking. He ended up actually holding it all day every day. This disease is quite dangerous and sometimes goes undetected for a long time. A young woman I know had her intestines rupture endangering her life. Good luck. DO NOT ALLOW THE TEACHER TO PREVAIL. Work something out.

 

[aprilgail2]

.

I teach 1 st grade. There are many times everyday when a child shows me our class signal for the bathroom & I have to shake my head no....the reason being that someone is already in there (we have 1 class bathroom..what am I supposed to do, build another toilet?).

.

Are you serious? In first grade they have to give a signal to use the bathroom?? My daughters classroom has a bathroom in it (only the K, 1st and 2nd classrooms do, the 3,4,and 5 use one with a bunch of stalls inthe hallway) and they have a sign on the door that is green on one side and red on the other..they just get up to use it when they have to and flip the sign to red so others know they are in it and flip it back to green when they come out...at this age they don't have to ask if they have to go since the bathroom is right in the classroom...

 

[daisyduck123]

Are you serious? In first grade they have to give a signal to use the bathroom?? My daughters classroom has a bathroom in it (only the K, 1st and 2nd classrooms do, the 3,4,and 5 use one with a bunch of stalls inthe hallway) and they have a sign on the door that is green on one side and red on the other..they just get up to use it when they have to and flip the sign to red so others know they are in it and flip it back to green when they come out...at this age they don't have to ask if they have to go since the bathroom is right in the classroom...

Of course I'm serious. Come substitute in my room & try it. In 15 years of teaching it has worked perfectly...no one has ever had a problem with it...or an accident.


For your info...one of my teammates tried the red/green card system...did not work as well...kids kept forgetting to turn the card back over.
Our quiet signal causes much less disruption than having a child get up when I'm in the middle of giving directions for an assignment & then me having to tell him he has to sit back down for a moment to hear the instructions. Otherwise, I would spend my whole day repeating instructions.

Our signal works great. I see it & either nod my head "yes", meaning "go" or shake my head no, meaning someone is in there or wait until I finish giving instructions.

 

[LindsayDunn228]

Daisy, nothing wrong with that. Sounds like a simple way to keep some order in the classroom

 

[In a hurry]

Daisy, nice plan! Some people will complain about anything! It sounds as though your class has a nice understanding about what is expected from them, and comply wonderfully. It does make for a peaceful classroom, doesn't it?

 

[daisyduck123]

Daisy, nice plan! Some people will complain about anything! It sounds as though your class has a nice understanding about what is expected from them, and comply wonderfully. It does make for a peaceful classroom, doesn't it?

Thanks..to both you & LindsayDunn.
It sure does.

And my signal is actually the sign for "bathroom" in sign language.

 

[In a hurry]

Thanks..to both you & LindsayDunn.
It sure does.

And my signal is actually the sign for "bathroom" in sign language.

Ooooh! What a great idea! I think I will steal it! Don't you love that you never quit learning?!

 

[ILUVMYBRIT]

To those of you who are teachers here, I'm sorry if you feel like you need to defend this teacher. If you were to ask my kids, I am the first one to stick up for the teacher. My mom was a teacher and my best friend is a teacher so I know what they deal with. If my child comes home and says my teacher is so mean, she yells and we all lost recess.....I ask, so what did the class do to cause this? I learned when my DS first started school to go to the teacher if something he said didnt sound right and that usually I wasnt getting the whole story. I think thats why we have all suggested that the OP talk to the teacher which she did and it sounds like they have gotten a good understanding now. There are some teachers out there though, and my DS had one of them, that just wont budge when it comes to the rules in their classroom. Sorry, but if your rules effect the health and well being of my child...then there is something wrong.

 

[In a hurry]

Don't know if you mean me, but I was not defending the OP's teacher, merely applauding a good system of another classroom teacher (Daisy). It is always good practice to talk with a teacher, scout leader, coach, etc., when there is a problem or concern. And the health of a child is one of those times.

But, I would still not instigate a system that just had children wandering from a classroom on their own accord. That would be counter-productive for a classroom, and would be abused. I am amazed that anyone thinks that is the answer. And, they are more than likely the same parents who would come back on a teacher for the lack of organization, education and control of a classroom.

 

[ILUVMYBRIT]

Don't know if you mean me,

No I didnt mean you in particular. I just know that teachers are frequently pegged as the bad guys and there is often a mentality of "Not my child" . I just feel very strongly about the OP's situation and what happened only because I know how it affected my child.
You teachers are the best and I dont know how you do it. I volunteer at my DD's 1st grade class and leave with such a headache by the end of the day. You all need a raise

 

[In a hurry]

Thanks! I love teaching! I took this year off to do some research, and to have my son, and I miss it soooo bad! So, oddly enough, my daughter is in 1st, and I am seeing her situation solely thru the eyes of a parent. Probably not a bad lesson for any teacher!