My Not So Dear DIL

[marlasmom]

My son has been out of work for quite a while. He is up for a very good job, near a major ivy league university, near skiing which he and DIL love, in a lower cost of living area, challenging well-paid work and DIL is protesting because it is two hours away from her parents and she doesn't think she can live so far away.

 

[HauntedMansionGeek]

2 hours is nuthin! She sounds goofy! LOL

I hope they can figure out this little glitch in their marriage.....for some, that's a big one!

 

[Planogirl]

Is she real dependent on her parents? Some people seem to stay that way for a while.

Hopefully, she'll understand that she needs to consider your son's job prospects above almost everything else. When I think of where I've lived due to my DH's career!

Good luck to your son.

 

[makaylee]

Geesh! 2 hours is nothing. I lived over 6000 miles away from my parents for 3 years. When something as important as a job is at stake sometimes you have to make sacrifices. Personaly I don't think 2 hours is much of a sacrifice. Right now I live 13 hours away from my parents.

 

[WilmaBud]

Two hours is not "nothing" when you're close to your family. I wouldn't move that far from my family at this point on my life. And I'm not "goofy." I moved across the country with my DH when we were younger, but I knew it was temporary.

Since when are jobs more important than family? Different people have different value systems. Her feelings are valid and important, whether you agree with them or not.

 

[JerseyJanice]

Does she work too? Maybe she depends on her folks to help with their children (assuming they have kids). Two hours is far if she depends on them for childcare.

If not, maybe they could move somewhere in between the job and her folks. One hour away isn't as bad, especially if your son doesn't mind a one-hour commute.

 

[Dizzy-Disney4]

I don't know...I wouldn't live that far from my parents now...but thats me. My dad is not in the best of health and if we up and moved two hours away I would be a wreck. I'm quite close to my folks and it would be hard to take.
Hopefully they can work out a compromise...maybe not move so far and your DS can commute a bit further??
I'm sure there is a solution and everything will work out for the best. Just remember her feelings are important too.

 

[pirateofthecarolinas]

Marriage is a compromise on both sides. She may want her children or soon to be children to be close to their grandparents. I depend heavily on my Mom and MIL for babysitting and they live 40 minutes away. We live far enough away to have our own space but close enough for our children to have a close relationship with their grands.

Good jobs are scarce and they need to decide what is best for them as a family.

Lori

 

[snoopy]

If I were lucky enough to still have my parents alive, I wouldn't move 2 hours away from them. I'm sure of that. To each their own, but to me, family comes before anything else.

We aren't moving out of the area because DH's job is based here, but even if it weren't, I'd have a hard time leaving my siblings, particularly my younger siblings that I have cared for since they were orphaned when my parents died. They are adults now, but in some ways they seem like my children. And I like the idea that my kids are close to their cousins and aunts and uncles. Of my 8 siblings, 5 live within 30 minutes of me. I like it that way, and wish I could get the other three to move back to the area.

 

[aprilgail2]

Originally posted by WilmaBud
Two hours is not "nothing" when you're close to your family. I wouldn't move that far from my family at this point on my life. And I'm not "goofy." Since when are jobs more important than family?

I agree! I would never move away from family just for a job. Family is much more important to me than any job. I wouldn't move for ANYONE, husband or not!!

 

[grinningghost]

That's a tough one, but I see her point. The whole reason we never left this area is my parents. I'm their only child and they're not getting any younger. We're very close and there isn't a whole lot of time left to spend together. Jobs will always be around, family won't. Good luck to everyone involved.

 

[frustrated]

How on earth can you say that family is so important, but your husband is not?! What a lesson to teach your children. Hope your son doesn't marry someone like that.

Tess

 

[believe]

Until I understood their circumstances, financially and chances of him finding another job in the area, I can not say what I would do. Family is very important to me, but so is supporting my immediate family financially. Also, if she is too dependent on her parents it may be good for her to move away for a short time. You can still be close to your family even 2 hrs away.

 

[ripleysmom]

It seems to me that being 2 hrs away from your family is little enough price to pay in order for your spouse to 1) get a job espeically these days after being out of work and 2) seeing your spouse fulfilled in their job. There are still telephones and 2 hrs is not that far, at least not to me.

It's great to be close to your family but it seems to me that your spouse's needs should come before your family's.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Has he considered taking the job anyway? A 2 hour drive is the norm for some people, esp that live in rural areas that commute to the city. You would be surprised!

 

[marlasmom]

She is a SAHM. Her parents are relatively young and healthy. They live in New Hampshire and he has turned down several $50,000 jobs. He makes well into 6 figures (when he works) and they still live paycheck to paycheck. He has to find a job soon or go bankrupt. She could sub as a teacher, but won't. They sold their house at a big profit and moved in with her folks. In the meantime Michelle wouldn't give the kids swimming lessons at the Y but joined the expensive swim club. Ironically she is certified to teach swimming.

And then there is his parents (us) where the father is not healthy and the mom (me) would LOVE to have the children. But as she explained to me her children go too her mother - when my daughters have kids they go to me - except my daughters would never behave like that. I have NEVER babysat those children. I just send presents.

 

[ScarlettO]

Knowing first hand how hard(myself, my 2 years out of work BIL -who is now suffering from depression, and a few friends) it is in some fields to get a job, I'd say GRAB IT!

 

[marlasmom]

I should have added that when he works he puts in 60 to 70 hour weeks and that a 2 hour commute in the mountains of NH in the winter is not something that would give me ease.

 

[cheyita]

I do think there can be a happy medium. I went from living three blocks from my parents to two hours away because my DH got a job transfer that was a better financial position for supporting our family. It was scary at first, but I talk to my mom two or three times a week and we see each other about once a month. I know it's not the same as seeing each other three times a week, but I really feel like I've gone through some growth since moving away.

So I hope they can find a compromise they can both live with.

 

[Christine]

Originally posted by marlasmom
She is a SAHM. Her parents are relatively young and healthy. They live in New Hampshire and he has turned down several $50,000 jobs. He makes well into 6 figures (when he works) and they still live paycheck to paycheck. He has to find a job soon or go bankrupt. She could sub as a teacher, but won't. They sold their house at a big profit and moved in with her folks. In the meantime Michelle wouldn't give the kids swimming lessons at the Y but joined the expensive swim club. Ironically she is certified to teach swimming.

And then there is his parents (us) where the father is not healthy and the mom (me) would LOVE to have the children. But as she explained to me her children go too her mother - when my daughters have kids they go to me - except my daughters would never behave like that. I have NEVER babysat those children. I just send presents.

marlasmom---
Sorry to say this, but your son has poor taste in women!! She sounds like a spoiled, selfish, self-centered brat. There, I said it.

Based on what you said about your son's job, I think they should move. While family is important, so is your son's career and his ability to provide for his own family.

I am an only child, my parents are still relatively young and healthy and they both work full-time. They also spend a LOT of time watching my kids and really helping me out. They are also about the only close relatives I have. BUT, if I was a SAHM and didn't have job to consider and my DH had an offer only 2 hours away, I would go in a heartbeat. Now, moving 15 hours away, I might feel differently. But 2 hours??? Come on, you can still get together for weekends easily and all holidays.