Hugs, hugs, and more hugs coming your way. I have the same feeling as you about cancer. My mom is a stage 4 lymphoma patient. I have gone for 2 biopsies myself. I figure I am doomed. Just remember things will get better. It may take a while, but there is light at the end of the tunnel. Your mom isn't in pain anymore and is looking down on you. She will keep you strong.