My Mom bought a Christmas present I know my son won't like!

[~Kik-Kik~]

If it's a real transformer and not just an action figure I think he would like it because it's something that is very hands on, like Legos. It's not a simple action figure, it's like a puzzle, and if that's the case I think you should just let her give it to him. It could surprise you that he likes it, and if not you were right.

My grandma buys me things that are truly atrocious and fitting for me at all. She is the kind that latches onto one or two hobbies and goes with it for everything. Some gifes I really enjoy, but some are horrible. Either way I always "love" it, and graciously accept it. However, I do think there is a point where people need to say what they do and don't like.

People don't want to waste their money, and if you let this go there is a possibility that she could run with it and you get a collection of un liked toys. Let this one go, use it as a lesson for your son if he dosnt like it, but tell her afterward so she doesn't make the same mistake. Also seeing that this is a Christmas gift and it's still far off, you could drop hints if you go shopping with her.

One thing on the topic, I am shocked with some of the responses. I guess I get sick of the constant sarcasm that is ever present on the DIS. Can't people give their opinion without the insulting undertone? Do you people really have such a disconnect with your childhood where you forgot the feeling of opening up a gift that you really hate? Not everything needs to be a learning experience in life. Some people need to turn in the parenting books for common sense.

 

[sunnyday123]

I could maybe, possibly, understand the 11 year old questioning the odd gift.

What I don't understand is the adult questioning or complaining about the gift.
The OP's Mother is in her 80's. Sorry but 80 year old women aren't known for their astonishing gift picking out skills. More than likely she's on a very fixed income, and honestly sometimes they tend to worry more about their financial stability, and just plain forget who likes what and what's age appropriate.
When DD was little, I would give her a little pep talk before Christmas and explain she may not get her absolute heart's desire in gift's, but that some kids didn't get any, and it was the thought that counts-people want to give gifts because they care and love her. Christmas isn't about what or how much you get.Be thankful you still have your Mother, and she care's enough to try and pick something out for your son.

 

[KAMKIM]

The OP is the issue here, not her son..... The fact that she is here posting and trying to find a way to wiggle out of a gift is crazy.

Talk about a bad example...

You have a nack for making people feel bad about themselves...

 

[~Kik-Kik~]

You have a nack for making people feel bad about themselves...

You hit the nail on the head.

 

[Ilike2Lurk]

He will be disappointed and will ask me why Grandma got him that and will even suggest it was a mistake or ask if we can return it.

Sorry to tell you that you have failed at teaching your son about how to receive a gift graciously

What will you do to make him a better person? Help him before he lives like this one more day

 

[MeetingMickeyin2006]

OP, to be completely blunt and honest, I think it's ridiculous to make an issue out of this. You don't want your son to be disappointed or to receive a toy he wouldn't want? Disappointment is a part of life. And it's a GIFT. He (and you) should be grateful that your mom is still around to give him gifts, regardless of whether or not he likes what he gets. Contrary to what our society believes, Christmas is NOT about what you get, it's about what you give. If your son doesn't like his gift, let him donate it to your local homeless shelter or a children's hospital. I am positive there would be a little boy at such a place who would be overjoyed to receive it. The unwanted toy would get a new home, and your son would learn a valuable lesson in giving. What a silly thing to fret over when there are so many in the world with nothing.

 

[rie'smom]

We have probably all received gifts that didn't thrill us. Our kids have too. Say thank-you and accept it graciously.
Just for the record, my grandmother gave me a blue convertible for my Barbie one year. My mom carried on about the crappy gift because it was an off brand. I loved it though. Your son may well like the Transformer. If not, he isn't too young to learn what Mick Jagger sang :" We don't always get what we want."

 

[Mickey's Minion]

My son is 10 and will turn 11 right before Christmas. He has never liked action figures, never played with Batman, Power Rangers, etc. He liked magnetixs and legos, things to build and put together, airplanes and remote control cars.

So yesterday my Mom tells me that she asked my sister to take her to Walmart to get some toys for her great grandchildren and she bought my son a present too - a Transformer. Now I know my son will not like that. He will be disappointed and will ask me why Grandma got him that and will even suggest it was a mistake or ask if we can return it.

My Mom usually asks me for suggestions on what to get the kids, or I take her to the store or pick up an item or two for her. What possessed her to buy an action figure when all these years he has never liked them? What's he going to do with the thing?

What exactly do you think is going to happen to your son if he doesn't get exactly what is on his "I want it" list? Is he so fragile he will break from disappointment?

I am in the camp of using this as a teachable moment that the important thing is that he is one hell of a lucky young man to have an 80 year old Grandma in his life that is still healthy enough and loves him enough to go out and get him a little something. That is so much more important than focusing on the material item. Focusing on the people in your life is way more in the spirit of Christmas than the material crap you get. You can go get a box of legos at Target. You can't go get another Grandma.

Frankly, if that is really how he would react if he didn't get what he wanted, I would be more worried about being spoiled than his delicate feelings. Which is why the answers to you "What is he going to do with the thing?" that suggest giving the toy to an underprivileged child are excellent suggestions.

A little bit of humility goes a long way during the Christmas season.

Also, if your Mom is doing things differently, this may be hard on you. It is difficult to see our parents get old and anything that reminds us of that reality, such as no longer asking what presents the kids want, can make it doubly difficult especially during the Holiday season. If that is the case,

But be strong for your child and enforce how lucky he is to have his Grandma and enjoy the time he has with her. Fond memories of Grandparents are some of the best gifts that can be given. I can guarantee you that when he is 45, he won't remember the transformer at all. But he will remember his Grandma and his love for her.

 

[Tinijocaro]

I think it's enough to say to the OP to use this as a teachable moment. It is sometimes hard to see what is right in front of your face. Not sure why some people are being so vicious. A little kindness goes a long way.

 

[~Kik-Kik~]

I think it's enough to say to the OP to use this as a teachable moment. It is sometimes hard to see what is right in front of your face. Not sure why some people are being so vicious. A little kindness goes a long way.

I cannot agree with you more. I don't know why people come to the DIS to let all their problems out.

People here love the cat fights. I believe I heard one person refer to the people who came into threads ATTACKING someone as "the heard". Once the heard sees something they don't like they stampede, and if you go against the heard you get trampled.

That's what happened in this thread, and it will continue to.

 

[TwinsinCA]

Sorry to tell you that you have failed at teaching your son about how to receive a gift graciously

I disagree completely. The OP didn't say her son would say this *in front of* Grandma.

It sounds like later on he would talk to his mother about it. I see nothing wrong with a child being honest about his feelings (even the ones that aren't so pretty) with his *mother*. I think that should be applauded, not slammed.

If the fact that this toy would never get used has no chance of getting back to grandma, then I guess I'd just let it go and get rid of it when you can. But if she's over often and might wonder aloud why it is not being played with, what happened to it, etc. -- that could get uncomfortable for everyone.

 

[smidgy]

I cannot agree with you more. I don't know why people come to the DIS to let all their problems out.

People here love the cat fights. I believe I heard one person refer to the people who came into threads ATTACKING someone as "the heard". Once the heard sees something they don't like they stampede, and if you go against the heard you get trampled.

That's what happened in this thread, and it will continue to.

correct me if I'm wrong, kik kik, but aren't you young, like a teen. or young adult? (I believe I've read some of your other posts) your maturity level is very impressive!
while most of us "older" posters are beating the same nail on the head... over and over, ad nauseum... you bring a sense of reason.
the point has been made... "use the teachable moment"... 25 more posters don't need to chime in repeating the same. the OP probably ran away long ago!

 

[~Kik-Kik~]

correct me if I'm wrong, kik kik, but aren't you young, like a teen. or young adult? (I believe I've read some of your other posts) your maturity level is very impressive!
while most of us "older" posters are beating the same nail on the head... over and over, ad nauseum... you bring a sense of reason.
the point has been made... "use the teachable moment"... 25 more posters don't need to chime in repeating the same. the OP probably ran away long ago!

People here read the first post, and that's the end of it. There is no critical THINKING on their behalf. I don't think we need over 45 people making 1 single post telling you that you are an awful parent. I think it's just wrong. Contribute something else or let it die. No need to beat something that's already dead, I mean really.

 

[golfgal]

The Op needs to read Jeanfl's thread and then decide if she should complain.

I was thinking the same thing, anyone have the blue fuzzy sweater picture still?

 

[dogluva]

I have a son turning 11 the week before Christmas myself. My mother hasn't even begun thinking of what she will be getting her 14 grandchildren and probably won't until a few days before.

I don't care or think about what she will be getting him. He will be happy regardless. The week before is his birthday, that morning he will have opened enough presents to satify him. If he doesn't like what my mother picked out then too bad. If even thinks about complaining to me (which he knows better), I will give it to a child that really deserves it.

Really, it isn't even Halloween yet. The OP's life must be very carefree when she is worrying about presents not even recieved yet.

 

[mjkacmom]

My mom and I still laugh over my ds11's disappointment over a gift she gave him. She bought him a large down comforter, and wrapped it in this huge bag. For about a week, it sat under her tree, and he couldn't wait to open it, because it was so big1 Needless to say, an 8 year old is really not capable of feigning excitement over a blanket! Even my mom felt badly. OP, either talk to your mom, or warn your ds.

 

[wdwfan16]

My son is 10 and will turn 11 right before Christmas. He has never liked action figures, never played with Batman, Power Rangers, etc. He liked magnetixs and legos, things to build and put together, airplanes and remote control cars.

So yesterday my Mom tells me that she asked my sister to take her to Walmart to get some toys for her great grandchildren and she bought my son a present too - a Transformer. Now I know my son will not like that. He will be disappointed and will ask me why Grandma got him that and will even suggest it was a mistake or ask if we can return it.

My Mom usually asks me for suggestions on what to get the kids, or I take her to the store or pick up an item or two for her. What possessed her to buy an action figure when all these years he has never liked them? What's he going to do with the thing?

Who cares why she bought it. Point is you found out about it ahead of time so you can call up mom and tell her to return it.

What a perfect opportunity to teach your son about giving and receiving- and how to be gracious even if the gift is not exactly what he has hoped for.

ITA

Some adults need to learn the lesson of gift giving.

OP maybe you mom can just not give any gifts and you will have even more to whine about.

 

[RitaE]

Add me to the pile of people who just doesn't get it.

It's not like she's giving him a new set of dish towels. She went out and bought her Grandson a toy that she thinks he'll enjoy.

This is a problem?

 

[wdwfan16]

Well forgive me if I don't want my Mom's feelings to be hurt and my son to be disappointed. I guess it's because she's in her 80's and getting the shopping "done" is more important that buying a gift. She just did a bulk shopping trip and threw everybody in together. Maybe she bought all the boys in the family (she has two great-grandsons the same age as my ds) a transformer to make it easier on herself, I don't know.

I am not going to say anything to her unless she brings it up. If she asks me if I think ds will like it, I will tell her the truth. That he has never played with action figures and I will offer to either take her out to get something else (which she might like to do to get out of the house), or I can exchange it for her.

As far as accepting gifts they don't want graciously, all of my kids have done this numerous times at Christmas. One year my sister got my dd a Britney Spears purple alarm clock. For one thing, my dd was like 16 and never liked Britney Spears - but she said thank you and pretended to like it. My other dd has gotten dolls in the past and she never played with dolls, but she just says thank you. And yes, the ds I am talking about has gotten gifts he did not like, and I knew it the minute he opened the gift, but he was not rude he said thank you. But anybody can tell the difference between a polite thank you and a THANK YOU! that means it's something I really like. Don't you buy gifts for your family in hopes that they will like them - not just to have something to give?

My one sister starts in about August and tells us all that she doesn't know how much money she will have to spend on Christmas this year, yadda, yadda, yadda. I tell her, I don't care if she gives me anything or not, or how much or how little she spends. A bottle of shower gel will make me happy, a box of candy, whatever. I just don't want to hear about how much or little she has to spend - makes me feel guilty for taking any gift from her. We don't have money either, but we get gifts for people that we think they will like. If I see something for $10 and I think they will like it, I get that. If I see something for $30, and they will like it, I get that. Gift giving is supposed to make the giver and the receiver happy, right?

Saying thank you when you have a look on your face is not a correct reaction.

Sometimes a gift that the mom thought was the worst becomes the kids favorite.

 

[wdwfan16]

I don't get why you are having angst over a Christmas gift. It is IMO ridiculous. Nobody wants their kids to be disappointed but you really can't just graciously accept the gift? I as a mother would not even give this a second thought. At 11 your child should know better too. Heck I didn't want the home plaid t-shirt dress with matching fake hankerchief sewn to the pocket when I was about 11 but I thanked my aunt profusely for spending the time on it and for thinking of me. I never wore the thing and I crack up every time I think of it. Why make someone feel bad when they tried? You say your son never played with action figures? Maybe she thought his tastes had changed. Maybe she simply didn't remember. Maybe she thought he would like it and that you just never bought him stuff like that because you didn't want it because you couldn't build it together. Who knows? I still think it is sad that you are perseverating over a Christmas present.

And maybe your son told her he would like an action figure or a transformer and that the OP will not let him have them.